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online gone wrong - 2/9/2009 11:53:33 AM

Posts: 61
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

Hi there, I fell for someone on CM, a sub, great email dialogue, nice phone chats, made travel plans to see her. But then weirdness set in, no responses to emails, and yet I find that she is cruising CM like mad middle of the night, early am, all day in fact. I'm no fool and I don't want a relationship with someone who claims to be very interested in me but is still playing around.
I don't know why but I am extremely hurt by this sad turn. I guess I just need to vent and hope that someone in this community will help me figure this out...

RE: online gone wrong - 2/9/2009 12:05:09 PM

Posts: 5159
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

If the weirdness started when travel plans were being made, I'd suspect that the person you were chatting with does not want a real time relationship. She's just not that into you...and you need to just forget it and move on.

This is one reason I feel meeting at a munch or event is so much better than trying to meet someone through the internet.

(in reply to rastermanblu)

RE: online gone wrong - 2/9/2009 12:11:15 PM

Posts: 61
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

Yeah I kind of think that as well, but what's disturbing is that for awhile there things we're great, even after making plans. Look I guess here reasons don't in the end matter. I just need to vent, which i won't do with her, don't see the point in it. But it really hurts because it seemed so real, so possible and then inexplicably flaky, which I cannot tolerate. I'm real and human and a dominant ass dick in the same body. Just hurts, the loss of what seemed what might of been right.

(in reply to peppermint)

RE: online gone wrong - 2/9/2009 12:11:21 PM

Posts: 81
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

Welcome to CM, what you are going through is normal here, we all have been there, it is the way of CM, and most likely your suspicions are correct, in the next step she will stop talking to you ,block you altogether,or her profile will no longer exist (subs and slaves are flooded with messages and usually they have thier pick of Dominants) my advice is to try to talk with her and explain your feelings, if she will listen, if not move on,you never know what you may find, good luck in your quest :)

(in reply to rastermanblu)

RE: online gone wrong - 2/9/2009 12:12:31 PM

Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline

I am really sorry to hear that this is happening to you. It sounds like perhaps you had one goal for the relationship and she perhaps had another. I would love to believe that it is a case of miscommunication, but i too am not a fool. For your own peace of mind, go back through your chat logs and see where you two started to talk about things from different points of view. I am not wording that well. Go bad and see where she was getting wank material and you were laying your heart on the line. Did you or her ever say "monogamous"? did you both agree to stop playing on CM and only chat with people that you already know well? How many assumptions did YOU make about the relationship that you didn't communicate to her or even tell yourself?

NOT BLAMING THE VICTIM here, just trying to help unmuddy the waters so he can see what his part in getting into an uncomfortable unsustainable relationship was so he can catch himself next time.

_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to rastermanblu)

RE: online gone wrong - 2/9/2009 12:16:38 PM

Posts: 25
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

It's the nature of the online beast. Alot of people get the thrill out of the initial contact, but when the reality of meeting or comitting sinks in, they just coldly abandon it and move to the next initial contact. I've been through this alot and my only consolation is to take online with a HUGE grain of salt until the first face to face happens. And you're right, there is no use venting at the sub. Back in the saddle and keep riding.

(in reply to chathamvahere)

RE: online gone wrong - 2/9/2009 12:25:27 PM

Posts: 61
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

She went inactive for when we first started and then last friday, started be very active, I'm not sure why we had a great warm phone conv., the night before. Then suddenly she doesn't answer my emails/text msgs. But when I call her she pretends everything is fine. And as far as the the emails, chats and phones. I've deleted all record of her, I don't want the physical reminders. And being as that I won't stand for the passive aggressive bull that she was pulling over the last few days, I've blocked her on CM, deleted her phone number from mine and made her spam on my email.
And I cancelled my flight. I'm done, will not be treated that way by anyone. The problem is that it simply hurts.

...I hurt myself today to see if I still feel....Trent NIN

(in reply to feydeplume)

RE: online gone wrong - 2/9/2009 12:43:05 PM

Posts: 46
Joined: 11/7/2008
Status: offline

I'm sorry this happened to You, and it does happen to everyone. I even had one Dominant go so far as to tell me He was already at a certain hotel in my city, but of course, when I called the hotel they had no record of Him, and His cell phone just "wouldn't work" in my area suddenly so He claimed that He wasn't able to get my calls. The point is that You have to go back out and try again. If You let the game playing of one person jade You, then You could end up overlooking somebody that is real and true. Just to play Devil's advocate for a minute, You said she was back online, but that You had still been talking with her on the phone. Have You talked to her to clarify the situation, asked about the recent activity. I hate to say it, and I've been guilty of this, too, in the past before I learned a few lessons of my own, but a lot of people are unsure about committing fully to something until it becomes tangible, and for subs, these sites are like a shopping mall. So, you might make a choice, but then when the time comes for a real commitment you start to panic a bit, wondering if you've made the right choice. I think in this situation I would try talking to her before making too many assumptions about what was happening in her head, especially if she's still answering her phone and hasn't blocked you. A lot of budding relationships die because somebody made a mistaken assumption. I wish You the best with this situation.

_____________________________

Peace, love and light.

Namaste',

serene

"Though art to me a delicious torment." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson~

"Wit is well-bred insolence."~Aristotle~

(in reply to rastermanblu)

RE: online gone wrong - 2/9/2009 12:45:08 PM

Posts: 113
Joined: 5/24/2007
Status: offline

The first thing i think of when i hear about this kind of behaviour is that the person is married, or in an on-going committed relationship. They are on-line for the fantasy and the thrill, and when it gets to the face-to-face point, things begin to unravel because they're not in a position to meet anyone because of their marriage/on-going commitment.

This is the difficulty with looking on-line.....being real time is a much better way to go, and lets You know about people first-hand. You can watch their eyes, their body language, and listen to the intonation of their voice, while spending time getting to know them....

Good luck, and i'm sorry this happened. Hopes die hard.......

_____________________________

Trust is neither wishing nor hoping; it is a deep sense of honor in another.

(in reply to rastermanblu)

RE: online gone wrong - 2/9/2009 12:45:48 PM

Posts: 403
Joined: 9/23/2006
Status: offline

This is a hazard of the Internet world. Some will chat with you for hours, but if it comes to a real meeting they disappear faster than Santa Claus on a busy Christmas Eve. Every time it happens I wonder why do I bother, but then I think back on the 5% who are real and the wonderful friendships I have enjoyed and the memories I will always treasure.

Sucks to be you today, but tomorrow the sun will rise in the east, cast its warm glow on your face, you will feel better, and you can start again. Eventually, it is worth it.

(in reply to rastermanblu)

RE: online gone wrong - 2/9/2009 12:53:34 PM

Posts: 61
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

"Serenely smiles" Not answering my email-even if it is just to say screw-off is better than ignoring or not answering.
I cannot respect passive-aggressive behaivor. Will not accept it.

And sitting here writing about it is moving me from dismay and sadness, to anger and disgust. Thank you so much.

(in reply to VeryNastyDom)

RE: online gone wrong - 2/9/2009 1:05:33 PM

Posts: 406
Joined: 8/18/2006
Status: offline

Your strength will get through this rough patch and allow another into your heart.

Just don't hold this last person's behavior against the next girl...

_____________________________

~ You are a child of the Universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here, and whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the Universe is unfolding as it should ~

(in reply to rastermanblu)

RE: online gone wrong - 2/9/2009 1:11:46 PM

Posts: 61
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

It will, I remain an optimist. And I won't but I will be a lot more guarded in the future

(in reply to eponavet)

RE: online gone wrong - 2/9/2009 1:18:19 PM

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

It was me. Thanks for the fifty bucks and cock shot.

_____________________________

(in reply to rastermanblu)

RE: online gone wrong - 2/9/2009 1:18:23 PM

Posts: 8098
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rastermanblu
I cannot respect passive-aggressive behaivor. Will not accept it.

Well, sorry to say that but there is also nothing you can do. If a person prefers to play the silence game then you can barely force the person to talk. I can only agree to what others said, that this is unfortunately how internet contact can work out. During the last year I gave 3 times different guys a chance but on two occasions they could only do the talk and not the walk and in the 3rd occasion we simply were not compatible. Nevertheless I still don't let those guys get myself down and continue to be on here and have currently 2 very nice contacts on here. If they will work out or not - who knows - but one of them I am going to meet this month as he will visit me for a change and if we don't work out then I give a guy a chance with whom I am on and off several times (which means I know that he is interested since quite a long time but unfortunately I was always involved with someone else and so he kept waiting...once where i was about to give him a chance he had plans about going abroad for a longer time with his work which is why he wasn't compatible for me at that time, but as this is over now he knows that I would be happy to give it finally a chance in case my meeting this month is not going well). So I just learned to stop wasting my energy on the wankers when they got obvious to be one as they aren't worth my attention. I am here for the real ones and for myself, not to keep wasting my time on guys who already have proofen not to be worth my attention. Good luck

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to rastermanblu)

RE: online gone wrong - 2/9/2009 1:19:45 PM

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

You are a 52 year old man. Get your emotions in check. It becomes real when you meet in real time and begin to build a relationship (or decide not to). Until then it's flirting and possibility. Nothing more; nothing less.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to rastermanblu)

RE: online gone wrong - 2/9/2009 1:26:55 PM

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

Fall for someone? on the net?

and she still logs on? so what? unless you made an agreement and she willingly closed her account or decidedly chose to not log in to check mail anymore...who are you to care if she does?

You can't accuse someone of 'playing around' just by logging in lol. You seem insecure. If she has read this, she likely notices that too and moved on (if she is smart).

(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: online gone wrong - 2/9/2009 1:29:01 PM

Posts: 142
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline

You said " I'm no fool and I don't want a relationship with someone who claims to be very interested in me but is still playing around."

I agree with KatyLied here. Chatting with someone online, even making phone calls does not equal commitment. How can she be playing around, when she's not even collared to you yet? It would seem you worked this up in your mind to more than it actually was. By all means stay in there and keep looking, but keep in mind nothing starts until that first face to face over coffee.

(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: online gone wrong - 2/9/2009 1:31:14 PM

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

You got off fairly easy compared to others... I'd suggest that you start looking offline.. Dark Oddyssey is this weekend.. go and meet some folks face to face, its likely to work a little better for you.

good luck

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to rastermanblu)

RE: online gone wrong - 2/9/2009 1:32:32 PM

Posts: 255
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline

Yep. It happens to me too. Of some 50 (I'm guessing) contacts I've made, I have met 2 in person, and one of those 2 has flaked on me twice :p. I just laugh at the ludicrousness of it all and keep going, trusting that eventually things will work out as they should. It does burn when you invest time, energy and emotion into a wanker. You have my sympathy.

(in reply to KatyLied)

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