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RE: " Test driving " Doms - 3/5/2006 7:59:48 PM

Vancouver_cinful

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You'll make the right decisions, I'm sure. Nobody ever died from taking it a bit slowly, although it sure can feel like you are, at the time. ::laughing::

Only you can read his tone, judge where his words are coming from...We're just here to throw odd and assorted lights on the subject, sometimes helpful, sometimes not-so-much, I imagine.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

Cin

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RE: " Test driving " Doms - 3/5/2006 8:58:51 PM

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I don't think you should "test drive" a Dom..............nor "test drive your submission".
Submission is a gift you give to the One you trust completely to care for you and guide you. That my dear, takes time and patience and lots and lots of communication.

(in reply to aurora31)

RE: " Test driving " Doms - 3/5/2006 9:20:13 PM

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Anthony Hopkins to Brad Pitt in "Meet Joe Black" Don't blow smoke up my ass and ruin my Autopsy."

BDSM or not... now a days.. everything is pretty much test driven. (Detest this statement even more now)

The majority of us are well out of our teens. Some been married, some not. For those that have been.. they're going to test waters before jumping. No reason to jump out of a frying pan into the damn fire.

For those that haven't been..... dating.. going steady.... NOT ENGAGED. There's nothing wrong with dating (I said dating not fucking) Joe, John and Robert at the same time. specially if neither one has a ring (or collar) on you and you have not stated they're the only one.

Now this is only my opinion... and how I was taught by my mom. As long as I didn't agree to be one mans gal...(accepting an engagement ring).. no one owns me.. and doesn't dictate to me who I will and will not see. So if Robert, John and Joe want to go out with me.. it's my choice. Until I spend time with each one... how am I suppose to tell which one wants what I want in a relationship.. or if they even want one? Not going to waste my time with John only when Robert and Joe are interrested too only to find out down the road that John doesn't want to commit all though he knows I do.

Test drive... date... go out.. have fun... learn... experiment with your wants, needs, desires, .... and perhaps you'll run across the one that you're willing to give.. what he's willing to take and you're both happy with finding each other.

Ok that was my 10 cents worth again... don't mean to offend anyone... just my opinion again.

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RE: " Test driving " Doms - 3/5/2006 10:22:05 PM

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Y’know, I was talking to a couple of people in chats the other day and had a good PM session.. They read the boards regularly but don’t often post.. The consensus was that life has become so commercialized and cash orientated with prices increasing that the BDSM and Gorean Lifestyles are becoming more and more limited to those who have a better than average middle class income. To participate in all but the very basic local functions or thingies, if you are on a low income become a choice between paying bills, medical expenses or food or forgetting about the lifestyle. For some, the lifestyle has become who they are as much as (for example), some one dedicated to their religious faith. For those of the Gorean Persuasion, this is even more definitive.. It is also unreasonable to expect people to ignore and walk away from such things…. There is much to be said for those who have withdrawn from the public aspects of the lifestyles and just maintain a limited contact with close friends. This is negative? Only if you are a negative person, It is pragmatic and shows the maturity to understand that your circumstances are going to preclude you from involvement any way so unless your are masochistic, why beat your head against a brick wall hoping to find a Dominant or submissive when the odds are stacked against you.. As long as some one knows who and where you are, there is always the chance to meet that special some one.. Just don’t forget that ultimately in Today’s society the Goddess $ rules……..

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Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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(in reply to truesub4u)

RE: " Test driving " Doms - 3/5/2006 11:01:13 PM

ProtagonistLily

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quote:

On more then one occasion in my journey of exploring my submission I have been advised that I need to "test drive" different Doms so as to find out what it is that I want in a Dom. While I can understand and appreciate this concept, I am having a hard time with it. I find it very hard to truely submit on casual basis or even with those who I have established a strong friendship with. Also I feel guilty and cheap in doing this. Even if it is just on-line let alone in r/t.

I didn't realize Doms were like Buicks...is there a showroom for them? Do I get a rebate or a free gift if I take one out for a spin?

quote:

So I guess my question is how do I gain experiance, how do I learn what I like and don't like both in play and on the mental side of things, the day to day side of things with out feeling negative about doing it. How do I figure out just how much controle I can and want to give up with out actually experianceing it.

Well, if you are talking about a Dom, you might want to determine what YOU have to offer first. Honey, it might be good for you to remind yourself that you are talking about looking for a partner in a world where power dynamics are alive and well. You seem to have a checklist of what YOU want. What about him? Why should a Dom let you 'test drive' him? Sounds to me like you've forgotten a few things about how we establish relationships around here.

quote:

Early on in my explorations a very wise person who I respect very much told me "cheaply given, cheaply valued". This has really stuck with me along with my whole "good girl" vs "bad girl" complex. I tend to feel that in submitting to diferent Doms in order to gain experiance makes me cheap.

And never given, never shared gathers dust on a shelf somewhere. ~shrugs~

quote:

I know I am not stating myself very clearly here it is very hard for me to put my thoughts into the written word. But hopefully I have made myself clear enough for everyone to understand. I very much look forward to hearing everyones thoughts and opinions and advise.
aurora

I'd have to agree here. I would suggest that you sit down and decide what it is that you are trying to ask, what it is you are going to show up at the table with, and remember that in this little world, it isn't going to be all your way.

Kassie

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(in reply to aurora31)

RE: " Test driving " Doms - 3/6/2006 3:24:14 PM

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I didn't realize Doms were like Buicks...is there a showroom for them? Do I get a rebate or a free gift if I take one out for a spin?

Okay so the test drive analogy was not well liked, but after all it was just an analogy.

Well, if you are talking about a Dom, you might want to determine what YOU have to offer first. Honey, it might be good for you to remind yourself that you are talking about looking for a partner in a world where power dynamics are alive and well. You seem to have a checklist of what YOU want. What about him? Why should a Dom let you 'test drive' him? Sounds to me like you've forgotten a few things about how we establish relationships around here.

Okay I am a little confused here. You asume that I have not sat down and determined what it is that I have to offer a Dom. You asume that I do not understand the dynamics of a D/s relationship. Yes I know that once I enter into that relationship that is about taking care of his wants/needs/desires. Not about my wants. I also know that he is responsible for meeting my needs. But until I reach that point that I am ready to make that commitment I feel that it is my responsiblity to be sure I know what my needs and wants are and that I search for a Dom who can provide those things to me. I also need to be aware of my capabilities to serve and to be sure that I will be able to meet his needs/wants/desires. Forgive me if I have this wrong and please enlighten me as to the way it should be.

And never given, never shared gathers dust on a shelf somewhere. ~shrugs~

Sorry I don't understand this one either...just becuase I choose to be cautious and to submit to those who have earned my trust and respect does not mean that it has never been give or that it will never be given again.

quote:

I know I am not stating myself very clearly here it is very hard for me to put my thoughts into the written word. But hopefully I have made myself clear enough for everyone to understand. I very much look forward to hearing everyones thoughts and opinions and advise.
aurora

I'd have to agree here. I would suggest that you sit down and decide what it is that you are trying to ask, what it is you are going to show up at the table with, and remember that in this little world, it isn't going to be all your way.

Duh nothing in life is going to be all my way. It all about give and take mutually meeting each others needs. By allowing me to serve him to meet his needs he is in turn meeting my need to serve to be found pleasing in his eyes. It is a two way street. And in the end what he says is final.

aurora

< Message edited by aurora31 -- 3/6/2006 3:27:23 PM >

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)

RE: " Test driving " Doms - 3/6/2006 3:29:07 PM

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"Test driving" a Dom/me can be as simple as meeting someone for coffee in a safe/public place to see if there's chemistry - or to see if you feel safe with this person.

As for determining the flavours of play you are into...

Chemistry between the players is such a factor. Different partners will move you in different directions. You may find yourself fanatasizing about specific action, but when you really connect with someone, you may be surprised to find yourself moved to engage in action you had never considered in the past.

(in reply to aurora31)

RE: " Test driving " Doms - 3/6/2006 4:45:29 PM

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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quote:

Iron Bear's Used Dom / Domme, sub / slave and Kaiila Yard

We stock the very best of used Doms, Dommes, submissives and Kaiila. All models come with a free Butt Plug.

Dirt cheap prices and plent of models available for test driving / riding.

Disclaimer
We accept no responsibilities for, or make any claim that Doms, Dommies and slaves have all parts in good working order.

Sheesh..... what else can we trade if it's not used Doms, Dommes, submissives? Hmmmmmmmm have to brood on that

Jai na ven sev a lae an she'vo a porta.

(May your day bring happiness and joy to you and yours)

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to MarinaBlack)

RE: " Test driving " Doms - 3/6/2006 4:48:59 PM

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Testing driving... Look at every single relationship you are in or been in... intimate or otherwise....

Look at the characteristics that inspired you.. that you admired... the ones that make you feel alive!

every relationship we are in or been in... is a Test Drive for the things we enjoy.

people make a big deal about all the play that we do. Make lists and negotiate these things..... but... if you do not have the connections of those characteristices that inspire you, those things that you admire... well then you will just have a piece of paper with a list of things to do... and a paper that is negotiating limits and freedoms of action.

A relationship is much more than that.... IT's full of Passion... Do you see passion in those lists? Or do you see passion in your parnter?

everything is a Test Drive.... put it all together.... and see what is there for you. SEE WHAT DRIVES YOU? What Fuels you!

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 3/6/2006 4:50:30 PM >

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(in reply to aurora31)

RE: " Test driving " Doms - 3/6/2006 9:02:45 PM

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I can't speak for what the local scene is like in Australia but in my general area I find the opposite is true. For the most part it is the lower/lower-middle income earners who are participating in the scene, not the more well-heeled.

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
The consensus was that life has become so commercialized and cash orientated with prices increasing that the BDSM and Gorean Lifestyles are becoming more and more limited to those who have a better than average middle class income. To participate in all but the very basic local functions or thingies, if you are on a low income become a choice between paying bills, medical expenses or food or forgetting about the lifestyle.

(in reply to IronBear)

RE: " Test driving " Doms - 3/7/2006 2:41:06 AM

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsIncognito

I can't speak for what the local scene is like in Australia but in my general area I find the opposite is true. For the most part it is the lower/lower-middle income earners who are participating in the scene, not the more well-heeled.

I heard that too. Am having strange thoughts about finding out the requirements to migrate to Canada,, Not sure if they could handle me though....

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to MsIncognito)

RE: " Test driving " Doms - 3/7/2006 7:45:24 AM

Vancouver_cinful

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsIncognito

I can't speak for what the local scene is like in Australia but in my general area I find the opposite is true. For the most part it is the lower/lower-middle income earners who are participating in the scene, not the more well-heeled.

Hmmm...That hasn't been my experience here in Vancouver. The parties, fetwear, and even the munches are all going to take money out of your pocket so I find see the middle income and professional people out in the public arena.

At least at the more serious play venues, anyway. The nightclub-y events do attract the younger ones who may not be so established finacially yet.

Cin

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Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to MsIncognito)

RE: " Test driving " Doms - 3/7/2006 7:47:09 AM

Vancouver_cinful

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
Am having strange thoughts about finding out the requirements to migrate to Canada,, Not sure if they could handle me though....

We'd love to have you. Always room for more of the Fun Folk, here.

Cin

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to IronBear)

RE: " Test driving " Doms - 10/21/2007 6:29:17 PM

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S please drop me a line about test driving

(in reply to swoozle)

RE: " Test driving " Doms - 10/21/2007 6:45:05 PM

SirEbonyPhoenix

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I'm not sure if the term "test drive" would be suitable in this case, because my question is if you connect with a Dom in terms of what your interests are, what do you do if the T/two of Y/you click just like that, only to be distracted by another Dom in the next instant. The one thing you don't want to do is to lead either one on, so my suggestion is to take your time in getting to know someone first before deciding if he is the one for you.

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RE: " Test driving " Doms - 10/21/2007 9:43:27 PM

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I personally have no objections to being "test-driven" -- please note that I have a manual transmission...

(in reply to Cloudz)

RE: " Test driving " Doms - 10/21/2007 10:15:51 PM

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It's no different than "dating around". You don't get engaged to (or marry) the first person who asks you out.

You date someone a few times, spend time talking, spend time together, see if there is some chemistry going on. Maybe you date 2 - 3 other people at the same time... If things work you continue dating if not, you say sayonara and find someone new to date. *shrugs* WTF? What's so hard about that?

(in reply to QuietDom)

RE: " Test driving " Doms - 10/22/2007 5:37:03 AM

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By the time most people reach legal age they have learned a few things about themselves. They know they prefer dark hair to blond, or that they really go for red. They know they like people who get angry quickly and just as quickly calm down or they prefer people who rarely get angry even if the flip side is that they stay angry longer. They know is they like picky people, or if those types give them headaches.

And those kind of traits are what you're looking for in a partner, the one who exhibits traits you prefer and doesn't exhibit traits you dislike with a passion. Must haves and deal breakers in my vocabulary.

And you don't need to test drive possible partners to discover this. You discover what you look for in a partner by looking inside, and at your past history of relationships.

(in reply to EvilGeoff)

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