quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Just a bunch of total pretentious bullcrap.

I doubt that there is an ideal Dom or an ideal anything, but what I do know, is that I wish there some new(ish) men around who didn't post like twats trying to educate the masses of poor pathetic sub women.

I just love the White Knight complex.

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ORIGINAL: RaceBannon

The following was posted to another site, written by me but added to by many. It is merely a guide, not a set of rules for new submissives that are seeking mates online, or even out in the real world. It is not meant to offend, or be guidelines written in stone. For every suggestion there is exception, no two doms or subs are alike. It's simply a document to help those women who like many find the online BDSM site search frustrating or dangerous.

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ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Strong, confident people really don't need this spelled out for them.

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ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Psst.. ladies? Dominants lie. They cheat on their spouses, they steal from their employers. They are (gasp) human and all of the flaws the rest of us humans have hold just as true for dominants.

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ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

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ORIGINAL: RaceBannon

The following was posted to another site, written by me but added to by many. It is merely a guide, not a set of rules for new submissives that are seeking mates online, or even out in the real world. It is not meant to offend, or be guidelines written in stone. For every suggestion there is exception, no two doms or subs are alike. It's simply a document to help those women who like many find the online BDSM site search frustrating or dangerous.

Here's a tip or two; When your online experience gets to be too dangerous .. turn OFF the computer. When your online search gets to be too frustrating .. go out into the real world and get to know some folks toes to toes and see if there is some chemistry with any of them which causes you to want to explore further.

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-IT IS LIKELY a dominant guy will not start off by desiring you to be submissive at the get go.

It is more likely that a dominant will expect you to be submissive otherwise you wouldn't be here in the first place seeking out a dominant partner. If a dominant expects you to hand over your authority, however, simply because of a label they gave themselves it is likely they are new themselves or an ass. In neither case does that preclude them from actually being dominant. Dominants come in a wide variety of flavors including but not limited to: exceptional, mediocre, experienced, ass, inadequate etc. Some are able to multitask a variety of labels as well. In other words, one can be experienced and exceptional, new and exceptional, new and an ass or experienced and an ass etc. and still be dominant.

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-IT IS LIKELY a dominant guy will be very interested in you, and not just your sexual needs (though they will certainly get his attention).

It is more likely that a dominant guy will be very interested in *his* sexual needs if BDSM is all about sex to him. Don't be fooled here, ladies. Your average dominant guy is going to think about his sexual needs first.. not yours. That said, BDSM is *not* all about sex for everyone and plenty of folks engage in the various letters associated with the acronym without any sexual pleasure required or necessary. It's your coloring book, so you get to choose the crayons you use and whether or not you color inside or outside the lines.

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The dominant guy above all loves challenge

Except for the ones who hate challenges or the ones who find challenges to be tiresome or who expect obedience to their directives and... so on and so forth.

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Submissive women are the most challenging of lovers for they have great fantasy.

Bullshit. Submissive or not, it's a people thing, not an orientation thing.

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the burden of 'taking charge' of you. The dominant desires this burden because he knows you bring many gifts in return.

Just an aside for the dom types. If *taking charge* is a burden.. you might want to reconsider your orientation. Just some food for thought.

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-IT IS LIKELY a dominant guy is probably going to be damn good in the sack.

hahahahahahahahaha

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-IT IS CERTAIN a dominant guy will make many mistakes and have no fear admitting them (though sometimes it may take him awhile to fess up, or even discover he has made a mistake). He understands he is not all knowing because he knows he's human. A guy who believes he never makes mistakes or does not admit them with good cheer CANNOT be dominant.

Bullshit again. Anyone can be dominant. (I have to say that the bit about admitting mistakes with good cheer actually made me chuckle.)

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-IT IS LIKELY a dominant will not lie about being married or already having a girlfriend.

Psst.. ladies? Dominants lie. They cheat on their spouses, they steal from their employers. They are (gasp) human and all of the flaws the rest of us humans have hold just as true for dominants.

::snipped out the rest of the book because...::

bottom line: Trust your gut and engage your brain. If you do those two things then find someone who makes your heart sing.. explore that.. it's a good start.

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Psst.. ladies? Dominants lie. They cheat on their spouses, they steal from their employers. They are (gasp) human and all of the flaws the rest of us humans have hold just as true for dominants.

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ORIGINAL: came4U

I found the *coughs* original blog-written in 2009, here:

http://awesomenessandthegoodgirl.blogspot.com/2009/11/for-newish-girls-guide-to-finding-that.html?zx=91d4e8d60913b159

dunno why someone would wanna steal something so cheesy.

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ORIGINAL: IronBear
I am well aware of the current trends of treating a gentleman who attempts to open a door for a lady or who stands when a lady enters a room of is about to sit at the table or even (shock horror) offers to help a lady carry parcels (shopping bags) with abuse, insults and other antisocial activities so prevalent in today's society with its "in your face" aggression and abuse.

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ORIGINAL: lally2

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ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Strong, confident people really don't need this spelled out for them.

not all people are strong and confident though and many trip up on the wannabes and many get jaded in their hope.

i think its really fab that you and others have found someone you can totally love and trust -

i think the OP got alot of it right to be honest but even before i began to read the responses i knew the knee jerk reactions id read.

there is nothing wrong in guidelining people and giving them something to aim for.

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ORIGINAL: sexyred1

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ORIGINAL: lally2

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ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Strong, confident people really don't need this spelled out for them.

not all people are strong and confident though and many trip up on the wannabes and many get jaded in their hope.

i think its really fab that you and others have found someone you can totally love and trust -

i think the OP got alot of it right to be honest but even before i began to read the responses i knew the knee jerk reactions id read.

there is nothing wrong in guidelining people and giving them something to aim for.

Hi lally2,

I do understand your point and others who think this kind of thing is ok to post, and of course, anyone can post anything they want.

The thing that is offensive to me and some others, is that there is a presumption that submissive women need help in figuring out what a Dom is or is not.

I find this somewhat condescending. I get that some people are very new to the world of relationships, but most of us have been around the block and can use our own brains, perceptions, ideas, preferences and desires to figure out how a Dom should be in our individual minds.

I don't see it as being jaded, which many of us can be, I see it more as the way it was written was overly romanticized and not really a guideline or suggestion.

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ORIGINAL: porcelaine

Greetings Race,

I was a little taken aback initially by your user name. Given the accolades and positive contributions Mr. Bannon has made to the leather community,

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ORIGINAL: leadership527

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ORIGINAL: IronBear
I am well aware of the current trends of treating a gentleman who attempts to open a door for a lady or who stands when a lady enters a room of is about to sit at the table or even (shock horror) offers to help a lady carry parcels (shopping bags) with abuse, insults and other antisocial activities so prevalent in today's society with its "in your face" aggression and abuse.

Just for the record, I've been opening doors, offering to carry bags, and the like my whole life. Despite the image that gets bandied about, I have NEVER (at least not that I can remember) had some woman throw my efforts in my face. Sometimes they have accepted... sometimes not. But I've never had anyone go off on me about it. Of course, I've noticed that people don't tend to "go off on me" in general.

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ORIGINAL: porcelaine
Although some may not find favor in what was stated, if your words resonate with one person that sincerely needed to hear them the gesture was not in vain.

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ORIGINAL: came4U

I found the *coughs* original blog-written in 2009, here:

http://awesomenessandthegoodgirl.blogspot.com/2009/11/for-newish-girls-guide-to-finding-that.html?zx=91d4e8d60913b159

dunno why someone would wanna steal something so cheesy.