RE: A mature submissive?

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: A mature submissive?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: A mature submissive?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/14/2012 4:51:16 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Oh honey.... There is a whole lot of physical yumminess from being tied up. You may want to rethink things a touch.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Timonat)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/14/2012 8:32:12 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Timonat

Or what about all the people who have things written like " I am looking for tall men, or black men, or men my age"? They are all specific specifications that appeal to them.

Personally, I've been more interested in who that are rather than what they are.

quote:

And is BDSM not also about breaking boundaries and taboos?

Only if the individuals involved are so inclined.

quote:

Is this place not about being a safe pace to be able to indulge our fantasies (within reason) and not be judged for wanting to?

Not if you intrude your fantasies onto someone else. Someone starting with "Hi, I like older women" is essentially the same as saying "Hi, I like big tits". You're treating the other person as a fetish delivery system before you even know them, and that's rude.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Timonat)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/14/2012 1:48:10 PM

mysouldesire

Posts: 85
Joined: 11/28/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Timona
I do not have any experience with older women and would like to talk to some and discuss the idea.
I am looking to speak with some "mature" submissives about this dynamic, so anyone interested feel free to message me. Thanks for reading

(in reply to Timonat)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/14/2012 4:55:37 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CTLoveslave

The problem with an "older" woman is that she is likely to be far smarter than you are.

Be careful....you might end up on the end of a leash instead of holding one.

CTLs

Good one!!!

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to CTLoveslave)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/14/2012 5:31:50 PM

BambiBoi

Posts: 461
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Timonat

... You could also say " I want you to be interested in me for who I am, not simply because I am submissive". Or what about all the people who have things written like " I am looking for tall men, or black men, or men my age"? They are all specific specifications that appeal to them. And what is wrong with wanting to experiment and tryign new things, is that not what BDSM is about? (discounting the deeper layers of connection and emotional fulfillment). And is BDSM not also about breaking boundaries and taboos? Is this place not about being a safe pace to be able to indulge our fantasies (within reason) and not be judged for wanting to? ...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Timonat

... So what is the difference between a submissive getting a psychological kick out of being tied up, and me getting a psychological kick out of dominating a woman who is older than I am?

There isn't one. Enjoy your fetish. No one is saying you can't filter the field down to those who fit your arbitrary aesthetic needs. If you're really so into mature submissives that not having it is a deal breaker, then only show a romantic interest in mature submissives, but find one you like as a person. If I only wanted black men with that fervor, I would just flirt with black men but wait for one I like as a person. And I'd keep that inexplicable aesthetic requirement to myself.

Everything fades. Money goes away. Penises go flaccid. The womanly allure of an older woman becomes aged in time. No one wants the thing their partner loves about them to disappear. And the mind lasts the longest and grows the strongest.

_____________________________

<3

(in reply to Timonat)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/14/2012 8:14:29 PM

RemoteUser

Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mysouldesire
How did this dude's OP come across as belittleing to any or you? . He is wanting to talk to submissive older women, probably expereiment (well tis so as he states it) which could be 30-99 and no where does it say he wants to start out my saying.......
"I like older woman."

He doesnt even know if he does..............

Women by and large are trained to fear age, not just for that fun death thing at the end, but also because it supposedly diminishes their other qualities. Fetishizing an ingrained fear raises hackles.

"I like young women" also makes some women (and again, usually older ones) get angry. Go fig.

In fact, you're better off to back away slowly, holding a flamethrower, than try to have a rational discussion about age with certain people. Which is what I'm doing now, having answered your question.

_____________________________

There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.

(in reply to mysouldesire)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/14/2012 8:20:18 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

That is such bullshit. Women aren't trained any more to be afraid of aging than men are. In fact, my ex is much younger than me and he lives in fear of aging. I don't and all the cool women I know are not afraid of aging either.

And what qualities are supposedly diminished as women age? Certainly not brains, sex appeal, self awareness, confidence, worldliness and being killer in bed.

I hate these generalizations. I think we gave the OP very good advice to his question.

(in reply to RemoteUser)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/14/2012 8:30:56 PM

RemoteUser

Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline

If the active attempt to socially train women to fear age isn't clearly noticeable to you even in modern advertising, I'm not sure how to prove the point. Yes, men are targeted as well. In answer the to person I replied to, yes, everyone hit this kid about his fetish to the point where he says himself that he feels like he may need to defend it.

He said he wanted an older, more experienced woman. Nearly every response afterwards has a woman saying how they personally feel about his fetish, but he's not saying, "I want you", just like he never said he didn't have other interests. He was zeroed in on for discussing age. If my observation offends you, I'll get over it - and I'm sure you will too.

_____________________________

There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/15/2012 1:36:50 AM

Timonat

Posts: 41
Joined: 5/26/2010
Status: offline

You raise a good point. Wanting someone because they are submissive, or black, or tall is the same as wanting someone because they are older. Two things are important here: 1) Most men don't seem to mind being objectified as long as they stand a chance to get their dick wet, so they don't object. 2) No one is saying not to indulge in these aesthetic topical elements. What people, here submissive older women, do not want is to be sought out only for traits that you enjoy. The women you seek are MORE than those traits, and want that recognized. Many women want a man who can provide a secure and stable lifestyle. But they don't get very far saying "I want a man with a lot of money" because those men don't want to feel like they are a cash machine first and a person second. They want to be loved for what THEY think is special. I want to be loved because of my snarky humor, warm heart, and cold calculating mind. I don't want to be loved because I have money. Or because I'm tall and black.

- I never said I wanted to settle down with an older woman or have a long term relationship and totally rounded relationship. I was completely honest about what I want, which is more than most guys on here. At least I am honest and don't bullshit or play games with people or try to manipulate them to get what I want. I in fact show "you" more respect by being straight and direct with "you".

There isn't one. Enjoy your fetish. No one is saying you can't filter the field down to those who fit your arbitrary aesthetic needs. If you're really so into mature submissives that not having it is a deal breaker, then only show a romantic interest in mature submissives, but find one you like as a person. If I only wanted black men with that fervor, I would just flirt with black men but wait for one I like as a person. And I'd keep that inexplicable aesthetic requirement to myself.

- I also never said I wanted ANY mature submissive woman. Of course I would have to like her as a person as well and to get along with her and have some chemistry.

Everything fades. Money goes away. Penises go flaccid. The womanly allure of an older woman becomes aged in time. No one wants the thing their partner loves about them to disappear. And the mind lasts the longest and grows the strongest.

- Right! The mind is strongest, and it is the mind that makes this concept/dynamic so fascinating to me. if it was just physical, then it wouldn't matter if she was younger or older. The whole point is it is psychologically (mind) exciting.

(in reply to BambiBoi)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/15/2012 1:44:29 AM

Timonat

Posts: 41
Joined: 5/26/2010
Status: offline

quote:

If the active attempt to socially train women to fear age isn't clearly noticeable to you even in modern advertising, I'm not sure how to prove the point. Yes, men are targeted as well. In answer the to person I replied to, yes, everyone hit this kid about his fetish to the point where he says himself that he feels like he may need to defend it.

- I agree. Look at anti wrinkle creams for example. The cosmetics industry makes billions out of preying on the fear of being outdone by younger "competitors". For men on the other hand, their social position increases with age, so socially they grow stronger as they get older and younger men generally cannot compete as it takes time to build social position.

He said he wanted an older, more experienced woman. Nearly every response afterwards has a woman saying how they personally feel about his fetish, but he's not saying, "I want you", just like he never said he didn't have other interests. He was zeroed in on for discussing age. If my observation offends you, I'll get over it - and I'm sure you will too.

- Thank you :)

(in reply to RemoteUser)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/15/2012 1:47:22 AM

Timonat

Posts: 41
Joined: 5/26/2010
Status: offline

How did this dude's OP come across as belittleing to any or you? . He is wanting to talk to submissive older women, probably expereiment (well tis so as he states it) which could be 30-99 and no where does it say he wants to start out my saying.......
"I like older woman."

He doesnt even know if he does..............
[/quote]

- Thank you! And right, I don't know if I do. Its just something I would like to try, what is so bad about that? I am sure many people joined this site because the lifestyle is something that made them curious and they wanted to try it. Its the curiosity factor, which is completely normal. If it wasn't for that, we would still all be living in caves. And I am not trying to force my "fetish", if you can even call it that, on others, only on someone who likes it to, and then it isn't forcing it on them.

(in reply to mysouldesire)

Profile

Post #: 31

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/15/2012 1:49:43 AM

Timonat

Posts: 41
Joined: 5/26/2010
Status: offline

quote:

That is such bullshit. Women aren't trained any more to be afraid of aging than men are. In fact, my ex is much younger than me and he lives in fear of aging. I don't and all the cool women I know are not afraid of aging either.

And what qualities are supposedly diminished as women age? Certainly not brains, sex appeal, self awareness, confidence, worldliness and being killer in bed.

I hate these generalizations. I think we gave the OP very good advice to his question.

- We have to generalize as it is impossible to lay down all the possibilities/viewpoints within a short forum post.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Profile

Post #: 32

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/15/2012 7:32:10 AM

WomanlyWiles

Posts: 166
Joined: 3/14/2012
Status: offline

I'm not a sub, but I once had a message from a dating site which read 'I love middle aged women.' I was thirty-eight at the time :weeps:

(in reply to Timonat)

Profile

Post #: 33

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/15/2012 7:44:21 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Timonat

I am beginning to find submissives my age somewhat tedious and am now leaning towards the older more experienced submissive........ I find it psychologically fascinating......... In our society we are used to our elders being figures of authority, pretty much all the way through our lives. To turn the concept on its head by dominating an older woman is very exciting and psychologically wonderfully intense and fascinating in my opinion.

Timonat,
I can definitely relate to your interest in dominating someone older. The contrast in age, and the breaking of age appropriate roles, can be very erotic.

I have stated in the past that one of my most enjoyable experiences in the D/s lifestyle was submitting to a 21 year old Domme. I was in my mid-30's at the time, and I was a successful corporate executive. She was a full-time college student. I was far more educated than she was. I had far more life experience than she did. And when we were out together, people sometimes thought that she was my daughter. In every way, I should have held the dominant position over her. I could have been her boss. Or teacher. Or counselor. Or parent. Or mentor. Yet, i was her submissive, violating all societal norms.

Both of us found this to be incredibly erotic. She enjoyed dominating someone who was older, and more powerful (in societal terms) than she was. She liked bossing around someone who should have been over her. Knowing that I was close to her parents' age was really exciting to her. And she particularly like dominating me in public. She got more aroused by having others see her dominating an "older man".

For me, the opposite was true. There was something very erotic about submitting to someone who could have been my daughter (or much younger sister). The age contrast made my submission feel more.........naughty.

When we were out in public, it always surprised people when she would give me an order, and I would respond by saying "Yes Ma'am". They were shocked to see what appeared to be a daughter giving her father orders, and he was obeying her.

I drove a foreign luxury car, and she loved having me chauffeur her around in it. Particularly when she had several of her girlfriends with her. She enjoyed telling them that I was a VP at XYZ company, but that I was also her slave and obeyed all of her commands. Then she'd say, "Isn't that right?", and I'd have to say "Yes Ma'am". Of course, all of her girlfriends would start giggling.

None of our activities was unique for a D/s relationship. Yet the age difference made them much more noticeable, and IMO, more powerful and erotic. In some ways, it was a form of age play.

So despite the responses that you've received so far, don't be discouraged. I understand and appreciate your desire to dominate someone older than you. It can be very hot if done right.

But based on the responses that you've gotten from the ladies, you obviously need to be careful about how you bring up the age issue.

(in reply to Timonat)

Profile

Post #: 34

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/15/2012 7:47:55 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RemoteUser

He said he wanted an older, more experienced woman. Nearly every response afterwards has a woman saying how they personally feel about his fetish, but he's not saying, "I want you", just like he never said he didn't have other interests. He was zeroed in on for discussing age. If my observation offends you, I'll get over it - and I'm sure you will too.

It has nothing to do with age. It's the same response as when some guy is locked into my tits or lips. It's someone objectifying me before we've met....and I am much more than any of those items.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to RemoteUser)

Profile

Post #: 35

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/15/2012 10:13:47 AM

Timonat

Posts: 41
Joined: 5/26/2010
Status: offline

It has nothing to do with age. It's the same response as when some guy is locked into my tits or lips. It's someone objectifying me before we've met....and I am much more than any of those items.

- I understand your point but I think it is a bit naive. We are all drawn to specific physical things, consciously or subconsciously. It is called attraction. We find some people attractive, and some not. If there were two women with exactly the same personality, but who looked different, I would prefer one of them. Whether I know why, or am subconsciously choosing her because she has some feature which appeals to me does not matter.

What is physical attraction if not objectification as you call it? Should I now feel guilty for finding a woman attractive? And even if we make this into a shallow thing, like the big tits example you mentioned, even if I found a woman attractive because she has big breasts, why is that so bad? Would you feel offended if I said I find you attractive because you have wonderful deep beautiful eyes? Probably not, yet I am objectifying you.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Profile

Post #: 36

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/15/2012 10:15:06 AM

Timonat

Posts: 41
Joined: 5/26/2010
Status: offline

[/quote]

- I think you have perfectly summed up what I am talking about, except perceived from the opposite end of the spectrum :)

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Profile

Post #: 37

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/15/2012 10:20:29 AM

pyschosubmission

Posts: 1109
Joined: 7/6/2012
From: Glasgow, Scotland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WomanlyWiles

I'm not a sub, but I once had a message from a dating site which read 'I love middle aged women.' I was thirty-eight at the time :weeps:

Golf clap at his epic fail...

_____________________________

Comedian, kinkster, all round malingerer

Lord Pish of Talkingshite
First Member-At-Large, ProSubs"R"Us

(in reply to WomanlyWiles)

Profile

Post #: 38

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/15/2012 10:28:48 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Timonat

It has nothing to do with age. It's the same response as when some guy is locked into my tits or lips. It's someone objectifying me before we've met....and I am much more than any of those items.

- I understand your point but I think it is a bit naive. We are all drawn to specific physical things, consciously or subconsciously. It is called attraction. We find some people attractive, and some not. If there were two women with exactly the same personality, but who looked different, I would prefer one of them. Whether I know why, or am subconsciously choosing her because she has some feature which appeals to me does not matter.

What is physical attraction if not objectification as you call it? Should I now feel guilty for finding a woman attractive? And even if we make this into a shallow thing, like the big tits example you mentioned, even if I found a woman attractive because she has big breasts, why is that so bad? Would you feel offended if I said I find you attractive because you have wonderful deep beautiful eyes? Probably not, yet I am objectifying you.

Being attracted to someone as a whole is not objectification. Being attracted to someone because of one item is. Being locked onto one attribute is pretty much the text book definition of fetish.

I have a degree in psychology, 20 years in a very large kink community and have a long term, successful D/s relationship. The key word here is relationship.

The gentleman with the much younger woman didn't have a relationship. He just found a woman that was willing to be a kink delivery system.

Allow me to point something out: You've had a bunch of "mature" female submissives tell you that they find being approached for the sole reason that they are "mature" to be offensive. This is your target audience.

Rather than learning from that reaction, you're sitting here telling us we're wrong.

There's a heck of a lot more guys in WIITWD than women. That means your competition for attention is stiff and 99% the women are going to choose someone that approaches them as human being rather than an object.

So you can choose to keep arguing that you think you're right, or you can change your approach and most likely get what you're looking for. Would you rather be happy or right?

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 8/15/2012 10:37:53 AM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Timonat)

Profile

Post #: 39

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/15/2012 10:44:41 AM

Fullfilher

Posts: 26
Joined: 6/24/2007
Status: offline

A very interesting thread. However I wanted to add that if Timonat really believes that "Being tied up does not give you any physical pleasure, you could say it is physically benign, it is purely a psychological sensation, it is all in the mind." Then Timonat I would suggest that perhaps you are doing the tying wrong.

I'm not a master of the ropes, and I need more practice (yes much more fun joyful practice), but I do recognize that you can use rope to generate interesting physical sensations.

(in reply to Timonat)

Profile

Post #: 40