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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

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ORIGINAL: Timonat

It has nothing to do with age. It's the same response as when some guy is locked into my tits or lips. It's someone objectifying me before we've met....and I am much more than any of those items.


- I understand your point but I think it is a bit naive. We are all drawn to specific physical things, consciously or subconsciously. It is called attraction. We find some people attractive, and some not. If there were two women with exactly the same personality, but who looked different, I would prefer one of them. Whether I know why, or am subconsciously choosing her because she has some feature which appeals to me does not matter.

What is physical attraction if not objectification as you call it? Should I now feel guilty for finding a woman attractive? And even if we make this into a shallow thing, like the big tits example you mentioned, even if I found a woman attractive because she has big breasts, why is that so bad? Would you feel offended if I said I find you attractive because you have wonderful deep beautiful eyes? Probably not, yet I am objectifying you.

Being attracted to someone as a whole is not objectification. Being attracted to someone because of one item is. Being locked onto one attribute is pretty much the text book definition of fetish.

I have a degree in psychology, 20 years in a very large kink community and have a long term, successful D/s relationship. The key word here is relationship.

The gentleman with the much younger woman didn't have a relationship. He just found a woman that was willing to be a kink delivery system.

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ORIGINAL: BambiBoi

So we're agreed then? Timonat is hunting for cougars, not looking for a submissive with a lot of experience?

I can understand the attraction, but be aware that you, Timonat, are indulging in a fetish. This diminishes the woman to her bare attributes. Which sounds a lot like "I want a woman with big tits." And in my experience, women hate those kinds of compliments. See generally; above. But you should understand why. The woman, submissive or otherwise, older or otherwise, is a person first. She wants to be engaged as a person, on equal footing. She does not want to be approached as a collection of traits that you might happen to be fancying some of now.

But I understand that you are expressing the symptom of your desires, not the cause. ....Anticip-........


There must be a correlation between older women and what you actually desire. You don't just want skin that has seen more days of sunlight. For example, maybe You find older women tend to be more self aware, knowing what they want out of life with more certainty as compared to others.

.....-ation.

(And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how Bambi spins plates.)

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ORIGINAL: BambiBoi

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ORIGINAL: Timonat

... You could also say " I want you to be interested in me for who I am, not simply because I am submissive". Or what about all the people who have things written like " I am looking for tall men, or black men, or men my age"? They are all specific specifications that appeal to them. And what is wrong with wanting to experiment and tryign new things, is that not what BDSM is about? (discounting the deeper layers of connection and emotional fulfillment). And is BDSM not also about breaking boundaries and taboos? Is this place not about being a safe pace to be able to indulge our fantasies (within reason) and not be judged for wanting to? ...

You raise a good point. Wanting someone because they are submissive, or black, or tall is the same as wanting someone because they are older. Two things are important here: 1) Most men don't seem to mind being objectified as long as they stand a chance to get their dick wet, so they don't object. 2) No one is saying not to indulge in these aesthetic topical elements. What people, here submissive older women, do not want is to be sought out only for traits that you enjoy. The women you seek are MORE than those traits, and want that recognized. Many women want a man who can provide a secure and stable lifestyle. But they don't get very far saying "I want a man with a lot of money" because those men don't want to feel like they are a cash machine first and a person second. They want to be loved for what THEY think is special. I want to be loved because of my snarky humor, warm heart, and cold calculating mind. I don't want to be loved because I have money. Or because I'm tall and black.

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ORIGINAL: Timonat

... So what is the difference between a submissive getting a psychological kick out of being tied up, and me getting a psychological kick out of dominating a woman who is older than I am?

There isn't one. Enjoy your fetish. No one is saying you can't filter the field down to those who fit your arbitrary aesthetic needs. If you're really so into mature submissives that not having it is a deal breaker, then only show a romantic interest in mature submissives, but find one you like as a person. If I only wanted black men with that fervor, I would just flirt with black men but wait for one I like as a person. And I'd keep that inexplicable aesthetic requirement to myself.

Everything fades. Money goes away. Penises go flaccid. The womanly allure of an older woman becomes aged in time. No one wants the thing their partner loves about them to disappear. And the mind lasts the longest and grows the strongest.

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ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

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ORIGINAL: BambiBoi

So we're agreed then? Timonat is hunting for cougars, not looking for a submissive with a lot of experience?

I can understand the attraction, but be aware that you, Timonat, are indulging in a fetish. This diminishes the woman to her bare attributes. Which sounds a lot like "I want a woman with big tits." And in my experience, women hate those kinds of compliments. See generally; above. But you should understand why. The woman, submissive or otherwise, older or otherwise, is a person first. She wants to be engaged as a person, on equal footing. She does not want to be approached as a collection of traits that you might happen to be fancying some of now.

But I understand that you are expressing the symptom of your desires, not the cause. ....Anticip-........


There must be a correlation between older women and what you actually desire. You don't just want skin that has seen more days of sunlight. For example, maybe You find older women tend to be more self aware, knowing what they want out of life with more certainty as compared to others.

.....-ation.

(And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how Bambi spins plates.)

Am I the only one who read this word like it is said on Rocky Horror Picture Show?? Ok back to reading. Ooooh OOOhhh and I like Bambi too!!!!

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ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I think that you're not really hearing what OsideGirl and the other ladies are saying. As a dominant, I really haven't wanted to chime in here, but as a middle aged lady who HAS been pursued purely because of her age, I have to agree with what's been said. The majority of us are not interested in being an "experiment" in kink, for a variety of reasons--age being one of them! I had my phase of what one of my girls calls "Relations, not Relationships". That's lost it's allure.

There are "cougar" women out there who are entertained by young men. Perhaps some of them are submissive, or will be willing to engage you in whatever role play you find mutually entertaining. I do suggest that you be very very honest that you are PLAYING, and not interested in anything long term. One of the aspects of "maturity" is having very clear ideas of what we want, and what our personal worth is.

Good luck, and have fun.

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ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I think that you're not really hearing what OsideGirl and the other ladies are saying. As a dominant, I really haven't wanted to chime in here, but as a middle aged lady who HAS been pursued purely because of her age, I have to agree with what's been said. The majority of us are not interested in being an "experiment" in kink, for a variety of reasons--age being one of them! I had my phase of what one of my girls calls "Relations, not Relationships". That's lost it's allure.

There are "cougar" women out there who are entertained by young men. Perhaps some of them are submissive, or will be willing to engage you in whatever role play you find mutually entertaining. I do suggest that you be very very honest that you are PLAYING, and not interested in anything long term. One of the aspects of "maturity" is having very clear ideas of what we want, and what our personal worth is.

Good luck, and have fun.

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ORIGINAL: Timonat

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ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I think that you're not really hearing what OsideGirl and the other ladies are saying. As a dominant, I really haven't wanted to chime in here, but as a middle aged lady who HAS been pursued purely because of her age, I have to agree with what's been said. The majority of us are not interested in being an "experiment" in kink, for a variety of reasons--age being one of them! I had my phase of what one of my girls calls "Relations, not Relationships". That's lost it's allure.

There are "cougar" women out there who are entertained by young men. Perhaps some of them are submissive, or will be willing to engage you in whatever role play you find mutually entertaining. I do suggest that you be very very honest that you are PLAYING, and not interested in anything long term. One of the aspects of "maturity" is having very clear ideas of what we want, and what our personal worth is.

Good luck, and have fun.

I never said I wanted anything long term. In fact I am pretty sure I stated implicitly That I am not talking about a relationship.

Relationships (of the type being portrayed as what I am not looking for) are based on shared goals, interests, views etc. Our priorities change with age, and therefore a relationship involving two people of greatly different age would be almost impossible as they would simply have different priorites as they are at different stages of life. Sexuality however, is universal and common to us all, no matter what our age. Therefore, a younger man or woman and an older man or woman can relate to each other on that level - the level I am trying to discuss. At no point was I or will I ever try to play anyone or mislead them. I stated very clearly what I am interested in.

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ORIGINAL: Timonat


I never said I wanted anything long term. In fact I am pretty sure I stated implicitly That I am not talking about a relationship.

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ORIGINAL: Timonat
I am looking to speak with some "mature" submissives about this dynamic, so anyone interested feel free to message me. Thanks for reading

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ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

EXACTLY THE POINT WE ARE TRYING TO MAKE.

A quality we older folks have is that we really are not that interested in just messing around. Women our age are BUSY. We have complex and stressful lives, and our free time is often limited. I don't know ANY woman of my age group in my very vast acquaintance who is interested in what you are looking for---a short term kink connection.

There is, however, the enormous pool of cheating spouses. You could find all sorts of entertainment there.

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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

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ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

EXACTLY THE POINT WE ARE TRYING TO MAKE.

A quality we older folks have is that we really are not that interested in just messing around. Women our age are BUSY. We have complex and stressful lives, and our free time is often limited. I don't know ANY woman of my age group in my very vast acquaintance who is interested in what you are looking for---a short term kink connection.

There is, however, the enormous pool of cheating spouses. You could find all sorts of entertainment there.

Even if I am interested in just messing around, at that point it's just kinky sex, it isn't submission.

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ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

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ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

EXACTLY THE POINT WE ARE TRYING TO MAKE.

A quality we older folks have is that we really are not that interested in just messing around. Women our age are BUSY. We have complex and stressful lives, and our free time is often limited. I don't know ANY woman of my age group in my very vast acquaintance who is interested in what you are looking for---a short term kink connection.

There is, however, the enormous pool of cheating spouses. You could find all sorts of entertainment there.

Even if I am interested in just messing around, at that point it's just kinky sex, it isn't submission.

Well yes, but I didn't want to delve into THAT little dichotomy. I'm sure it doesn't matter for purposes of the experiment, after all.

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ORIGINAL: Timonat


OsideGirl. I am not saying you are wrong at all, or anyone else here. I am arguing with you in order to explore these opinions.