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RE: A mature submissive? - 8/15/2012 2:26:13 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

The gentleman with the much younger woman didn't have a relationship. He just found a woman that was willing to be a kink delivery system.

Wow! That's news to me. What did you base this assertion on? I never said that it wasn't a relationship. It WAS a relationship. In fact it was a 24/7 live-in relationship that lasted 3 years. It didn't turn into marriage, but 3 years is significant, and the relationship was far more complex than the little snippet that I shared here. But my goal wasn't to share all of the many aspects of that relationship.

Timonat - You've obviously touched on a sensitive area for some. But don't be discouraged. Clearly, the women who have contributed to this thread aren't the partners you seek. But I disagree with their approach, inasmuch as they seem to be trying to convince you that what you seek is somehow inherently wrong. It may be wrong for them, but it's not "wrong" in a universal truth sort of way.

Rather than continue to debate with those who clearly aren't into what you are, I'd suggest that you go to Fetlife. There are lots of groups dedicated to what you seek. There are "cougar" groups. There are groups focused on "Older women seeking younger men". There are groups focused on "Younger Doms for older subs". There are groups for age play. Frankly, there is a group for just about anything that you can think of on Fetlife. I think you'll find a much more supportive and sympathetic audience there.

BTW, I agree with your earlier assertion that my experience was very analogous to your desired situation, only viewed from the opposite end of the spectrum.

As I said before, the situation that you seek can be very hot (despite the fact that some here have tried to convince you that it can't be achieved).

I personally prefer CollarMe over Fetlife. But in this case, I think Fetlife is going to prove to be a better place for you.

Good luck, my friend. I wish you well.
-Roch

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/15/2012 2:28:32 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
Wow! That's news to me. What did you base this assertion on? I never said that it wasn't a relationship. It WAS a relationship. In fact it was a 24/7 live-in relationship that lasted 3 years. It didn't turn into marriage, but 3 years is significant, and the relationship was far more complex than the little snippet that I shared here. But my goal wasn't to share all of the many aspects of that relationship.

Actually, then...my sincere apologies. From the description, it left out anything beyond the kink and my assumption was incorrect. I apologize.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
But I disagree with their approach, inasmuch as they seem to be trying to convince you that what you seek is somehow inherently wrong. It may be wrong for them, but it's not "wrong" in a universal truth sort of way.

For the record, the majority of us haven't said that what he's looking for is wrong. What we've been saying is that seeking someone out purely because of age or opening lines of "I like older women" are offensive to us. If you approach me as a person rather than an age, I'll be much more responsive.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 8/15/2012 2:31:41 PM >

_____________________________

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/15/2012 2:32:00 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
Wow! That's news to me. What did you base this assertion on? I never said that it wasn't a relationship. It WAS a relationship. In fact it was a 24/7 live-in relationship that lasted 3 years. It didn't turn into marriage, but 3 years is significant, and the relationship was far more complex than the little snippet that I shared here. But my goal wasn't to share all of the many aspects of that relationship.

Actually, then...my sincere apologies. From the description, it left out anything beyond the kink and my assumption was incorrect. I apologize.

No problem. I just thought you knew me well enough to know that there was more to the story than I was sharing.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/15/2012 2:33:42 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
Wow! That's news to me. What did you base this assertion on? I never said that it wasn't a relationship. It WAS a relationship. In fact it was a 24/7 live-in relationship that lasted 3 years. It didn't turn into marriage, but 3 years is significant, and the relationship was far more complex than the little snippet that I shared here. But my goal wasn't to share all of the many aspects of that relationship.

Actually, then...my sincere apologies. From the description, it left out anything beyond the kink and my assumption was incorrect. I apologize.

No problem. I just thought you knew me well enough to know that there was more to the story than I was sharing.

True, true. Your avatar is missing on my computer and honestly, I have a migraine, so I'm having some difficulty today.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/15/2012 2:37:23 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

True, true. Your avatar is missing on my computer........

I hid my profile because I got tired of receiving unsolicited messages from findommes. But you're the third person to mention it today, so I guess I should make it visible again.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/15/2012 2:49:21 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

True, true. Your avatar is missing on my computer........

I hid my profile because I got tired of receiving unsolicited messages from findommes. But you're the third person to mention it today, so I guess I should make it visible again.

Really? I would have thought that they think you dirty little money piggies to should crawl up and approach them........

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/15/2012 3:15:58 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Really? I would have thought that they think you dirty little money piggies to should crawl up and approach them........

Some of them do. But others are more aggressive in their approach. I guess they figure, "Why wait for the ATM slaves to come to you when you can go to them?"

I think it's findomme marketing.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/15/2012 3:43:30 PM

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Using fast reply after skimming.

Hello OP. Thank you for starting a thread that has obviously led to some good conversation.

When you do find an older submissive woman that allows a younger, inexperienced man to dominate her, I'd be really interested in knowing how long it took to reach your goal. I'm just kind of curious about the odds.

Thanks.

_____________________________

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to Timonat)

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/15/2012 3:57:23 PM

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My secondary partner is 10 years older than I am, and I think older women are great. Its funny that you are essentially being castigating for widening your net, i.e. not limiting yourself to younger women.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 8/15/2012 4:06:11 PM >

(in reply to Timonat)

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/15/2012 3:59:28 PM

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quote:

How did this dude's OP come across as belittleing to any or you? . He is wanting to talk to submissive older women, probably expereiment (well tis so as he states it) which could be 30-99 and no where does it say he wants to start out my saying.......
"I like older woman."

He doesnt even know if he does..............

Yes, I agree, that was unfairly read into is initial statement. I concur with you 100%.

(in reply to mysouldesire)

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/15/2012 6:03:28 PM

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I just keep looking at this thread and thinking it's just another who is after the newest fad....cougars.

Nothing new here and not really anything to do with bdsm. It's just part of the trend.

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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/15/2012 7:34:29 PM

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I have what I call a Rhodes Scholar exception, due to breaking my rule about no 20 somethings for a former recipient of the Rhodes Scholarship.

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(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/16/2012 8:15:06 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

My secondary partner is 10 years older than I am, and I think older women are great. Its funny that you are essentially being castigating for widening your net, i.e. not limiting yourself to younger women.

I agree. You'd think that he had committed a hate crime by expressing an interest in older women.

That's why I tried to help him. He seemed to be receiving grief for having a preference that apparently isn't popular with some. I guess age is as sensitive a subject as weight often is.

IMO, a few people put words in his mouth that he never said. For example, I never saw him say that he was going to approach an older woman by saying "Hi older woman. I like you exclusively because of your age, and I plan to use you to satisfy a cougar fetish". Yet, reading the thread, you would think that that was exactly what he said.

I agree with some who said that he may have to be patient and diligent in his search for an older submissive female. That's likely to prove true. But that's not the same as it being impossible. Heck, most of the male subs on this board would probably say that finding an available, local, and compatible lifestyle Domme (as opposed to a pro or financial Domme) is "impossible". But all things come to those who wait.

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/16/2012 8:26:58 AM

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Joined: 5/26/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I just keep looking at this thread and thinking it's just another who is after the newest fad....cougars.

Nothing new here and not really anything to do with bdsm. It's just part of the trend.

I have had this desire for a long long time, so it is not a "new fad". I had never even heard the term cougar until it was mentioned in this discussion and denigrated to something the search for which is apparently reprehensible.

I do not think people actually read what I say. It is about BDSM, as the very central element of it is the psychological kick of turning societal norms (where our elders are figures of authority) on its head. Without that, my whole idea ceases to have meaning. So BDSM is in fact central to it. It is not just about sex (at least not in first line), it is about the mind which gives things their erotic meaning.

(in reply to littlewonder)

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/16/2012 8:31:01 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

I agree. You'd think that he had committed a hate crime by expressing an interest in older women.

For the record: The majority of us weren't against the interest in older women. We were against it being the only reason for approaching us. ie: the emails that we get that have one line "I like older women". It was the approach, not the objective.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

IMO, a few people put words in his mouth that he never said. For example, I never saw him say that he was going to approach an older woman by saying "Hi older woman. I like you exclusively because of your age, and I plan to use you to satisfy a cougar fetish". Yet, reading the thread, you would think that that was exactly what he said.

Nope. It was simply pointed out that the majority of us don't like that approach. He was the one that wanted to find loopholes in why we feel that approach is offensive.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Timonat

The general opinion seems to be that "you" do not like being found interested for simply being older rather than for who you are. But the reality is, we are all looking for certain characteristics in our mates. Is not me saying I am interested in "you" because you are older similar as me saying I am interested in you because you are submissive? both are preconditions.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 8/16/2012 8:35:47 AM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/16/2012 8:34:30 AM

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Joined: 5/26/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

My secondary partner is 10 years older than I am, and I think older women are great. Its funny that you are essentially being castigating for widening your net, i.e. not limiting yourself to younger women.

I agree. You'd think that he had committed a hate crime by expressing an interest in older women.

That's why I tried to help him. He seemed to be receiving grief for having a preference that apparently isn't popular with some. I guess age is as sensitive a subject as weight often is.

IMO, a few people put words in his mouth that he never said. For example, I never saw him say that he was going to approach an older woman by saying "Hi older woman. I like you exclusively because of your age, and I plan to use you to satisfy a cougar fetish". Yet, reading the thread, you would think that that was exactly what he said.

I agree with some who said that he may have to be patient and diligent in his search for an older submissive female. That's likely to prove true. But that's not the same as it being impossible. Heck, most of the male subs on this board would probably say that finding an available, local, and compatible lifestyle Domme (as opposed to a pro or financial Domme) is "impossible". But all things come to those who wait.

Thank you for pointing that out, I was going to but decided to just leave it as it would probably lead to more argument, and I did not come here to argue, but to have an open discussion on the issue.

I welcome all opinions, also those that do not agree with me or do not like what I say or my approach in saying it, I just don't like being portrayed as stupid, shallow or inconsiderate, as I am none of those things.

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/16/2012 8:58:28 AM

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Joined: 5/26/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

I agree. You'd think that he had committed a hate crime by expressing an interest in older women.

For the record: The majority of us weren't against the interest in older women. We were against it being the only reason for approaching us. ie: the emails that we get that have one line "I like older women". It was the approach, not the objective.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

IMO, a few people put words in his mouth that he never said. For example, I never saw him say that he was going to approach an older woman by saying "Hi older woman. I like you exclusively because of your age, and I plan to use you to satisfy a cougar fetish". Yet, reading the thread, you would think that that was exactly what he said.

Nope. It was simply pointed out that the majority of us don't like that approach. He was the one that wanted to find loopholes in why we feel that approach is offensive.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Timonat

The general opinion seems to be that "you" do not like being found interested for simply being older rather than for who you are. But the reality is, we are all looking for certain characteristics in our mates. Is not me saying I am interested in "you" because you are older similar as me saying I am interested in you because you are submissive? both are preconditions.

I am not trying to find loopholes, it is just confusing.

First of all, I would NEVER just write "Hi I like mature women". What kind of a brain dead troglodyte do you think I am?

But, I need to be honest and say what I want. So where does that leave me?

If I say I am approaching "you" because I am interested in mature women, I am the troglodyte described, and if I hide my true intentions, then I am a so called "player". I am damned either way. I think by being honest about what I want, I am showing "you" the respect to choose, knowing all the variables, rather than trying to manipulate my way into your affection, all the while hiding my true motives. And before someone says I am "forcing my fetish onto others", I would never write to anyone twice if they chose not to reply to me.

Again, on a conciliatory note, I do fully understand you objections in the approach. I am an imperfect being but I do not mean any harm or offence.

One more thing a discussion on this issue I think warrants is pointing out that this is a compliment, not an insult. Surely being desired (for whatever reason) is a good feeling? Is it not nicer to know that one is desired, than being found totally uninteresting ? I doubt that deep down there is not even a slight sense of being flattered? or would it be better if all men just had a cut off age after which any female being ceases to be of sexual interest?

I think this discussion has gotten quite complicated as we are speaking on two tracks. I understand your objections to being liked for your age ALONE, not your personality and qualities, but at the same time do not mind the age difference as long as that is not the one factor motivating me (or others). But there must be a middle ground?

< Message edited by Timonat -- 8/16/2012 9:00:37 AM >

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/16/2012 9:00:02 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Timonat

I just don't like being portrayed as stupid, shallow or inconsiderate, as I am none of those things.

No worries. You've been none of those things. In fact, you've been very patient, and you've responded respectfully in the face of what probably felt like attacks.

As I suggested earlier, check out Fetlife (if you haven't already). I think you'll find some kindred spirits over there.

Good luck in your search.

(in reply to Timonat)

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/16/2012 9:19:44 AM

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OP, there is being desired for one's SELF, and for one's APPEARANCE. The first is a good thing. The second is objectification. My looks come from my parents, I really had nothing to do with that, it's entirely fate that my parents look like Italian movie stars. I am vaguely pleased when total strangers send me complimentary emails, fan mail is nice, but it's nothing to get excited about.

That's the heart of "approach her as a person" meme that you keep getting slammed with.

As I said earlier, start hanging out with women who like younger men. They are out there. Since you'll be starting with your target aesthetic, that's one hurdle done with, and you can work on whatever appeals to you both.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Rochsub2009)

RE: A mature submissive? - 8/16/2012 9:35:10 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Timonat
First of all, I would NEVER just write "Hi I like mature women". What kind of a brain dead troglodyte do you think I am?

Do you have any idea how many emails I get that say that very thing? How many guys that have walked up to me and said that very thing?

When we speak of this approach, it's coming from EXPERIENCE. Sheesh.

I'm done. Go off do your thing, come back and tell us how it works out.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Timonat)

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