RE: How would you react, ladies?

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 3/14/2014 11:42:06 AM

VideoAdminChi

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A post can only be reported once. If you try to report a reported post, you'll get a message saying that's it's already been reported. Subsequent posts by that poster do not need to be reported - we'll zap them all.

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 3/14/2014 2:55:44 PM

LafayetteLady

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I didn't think to do that. Next time for sure I will. Most especially if it is a repeat of this circumstance.

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 3/14/2014 3:39:14 PM

Tantriqu

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Dear LP:

So sorry to hear what you and your family have been going through.
To share my experience: I went out with a sub for six months, who'd been a friend of a friend for years. We were sexually very compatible, not so much on the vanilla side, so it was not much of a surprise when he said we should break up. Shortly after, the stalking began, and quickly escalated. I was frankly surprised since he had broken up with me, but later understood it was a control thing as well as a sociopathic thing. The police were polite but said they 'had to build a pattern' since he used various ways to try to disguise his tracks.
After his most precise and sadistic threatening 'phone msg which I played to the police sergeant, the latter, bless him, said, 'Thank you, Miss, and when we track him down, with any luck he'll resist arrest. A lot.'
That little jolt of black humour was my antidote, and made me realise I wasn't in this alone, and there was legal help and human sympathy. It also completely changed my focus from what a misogynist threatened to do to me and mine, to what a couple of VERY large and fit constables could be doing to him. I fortunately live in a society where cops wouldn't do that, but the sergeant let a girl can dream ;-)
It was the last sick msg, since they indeed got him shortly after. I never found out if he DID resist arrest, and I was fortunate that I didn't have to testify in person since the tapes were evidence enough. And I sent the sergeant chocolates :-)

And ever since, I've had a serious thang for good men in uniform, especially once I discovered so many have the taste and predeliction for subliness.

Best wishes to you and your family for a rapid and satisfactory ending to what you're going through.
And may you find a different focus as I did: perhaps use it as an opportunity to get some leaded bullwhip practice going on a punching bag with a Wilson-like volleyball on it as a head and flick a fly off its ear. Or another target...

T.

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 3/14/2014 11:14:09 PM

LadyPact

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Dear Tantriqu,

Thank you for your kind words. So many folks, you included, have helped in their own way. It's pretty darn amazing. LadyC has been an inspiration through all of this and I hope this thread will be educational for other people who have to encounter this.

While there's no possible way to know, I have to wonder if this is a bigger problem in the BDSM world, because there seem to be a heck of a lot of us.

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 3/15/2014 12:44:06 AM

LafayetteLady

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that recent, now deleted post was like a beacon. Anyone reading this thread who was wondering about stalking and such just got to see first hand the extremes someone so unbalanced will go to.

I don't even want to imagine the hell this is putting you and your family through LP. You are so well known here and so many of us have some idea and knowledge of your situation, making that post stick out like a sore thumb. But then I think about someone who maybe isn't quite as well known and respected having it happen to them..how easily they could be made to feel isolated lacking the support we so readily, easily and happily (as in glad to give it) give to you. Even for those of us who have never met you in person, but have talked, we are "friends." But someone who hasn't had the chance to build that rapport with a community like this? The she said/he said would likely come into play because the victim wouldn't be established and sadly, we do get so many drama queens, it could be taken lightly.

Thankfully, in this case, our wonderful moderators are on the job and able to nip this in the bud helping to make this a safe place for you to talk with people.

Aaaarrrrghhhh! I think I would like to do some serious damage right along with MrP!

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 3/15/2014 1:06:29 AM

LadyPact

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LL, people have been awesome. Comments, notes, and phone calls have come in from all over the world. Places I've been, groups I've attended, and people I've never met in the flesh. I was really touched by the outpouring of support.

I'm trying to get it right in My head about My reputation. If I had to call it in the air, you're probably right.

No matter what, I'm still the luckiest chick on the internet. The two men in My life that love Me so much are a Godsend.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 3/15/2014 6:19:56 AM

LadyConstanze

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

that recent, now deleted post was like a beacon. Anyone reading this thread who was wondering about stalking and such just got to see first hand the extremes someone so unbalanced will go to.

I think that deleted post was a typical example how a stalker works, trying to discredit the victim, trying to remove support and friends and making the victim more vulnerable...

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 3/15/2014 6:56:19 AM

Tantriqu

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I'll second that.
The police told me [technically correctly] not to discuss the stalking with anyone since in their experience it could be anyone. But the fear, isolation and missed opportunities that caused from not responding to messages is something I still regret.
When I finally figured out how ridiculous that was in my case, and oh, the relief I felt after I told a trusted few [also interesting to hear some responses were <shrug>, 'I've heard worse'].
Seeing how a sexually very receptive and seemingly sub man turned on a dime is one of the main reasons I would never risk going out with a switch; I just couldn't trust them. To paraphrase the repulsive Woody Allen, that halves my chances of a date on Friday nights, but so be it: safety first.
I also learned Asperger-type behaviour can be a flag for sociopathy, so now I challenge it: if he says, 'Oh, sorry, I didn't realise', fine. If he says, 'That's their problem': run!
It's also a test for prospective subs: if they say, 'Thanks for the first message, let's meet for coffee' and I respond that a certain degree of trust has to be built before meeting, and to imagine if I were their sister on-line. If they say, 'Sorry, I understand, I look forward to earning it', great. If they disparage or bargain, then they're blown off and blocked.

Bonne chance `a tous!

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 3/15/2014 9:19:14 AM

LadyPact

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As trying as the situation has been on My end, I can only imagine how bad it can be for a person to have a stalker that they can't identify. That must be really frightening.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 3/15/2014 11:29:31 AM

Tantriqu

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The cops suspected him immediately, but I had no clue for a couple of months.
As above, I was astonished since he had broken up with me. With time, I realised it was his ego and manipulativeness, that he wanted me to beg him to stay, and was completely unprepared with my 'Oh, OK. Thanks, bye, take care, keep the toys.' He was not used to dealing with Dommes who would never beg or women with self-esteem who don't want to be with men who don't want to be with them!
So it still puzzles me that a man whom one trusted intimately, and who enjoyed the most intimate of pleasures with me, could threaten such evil, and that his regret at losing pleasure could poison or unveil him. I know it's the heart of a lot of crimes and crime fiction, but you never think it could be you and someone you liked, and you blame yourself for many things including poor judgement until you get your centre back.
So it took me awhile to trust and fuck another man in the ass, but I got over it ;-) I'm just even more picky.

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 3/15/2014 4:10:35 PM

LafayetteLady

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LC, that was kind of my point. LP has the "luxury" of most here knowing her so some random sock making bizarre comments sticks out like a sore thumb. But for those who are more new here, it isn't so easy to see such a thing because then the victim has no history with the group.

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 3/15/2014 5:58:06 PM

FieryOpal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tantriqu
<snip>
Seeing how a sexually very receptive and seemingly sub man turned on a dime is one of the main reasons I would never risk going out with a switch; I just couldn't trust them.... safety first.

It's also a test for prospective subs: if they say, 'Thanks for the first message, let's meet for coffee' and I respond that a certain degree of trust has to be built before meeting....

Which is why I've always felt uncomfortable agreeing to meet ANY strange man right away, not until we've exchanged messages for a couple weeks. Most of them can't carry off their assorted charades for longer than a week. I made one exception last year with a prospective sub after one week who wanted me to collar him on the spot upon meeting and started getting pushy in other ways, wanting to give me a tour of his house and multi-million-dollar properties. They can offer, sure, but with our being lifestyle Dommes, more often than not, these guys are ready to jump on "free" Domming/Topping as a bedroom submissive/bottom.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tantriqu

He was not used to dealing with Dommes who would never beg or women with self-esteem who don't want to be with men who don't want to be with them!
....
So it took me awhile to trust and fuck another man in the ass, but I got over it ;-) I'm just even more picky.

What? It will be a cold day in hell before I have to resort to begging. He must have been used to dealing with women with their hands out for his money before he met you. I think he was too proud to admit his loss or that he'd fucked up.

As for your last remark, this guy must have been going through withdrawal pains. (You must have gotten him addicted.)

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 3/16/2014 6:18:20 AM

LadyConstanze

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

LC, that was kind of my point. LP has the "luxury" of most here knowing her so some random sock making bizarre comments sticks out like a sore thumb. But for those who are more new here, it isn't so easy to see such a thing because then the victim has no history with the group.

The scary thing is that it really can happen to just anybody, in a lot of cases it's somebody who knows the person in real life, a neighbour, somebody they met through friends, a bank clerk, somebody from work, there is really not a lot anybody can do to avoid it as you don't know what sets them off....

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 3/16/2014 9:56:11 AM

LadyPact

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Tantriqu, I hear what you are saying here. It's a big part of why I consider Myself to be so fortunate that tk is in My life. There are some other male submissives out there, too, who did a great job at showing Me (on a friendship level) that there were folks in that demographic that could be trusted. It's probably also why tk had to be the one to approach Me as wanting an actual dynamic. He's shown Me time and time again that I can trust him and it's probably a part of the reason why I love him so much. Amazing what a good human being can do.

LL, I do think you are right. Some of what has been easier to see is because I've been on this forum for a while. Some of it is background info that I am unable to share. The site has done a marvelous job in trying to contain the disruption.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 3/16/2014 12:47:11 PM

Tantriqu

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Indeed! If there's ever any silver lining to this darkness, it's that it makes the bright and good sub men shine even brighter :-)

And interesting, FO, I'd never considered the financial side. He was a multi-millionaire, but I insisted, as always, we go dutch, and funnily enough, he had the penthouse apartments, too. I'd just thought it part of the paradox that the more a man earns, the happier he is that you buy him a drink. So indeed, he was probably used to financially controlling his partners, too, which he certainly couldn't do with me. He spent thousands-fold more on stalking and attempting to cover his tracks than he ever spent on me and I on him.

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 3/16/2014 5:44:15 PM

rockspider

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Sounds like you have no clue, though surprised (but very grateful) that you didn't entertain us with one of your stories about your sexual experiences along with your opinion...

Off the 600 hundred odd times I posted here, it is probably less than 10 % who has had an explicit sexual nature to them.
Normally I try to add a positive angel to the discussion here on the boards based on my 61 year long life experience. The experience has been gotten from extensive travelling on 5 continents interacting with plenty different nationalities and cultures.
However, one thing I normally would refrain from is bitchy rants about other people’s experiences and whether they are fictitious or not.
It is the first time in all my postings I have done what I now is about to do.
Looking at your profile and the amount of posting I can just wonder if you got a life beside this on CM? Nine years with an average of 2,5 postings daily certainly suggest otherwise. Maybe you should consider getting another hobby than being the all knowing queen bee here on CM. Maybe a course in manners would work. Intelligence is not something which can learned, sadly enough.

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 3/16/2014 6:00:24 PM

MisterP61

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Oh my gosh. Not 5 whole posts a day. No life indeed. Dude for a well traveled 61 year old man, you still have a bit to learn. 5 posts takes about 30 minutes tops. Yeah some of us post more then 5 a day, but you know what. That is our right. Get with the program. She stated an observation and even thanked you. Knowing Her, I am pretty sure it was sincere.

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 3/16/2014 6:04:49 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: rockspider
Maybe a course in manners would work.

And you may wish to consider it for yourself, as well.

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 3/16/2014 7:55:19 PM

Tantriqu

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Annnnnd they're back to targeting and denigrating female experience and opinion.

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 3/25/2014 1:46:54 PM

SterlingMorgan

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This article made me think of this thread:

http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2014/03/socially-awkward-isnt-an-excuse/

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