RE: How would you react, ladies?

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: How would you react, ladies?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> RE: How would you react, ladies?

Page: << < prev 2 3 [4] 5 6 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 5:15:25 PM

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

I agree with wyndchimes, this guy is potentially dangerous. Even though many people think I'm foolishly naive, I live in a pretty safe area and take normal precautions against unwanted attention, ie no picture, no identifying info on my profile here. If someone showed up at my door or anonymously sent me flowers several times first? Not going to go well and I don't own a gun or pepper spray.

Now if I had a situation where I had a true stalker? I would feel differently. Not that you LC OR Lp should hide in your houses, but you both have public reputations. Good one for sure, but like a celebrity, it can bring unwanted attention. I feel for you both. My life now is so private, I barely know myself, let alone others, lol.

As someone else mentioned, here in the states, his behavior would not get a restraining order unless after being told to go away, he didn't. It would get him a nice conversation with a police officer who explained that his behavior was inappropriate and if it didn't stop he would get to try on some niffty braclets.

a true stalker is not someone who contacts you once, but continues to contact and intrude on your life. I'm sorry but for the ladies who are crying "stalker" because of one or two unwanted internet contacts, they diminish for everyone what people who have real stalkers have to deal with. I won't live my life being paranoid of every person who may email me unless and until it becomes a true problem. I've had unwanted contact, and I've handled it without calling the police (we aren't talking strangers at the door, that's different). For most of us, normal safety precaution s are going to work fine and we won't likely have a stalker.

This guy? Delusional both in his image of himself and the women he focused on.

(in reply to MissToYouRedux)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 5:17:34 PM

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SpaceSpank

There are women out there who get off on such things. I've even seen a few on the other side posting "clues" as to their identity and how people can find them.

But aside from that VERY rare subset of people (let along women), I don't think he's going to get a positive reaction.

Even from those people who have it as a fantasy, I'm pretty sure the majority would find the reality far from how they pictured it.

The fact that he reacted badly when you told him it wasn't a very good idea speaks more to his general lack of good sense than even having this idea in the first place.

This

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to SpaceSpank)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 5:20:16 PM

Posts: 36
Joined: 1/15/2014
Status: offline

Totally creepy!!

I had someone track me down once, from a profile on another site where I didn't log in often, and send me a message to my business email. Apparently he had tracked me down by doing a Google image search for the image I used in that profile, which I at the time didn't even realize could be done.

I was shocked, scared, and pissed OFF. I told him in no uncertain terms what he had done was disturbing in the extreme (he even knew it was a work email! And still chose to write me about very personal stuff!) and never to write me again. He proceeded to email me several more times anyway, and I reported him to his ISP as well as the site he originally found me on, where the admins told him to cut it out.

If I was that bothered by an email, I can't even imagine how I'd react if someone showed up in person.

I think anyone that does something like this and then expects a positive response (flattered? REALLY?!!?!??!) is absolutely out of their mind and has demonstrated their extreme unsuitability for any kind of relationship.

Tell this guy to just send a message on the site and then WAIT for the person he is interested in to log in again.

< Message edited by RareByrd -- 2/23/2014 5:23:12 PM >

(in reply to pg4g)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 5:21:12 PM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
a true stalker is not someone who contacts you once, but continues to contact and intrude on your life. I'm sorry but for the ladies who are crying "stalker" because of one or two unwanted internet contacts, they diminish for everyone what people who have real stalkers have to deal with.

I have reason to believe you know which category I belong to.

And, while I'm at it, welcome back, LaT!

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 5:25:21 PM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

The 7 years are the average but no guarantee, that's what the cops and help group have told me, I'm in the 4th or 5th year now, changing numbers, work, etc. has slowed him down (along with the cops now ignoring his calls and being aware that in the US the prepaid mobiles can't really be traced like here). There were times when I thought I would go crazy and was afraid to get up, phone ringing make me jump and shiver, the support group helped a lot. Especially when always being asked "What did you do to him? People don't do this without a reason!" That's just so much BS, they are unhinged, they might think they have a reason, it's just a normal person can't understand the way they think, they don't even realize that what they do is wrong, in their minds they are the wronged party.

If you can, join a support group, a lot of things are explained and they also explained that changing everything you do and cutting off friends because you are afraid is part of the desired result for the stalker, they are making you lonely (aka punishing you). For years it was the "drop everything and go into hiding" approach, there are now theories that say unless you can really completely go into hiding (which is almost impossible with the internet and if such a person knows your real name and/or place of work), the fact that you drop social contacts encourages them and is a success that lets them continue.

I'm still baffled how effed up somebody has to be, but hey, on the bright side, unless somebody would give me a full frontal lobotomy, I wouldn't even consider something remotely like that, so I guess I still have most of my marbles (surprising as it is).

I must concede that you are probably right. This last year has changed Me in ways that I do not like to admit. I'm sure that I have been dented, if not damaged.

I'm still kind of holding out hope that the move will change things.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 5:42:35 PM

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

You know, if you wouldn't be dented, you wouldn't be human.

Best thing the support group did for me was that I was always reminded to not fall into the trap to believe that it is somehow, even remotely my own fault that another person is unhinged, because the natural reaction is to think "What could I have done wrong? Why me? Shouldn't I have seen it?"

Actually NO, you don't need to do anything wrong, it's just shit bad luck that you cross the path of a psycho and they are damned good appearing relatively normal, or else everybody could avoid them with ease.

One thing they suggested, which I first sniffed at, but after over a year I came round was to have a journal, not one where I obsess about the stalking, but just where I have an outlet, things fester a lot less once you write them down and get them out of your system.

Also going to the group or just checking in online, always reminded me how many others are victims, the horrible thing is that you are a victim because you are fighting against something that doesn't attack directly and you feel so helpless, that's something that smarts and goes against the grain, you feel like somebody takes power away from you, that's a bigger dent than all the actions of the stalker and the outings (though the ramifications for those aren't minor), it's pretty powerful stuff that can tear you apart.

The move will help, but you should be prepared that the move might first spark even more anger, they don't like to get go of the object of their "attention".

If you ever want to talk about it, shoot me a message.

You know what helped me a lot? Thinking about how it must be to live inside his own skin, because somebody who does such horrible shit, can you imagine how very damaged and awful it must be to face yourself in the mirror? They might feel their actions are justified and they are just punishing you for your "misdeeds" (which only exist in their own weird brains), but I think deep down they are aware that their grasp on sanity is slipping.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 5:51:48 PM

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

Wow. Reading this thread makes me glad to be a hetero man. Sad, but it's the truth.

Women can be crazy too, of course. In fact, more women initiate domestic violence than men, and more women commit child abuse than men. But men, by far, are the ones who do the INSANE HEADLINE-GRABBING-SHIT, like murder-suicides. A wife will hit her husband with a pan. Illegal, domestic abuse, bad thing. But a man who has gone "equally" crazy will break her bones. Or stalk a woman for seven years for no reason.

Sorry you guys are going through this stuff.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 6:01:49 PM

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

You still haven't convinced me enough to have a sex change ;)

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 6:10:42 PM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Lady C, I greatly appreciate the offer. I may take you up on that someday.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 6:30:30 PM

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

As someone who was stalked for years by my ex husband, this would creep the shit out of me. There was a dude at work who was anonymously putting flowers on my car and desk, thinking it was sweet. It brought up all sorts of PTSD reactions in me. Terrified me. I thought it was my ex again.

When I found out who it was, I filed a sexual harassment claim. Dude sat right next to me. Kept telling me, "Don't worry, we'll find this guy." And it was HIM. Creepy.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 6:49:31 PM

DominantWoman65

Posts: 386
Joined: 6/27/2013
Status: offline

Lady P,
I was married to the man who became my stalker for 23 years and I wrote a little of what he had done in the P&R section. After he entered my home and fractured my neck among other things. I was finally able to get a PFR but charges were never filed against him. He happens to be in law enforcement and what they considered to be domestic is just that, it stays in house. He measured the distance that he needed to keep and would stand outside of my home for hours, he would be sitting outside of restaurants, the school, anywhere I went, some of his associates also became my stalkers. I finally took my life back. I moved 800 miles away, I carry mace and tasers and am always armed. I made a decision that saved and changed my life, it wasn't easy but I am able to breathe again.

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 7:02:36 PM

pg4g

Posts: 296
Joined: 12/31/2013
From: Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Wow. Reading this thread makes me glad to be a hetero man. Sad, but it's the truth.

Women can be crazy too, of course. In fact, more women initiate domestic violence than men, and more women commit child abuse than men. But men, by far, are the ones who do the INSANE HEADLINE-GRABBING-SHIT, like murder-suicides. A wife will hit her husband with a pan. Illegal, domestic abuse, bad thing. But a man who has gone "equally" crazy will break her bones. Or stalk a woman for seven years for no reason.

Sorry you guys are going through this stuff.

Trust me, gay men can be far, far worse than this. Some real creeps out there...

_____________________________

Switching: the best of both worlds.

It ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. - Rocky Balboa

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 7:16:10 PM

hlen5

Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
.

Oh and tell him the reason she hasn't signed back in is that she's probably in a relationship and her boyfriend is likely to react physically to get him to leave her alone.

He's divorced from the reality of the whole situation. A boyfriend might cause an escalation.

_____________________________

My fave Thread: http://www.collarchat.com/m_2626198/mpage_1/tm.htm

One time "Phallus Expert Extraordinaire"

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 8:00:20 PM

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

As someone who was stalked for years by my ex husband, this would creep the shit out of me. There was a dude at work who was anonymously putting flowers on my car and desk, thinking it was sweet. It brought up all sorts of PTSD reactions in me. Terrified me. I thought it was my ex again.

When I found out who it was, I filed a sexual harassment claim. Dude sat right next to me. Kept telling me, "Don't worry, we'll find this guy." And it was HIM. Creepy.

D:

That's the kind of storyline you see on Criminal Minds, wtf.

OP's creeper is bizarrely socially retarded. I don't even understand how he thinks that is acceptable behavior.

_____________________________

HBIC

(in reply to NuevaVida)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 9:14:30 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominantWoman65

My most difficult decision would be.. Do I mace him, taser him or simply throat punch him before I call the police. There would be no need to draw my weapon, it's hard for a man to live down the fact that he got his ass kicked by a 5'4" woman.

Heheheh, as I said above: many women are aces at defending themselves. Just ask my 6'6" 260 lb. attacker who went out in an ambulance. Not a 'weapon' in the house, just 5'4", 160 lb me. (Taser might have been fun to drop him though, followed with a spritzer of mace and finished with an appropriately placed ax kick.)

(in reply to DominantWoman65)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 9:20:58 PM

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

While it is a super bad idea, but it also depends on his tone of introduction when his at her door.
I mean when she opens the door, she'd be like, "Hmm, delivery dude with flowers! Who would send me flowers?" She wouldn't think stalker and creep immediately. Then what he says is very crucial here.

He needs to pre-empt her big time and be really sincere and gentle and non-threatening in his manner, something like, "Hi..., I know you might freak out what I am about to say to you, but please, I beg you, hear me out before you get angry, I saw your profile on collarme and I fell inlove with it and the person who wrote it. And I thought it would be romantic for me to track you down and personally send you flowers! Please, please, please don't get mad at me, I just want to give you these flowers okay? Will you please accept them?"

At this point she will still get angry, but she's not gonna over-react, she'll probably still tell him off that this is unacceptable behaviour. But if he profusingly apologises after that, and just say that, he never felt this way before and he felt he just had to do something crazy for a chance to meet her, he just had to try. Depending on her personality, she might, say, look, this is too freaky for me, please, don't contact me again. Or she might give him a chance, but it all depends on his demeanor and how harmless and earnest and sincere his gonna appear to her. Lol, his biggest challenge is not to lose his temper, or act creepy and threatening and intimidating. He needs to appear harmless.

If she already got a man, then good luck to him. Ha!

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 2/23/2014 9:23:03 PM >

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 9:33:54 PM

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

No it really doesn't depend on what he says at all. Even the "scenario" you gave as an example is creepy and screams "I'm totally out of touch with reality.

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 9:40:50 PM

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

LP,

Yes, I know which category you are in. I'm deepy sorry you are still having those issues. I hope the move does help.

Getting a dog is a great idea. Sure dobermans can be very intimitading as can shepards rotties, mastiffs, etc. Me? I would get a standard size poodle. They don't look intimidating but are one of the smartest breeds, are extremely loyal, great family pets and, they were originally used by the Japanese as guard dogs. Fiercly proective of those they love.

Yea, I'm a bit eccentric, but I like that they don't look intimidating. No one really blinks if someone says they were attcked by those other breeds, but if a stalker, burglar or whatever said they were attacked by a poodle? Especially if the poodle is froo froo clipped? Guess I'm always going to try to find a way to make even a bad situation amuse me. Lol.

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 9:46:18 PM

Posts: 14412
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

He needs to pre-empt her big time and be really sincere and gentle and non-threatening in his manner, something like, "Hi..., I know you might freak out what I am about to say to you, but please, I beg you, hear me out before you get angry, I saw your profile on collarme....

And right there, I would very loudly say..."I have a 9mm in my right hand, get the fuck off the property or I'll shoot first and call the cops after."

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 2/23/2014 9:47:07 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/23/2014 9:53:51 PM

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

No it really doesn't depend on what he says at all. Even the "scenario" you gave as an example is creepy and screams "I'm totally out of touch with reality.

Yea, I know, but the way he says it, and the tone he used will make a whole difference on the panic level the lady will feel.
Chances are, she'll still say, "Leave now and never contact me again, or I'll call the police." But he could probably save himself getting pepper sprayed ha.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Page: << < prev 2 3 [4] 5 6 next > >>

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> RE: How would you react, ladies?

Page: << < prev 2 3 [4] 5 6 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.090