Interesting topic for a thread.
I don't think dominance is inherently selfish at all. Dominance and selfishness are not necessarily mutually exclusive in my mind, but nor do they have to go hand in hand. They are completely separate traits.
As you said, OP, that when you take control, you take control of the experience for both of you; I think that a lot of people are the same way.
In my mind dominance is essentially assertive control, power, and/or authority. It is leadership.
When my Master leads, he leads us, for us. Surely, he wants to be in charge, he wants to be the master, he wants to own me, and it makes him happy. But he is not just in charge so that he gets what he wants, with no regards to me. It's about mutual fulfillment. He's in charge to take care of both of our needs and wants, both individually and as a team/partnership.
In fact, to me, one of the traits that is essential to being a good leader, is selflessness. Caring about the well-being and happiness of their subordinates. Because when you lead them, you are--at least in some way--responsible for them. And beyond that, people are unlikely to follow a leader that they feel has no interest in their well-being.
quote:Ah yes, it is a big risk. That's why it is important to only take that risk with someone who not only are you compatible with, but that there is absolute trust with them.
quote:You do realise this is like saying "Give me all your money, and I might pay for your food"? It's a big risk to take.
I think you should pay more attention to what the dom/me wants then what they want because if you have a good dom/me that value your wellbeing and that includes your happiness.
But I would argue that if the person is worth taking that risk for, they instead said something more like "Give me all your money, and I promise I will pay for your food."