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Deal Breakers - 8/8/2006 12:20:29 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		What are your deal breakers for a relationship?  We all have them, so what are the things that will end a relationship even if the person is highly compatible in other ways with you?

For me, my biggest deal breakers were the lack of certain character strengths and a submissive personality.  Poly was not a deal breaker for me (guess that was obvious), but before I met my Lord, it was not something that I ever considered for myself.

Knight’s kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus
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RE: Deal Breakers - 8/8/2006 12:25:25 PM   
Taylore


Posts: 121
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		For myself, the deal breaker would be
 
Master cutting off communication with me
Witholding of information from me that is important to our relationship
Deliberate abuse with the intent to harm me
 
Simple, but these are actually the ones that would cause the most damage to my relationship with Master.

_____________________________

Taylore

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RE: Deal Breakers - 8/8/2006 12:25:44 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		http://www.collarchat.com/m_154756/mpage_1/key_deal%252Cbreakers/tm.htm#154756
deal breakers

Reposted:
My deal breakers are generally the same for all relationships, but with a few specific differences.

Deal breakers tend to be the same as hard limits (in fact I'd consider using them as synonyms) though "deal breakers" can be more personality conflicts or personal issues that have nothing to do with any action or reaction on the d-side of the slash. For example "he never brushes his teeth, that's a deal breaker" doesn't mean that you have some limit on teeth brushing, simply that as a compatibility issue for forming a relationship with someone, it's not what you consider a good thing.

But the two are so synonymous I don't think it would be wrong to use them the same way for the most part.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Deal Breakers - 8/8/2006 12:27:32 PM   
IndigoDadesi


Posts: 185
Status: offline 		You know, I was going to put down my one deal breaker: if he stopped trying, but then I realized that this simply isnt true. I have no deal breakers. I have the sort of relationship where certain actions, or lack there of, do not mean that we care for one another any less.

Im not trying to say that my relationship is a better one than those with defined dealbreakers, but we've already moved pasted many things that I originally thought would be my deal breakers and now that I know their true causes Im glad that we are still together.


_____________________________

'"Where do we go when we die?" asks Billy. "I don't know. Where are we now?" is the gypsy's reply.'

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RE: Deal Breakers - 8/8/2006 12:28:01 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		The deal breaker for me is: a male supremist, drugs/booze/smoking, religion thats not compatible with mine, slob, disrespectful, doesn't like my unmentionable or animals, illresponsible. I'm sure there are more but those are the main ones that would do it.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






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RE: Deal Breakers - 8/8/2006 12:33:27 PM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline 		abuse of any kind, lying, cheating, stealing, hating one's family and friends and not trying to be civil, bad hygiene, lack of common goals for the future, unreliable and laziness, that would about do it.

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!


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RE: Deal Breakers - 8/8/2006 12:34:26 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Except for the disobedience one, these apply to non Ms relationships, too.

Abandonment If you abandon me and/or the family while in any token or collar, this is a deal breaker. Abandonment means leaving without notice or discussion. In other words, you disappear. The longer you are gone without deliberate contact, the harder it will be for you to regain my trust should you try. In order for me to be an effective Master, I must trust that you will not abandon me or the relationship.
Malicious Conduct Behaviors or actions done solely to hurt another, especially me, are deal breakers. Being cruel just for the sake of being cruel is unacceptable. There’s a difference between a humorous jab or a practical joke toward a friend and something planned just for the sake of doing harm. Things like stealing and such fall under this category.
Lying A blatant lie, told for cruel intent is a deal breaker. Lying in such a manner that affects me or a member of the family in a negative way, is a deal breaker. Since I know that I lie on occasion, I will try to be compassionate toward you in these instances. However, we all know there is a limit to what is and isn’t acceptable.
Disobedience I expect obedience, pure and simple. If you disobey for any other reason than you truly feel doing what I have ordered will harm you, this is a deal breaker. Being stubborn about doing, or not doing, something will only make me angry and the likelihood that I will remove your collar increases.


Master Fire



_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

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RE: Deal Breakers - 8/8/2006 12:48:36 PM   
MmakeMme


Posts: 682
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NC
Status: offline 		An inherent lack of respect.

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Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. ~~ Dalai Lama

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RE: Deal Breakers - 8/8/2006 1:08:43 PM   
aleshaDreams


Posts: 184
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		I know there are some, but at the same time I am sitting here reflecting on your inquiry and wondering if perhaps some of these are just issues that arise from miscommunication and lack of sound knowledge of the other person.  So although there perhaps could be some I am trying to pin point them exactly.  Things like drugs and abuse ect were brought up but the truth of the matter is that I would not get involved with someOne with those undesired characterists so in fact they are not deal breakers, they are non-issues.

Good question kyraofMists, you have my mind thinking :)

Best regards, ad. 

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RE: Deal Breakers - 8/8/2006 1:10:32 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

What are your deal breakers for a relationship? We all have them, so what are the things that will end a relationship even if the person is highly compatible in other ways with you?



Deal breakers for relations I may be considering with prospective servants are usually as follows:

I. Dishonesty of any form—including lies of omission;

II. Disrespect and / or clear evidence of insufficient incentive;

III. An STD or other form of transmittable disease.


For those who are already serving me, "deal breakers" usually only occur through the motif of repeated disobedience. There have been times when I have let others go out of consideration for their wellbeing, or when I simply feel I'm finished with them.


< Message edited by amayos -- 8/8/2006 1:15:19 PM >

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RE: Deal Breakers - 8/8/2006 1:12:47 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Alcoholism, smoking, dishonesty, rudeness and treating others badly, and he'd have to be an animal lover.

Most of all, if he showed up at the beach in a speedo.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

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RE: Deal Breakers - 8/8/2006 1:21:38 PM   
SaphireLynn


Posts: 145
Joined: 2/15/2005
Status: offline 		unTrust worthy, dishonesty and drugs are My deal breakers.

_____________________________

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But he that dares not grasp the thorn
Should never crave the rose.
~~~Anne Bronte~~~
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

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RE: Deal Breakers - 8/8/2006 1:22:24 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		Chainsaws.

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RE: Deal Breakers - 8/8/2006 1:22:27 PM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline 		I like to think that I do not have any.  Anything can be worked through if you only put the effort into it.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

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RE: Deal Breakers - 8/8/2006 1:34:10 PM   
Inhibitor


Posts: 73
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline 		Fortunately, my personality and strata of tastes tend to circumvent any qualities I'd consider deal-breakers  (read: I'm far too strange for the vast majority of the population).

Except schizophrenia. Been there, ate the t-shirt, sold the ex for scrap.


(edit: I enjoy misspelling things)


< Message edited by Inhibitor -- 8/8/2006 1:35:21 PM >

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RE: Deal Breakers - 8/8/2006 1:38:46 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		I have enjoyed the posts so far and many of them mention things that I consider to be character strengths, but what about the structure of the relationship?  Poly/Open/Monogamy, M/s or D/s...  Is a particular type of relationship a deal breaker?

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to kyraofMists)
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RE: Deal Breakers - 8/8/2006 1:40:51 PM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

I have enjoyed the posts so far and many of them mention things that I consider to be character strengths, but what about the structure of the relationship?  Poly/Open/Monogamy, M/s or D/s...  Is a particular type of relationship a deal breaker?


Poly or Open would be a dealbreaker for a serious relationship for me. I don't share well.

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!


(in reply to kyraofMists)
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RE: Deal Breakers - 8/8/2006 1:44:12 PM   
Taylore


Posts: 121
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

I have enjoyed the posts so far and many of them mention things that I consider to be character strengths, but what about the structure of the relationship?  Poly/Open/Monogamy, M/s or D/s...  Is a particular type of relationship a deal breaker?

Not for me, no.  Master and I discussed many different aspects before we decided to go forward with our relationship. I knew he was poly, and he has encouraged me to be so also within the boundaries that have already been set. If Master was to suddenly decide that he no longer wanted to be poly, it is not something that would destroy our relationship ( in that same vein, if he was to suddenly decide that I was to be monogamous, it is not something that would bother me either ).
Master and I have a M/s relationship; if the dynamic was to change; we would work within the changes. Again, not something that would break a relationship for me.
However, I will admit to the fact that I could never be a Dominant or a Switch; and if such was required of me on a continous basis; I would have to sit down with Master and reassess the relationship dynamics.

_____________________________

Taylore

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RE: Deal Breakers - 8/8/2006 1:49:08 PM   
DanielsHeart


Posts: 39
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline 		If there is a deal breaker it would be a break in trust that could not be mended.    i never see that happening.

Daniel's heart

_____________________________

His heart for His pleasure always

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RE: Deal Breakers - 8/8/2006 1:53:54 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I have several deal breakers....

1) I do not want a smoker

2) No poly

3) They must be a dominant

4) Over the age of 39

5) Must have similiar spiritual and political beliefs as I do (and I said similar, not identical)

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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