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Are you the PERFECT domme? - 4/7/2006 6:05:24 PM

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What is it that makes you the lifestyle domme that so many subs drool to be with.

What do you offer a sub that makes you worth their time. especially those who want slaves, tell us how you take care of them. what do they get out of it if things go bad 5? 10? 20? years up the road? financial? emotional? physical? retirement? personal? daily life?

what are your responsibilities toward your sub/slave? switch if applicable?

Every domme will tell us that they will "take care of all our needs" what do you feel those needs are. (generically speaking)

So now you found the perfect sub as described in the other thread so tell us how you intend to make a perfect life together and what does the sub get out of it.

From my experience they typically offer me a nice mortgage bill(my name is not on the deed), car payments (her name her car), insurance bills(both), utility bills(both), all the housework, child care(theirs), finally a little kink with here a spank there a spank once in a while or the other extreme of bdsm obsession that is so caustraphobic, limiting and depressing that i could puke.

Is that really what being a sub or slave to someone is all about? Is that really all that there is out here?

So dommes, stand up and be counted!

What do you have to offer that perfect sub/slave/it, whatever, that you want to collar?

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? - 4/7/2006 6:21:22 PM

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Joined: 4/1/2006
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Perfect anything is a dream realone, but I think you know that..
I see it as a matter of fit, and it either works or not.
Its so individual and hard to define for sure, but any relationship needs a symbiotic basis, any selfishness will only destroy what could be.

A sub/slave/bottom/person needs to be valued, not just ripped off.
I wont answer all of your questions..that would have me sitting here with cold coffee and not do any good anyway..but I think empathy is essential.

Be Well.

_____________________________

Be completely still, and listen from the inside.
www.mistressdominiquenz.com
The Dungeon ~ Forum and Chat.

(in reply to Real0ne)

RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? - 4/7/2006 6:21:44 PM

TeeGO

Posts: 451
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline

How would the Domme be the perfect dominant to me? It’s not exactly your question but it’s in the same ballpark.

What she would offer to me would be a mutual fulfillment of needs. It would start with love. I could not submit completely without that feeling of undying love. She would mean the world to me, she would offer that same love to me. I would desire to be her knight, to meet her every need, or at least attempt to. She has an inborn, intrinsic desire to control, I have the same desire to be controlled. She wants to be treated as a Queen, I desire to treat her as a Queen. The more I submit, serve, and surrender control, the more she desires all these. The more she desires my submission, my surrender, my service, the more she will do to compel me to greater submission, greater surrender, greater service. An unending cycle of ever an growing dynamic. This she would offer to me, this bit of heaven on earth.

(in reply to Real0ne)

RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? - 4/7/2006 8:04:34 PM

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Joined: 9/13/2005
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This answer will probably not satisfy, but it is the truth. I am so far from perfect that it is merely a concept, something to ponder. What I am is a fallible human, who is doing her best every day. My priorities are something like this: 1st do no harm, do not ever take away another's dignity or make them feel less worthy for having spent time with me. 2nd if I can spend part of the day in laughter and encourage others to do the same, then I have probably accomplished all I can hope for in a day. My boy will disagree with me, but he has stars in his eyes...I find that is the best way to blindfold a sub, sprinkle a little stardust in his eyes and he will follow me anywhere, so far the stardust seems to be working <grin>.

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

(in reply to TeeGO)

RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? - 4/7/2006 8:25:34 PM

Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne

From my experience they typically offer me a nice mortgage bill(my name is not on the deed), car payments (her name her car), insurance bills(both), utility bills(both), all the housework, child care(theirs), finally a little kink with here a spank there a spank once in a while or the other extreme of bdsm obsession that is so caustraphobic, limiting and depressing that i could puke.

You paint a mighty grim picture here RealOne. Of course, there are probably guys so desperate to be dominated and wound up from wanking at the juicy profile pics that this would sound good to them.

Still, it is an interesting question; If you give up absolute control over your affairs to another, what measures are put in place as security?

(in reply to Real0ne)

RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? - 4/7/2006 8:39:36 PM

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One of the many things that I have to offer that perfect sub I want to collar is:

...the wisdom not to take too seriously the occasional flippant, sarcastic post.

You know, like this one.

TexasMaam

(in reply to Real0ne)

RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? - 4/7/2006 9:04:40 PM

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Joined: 9/26/2004
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I am not perfect, but I am perfect for him. I take only what he gives, I cherish what he is. Nothing defines Me but Me. Nothing completes Me like he.

I doubt subs drooled to be with Me---all I had to offer the perfect sub was Me, in all My humaness--that seemed to be enough.

As for My responsibilities---to learn what he is--to respect and cherish what he is, to love what he is--what will I do for our perfect life--what would I not do?

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to Real0ne)

RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? - 4/7/2006 9:58:17 PM

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TeeGO

How would the Domme be the perfect dominant to me? It’s not exactly your question but it’s in the same ballpark.

What she would offer to me would be a mutual fulfillment of needs. It would start with love. I could not submit completely without that feeling of undying love. She would mean the world to me, she would offer that same love to me. I would desire to be her knight, to meet her every need, or at least attempt to. She has an inborn, intrinsic desire to control, I have the same desire to be controlled. She wants to be treated as a Queen, I desire to treat her as a Queen. The more I submit, serve, and surrender control, the more she desires all these. The more she desires my submission, my surrender, my service, the more she will do to compel me to greater submission, greater surrender, greater service. An unending cycle of ever an growing dynamic. This she would offer to me, this bit of heaven on earth.

All I can say is wow....

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to TeeGO)

RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? - 4/7/2006 10:22:18 PM

Posts: 142
Joined: 3/26/2006
From: Stockholm, Sweden
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne

What is it that makes you the lifestyle domme that so many subs drool to be with.

It may be better to ask them, cause it beats me from time to time. I am a very nice person though, so that may be it.

quote:

What do you offer a sub that makes you worth their time. especially those who want slaves, tell us how you take care of them. what do they get out of it if things go bad 5? 10? 20? years up the road? financial? emotional? physical? retirement? personal? daily life?

With that sort of attitude, even before entering a relationship, nobody ever managed to conduct a successful one. Why look at what anyone may get out of it after a split when one should look at what one can do to ensure the relationship lasts for the long haul?

Each and every person has an obligation to take precautions for him and her-self. I am certainly not interested in engaging in a relationship with someone who is so careless about their own safety, and so lazy, that they expect me to plan for their "after the relationship".

quote:

Every domme will tell us that they will "take care of all our needs" what do you feel those needs are. (generically speaking)

Those needs are as individual as a hand print. I am not claiming to be capable of taking care of all of another human beings needs, because I am not super human. I can not be everything to someone else, neither do I want to be it.

quote:

So now you found the perfect sub as described in the other thread so tell us how you intend to make a perfect life together and what does the sub get out of it.

Why should the dominant part be solely responsible for planning the perfect life? Is this not a responsibility shared by all parties to the relationship? Smells do-me and lazy person from so far away all they would see of me is the cloud of dust from the road as I run away.

quote:

From my experience they typically offer me a nice mortgage bill(my name is not on the deed), car payments (her name her car), insurance bills(both), utility bills(both), all the housework, child care(theirs), finally a little kink with here a spank there a spank once in a while or the other extreme of bdsm obsession that is so caustraphobic, limiting and depressing that i could puke.

If any other person shares my life, and lives in my household, I expect them to contribute in proportion to their income. That is, I expect them to contribute equal percentages of their net salary, not half of the bills. If someone earns less money than I do, they pay less, but if they earn more they pay more.

In the case we are dating I do enjoy being treated to the odd dinner, but in return I enjoy treating. I expect my partner to take an equal responsibility for the relationship, if he is not prepared to do this I expect him to pay for my time!

(in reply to Real0ne)

RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? - 4/8/2006 1:01:52 AM

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Joined: 10/25/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam
One of the many things that I have to offer that perfect sub I want to collar is:

...the wisdom not to take too seriously the occasional flippant, sarcastic post.

You know, like this one.
TexasMaam

Thats perfectly ok really. Its a very difficult thing to do, that is to look in the mirror and ask yourself what you are "really" offering the one who you control in return for their service. It takes guts to come out here and lay it on the line as others are doing for all the subs to read.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne
What do you offer a sub that makes you worth their time. especially those who want slaves, tell us how you take care of them. what do they get out of it if things go bad 5? 10? 20? years up the road? financial? emotional? physical? retirement? personal? daily life?

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSophie
With that sort of attitude, even before entering a relationship, nobody ever managed to conduct a successful one. Why look at what anyone may get out of it after a split when one should look at what one can do to ensure the relationship lasts for the long haul?

i was thinking more so in terms of a when a relationship breaks up? Breakup is an unfortunate reality of many peoples lives and i think it would be foolish to look the other way and think it could never happen to me or you, even if it were in the irrevocable slavery camp.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne
Every domme will tell us that they will "take care of all our needs" what do you feel those needs are. (generically speaking)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSophie
Those needs are as individual as a hand print. I am not claiming to be capable of taking care of all of another human beings needs, because I am not super human. I can not be everything to someone else, neither do I want to be it.

That would be unrealistic tho. i covered many variations in this post and many profiles advertising for a slave state that. This was in reference to the subs or slaves welfare over all.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne
So now you found the perfect sub as described in the other thread so tell us how you intend to make a perfect life together and what does the sub get out of it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSophie
Why should the dominant part be solely responsible for planning the perfect life? Is this not a responsibility shared by all parties to the relationship? Smells do-me and lazy person from so far away all they would see of me is the cloud of dust from the road as I run away.

There are many variations of responsiblity that different dommes claim or want to take on. This may not fit into or apply to your scheme of things. i was thinking more so in terms of what fits each individuals niche in this lifestyle in a over all generic sense.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314
As for My responsibilities---to learn what he is--to respect and cherish what he is, to love what he is--what will I do for our perfect life--what would I not do?

wow MH!

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsDominiquenz
any selfishness will only destroy what could be.
I wont answer all of your questions..that would have me sitting here with cold coffee and not do any good anyway..but I think empathy is essential.
Be Well.

Doing quite a bit of good frankly!

Clink clank! 1 cube or 2? cream? Is it hot enough? :)

< Message edited by Real0ne -- 4/8/2006 1:06:09 AM >

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to MsSophie)

RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? - 4/8/2006 4:23:07 AM

Posts: 65
Joined: 4/1/2006
Status: offline

Gorgeous thing ! coffee is a biggie.

_____________________________

Be completely still, and listen from the inside.
www.mistressdominiquenz.com
The Dungeon ~ Forum and Chat.

(in reply to Real0ne)

RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? - 4/8/2006 4:31:22 AM

Posts: 231
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cloudz

This answer will probably not satisfy, but it is the truth. I am so far from perfect that it is merely a concept, something to ponder. What I am is a fallible human, who is doing her best every day. My priorities are something like this: 1st do no harm, do not ever take away another's dignity or make them feel less worthy for having spent time with me. 2nd if I can spend part of the day in laughter and encourage others to do the same, then I have probably accomplished all I can hope for in a day.

I agree Cloudz I just do my best and let my boy know that I cherish his submission and appreciate the trust he has in me. I also let him know I am fallible and to call me on it in an appropriate respectable fashion. Recently I also did the most horrific thing, I let him know I was human (gasp the horror). I let him know that I have emotions and feelings and sometimes they get the better of me and that I have the ability to cry. My toys response was that it is acutally healthy to do that...I'm very proud of him for that. Sometimes submissives feel the Dominant needs to be above being human and I'm not sorry to say that is just unrealistic especially for me.

_____________________________

be safe and smile
purrrs kitty
(=^.^=)
www.misskittys-scratchingpost.com

(in reply to Cloudz)

RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? - 4/8/2006 5:14:27 AM

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne

From my experience they typically offer me a nice mortgage bill(my name is not on the deed), car payments (her name her car), insurance bills(both), utility bills(both), all the housework, child care(theirs), finally a little kink with here a spank there a spank once in a while or the other extreme of bdsm obsession that is so caustraphobic, limiting and depressing that i could puke.

Based on this paragraph alone it would seem that you harbor a great deal of bitterness from poor choices that YOU made. Your choice to involve yourself with manipulative gold-digger types has tainted your view to the point that you are unable to conceive that many people can & have blissful existence within their D/s, M/s or BDSM relationships.

You asked this...
Are you the perfect domme?

Sure, why not...

I am the first to admit that I make mistakes. I do everything in my power to not make the same mistake twice. I have made sure that I have taken into consideration any preference she has that may differ from my own... you know, the silly types of things people might encounter when they decide to move in with one another, such as the brand of ketchup they like or type of toothpaste they use. I'm not that picky so we go with what she likes best.

quote:

What do you have to offer that perfect sub/slave/it, whatever, that you want to collar?

I offer her unconditional love & acceptance.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to Real0ne)

RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? - 4/8/2006 5:58:39 AM

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Joined: 9/13/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: scratchingpost

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cloudz

I agree Cloudz I just do my best and let my boy know that I cherish his submission and appreciate the trust he has in me. I also let him know I am fallible and to call me on it in an appropriate respectable fashion. Recently I also did the most horrific thing, I let him know I was human (gasp the horror). I let him know that I have emotions and feelings and sometimes they get the better of me and that I have the ability to cry. My toys response was that it is acutally healthy to do that...I'm very proud of him for that. Sometimes submissives feel the Dominant needs to be above being human and I'm not sorry to say that is just unrealistic especially for me.

It is sort of a litmus test isn't it? The difference between playing with someone and being in a caring relationship with him/her. Both Doms and subs need to be safe to be vulnerable. It only deepens the relationship.

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

(in reply to scratchingpost)

RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? - 4/8/2006 7:28:46 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

Kewl! Where do you get that high quality star dust, the stuff I find seems to have a limited shelf life

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cloudz

This answer will probably not satisfy, but it is the truth. I am so far from perfect that it is merely a concept, something to ponder. What I am is a fallible human, who is doing her best every day. My priorities are something like this: 1st do no harm, do not ever take away another's dignity or make them feel less worthy for having spent time with me. 2nd if I can spend part of the day in laughter and encourage others to do the same, then I have probably accomplished all I can hope for in a day. My boy will disagree with me, but he has stars in his eyes...I find that is the best way to blindfold a sub, sprinkle a little stardust in his eyes and he will follow me anywhere, so far the stardust seems to be working <grin>.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to Cloudz)

RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? - 4/8/2006 7:39:57 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

To the Op:

Great question. Heres the thing, I have had a problem of giving all my life, giving too much, giving to the wrong person, giving my self into deficit, giving and just not getting back so.... I .....then Give More!

Then I learned about the psychic sandwich, a very silly exercises given to children where they imagine themselves as a sandwich and the look at all the folks in their lives who eat too much, and dont give any sandwich back.

They are tought to only give one bite, and stop giving, and only give a second bite if the other person offers them a bite of theirs.

Simple yes silly maybe, but it really works if you visualise it for 5 mins a day for a week....

As to your question if I am perfect? My boys would love to believe that, but I will not let them, I have no desire to be put on a pedestal that high up, one because it is a long way down to fall, and two because I cant hear the softest moans and whimpers from such a distance....

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? - 4/8/2006 8:38:55 AM

Posts: 143
Status: offline

To your thread question realone.
I can only tell you that the perfect Domme is the one that is perfect for me. She wil not be perfect for you or anyone else. We are all so different that it makes this thing you ask about impossiible to answer. So ask yourself, "what is the perfect Domme for me"? It won't be the one that is perfect for me, just perfect for you.
For me, it all starts with love. Without love I can not and will not give my total submision. They say that submision is a gift to give to your Domme. I agree! But her domination of me is also a gift she gives back. Like it has already been said here. It's a two way street. I have to love her and respect her first. She has to love and respect me second. Without those two ingredients,, there is no relationship. As far as the house, the car and the cost of living goes, I would surely let her control that. She will have my money to help us live in the way she sees fit. But I was not born yesterday, she will not have everything in her name to leave me out in the cold when and if the relationship fails. That part of the relationship is no different then any vanilla relationship. Only a fool would let a Domme or anyone for that matter have that much control as to cause you to have nothing in the end.
Be wise enough to know the heart and soul of that Domme before you give her that much control. Beyond that, it comes down to trust. Trust but with eyes wide open.
I know for me, it may take forever to find my perfect Domme. I will not setle for less. But before and above all, she has to earn my submission by first showing me that she has a heart and soul and is human. She has to want and need love along with the D/s or she is not perfect for me.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? - 4/8/2006 9:17:53 AM

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
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quote:

What do you offer a sub that makes you worth their time. especially those who want slaves, tell us how you take care of them. what do they get out of it if things go bad 5? 10? 20? years up the road? financial? emotional? physical? retirement? personal? daily life?

I/We offer them a lifetime commitment, love, concern, shelter, protection and companionship. How do we take care of them? What ever it takes, that's how, just like we take care of each other. If things go "bad", that's only if we have tried everything we can think of to make it better.. they are still able to live here until they find a suitable place to go. Will they be responsible for getting there... no, we would pay for that also. With the exception of those that have ripped us off, lied to us, used us for their own personal gain.. we remain friends with ex-liveins and do what we can to help them find what it is that they need if we are not it.

Taking care of their needs? What are our responsibilities? To care for and about them, to nurture them, give them an environment where they can learn and grow as both a slave and a human being. See to it that they have what they need to live and be happy and healthy (note, need... not necessarily want.. long story, there are limits there).

In return what do we offer them? A warm, loving "family" type life, security and all that goes with it. A commitment from us to be there for them, to protect them, defend them, listen to them, teach them, learn from them, love and laugh with them.

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to Real0ne)

RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? - 4/8/2006 9:58:11 AM

Posts: 72
Status: offline

Wow ... wow ... wow ... wow ... wow ... wow.

RealOne, i think you've have initiated what i'd like to refer to as a "Legacy Post" here.

i'm blown away by the responses from everyone. i started to excerpt individual quotes to comment on (more like glow about) but there are just too many of them. To see so many heartfelt references to love, commitment and caring and the recognition that no matter what our D or s or other kink needs are, it's only within a relationship reflecting all of the former that they have meaning and a hope of working out for U/us, makes me proud to be "here" with all of Y/you.

I only wish that this was something that every new participant in seeking out the expression of T/their needs related to D/s could be exposed to early on. Perhaps it would be a guidepost in facilitating that search with the least pain and the most meaning.

(in reply to Real0ne)

RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? - 4/8/2006 10:36:27 AM

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I'm not perfect; I'm just me.

If that's not enough for someone, then we aren't a good match.

Any specific interests or skills I have are discovered by looking at my profile, my website, talking to me, and getting to know me.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Real0ne)

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