kc692
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Joined: 3/24/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MissXtacee
I recently received the following e-mail,
“I am looking to be trained”
That was it, one sentence. I get so many of these one line e-mails I felt compelled to reply. I am posting My reply in the hopes that it will help some of the new sub/slaves. Here was My response:
Hello,
Thank you for the e-mail, I will offer a few suggestions. It does not matter if you are dealing with regular vanilla relationships or D/s or BDSM. We are all looking for something, be it as simple as a one time play partner or as deep as a lifetime relationship. Telling Me you are looking to be trained is fine, but its not enough, trained how? As a sub, a bottom, a slave? For how long? To learn a skill, to be a life partner? As you can see there are many aspects to D/s and its not common to find that everyone in this lifestyle has the same expectations, needs or even definitions on what a submissive or slave is, or what training should include for that matter.
Your e-mail tells Me nothing of who you are, or WHY you are seeking training. And the WHY is so very important. It tells Me where you are coming from, and if you have realistic expectations or have a desire to live out a fantasy. Being a Mistress does not mean I can read minds, or will take anyone for any reason. There are many in this lifestyle who have been abused or have some deep emotional issues they have never dealt with, as a Mistress I carry with Me a huge responsibility to not only make sure I am safe, but you are as well. That includes emotionally, mentally and physically. If I was to engage in any kind of training with a submissive, bottom or slave and I know nothing of that person, their background, what they have experienced, what they need, what their hard limits are, it puts both of us at risk and makes Me a foolish and careless Domme.
If you are new to this lifestyle, and you are seeking a Mistress for training, We are not all the same, even with basic rules of thumbs in this lifestyle, each Mistress is an individual which makes their practices and what they offer unique. You will find as you search profiles and talk to people that even the ways in which they want to be addressed, styles of correspondence, protocols, and requirements are all different.
We take the time to fill out our profiles to avoid any confusion as to what We want. Most are very specific. Take the time to read each profile carefully, do you match what the Mistress is seeking? Do you meet Her requirements?
When sending an e-mail here are some things to consider,
A Mistress can receive an overload of e-mails a day, is yours going to be ignored and deleted or is yours going to stand out and make a good impression? Remember you are competing with several others who may be more versed, more articulate, and off the bat offer more information about themselves then a generic "Hello" or "Can we chat" type of e-mail. I hope the following can be of some assistance to you these are not RULES they are just some basic common courtesy’s:
1) Start an e-mail with the Mistress's name, this lets her know you are e-mailing Her and not sending out mass e-mails just to see who responds.
2) Do not copy and paste your profile into the e-mail We can look that up ourselves, and it shows laziness and is very un-original.
3) Send a picture, you know We are going to ask for one anyways, and make it of your face, not your "package".
4) Give the Mistress some idea of who you are, and why you think you would be a good sub/slave for Her to consider. Are you new to the lifestyle are you experienced these are important things to know.
5) Tell the Mistress why you are e-mailing, do you have a question? Are you looking for locals in your area to befriend, are you wanting a session, do you have something to offer Her? Be specific.
6) Give Her time to respond. Don’t assume if She reads your e-mail She can respond right that minute. And do not be a pest, sending Her more e-mails "hello" "are you there" etc.
With as many e-mails that comes to a Mistress it does take some time to read through them all and pick the ones of most interest to Her.
7) If She does not respond, though you might be disappointed, don't be an ass and send Her hate mail or block Her, Mistress's do talk to each other She may think you are perfect for someone She knows and might refer you to another Mistress you were not aware of.
8) Don't ask for Her telephone number or home address, in this day and age and especially on the net 99.99999% chance your not going to get it. And not only will you not get it, you will not get positive responses, if any.
9) Do be respectful, Do be who you are, do not misrepresent yourself.
10) Most important. Do not send a list of your kinks. That has to be the biggest annoyance of all. It has been said over and over and I will say it again. D/s is not about sex. It's not about your penis. Mistress's are not here because your horny and want to get off. D/s is not only about BDSM. Kinks are an additive, an extra, a supplement, D/s is only a part of BDSM and not everyone has the same tastes. The reason collar me has a list of kinks to choose from is because we are all different and incorporate certain BDSM aspects into our relationships that fit our needs.
As I said above, these are not rules, but I do believe if you follow what was outlined you will receive much better responses and more of them in your endeavors.
Good luck to you and Be Well
Sincerely,
Ms.X
Ms X, might I respectfully ask, why waste your time? The same one-liner you get also gets sent out to every Domme they can click "send message" to. They are sending out as many as possible, in hopes that one Domme will respond. They don't, IMHO, care who responds, they just want anybody to. Your answer is very well written, I just wonder if they got past the second or third line, realized all that reading was going to hurt their poor little eyes and brain, and they were not going to get a "meet", so they hit delete. You are much more optimistic than I am, I must say.
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