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RE: So he sent the pic and then....... - 5/26/2007 8:15:44 AM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
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Not sure BBBTBW, are you going?
I have never been, but a friend of mine has been and is begging me to go.
Since it is close to me, I may fly in on my broom.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to BBBTBW)

RE: So he sent the pic and then....... - 5/26/2007 8:15:48 AM

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Thanks for explaining. That's pretty much what I figured you meant, but I wanted to be clear. And Yes, I agree with what you said.

(in reply to MHOO314)

RE: So he sent the pic and then....... - 5/26/2007 8:16:37 AM

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I don't know who you are or where you get your info from but, I get more emails on the otherside from males in their 20's then I do from older males.

Diane

(in reply to peepeegirl5)

RE: So he sent the pic and then....... - 5/26/2007 8:24:11 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: peepeegirl5

Try bi-sexuality.

I've heard that what happens to women over 45 is that the males they are attracted (younger) to aren't attracted to them. It's also my understanding that all males want to love you, take care of you, and protect you forever (until you're 40).

Perhaps you're experiencing (or soon will be) a variation of the "live by the sword, die by the sword" phenomenon.

Yeah, uh NO..what..NO...I don't think so. Nah, not my thing. WHAT? Uh NO

Did that make sense?

_____________________________

"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" -- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

(in reply to peepeegirl5)

RE: So he sent the pic and then....... - 5/26/2007 8:27:51 AM

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I agree with that, Diane. Actually, I've said no to more younger men than I can count!

On the "try being bi" issue, well, most of the folks here can tell you My opinion on that. There's been more than one girl who wished I wanted a girl, rather than a boy. It's just not My style.

If anything, I will say I do ask for the face pic rather early on. Mostly because I want to have an idea of what the person on the other side of the screen looks like. I've had some fun picture exchanges with people here, that have nothing to do with relationship interest, other than friends, and I always enjoy them. While looking for a boy, however, I don't think wanting someone average looking is a terrible character flaw.

The thread seems to be interesting so far. I'm glad people are commenting.

(in reply to DianeB269)

RE: So he sent the pic and then....... - 5/26/2007 8:33:31 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

Not sure BBBTBW, are you going?
I have never been, but a friend of mine has been and is begging me to go.
Since it is close to me, I may fly in on my broom.

YES, I am going. I have never been either...but I am going to drive up from OK. (gotta have my car) GET REGISTERED!!!! I have a feeling it will be a blast.

www.blackbeatinc.org

Didn't mean to hijack the thread...sorry....But everyone click the link...It is open for all lifestylers and those interested in BDSM. Not just for Black Folks.

< Message edited by BBBTBW -- 5/26/2007 8:36:33 AM >

_____________________________

"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" -- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

(in reply to MzMia)

RE: So he sent the pic and then....... - 5/26/2007 8:44:10 AM

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Dearest LadyPact,

It's one of those "damned if You do, damned if You don't" issues.
Be honest and perhaps hurt their feelings, give a "nice" reply that
tastes sweet on the outside but contains a bitter center which most
will be able to recognize for what it is, thus still hurting their feelings.
We are adults here, (well most of us) this isn't high school, and if
one is still living and thinking with the immaturity and sensitivity of
pubescent "dating", then they will get their feelings crushed no matter
how You handle the issue. Honesty should be appreciated, always,
in everything we do, and we should be "grown-up" enough by now
to realize we all possess the desire of certain physical attraction. Does
it make one shallow? Perhaps, but then they are in good company
at the crowded, shallow end of the gene pool. We can all contain
beauty, defined in oh so many ways, to oh so many people, recognized
within and without. Few of us are completely symetrical, blessed with
those jarring good looks of a model per say, but we are what we are.

And honestly, some individuals take better care, and spend more time
sprucing themselves up for presentation to the masses. It gives them an
edge, well deserved for their efforts. Does it mean they are necessarily
beautiful? Ugly can live in the most pristine vessels, when poured into
the light of day, the smell makes us turn away. There are no guarantees
that the polished, shimmering apple of our eye is free of worms and
rot when eventually tasted. There are times when i gaze at my reflection
in the mirror that i say to myself, "not bad". There are times i groan and
mutter, "God, i look like shit". Some days i have to try harder than others
to please my worst critic, myself. Am i hideous, God i hope not, but maybe
someone out there will think of me as such. It is there, in the exchange,
which i hope one would be honest with me, avoiding the application from
the "little book of white lies" which i of course will see for what it is, thus
losing respect for the person whom gifts me with such, along with the
hurt feelings which now are multiplied by their deceit. Grown-ups know
we have preferences, physical and mental likes and dislikes, and we should
remember such. It all depends on which end of the spectrum one finds
themselves at the moment, and we have all been at both, regardless of the
perceived glow, or lack of, another's eyes, heart and mind find before them.

i vote for honesty, because i'm not looking to go steady and make out under
the bleachers, i'm looking for a heart which relects my own, and yes, it helps
if that heart is contained in a desirable vessel, shallow as that may be. Of course
You don't necessarily have to call me "hideous", a simple "i must turn away"
will do.

Born to serve, chia* (the pet)

edited to break up my longish post as someone on another thread pointed
out displeasure with such. i simply wish to be beautiful in all things.

< Message edited by chiaThePet -- 5/26/2007 9:42:27 AM >

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: So he sent the pic and then....... - 5/26/2007 8:50:39 AM

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From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm not out to hurt anyone's feelings, but I don't wish to lie about the situation either. Comments?

I think that a simple "no thank you" is all that is required. I don't believe that there is any way that you can avoid hurting someone's feelings, but OTOH, one cannot argue with the truth.

However, it would be nice to know why one is being rejected. If it is because they are not attractive to you, or that they are too old, too young, etc. People really need to be realistic. It's a tough game.

_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: So he sent the pic and then....... - 5/26/2007 8:59:11 AM

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Generally, physical unattractiveness isn't the only reason I turn down a person. It's usually because he is otherwise unremarkable and I can get unremarkable in a prettier package. As callous as this sounds, it's a matter of balancing qualities; if a person is compatible with me in many ways, especially if he has some of the rarer traits I want, and is articulate and clever, but is not to my taste physically, he has qualities that may outweigh physical unattractiveness, while a person who has some areas of basic compatibility that are easy to find, doesn't have a particularly witty or articulate writing style, and isn't very attractive--well, there isn't much to counter the physical incompatibility. In those cases I say that I don't think we're very compatible, and I list the reasons, including my perception of the person's physical unattractiveness. Multiple reasons diminish the focus on one in particular.

But in those cases in which physical attractiveness is the only (or by far the most significant) reason I'm turning someone down, I say so. "I do not find you very attractive." "Your appearance is not to my taste." No sense in either me or the person I'm rejecting spending any more time nurturing an acquaintance if it's not going to work out. It's not a very pleasant thing to say, and yes, it is likely to make the recipient feel badly, but we're all adults, and we can deal with rejection. You might use words that emphasize the personal nature of your preference--that *you* don't find him attractive, but, of course, that's the only standard that matters for his acquaintance with you. Essentially, you have a thing to say that people don't want to hear, and you need only to find a polite (but clear!) way to say it. From your performance on these boards, I think you're a polite person, so that won't be a problem.

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: So he sent the pic and then....... - 5/26/2007 9:07:15 AM

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Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
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This is why I have it expressly written in my profile that if they don't send a picture, they won't get a response.
It's much easier for me to be blunt (but polite) and tell them that they are not my type physically right from the start than if we have an established connection.
Usually if it turns out to be the type of guy whose personality and presence could overcome my initial lack of physical attraction, they find ways to jump over that hurdle anyway and it all works out.

And just for the record, most of the guys who write me are in their early twenties as well...

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: So he sent the pic and then....... - 5/26/2007 9:15:46 AM

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Joined: 6/22/2005
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Love the new pic!

That happens to be the phraseology I use, as well. It's about the most direct, honest way to communicate why you're not interested. It might be a bit disconcerting to learn that they're just not you're 'type' but it doesn't leave much room for long, drawn out questions and explanations. Quick, to the point, gentle as possible, move on down the road kind of verbage.

TM

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: So he sent the pic and then....... - 5/26/2007 9:19:52 AM

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Wow, PeePeeGirl...where do you get your information or with whom have you been associating? I'll be 44 in July and I can assure you that I get MORE than my fair share of 20-somethings "hitting on me" in both the "vanilla" and BDSM realms. Granted, I certainly do not look OR act my age and attitude can play a major role in attraction. I'd surely hate to know that I only have a year left before they will no longer be attracted to me...*rolling eyes* It's been my experience that it's quite the opposite...the younger men are MORE attracted to women my age and have provided me with a "laundry list" as to why they don't like women their own age. IMMATURITY usually tops that list....I would venture to say that IGNORANCE and lack of life experiences/knowledge runs a close second. I would cite that posting of yours as an example of that.

I do apologize, LadyPact as I did not mean to "hijack" your thread!

Proud Member of the "Forty Plus" Club,
M. Diva

< Message edited by gothicdiva -- 5/26/2007 9:22:21 AM >

(in reply to KaramelGoddess)

RE: So he sent the pic and then....... - 5/26/2007 9:25:59 AM

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Okay here goes. I see no reason to tell someone you are turning them down based on how they look.
I have a standard current picture I normally send to someone after a few emails.
I have been told by many people I am an attractive woman.
This picture is very vanilla, because that is the picture that I choose to send.
I had one submissive once tell me, he was not interested based on my picture.
I don't know if it was the way I actually looked or the fact the picture did not expose my body.
I did not bother to ask him.
When I am not interested based on appearance, I give the person another reason.
When I am approached at an event, bar, club or on the street, I have never felt the need to decline
someone and tell them I find them unattractive.
I find many men and women stunning in their 50s and 60s and 70s.
We are all going to change as we age, if we are lucky enough to get old.
I am not sure where many of you come from, and I am glad you are not in my real world.

< Message edited by VeryMercurial -- 5/26/2007 9:35:54 AM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: So he sent the pic and then....... - 5/26/2007 9:50:14 AM

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No need to worry of hijacking. It's all relative. Especially the comments on who We seem to attract. I tend to think a lot of times, We do attract others on the site by a combination of both. The picture that may be displayed as well as the comments we make.

Not to single you out, VeryMerurial, but I am wondering about a couple of things you said. You mentioned that, when you are not interested, you don't say it is because of their appearance, and make up another reason instead. That was part of the thought behind My OP, because it is the idea that I neither wish to be dishonest (as in conjuring up another reason) nor be brutal about the truth. Does it fit into the "little white lie" catagory?

I agree with you that many people are quite attractive into their 50's and beyond. However, just as with the younger ones that contact Me, I think the age difference would hit Me before even proposing a picture exchange.

(in reply to VeryMercurial)

RE: So he sent the pic and then....... - 5/26/2007 9:52:52 AM

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Great posts. No need to lie. We all have our shallow side. I have never chosen a man yet for his looks and I'm not about to start now.
Body shape now that is important to me.
So I like pics of the whole body standing up.
However I usually piss them off before I get to that point.
Actually my profile probably does that for me.
One of my best stories is the one about this lovely sub who begged to see a picture so that he was used to my looks so that he could cover up his feelings. I thought that was rather lovable.
Sex, love and kink are not about looks.
I have the same problem with age.
Yep I'm 54 but most men of 40 are too old for me.
It's not agism it's just experience of others and knowledge of myself.
Most older men have a way of thinking about women that does my head in.
It's like they have never heard of the sexual revolution.

(in reply to MHOO314)

RE: So he sent the pic and then....... - 5/26/2007 9:56:44 AM

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Sad adults must have to say this, but do we tell everyone what we really think?
I mean do we?
Do you go to work and tell your boss what you think of him every day?
We can always pick what we want to be honest about in life.
Either you care about hurting peoples feelings or you don't.
I try not to say what I feel would be hurtful to me.
I don't need someone to tell me they find me unattractive, so I don't feel that I need to say that to other people.
Do we not all tell white lies to live in this world?
That is just how I do business.

< Message edited by VeryMercurial -- 5/26/2007 9:58:16 AM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: So he sent the pic and then....... - 5/26/2007 10:02:38 AM

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LadyPact,

I try to go beyond physical if I have an otherwise interest, but as we all know....we are all different and that's what makes life so much damn fun. I believe that you are weighing this too much. From my perspective.....You are all class and I don't believe that simply saying "thank you but no thank you" is inappropriate.

It's those who say " you are too damn ugly" are the ones who should be creating and reading these threads *S*.

as for peepee...grow up.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to lateralist1)

RE: So he sent the pic and then....... - 5/26/2007 10:06:07 AM

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I agree with you, I don't find or see any situation that I need to turn
someone down, and at the same time ignore or hurt their feelings.
This is something, that I would expect an immature teenager to state.
Most adults, know better.

(in reply to earthycouple)

RE: So he sent the pic and then....... - 5/26/2007 10:11:09 AM

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Earthy, nope, not overly weighing it. Just something that occurred to Me this morning and thought it might make an interesting topic. I usually try to throw something in for discussion at least once a week or so. Was hoping it would bring up some good opinions (which it did) and it was a bit different.

You know Me..... I always have something to say. <Laughs>

Yes, We do have the option to pick and chose what We are honest about in life. However, there's that integrity thought that flows about in My head. If I pick and chose when I'm going to be honest or not, integrity kind of flies out the window. BTW, actually, I do tell My boss what I think, but I realize that is a very rare situation. She's an exceptional person. <smile>

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 5/26/2007 10:17:22 AM >

(in reply to earthycouple)

RE: So he sent the pic and then....... - 5/26/2007 10:17:28 AM

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I think the honesty of your reply outweights any hurtfulness in it. Yes, it can be a letdown, but it's not a lie, and that is by far worse. Ask any sub what they want in a Dom/me and honest is usually within the top three. By being true to yourself, you are being true to them as well.

_____________________________

I am stronger than yesterday

(in reply to LadyPact)

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