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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Thank you for the replies so far.  I hope to hear more of them.
 
I agree with all of the comments about each of Us having a some type of self conscious attitude about our looks.  Personally, I don't think I'm everyone's cup of tea either.  I've been rejected due to My looks, and it's not the most pleasant feeling in the world.  Exactly why I don't want to do it to anyone else.  Just because someone isn't a match for Me on a physical appearance level doesn't mean I want to be hurtful.
 
I guess I'm mostly looking for opinions based on the fact that I do want to be truthful, but still be nice about it.

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ORIGINAL: PairOfDimes
it's a matter of balancing qualities; if a person is compatible with me in many ways, especially if he has some of the rarer traits I want, and is articulate and clever, but is not to my taste physically, he has qualities that may outweigh physical unattractiveness

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ORIGINAL: peepeegirl5

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

At any given point during an email exchange, if I find someone interesting has actually contacted Me, I'll ask for a face pic.  So, he returns the face pic, and My first reaction is just that's it's completely not attractive.  Not a case of someone I would be interested in.  I know, this sounds totally shallow, but it happens to be the truth.
 
Now, I don't want to be rude and avoid the issue by not responding at all.  Usually, the most polite thing I think I can do is say thank you, but I'm looking for a different type.  Somehow, to Me, this still seems a bit rude.  Does anyone have a better suggestion?  I'm not out to hurt anyone's feelings, but I don't wish to lie about the situation either.  Comments?

Try bi-sexuality.
I've heard that what happens to women over 45 is that the males they are attracted (younger) to aren't attracted to them. It's also my understanding that all males want to love you, take care of you, and protect you forever (until you're 40).

Perhaps you're experiencing (or soon will be) a variation of the "live by the sword, die by the sword" phenomenon.

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ORIGINAL: BBBTBW
My mother always taught me that a persons physical appearance changes with their personality and attitude.  "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"  I have found this to be true.  I don't accept pics nor request them unless I really find a connection with someone.  Some men that weren't necessarily pleasing to my eye were pleasing to my psyche.  This made them more physically attractive to me because they had achieved stimulating my mind. 

I have had a long term friendship/relationship with a man that most people would find QUASIMOTOISH at first sight because they haven't taken the time to get to know him on a more personal level. 

I know I am not attractive to everyone and that everyone is not going to be attractive to me.  However, I have found if you can get past the physical structure and look at the structure of the heart of a person, that physical structure can become your Mr/Ms America.

People aren't stupid though...if you reject them after receiving their picture, they know why you are rejecting them regardless of the reason you use.  My advice would be not to ask for a picture if you don't feel the electricity of a real connection.

I totally agree with what you've said and it matches my own experience.  I've met women who at first glance I didn't hardly notice, then upon engaging them in conversation became increasingly attractive to me; eventually to the point where it seemed as though there were no other people in the room! 

Lady Pact, if you haven't met this man, and you found him quite engaging in your email conversations prior to the photo, I strongly suggest that you meet him in person for a cup of tea or coffee (assuming that he's local) just to see how it goes.  There might be something about his aura, smile, some hidden chemistry, or something else that gets lost in a photo that you'll never know exists, unless you meet him face to face.  But that's just my 2 cents.

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ORIGINAL: MzMia

I totally agree BBBTW, at my age I am looking more at the inside than the outside.
Hummm I see a nice topic brewing here, maybe I will start that thread tomorrow.
But again, when I find the right submissive for ME, I think I can overlook about anything
physically.
If I feel that it is something I can help him change however, he must be willing to also
allow me to do that.
Happy Memorial Day to all!

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ORIGINAL: MzMia

LOL, LadyPact I usually find something else about him that I can use to back away.
Where does he live? Then you can say: I think you live to far, maybe we can become friends!
Or
His career?  I think your career will not allow you to have enough time to spare for me, maybe we be friends!
Or
His family?  I think you have too many demands on your time with your family, maybe we can be friends!
Trust me, you can always find another reason to ease away slowly and politely.
I can think of 100 things off the top of my head.
I hope he does not read these boards!
LOL

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ORIGINAL: gothicdiva

Wow, PeePeeGirl...where do you get your information or with whom have you been associating? I'll be 44 in July and I can assure you that I get MORE than my fair share of 20-somethings "hitting on me" in both the "vanilla" and BDSM realms. Granted, I certainly do not look OR act my age and attitude can play a major role in attraction. I'd surely hate to know that I only have a year left before they will no longer be attracted to me...*rolling eyes* It's been my experience that it's quite the opposite...the younger men are MORE attracted to women my age and have provided me with a "laundry list" as to why they don't like women their own age. IMMATURITY usually tops that list....I would venture to say that IGNORANCE and lack of life experiences/knowledge runs a close second. I would cite that posting of yours as an example of that.

I do apologize, LadyPact as I did not mean to "hijack" your thread!

Proud Member of the "Forty Plus" Club,
M. Diva

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ORIGINAL: SadisticMan

Not to or about OP. But on the same subject.

So how is it that you talk to a person for a while, exchanging mails,
maybe a phone call.  Everything is great, then you get his pic....
Suddenly, he's not your type ??

YES, that is SHALLOW

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact  I know, this sounds totally shallow, but it happens to be the truth.

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ORIGINAL: pixelslave

Lady Pact, if you haven't met this man, and you found him quite engaging in your email conversations prior to the photo, I strongly suggest that you meet him in person for a cup of tea or coffee (assuming that he's local) just to see how it goes.  There might be something about his aura, smile, some hidden chemistry, or something else that gets lost in a photo that you'll never know exists, unless you meet him face to face.  But that's just my 2 cents.
 
 - pixel

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

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ORIGINAL: pixelslave

Lady Pact, if you haven't met this man, and you found him quite engaging in your email conversations prior to the photo, I strongly suggest that you meet him in person for a cup of tea or coffee (assuming that he's local) just to see how it goes.  There might be something about his aura, smile, some hidden chemistry, or something else that gets lost in a photo that you'll never know exists, unless you meet him face to face.  But that's just my 2 cents.
 
 - pixel

pixel, et all,
 
As I'm sure you're becoming to realize, I always appreciate your two cents.  You always put so much consideration into your thoughts.

Thank you Lady Pact.  Your kind words are always appreciated.  

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One of the points that I think has been missed once or twice through this wonderful discussion is that I ask for a picture up front.  Usually within the first couple of emails.  Disclaimer  ***  I am specifically talking about cases where the person is local and it might be a potential match.  I'm not talking about friendly exchanges, where people are either too far away, different gender, or different role. ***  I do base some of what I would consider a potential match on whether or not there is some level of physical attraction.  Since My photo is on My profile, I think it reasonable to accept that the person contacting Me has already been able to access this for themselves in regard to Me.  I do this specifically to avoid this....

I understand where you're coming from and agree it is not unreasonable to ask for a photo when yours is already displayed here on CM.  At the same time, as has already been noted, a person is far more than their photo.  Many people aren't very photogenic, but can appear fabulous in person.  Ahem...There are also those who don't have friends who are at all good at taking the photographs you receive.  You'll find it's also amazing how much a photo can be enhanced in a software program such as Photoshop to reveal what is otherwise hidden, dull, discolored, or distorted, and I'm not talking about purposely altering one's appearance but simply adjusting the photo for best viewing.

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(by the way, somebody needs to teach Me how to put more than one quote in the box.  <Laughs>)

Contact me on the other side and I'll be happy to explain how.  It's really quite simple to do!  

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Agreed. It can be truly depressing if it happens after a certain degree of bonding has been reached. I have been through it twice, and have now realised that it is always best to get past the 'physical attractiveness' test, before allowing any sort of emotional bonding to take place.

I feel this is very unfair to a submissive, as well as Myself, because of the time and investment wasted.

If you did let it go to that point, and then decided not to meet based upon a mere photo, then it's my opinion that you may have made a mistake an might want to consider contacting those men again.  Even with a photo, sensing the right kinds of things happening on both ends of the equation when you meet in person, can be a difficult thing to just "let happen" instead of trying to "force it" into fitting your ideal of what you may have had in mind.  Being open to the possiblities of there being a connection without having a specific agenda or expectations, can be your biggest asset in letting things "just happen"; to see how they naturally flow between the two of you when together in person.  As you know, I'm speaking from experience, including one that has turned into a very positive one for me and Majik.

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I do firmly believe that a person is not their looks alone.  A person is not the entire package, but in some cases, knowing they are minimally attractive can assist in the ability to knowing that there is a desire to learn more.  As MadameDahlia said, we are talking about someone who would be someone that would be intimate at a later time.

 
For me, real beauty is found on the inside.  I find Mistress very attractive on the outside, yet her most attractive features are definitely on the inside! 

While you're a very attractive woman, what I think makes your posts interesting and popular to read here in the forums is the part of you that share with us that comes from the inside.  I'd encourage you not to forget that when searching for your sub.  Please don't make the mistake of discounting what a man has to offer on the inside and from his heart that will make him so attractive to you, that you'll likely forget his physical features as you initially saw them and suddenly find him very attractive.  You may find that once you see how attractive he is within, you'll forget he's not what you thought was "your type".