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What do you look for.... - 5/26/2007 10:23:44 AM

Iwanttolearnhow

Posts: 6
Joined: 5/25/2007
Status: offline

Good afternoon, I am new to this website and am new to the scene. I consider myself a dom (or am trying to get to a place where I am more comfortable in 'real time' with that identity) and am currently dating a sub. I want to know, for all you subs out there (and I know the answers will vary with the different interests and personalities), what is it that makes a dom a succesful dom? what makes him/her a failure? any advice for someone new to this?

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RE: What do you look for.... - 5/26/2007 10:35:24 AM

goodpet

Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iwanttolearnhow
Good afternoon, ...
what is it that makes a dom a succesful dom?

Being yourself. Knowning who you are and not trying to be or act like someone or something you think you should be just becuse you are in this lifestyle.

quote:

what makes him/her a failure?

not being yourself. Putting on an act.

quote:

any advice for someone new to this?

Get involved with the local groups, attend some events, conferences, even some trainings such as http://masterslavetraining.org/home.htm . spend time learning more about your feelings, needs, wants, and interests. Take time to define what things mean to you.
Never be too arrogant to say you don't know,
Ask other tops to teach you new skills.

(in reply to Iwanttolearnhow)

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RE: What do you look for.... - 5/26/2007 11:19:34 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iwanttolearnhow
what makes him/her a failure?

Usually his own ego. Many (both Dom and sub) have come to the conclusion that Doms are infallible. They're not. They make mistakes, get in over their heads, and can be wrong....just like everyone else. The key is admitting when you're at that point.

Many failures happen because many fail to realize that a D/s relationship is still a relationship. It will require communication, effort and attention from both sides.

Next: real life happens. The fantasy is nice, but the reality is that you cannot live in full Dominant or submissive mode 24/7/365 unless you never have any interaction with the outside world. It can always be there as an undercurrent, but it won't always be "ON".

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Iwanttolearnhow)

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RE: What do you look for.... - 5/26/2007 12:09:49 PM

michelleryder

Posts: 198
Joined: 5/18/2007
Status: offline

Arrogance to me is an awful trait in a Dom but a loving caring dominant who patiently shows his submissive the way to please him won't go far wrong.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

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RE: What do you look for.... - 5/26/2007 12:15:27 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

http://www.collarchat.com/m_926661/mpage_1/key_characteristics/tm.htm#927025
most important virtues

http://www.collarchat.com/m_158262/mpage_1/key_dominant%252Ccharacteristics/tm.htm#158262
what is dominance?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_81695/mpage_1/key_dom%252Ctraits/tm.htm#81695
What are the signs/traits of a good dom?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_176730/mpage_1/key_dom%252Ctraits/tm.htm#176730
"real doms"

http://www.collarchat.com/m_223089/mpage_1/key_dom%252Ctraits/tm.htm#223089
a submissives perspective

http://www.collarchat.com/m_257771/mpage_1/key_dom%252Ctraits/tm.htm#257771
what I look for in a good owner

http://www.collarchat.com/m_284665/mpage_1/key_dom%252Ctraits/tm.htm#284665
top ten characteristics I want in a dom?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_339652/mpage_1/key_dom%252Ctraits/tm.htm#339652
nature of dominance

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Iwanttolearnhow)

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RE: What do you look for.... - 5/26/2007 12:24:41 PM

goodpet

Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Next: real life happens. The fantasy is nice, but the reality is that you cannot live in full Dominant or submissive mode 24/7/365 unless you never have any interaction with the outside world. It can always be there as an undercurrent, but it won't always be "ON".

Good point OsideGirl, but i would like to expand on this.
The fantasy play, naked chained to the bed in the basement cannot happen 24/7. The stay at home 100% always naked in service does not really happen if you also have a vanilla life..
However, the Master/slave relationship can and does happen 24/7/365 regardless of work and family and vacations and neighboorhoods and.. what ever.. being a slave to many is what you are,, being a Master is part of your fiber, being in a Master/slave does not end at the door. I might not "look" like a slave at work but i still am.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

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RE: What do you look for.... - 5/26/2007 12:41:42 PM

subsfaith

Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline

quote:

what is it that makes a dom a succesful dom? what makes him/her a failure? any advice for someone new to this?

Taking them in order...

A successful dom is different things for different people. For me it is someone who is naturally dominant, self-assured, honest, reliable, consistant, a whole host of different things.

A failing dom, again from a personal pespective, is one who doesn't keep his word, one whose self assurance crosses over into arrogance, someone who is just playing a role, someone who is using his powers as a dominant to negatively manipulate a submissive.

The answers to both of these questions are subjective. It depends on who you ask, on their life experiences, their motivations and what they want from dom, so ask a million people and you will get a million answers. So I think that is the clue .... there is no set answer, everyone is different..... and there lies the answer to the third question, advice to a new dom.... don't think about what other people think, think about yourself, what in your eyes is a successful dom, what would be his failings? The answers to these questions are your goals and aspirations.

Faith
:: smiles ::

(in reply to Iwanttolearnhow)

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RE: What do you look for.... - 5/26/2007 12:44:36 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: goodpet

However, the Master/slave relationship can and does happen 24/7/365 regardless of work and family and vacations and neighboorhoods and.. what ever.. being a slave to many is what you are,, being a Master is part of your fiber, being in a Master/slave does not end at the door. I might not "look" like a slave at work but i still am.

That was exactly my point. It's an undercurrent in how we live our lives, but it's not always "ON" in full blown D/s BDSM mode.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to goodpet)

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