Collarchat.com Collarchat.com

Home  Login  Search 

RE: A Dominants Responsibility


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: A Dominants Responsibility Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/2/2007 3:17:25 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

It's interesting all the responses and yet no one mentioned some of the things that could happen that would make the submissive happy and the Dominant unhappy---they have to leave to care for an aged parent for an extended period of time, they  have to focus on completing their degree, they get transferred due to employment---or worse, they ask for release---
 
I don't believe at those times a Bitch Goddess is what they want----
 
and I do not believe that all men want selfish and cruel---


Welcome back, MH!  I have missed you...
 
In the examples you give, I do have to say that caring for an aging relative (or similar situations) is actually covered in My contract.  But consider this...Why is it okay for a slave to wiggle out of a relationship because he is a slave? Does this negate the need to respect the sanctity of the relationship  Is it so different from a marriage?  If My husband was expected to leave Me and care of his ailing father, would this not seem unfair in the realm of vanilla society?  Why is it so different with a D/s or M/s relationship?   Same difference with the college degree and/or the job transfer.  If I am the DOminant, and I say the degree needs to take longer, or the treansfer is to be refused, then what I say goes.    If I agreed to it, then I can't complain later.  If I did not agree to it, then it is well within My purview to make alternate decisions.  I am one who would not agree to it, in the first place.  Situation solved.
Things should be worked out...better yet, they should be considered prior to even beginning as relationhip.
I am agreeing with some others here...I do not need to be a Bitch Goddess, but refusing to cater to these situations does not make Me a Bitch Goddess in My opinion.  It makes Me a Dominant. 

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/2/2007 6:08:30 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
Dearest GoddessDustyGold,
 
I have missed You as well and hope this finds You well--and as always so very wise.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/2/2007 11:40:54 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold
Is it so different from a marriage? 

 
That is a good point and helps me see a bit of your perspective. If a relationship reaches the level of that sanctity, why not proceed with marriage? I suppose marriage may be at odds with an Ms dynamic in its classical sense.
 
quote:

If My husband was expected to leave Me and care of his ailing father, would this not seem unfair in the realm of vanilla society?  <snip>

Same difference with the college degree and/or the job transfer.  If I am the DOminant, and I say the degree needs to take longer, or the treansfer is to be refused, then what I say goes.

 
In a healthy marriage, if the matter about an ailing father or college degree was serious enough, the other spouse would support it. If not, I think such a disagreement over such a major issue could indeed lead to disintegration of the marriage, especially if the one partner feels his/her interests are considered unimportant.
 
Absolute power has the potential to corrupt. Again, while you might practice an honorable approach, I am too cynical to believe every dominant (a person who finds psychosexual satisfaction in assuming a dominant role, which I see to be distributed across popoluation independent of conscience) will take the ethical and honorable path. For this reason, I would encourage any submissive or slave to retain their right to determine if it is time to end the relationship.

quote:

Things should be worked out...better yet, they should be considered prior to even beginning as relationhip.
I am agreeing with some others here...I do not need to be a Bitch Goddess, but refusing to cater to these situations does not make Me a Bitch Goddess in My opinion.  It makes Me a Dominant. 


In my opinion, a relationship is a dynamic entity. Not all that affects a relationship or its course can be known at the beginning. Thus, practically speaking, I think it requires adaptation and flexibility by each party to respond to its dynamic nature.

I am curious, what are examples of circumstances or rationale which might lead a dominant to reject a want to complete a degree, or help an ailing parent?

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 6/2/2007 11:43:23 PM >

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/3/2007 9:27:35 AM   
Highheelfetish20


Posts: 12
Joined: 1/5/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Majik




My subs happiness and wellbeing is more important than my own.

I tend to go out of my way to make sure he is taken care of




Now I don't get this. This is sounds like a submissive girl talking about her dom.

(in reply to Majik)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/3/2007 9:29:21 AM   
Highheelfetish20


Posts: 12
Joined: 1/5/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Highheelfetish20


quote:

ORIGINAL: Majik




My subs happiness and wellbeing is more important than my own.

I tend to go out of my way to make sure he is taken care of




Now I don't get this. This is sounds like a submissive girl talking about her dom.


A bottom would appreciate this.

(in reply to Highheelfetish20)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/3/2007 9:30:26 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Highheelfetish20


quote:

ORIGINAL: Majik




My subs happiness and wellbeing is more important than my own.

I tend to go out of my way to make sure he is taken care of.




Now I don't get this. This is sounds like a submissive girl talking about her dom.


Really?

This reads very very vanilla to me, a continuation of the "mommy" role girls are supposed to "naturally" want.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Highheelfetish20)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/3/2007 9:35:04 AM   
Majik


Posts: 358
Joined: 4/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Highheelfetish20


quote:

ORIGINAL: Majik




My subs happiness and wellbeing is more important than my own.

I tend to go out of my way to make sure he is taken care of




Now I don't get this. This is sounds like a submissive girl talking about her dom.


Everyone has there own way of doing things. His emotional/mental/physical wellbeing is in MY hands. Making sure all are healthy is foremost in my mind. After all...if he is happy he will go out of his way to make ME happy.

I guess since I do like to see he is taken care of that makes me not a twue Domme.


_____________________________

Explain nothing, your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe you.

(in reply to Highheelfetish20)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/3/2007 2:30:36 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
I always appreciate your questions, Sea...And I enjoy the conversations we are able to have in this venue...

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold
Is it so different from a marriage? 

 
That is a good point and helps me see a bit of your perspective. If a relationship reaches the level of that sanctity, why not proceed with marriage? I suppose marriage may be at odds with an Ms dynamic in its classical sense.

 
In fact, I do not have any objection to the idea of marriage to a slave.  Particularly if it is an intinmte one on one relationship.  I don't personally think that marriage is at odds with the M/s dynamic in it's classical sense.  What drives the relationship is a personal thng, and we see D/s and M/s in some forms in most relationships already.  If the boy is willing to live in this perscribed manner, then it is not the business of anyone outside the relationship that he is the one automatically obedient to the preferences of the FemDom. 

 
quote:

If My husband was expected to leave Me and care for his ailing father, would this not seem unfair in the realm of vanilla society?  <snip>

Same difference with the college degree and/or the job transfer.  If I am the Dominant, and I say the degree needs to take longer, or the transfer is to be refused, then what I say goes.

 
quote:

In a healthy marriage, if the matter about an ailing father or college degree was serious enough, the other spouse would support it. If not, I think such a disagreement over such a major issue could indeed lead to disintegration of the marriage, especially if the one partner feels his/her interests are considered unimportant.

 
Forgive Me that  I have corrected My own typos in the above quote...That has been bothering Me!  *Smile*
 
Again, you are correct.  I would say that in a strong relationshiop, the care of an ailing parent, child, whatever, should be supported by the other.  I have a friend, who, as the D, had to leave Her slave in
charge of the household and children while She traveled for several weeks to care for Her ailing parent.  And this might be the case in the opposite situation.  But look at other situations.  We have scenarios wherein the boy is very attached to his family and needs to spend inordinate amounts of time with them, to the detriment of the other, and what I consider to be the more important, relationship.  I state that I cover this eventuality in My contract, as a matter of making sure that allowances are made for various unavoidable life matters.  It even covers personal illness for either the slave or the Dominant.  If an extended period of time away or needing to heal is necessary, then the contract can be put into a holding pattern. However, My personal opinion  is that this would mainly apply in households (the type of which I once had)  where there are several slaves, and the relationship is less intimate and more service based.  The Dominant is not really suffering by releasing one temporarily or even permanently, and the relationship does not leave anyone devastated.  It is simply an alteration in the most pressing needs that make this a necessity. And if the healing or an alternative solution can be found which enables the D/s or M/s relationship to continue whilst attending to this temporary situation, then that should be addressed.  I am not one to throw someone out the door because they need to spend a few weeks away, or have to have a surgery with a recovery time, etc.  It is in My contract only to offer assurance that these things, should they crop up,  will be addressed in a fair and tolerant manner. 

quote:

Absolute power has the potential to corrupt. Again, while you might practice an honorable approach, I am too cynical to believe every dominant (a person who finds psychosexual satisfaction in assuming a dominant role, which I see to be distributed across popoluation independent of conscience) will take the ethical and honorable path. For this reason, I would encourage any submissive or slave to retain their right to determine if it is time to end the relationship.

 
I agree, yet again!  Absolute power does always have the potential to corrupt.  I find that most boys spend too much time with the "what if's" (referring to a fear that the potential power they are handing over will, in fact be corrupted by the D)  and less time getting to know and learning to trust.  There is no question that the right to ask for release and release themselves, should release be denied, is always in place.  I always say that one should be careful.  I take the relationhip seriously.  I expect the s to take the relationship just as seriously.  Therefore, the last decision a slave makes is to accept the collar.  Until s/he makes the only other decision s/he can, which is to be released from that collar. 
You should not believe that every D is going to act in the ethical manner.  There are too many out there who do not understand the responsibility.  But I see too much of believing that they are all dishonorable until such time as they are completely satisfied and feel totally safe.  In most cases, they never each that stage, therefore there is impossible to achieve that successful D/s or M/s relationship.  At least not living in 24/7...  More's the pity...  It is the rare ones, and ,unfortunately, most of them are M/f, that are working out there.


quote:

Things should be worked out...better yet, they should be considered prior to even beginning as relationhip.
I am agreeing with some others here...I do not need to be a Bitch Goddess, but refusing to cater to these situations does not make Me a Bitch Goddess in My opinion.  It makes Me a Dominant. 


quote:

In my opinion, a relationship is a dynamic entity. Not all that affects a relationship or its course can be known at the beginning. Thus, practically speaking, I think it requires adaptation and flexibility by each party to respond to its dynamic nature.


You are, once again, correct.  It is not possible to know everything that may occur and how it should be handled.  However, I can make certain determinations.  For example, and this may seem sillly, but it is something I run into all the time, I ask a lot of questions regardng current lifestyle choices.  If one is used to playing golf 3 times a week, or has a large and extended family which eats a lot of time, I will shy away from that person.  I am not interested in golf, and I have a busy life and do not wish to be living separately from My slave.  I do not wish to adopt his family and all the attending obligations, while denying Myself My personal pleasures.  I have a family also and I enjoy My own interests.  These are things I expect My boy to share.  I do not wish to alter My life to accomodate his.  And that is it in a nutshell.   I am the Dominant and he is living and adapting to My life and My preferences.  If I see that this is not going to be possible then I do not take the relationship to a level that is more meaningful to Me.  It is My perogative, and I do not sway from that. 
Examples...One boy who was much younger and quite insistant that he wanted to be Mine.  Still finishing college (although he is older than the typical college age boy), and, most likely going to wish for and even need marriage and children of his own in the not too far future.  Suddenly one day, only a couple of months ago, he did not show up for a meeting and service date.  He was on a plane to NY for a job interview.  He is there now, and seems to be settling in.  Had he belonged to Me, should I have denied him the opportunity to move on?  I would not have, but it would have been much more hurtful to realize that I had not been canny enough to realize that this was a forgone conclusion to a more serious relationship.    Another who is retiring, but has an older daughter who is quite dependant upon him, both financially and emotionally, as well as an older son who is also dependant and has a drug problem.  I do not need or want this baggage in My life.  I like him, and I am sure his heart is in the right place, but other things will always take precedence over Me.  I do not want to take on the unecessary drama. 
A third  is a lovely boy and a cross dresser.  He petitioned Me several years ago.  We are still friends but he was getting divorced at the time, was a  long distance trucker and needed to spend time when he was home with his young children.  This was infintely more important than becoming My slave.  And I had to tell him that!   His children came first.  I like him also, and we have played and still keep in touch.  He is no longer doing the ld trucking thng, but he even has sole custody of one child at this point, and he is taking care of the things that are his primary obligations.  He cannot have a first obligation to Me since he must have a first obligation elsewhere.  Many boys do not see this, are simply impatient to be owned and forget that this may not be in their best interest at this moment of their lives.  Or they believe that they can work their way into My life without really having to give up anything in their own lives.  Yes, there should be flexibility.  But I do not see it very often on the part of the "s".  They all seem to be firmly convinced that they can move into My life without altering their own...at least not very much!  *Smile*
 
quote:

I am curious, what are examples of circumstances or rationale which might lead a dominant to reject a want to complete a degree, or help an ailing parent?

Cheers,

Sea


There really aren't any.  However, I have to make it clear that I would not go into such a relatonship in the first place.  At least not the "degree" scenario.  Complete it, and then come to Me.  Or we will discuss continuing education, if it comes up and the relationship is already in full swing.  But I make that decision as the Dominant.  I will check into whether or not I feel the time and expense warrants the interruption in My life.  If I know that this is a goal when in the exploratory phase, I will look into it at that time and will determine if it is somethng that I feel fits into My schedule and My end goals as well as his.  As stated, if I agree, then I can't complain later, but if I am not aware that this is a burning desire and then the s is unhappy because he cannot go back to school and have little time for our M/s relationship as a result, I am not going to be happy.  I will either say "No' up front, or I will create a schooling schedule that is livable for Me, or I will release him to pursue the thing that is more important than our relationship.   
An ailing parent is an ailing parent.  If I can find a way, I would bring the ailing parent to us.  If not, I would seriously look at the obligation and whether or not other family members are also taking their time to care for the parent.  There is a lot of taking advantage in families.  It is typical that one often takes the brunt of the responsibility and the others all make a phone call once a week.  It happens all the time.  I will, as the D, make the judgement.  If there is no way around it, then either the abeyance clause comes into play, or the slave is released to a more important obligation, or something else is worked out. 
Well, My hypergraphia in back! 
 

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 6/3/2007 2:39:35 PM >


_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to undergroundsea)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/3/2007 10:17:48 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold
In fact, I do not have any objection to the idea of marriage to a slave.  Particularly if it is an intinmte one on one relationship.  I don't personally think that marriage is at odds with the M/s dynamic in it's classical sense. 

 
GoddessDustyGold,

Thank you for the clarifications and for engaging in discussion with me. I agree and know of M/s relationships to exist within marriage. When I said classical, I was thinking of a relationship that wished to establish a marked difference in social statuses, as it is in Ms dynamics outside of BDSM.
 
quote:

If the boy is willing to live in this perscribed manner, then it is not the business of anyone outside the relationship that he is the one automatically obedient to the preferences of the FemDom.

 
Thank you for the examples--they help with understanding. I will similarly give an example to give some form to thoughts that drive some of my statements. I attended a presentation at Beat Me in St Louis (I love that name!) by a sub whose message to submissives was to take responsibility for their submission, well being and happiness, a philosophy with which I agree. He spoke of one story where a slave was kept in a dog house (or something similar) with dogs for I don't know how long until there was external intervention by the community to get her out of there. She was lying amidst fecal matter and in bad health when she was rescued. While she did not want that treatment, she did not object because she thought it was her duty to accept that treatment. It was the opinion of the presenter, with which I agree, that she should have recognized irresponsible behavior and threat to her well being, and left her master regardless of how he responded about release.

quote:

There is no question that the right to ask for release and release themselves, should release be denied, is always in place.  I always say that one should be careful.  I take the relationhip seriously.  I expect the s to take the relationship just as seriously.  Therefore, the last decision a slave makes is to accept the collar.  Until s/he makes the only other decision s/he can, which is to be released from that collar. 

 
Sure, that is reasonable and fair. There are some people who believe that a release can be denied. It is that idea with which I disagree.

I recall discussion about release at a presentation (to give credit, I believe the presenter was Master Archer, who posts on these forums) to define protocol for seeking release and have an intermediate phase between collared and released. If there is an issue that causes the sub to want release, the relationship goes into this intermediate state for a given amount of time (one week, two weeks?). If I recall correctly, the protocol and duties in this state may have been reduced as needed. If at the end of this period, the release is still wanted, it is granted. This idea seems to be of similar spirit: to not take lightly the relationship and to not end it in a moment of emotion.

I sense that you have a clear idea of your expectations and prior experiences where you did not get what you wish from a relationship has helped define these expectations.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/3/2007 10:19:05 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline
I'm sure you know this by now, but you're definitely not alone.  Unfortunately, the greatest pressure I get to be anything other than what I am (i.e. greedy, self centered, cold hearted, bitchy) is from the male subs.  I think it's a fantasy element (but this must be explained in the bitch goddess thread.) 

So no, just keep doing what you're doing!



_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/3/2007 10:36:41 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline
quote:


OK, as a slave owner you are responsible for keeping your property healthy and happy(or they leave you)  BUT in the scenario you describe:

WHO is serving who?


I get your point (and the ones you made in your previous post) loud and clear and I think you are very correct about some men.  But from my personal experience and observations, the men you speak of who would leave a woman for being "too nice" are not looking for what that woman has to offer anyway, but probably looking for a more superificial relationship that could be called M/s but is really elaborate and even long term/permanent role playing.  Of the men I know in long term M/s situations, they do appreciate that their dom cares about them and looks out for their best needs. As for who's serving whom, I tend to believe that in a D/s relationship both people are serving each others' needs equally and inversely or else the situation doesn't work. If there is a woman who greatly enjoys being the provider and protector to the slave that serves her and he equally thrives on that dynamic, then does it really matter who is serving whom?


_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/4/2007 9:38:50 AM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

quote:

ORIGINAL: Highheelfetish20


quote:

ORIGINAL: Majik




My subs happiness and wellbeing is more important than my own.

I tend to go out of my way to make sure he is taken care of.




Now I don't get this. This is sounds like a submissive girl talking about her dom.


Really?

This reads very very vanilla to me, a continuation of the "mommy" role girls are supposed to "naturally" want.


Tammy Jo, as Majik is my Mistress, I can assure you that she's anything but vanilla!  She is midly dyslexic and has difficulty at times expressing herself using the written word.  She is concerned about my welfare and does go out of her way to do things to see that my mental and emotional needs are taken care of in times of great stress, as well as commanding me to do things to take care of myself which I often forget about during those particular times.  She even does things for my unmentionables as her way of showing me that she cares which I can't begin to tell you just how much that means to me.  At times, I've been absolutely totally overwhelmed by the kinds of displays of love and care that she is capable of.  Her aftercare is wonderful!  I've never experienced anything like it in my life.
 
Do you think I'd do anything for this woman?  You can bet that bathtub full of water and every bubble in it, that I'd do anything she desired and walk that extra mile, plus another one to boot!  The only things I put above her, is my unmentionables, which she totally understands (and this was understood from the beginning), and wouldn't want me if I did!  She knows how to strike a balance between her needs and mine. 
 
Yet, she also enjoys doing things that make my life easier in times of difficulty & stress, such as the times when I'm preparing for court in the battle for custody/visitation that continues to this day for my unmentionables which I know you're aware of from our private conversations.   There's another court date on this Wed; only 2 weeks from the last.  I've even hired a new attorney at the end of last week that I have to bring up to speed on a year long plus case, and I can't tell you just how supportive she has been toward my making that kind of change! 
 
Does that make her vanilla?  I don't hardly think so.  Instead it makes her a compassionate and loving Mistress, who cares about the welfare of her submissive and only wants the best for him, especially in times of difficulty; particularly such as this. 
 
When we're together, she get's all that I have in my focus, and it's clear who is in charge.  When we're not, and other things don't require all of my time, who do you think gets it?  That's right, Majik gets that time devoted to her and the needs I am aware of.  I take on many things for her that she doesn't assign to me, just because I want to help in any way I can.  For me that's part of being her submissive and serving in way that I know I can. 
 
So please don't dismiss her as being vanilla, she simply mistated her position.  It's really one of finding a balance between her needs vs. mine and taking them both into account.  I clearly know who's the dominant in our relationship, and Majik is absolutely deserving of the title of being my Mistress; and certainly not as being dismissed as vanilla.  I'm very proud to serve her and grateful to have her in my life.  I often feel as though, I must be the luckiest man alive to have met this woman through CM!
 
 - pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/4/2007 9:51:56 AM   
BBBTBW


Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

This post is not Mistress specific, but I like it in these chambers, so am posting here----I am from the old school, or perhaps an old school, I take being a Domina very serioulsy---I feel a great responsibility for My submissives--for their health, for the well being--for their happiness---even to the extent that it may not make Me happy---however if  it is in the best interest of the submissive, then it is what it is----I watched My dear Fiend MoGA do the very same thing----we just feel very strongly about that--I do not understand nor can I comprehend why people would insist that We need to be self centered- greedy--selfish---that is it always OUR happiness, OUR needs that must be considered-----am I alone in this thinking?


I mirror this 100% Its good to see others do as well.

_____________________________

"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" -- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/4/2007 10:05:28 AM   
BBBTBW


Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline
Pixelslave,

It is nice to see you jump to your Mistresses' defense so articulately....However unless she asked you to, I don't think it was necessary.  I think she stated her feelings just fine.  Those who see the lifestyle before they see the human involved tend to complicate simple living. 

I agree with her.  She sees you first as a HUMAN then as her sub.  There is nothing wrong with putting your needs first when necessary.  It doesn't make her any less of a DOMINANT, it just makes her style different from what the general public is used to seeing.  I give her and you kudos for what you do for each other.

_____________________________

"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" -- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

(in reply to pixelslave)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/4/2007 10:10:42 AM   
Majik


Posts: 358
Joined: 4/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BBBTBW

Pixelslave,

It is nice to see you jump to your Mistresses' defense so articulately....However unless she asked you to, I don't think it was necessary.  I think she stated her feelings just fine.  Those who see the lifestyle before they see the human involved tend to complicate simple living. 

I agree with her.  She sees you first as a HUMAN then as her sub.  There is nothing wrong with putting your needs first when necessary.  It doesn't make her any less of a DOMINANT, it just makes her style different from what the general public is used to seeing.  I give her and you kudos for what you do for each other.


Thank you for your kind words BBBTBW.=]

Pixel and talked about this thread last night and I expressed my flustration on not being able to put my thoughts into words at times and asked him if he was to  again to please relay what I was trying to get across as he is much better with the written word than I am.

*Edited because my spelling sucks.


< Message edited by Majik -- 6/4/2007 10:11:39 AM >


_____________________________

Explain nothing, your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe you.

(in reply to BBBTBW)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/4/2007 10:25:44 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
How marvelously stated ( and My best wishes to you and the Lady Majik)---I think what you pointed out is the crux of the post---We as Dominants make the decisions for BOTH in the relationship--as you mentioned pixel, She knows what this custody issue means and so in Her wisdom She knows you cannot be your best at that unless She oversees your care and what is best for you----that means being unselfish in Her needs, demands and desires---understanding when to "hold them" and when to push---that to Me is the essence of a great Dominant----take all the outward manifestations away and there still stands a Dominant, strong, true, caring, wicked and wise.
 
 
IMHEO

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to pixelslave)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/4/2007 10:48:56 AM   
BBBTBW


Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline
To Everyone,
 
How incredibly judgemental some of you are being.  My dynamic doesn't fit what your idea of a REAL and TRUE dynamic is so I am either vanilla or a sub in DOMME clothing or a good girl mommy type.  WHAT?  What happened to being who we are without being ostrasized about our different styles? 
 
If my need is to have my sub taken care of and happy, who is anyone to say that is wrong?  Who is anyone to say that if I care for my subs wellbeing, I am not being DOMINANT.  You know what I have found in the past 15 years.  If a sub is taken care of, then the DOMINANT is taken care of regardless of the dynamics. 
 
If you are a Sadist and your sub is a masochist, you are taking care of him/her by providing them a measure of pain while you get what you want/need as well.  I am a nurturer as I see many of us are.  If my sub needs to be nurtured, then I am getting my need met just as he/she is.  How does it make me any less dominant than you if it is my true nature to nurture?

*edited because sometimes editing causes one to need to edit some more

< Message edited by BBBTBW -- 6/4/2007 10:53:32 AM >


_____________________________

"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" -- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/4/2007 11:17:27 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
Well stated! Amen Mistress!

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to BBBTBW)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/4/2007 12:22:15 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
The issue, at least for me, is not should you care about your partner but should you care more about him/her or before you do yourself.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to BBBTBW)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/4/2007 12:27:23 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
I am so very glad that I do not need the opinion or judgment of another dominant to clarify or validate my dominance!  To my submissive; I am dominant. To those that matter to me and my life; I am dominant. 

I can be a bitch.  I can be a demanding and ruthless dominant… but that is not all that I am and that is not all that a long term and healthy relationship of D/s or M/s is in my opinion.  Does my opinion matter to another dominant… I should hope not!  I could care less what another does or doesn’t do… and it shouldn’t matter to anyone else what I am doing unless I am harming someone!

Do I need to emotionally or physically bash my submissive over the head and prove my power as a human being? No!  Do I need to selfishly demand anything to prove my dominance?  Hell no!  I do not need to prove myself at the expense of another.  I can be kind and loving with no threat to who I am or what I am because my dominance isn’t dependent upon being a negative, selfish, mean person… it is based on dominance plain and simple.

Is my submissive happy… you bet he’s happy and therefore I am happy because the happier he is, the better he serves me.  Does he serve me even when he is not particularly happy, you bet his sweet ass he does!  But I prefer a happy submissive and if that makes me vanilla or less dominant in someone’s eyes… so be it… I am only glad it doesn’t matter!

Lockit

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 60
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: A Dominants Responsibility Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2024
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.645