GoddessDustyGold
Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
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I always appreciate your questions, Sea...And I enjoy the conversations we are able to have in this venue...
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ORIGINAL: undergroundsea
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ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold
Is it so different from a marriage?
That is a good point and helps me see a bit of your perspective. If a relationship reaches the level of that sanctity, why not proceed with marriage? I suppose marriage may be at odds with an Ms dynamic in its classical sense.
In fact, I do not have any objection to the idea of marriage to a slave. Particularly if it is an intinmte one on one relationship. I don't personally think that marriage is at odds with the M/s dynamic in it's classical sense. What drives the relationship is a personal thng, and we see D/s and M/s in some forms in most relationships already. If the boy is willing to live in this perscribed manner, then it is not the business of anyone outside the relationship that he is the one automatically obedient to the preferences of the FemDom.
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If My husband was expected to leave Me and care for his ailing father, would this not seem unfair in the realm of vanilla society? <snip>
Same difference with the college degree and/or the job transfer. If I am the Dominant, and I say the degree needs to take longer, or the transfer is to be refused, then what I say goes.
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In a healthy marriage, if the matter about an ailing father or college degree was serious enough, the other spouse would support it. If not, I think such a disagreement over such a major issue could indeed lead to disintegration of the marriage, especially if the one partner feels his/her interests are considered unimportant.
Forgive Me that I have corrected My own typos in the above quote...That has been bothering Me! *Smile*
Again, you are correct. I would say that in a strong relationshiop, the care of an ailing parent, child, whatever, should be supported by the other. I have a friend, who, as the D, had to leave Her slave in
charge of the household and children while She traveled for several weeks to care for Her ailing parent. And this might be the case in the opposite situation. But look at other situations. We have scenarios wherein the boy is very attached to his family and needs to spend inordinate amounts of time with them, to the detriment of the other, and what I consider to be the more important, relationship. I state that I cover this eventuality in My contract, as a matter of making sure that allowances are made for various unavoidable life matters. It even covers personal illness for either the slave or the Dominant. If an extended period of time away or needing to heal is necessary, then the contract can be put into a holding pattern. However, My personal opinion is that this would mainly apply in households (the type of which I once had) where there are several slaves, and the relationship is less intimate and more service based. The Dominant is not really suffering by releasing one temporarily or even permanently, and the relationship does not leave anyone devastated. It is simply an alteration in the most pressing needs that make this a necessity. And if the healing or an alternative solution can be found which enables the D/s or M/s relationship to continue whilst attending to this temporary situation, then that should be addressed. I am not one to throw someone out the door because they need to spend a few weeks away, or have to have a surgery with a recovery time, etc. It is in My contract only to offer assurance that these things, should they crop up, will be addressed in a fair and tolerant manner.
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Absolute power has the potential to corrupt. Again, while you might practice an honorable approach, I am too cynical to believe every dominant (a person who finds psychosexual satisfaction in assuming a dominant role, which I see to be distributed across popoluation independent of conscience) will take the ethical and honorable path. For this reason, I would encourage any submissive or slave to retain their right to determine if it is time to end the relationship.
I agree, yet again! Absolute power does always have the potential to corrupt. I find that most boys spend too much time with the "what if's" (referring to a fear that the potential power they are handing over will, in fact be corrupted by the D) and less time getting to know and learning to trust. There is no question that the right to ask for release and release themselves, should release be denied, is always in place. I always say that one should be careful. I take the relationhip seriously. I expect the s to take the relationship just as seriously. Therefore, the last decision a slave makes is to accept the collar. Until s/he makes the only other decision s/he can, which is to be released from that collar.
You should not believe that every D is going to act in the ethical manner. There are too many out there who do not understand the responsibility. But I see too much of believing that they are all dishonorable until such time as they are completely satisfied and feel totally safe. In most cases, they never each that stage, therefore there is impossible to achieve that successful D/s or M/s relationship. At least not living in 24/7... More's the pity... It is the rare ones, and ,unfortunately, most of them are M/f, that are working out there.
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Things should be worked out...better yet, they should be considered prior to even beginning as relationhip. I am agreeing with some others here...I do not need to be a Bitch Goddess, but refusing to cater to these situations does not make Me a Bitch Goddess in My opinion. It makes Me a Dominant.
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In my opinion, a relationship is a dynamic entity. Not all that affects a relationship or its course can be known at the beginning. Thus, practically speaking, I think it requires adaptation and flexibility by each party to respond to its dynamic nature.
You are, once again, correct. It is not possible to know everything that may occur and how it should be handled. However, I can make certain determinations. For example, and this may seem sillly, but it is something I run into all the time, I ask a lot of questions regardng current lifestyle choices. If one is used to playing golf 3 times a week, or has a large and extended family which eats a lot of time, I will shy away from that person. I am not interested in golf, and I have a busy life and do not wish to be living separately from My slave. I do not wish to adopt his family and all the attending obligations, while denying Myself My personal pleasures. I have a family also and I enjoy My own interests. These are things I expect My boy to share. I do not wish to alter My life to accomodate his. And that is it in a nutshell. I am the Dominant and he is living and adapting to My life and My preferences. If I see that this is not going to be possible then I do not take the relationship to a level that is more meaningful to Me. It is My perogative, and I do not sway from that.
Examples...One boy who was much younger and quite insistant that he wanted to be Mine. Still finishing college (although he is older than the typical college age boy), and, most likely going to wish for and even need marriage and children of his own in the not too far future. Suddenly one day, only a couple of months ago, he did not show up for a meeting and service date. He was on a plane to NY for a job interview. He is there now, and seems to be settling in. Had he belonged to Me, should I have denied him the opportunity to move on? I would not have, but it would have been much more hurtful to realize that I had not been canny enough to realize that this was a forgone conclusion to a more serious relationship. Another who is retiring, but has an older daughter who is quite dependant upon him, both financially and emotionally, as well as an older son who is also dependant and has a drug problem. I do not need or want this baggage in My life. I like him, and I am sure his heart is in the right place, but other things will always take precedence over Me. I do not want to take on the unecessary drama.
A third is a lovely boy and a cross dresser. He petitioned Me several years ago. We are still friends but he was getting divorced at the time, was a long distance trucker and needed to spend time when he was home with his young children. This was infintely more important than becoming My slave. And I had to tell him that! His children came first. I like him also, and we have played and still keep in touch. He is no longer doing the ld trucking thng, but he even has sole custody of one child at this point, and he is taking care of the things that are his primary obligations. He cannot have a first obligation to Me since he must have a first obligation elsewhere. Many boys do not see this, are simply impatient to be owned and forget that this may not be in their best interest at this moment of their lives. Or they believe that they can work their way into My life without really having to give up anything in their own lives. Yes, there should be flexibility. But I do not see it very often on the part of the "s". They all seem to be firmly convinced that they can move into My life without altering their own...at least not very much! *Smile*
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I am curious, what are examples of circumstances or rationale which might lead a dominant to reject a want to complete a degree, or help an ailing parent?
Cheers,
Sea
There really aren't any. However, I have to make it clear that I would not go into such a relatonship in the first place. At least not the "degree" scenario. Complete it, and then come to Me. Or we will discuss continuing education, if it comes up and the relationship is already in full swing. But I make that decision as the Dominant. I will check into whether or not I feel the time and expense warrants the interruption in My life. If I know that this is a goal when in the exploratory phase, I will look into it at that time and will determine if it is somethng that I feel fits into My schedule and My end goals as well as his. As stated, if I agree, then I can't complain later, but if I am not aware that this is a burning desire and then the s is unhappy because he cannot go back to school and have little time for our M/s relationship as a result, I am not going to be happy. I will either say "No' up front, or I will create a schooling schedule that is livable for Me, or I will release him to pursue the thing that is more important than our relationship.
An ailing parent is an ailing parent. If I can find a way, I would bring the ailing parent to us. If not, I would seriously look at the obligation and whether or not other family members are also taking their time to care for the parent. There is a lot of taking advantage in families. It is typical that one often takes the brunt of the responsibility and the others all make a phone call once a week. It happens all the time. I will, as the D, make the judgement. If there is no way around it, then either the abeyance clause comes into play, or the slave is released to a more important obligation, or something else is worked out.
Well, My hypergraphia in back!
< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 6/3/2007 2:39:35 PM >
_____________________________
Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom
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