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RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/9/2007 3:04:04 AM

MsCfromMelbourne

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This thread contains a perplexing amount of conflict. It seemed such an innocuous topic

Back on topic, separate consensual from non-consensual. "Responsible" is probably just another way of saying Safe Sane and Consensual. What may look "bitchiness" to, say, cloudboy, could be another man's idea of heaven. Just depends if you are a emotional masochist as well as a submissive, or not.

Some of you might find Dominant women like Guildinglite obnoxious, but that is just because verbal abuse isn't your kink. Plenty of men would pay good money for that kind of vitriolic rambling abuse and you are getting it for free!!

_____________________________

<----- Corset, mask and collar designed and manufactured by metalsmith Karl H, chromed and lined in black suede. Masks and collars available from http://www.lucreziadesade.com.au/default.html. Corsets custom made only

(in reply to BBBTBW)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/9/2007 6:04:35 AM

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There is a difference between responsible and responsive. Responsible is just that. Its being strong enough to carry the burden of a lesser being. I am responsible for all things that happen within my control. My sub is within my control at all times. Therefore I am responsible for him at all times. he makes no decisions, he makes no initiations or intuitions, he doesn't embarass himself by forgetting my commands because it is my responsiblity to make sure he can not.
This power flow is sometimes exhausting and exhilarating at the same time. I have constant demands, punishments and deprivations for him, he has needs that will or will not be fulfilled but I am responsible for them. If I am only incidentally interested in his happiness, I am always responsible for his safety. Furthermore I must always be responsible but not necessarily responsive for his needs.

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/9/2007 6:12:27 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: skinchurch

There is a difference between responsible and responsive. Responsible is just that. Its being strong enough to carry the burden of a lesser being. I am responsible for all things that happen within my control. My sub is within my control at all times. Therefore I am responsible for him at all times. he makes no decisions, he makes no initiations or intuitions, he doesn't embarass himself by forgetting my commands because it is my responsiblity to make sure he can not.
This power flow is sometimes exhausting and exhilarating at the same time. I have constant demands, punishments and deprivations for him, he has needs that will or will not be fulfilled but I am responsible for them. If I am only incidentally interested in his happiness, I am always responsible for his safety. Furthermore I must always be responsible but not necessarily responsive for his needs.

"a lesser being"?

Well at least now i know why people keep spitting and peeing on me.

Mystery solved.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to skinchurch)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/9/2007 6:15:20 AM

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Joined: 3/12/2007
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An erotic slave has transferred their sense of spiritual value to a woman who has become an incarnation of their ideal. Personalized worship can be a blessing or in some cases a curse. The religious ideal crystallizes into sheer power - the power to lead the group/community and to ensure its welfare or even its physical survival.

A time comes in many lives when a woman finds herself placed in a situation that allows her to assume power over her comrades, however limited this power may be. Is she ready, willing, and able to do this effectively and responsibly?

_____________________________

"If we value so highly the dignity of life, how can we not also value the dignity of death? No death may be called futile." - Yukio Mishima

(in reply to skinchurch)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/9/2007 6:43:59 AM

Posts: 295
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

This thread contains a perplexing amount of conflict. It seemed such an innocuous topic

Back on topic, separate consensual from non-consensual. "Responsible" is probably just another way of saying Safe Sane and Consensual. What may look "bitchiness" to, say, cloudboy, could be another man's idea of heaven. Just depends if you are a emotional masochist as well as a submissive, or not.

Some of you might find Dominant women like Guildinglite obnoxious, but that is just because verbal abuse isn't your kink. Plenty of men would pay good money for that kind of vitriolic rambling abuse and you are getting it for free!!

I agree MsC, there is plenty of free verbal abuse around here for those that enjoy that kink.
Great point, I had not thought of it that way.

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/9/2007 7:39:45 AM

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Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BBBTBW

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

quote:

ORIGINAL: BBBTBW

Honestly I don't care what anyone thinks of my style. It is my own, it defines who I am. However, I still find it very judgemental that when someone's style doesn't fit into another's definition they are instantly given some obscure label.

It is my opinion that when you put lifestyle and lables before the human factor, you have an explosive combination in the long run. I for one embrace the human element in subs slaves...this includes their weaknesses as well as their strengths as I expect them to do with and for me.

I suppose we can agree to disagree on this subject. It seems we come from very different worlds.

Ok, now I'm very confused.

I didn't label you. I would never label you unless you asked me for an opinion and then I would say that this is what I would define it as -- I wouldn't say it was you.

I do have a right to my own opinions and being on this board I have a right to express them when someone asks for opinions or asks what others think. I believe I go out of my way to say that "I call," "I define" or "I use" things instead of claiming some universal useage for a term.

The only reason I might suggest that other words be used is if a person came to the group and asked for opinions or help because they keep having negative experiences or weren't finding compatible partners. At that point words may indeed matter a great deal when we try to communicate. I also think we need to look at type of person or personality we are attracted too when this happens.

I'm about success here, folks. If thinking about the words we use or the character traits we are attracted to helps us choose more compatible partners I think our chances of success increase dramatically.

I think you completely ignored all of my statements about reality which is really a great deal about those "human elements" you mentioned. Again it is hard to have success if you don't accept the reality of our lives.

I believe you are confused, I am sorry if you thought I said you labled me...that is not what I meant. I was speaking in general terms. And yes, you do have a right to your opinions just as everyone else.

I just don't understand why it is that when one person has a style that suits them and the person/people they are with they are given some obscure lable such as "service dominant" or "top" Why can't someone just be a dominant with a style that differs from anothers?

I am not sure how you think I have aimed anything at you personally. Although I speak in first person alot, I speak in general terms. I was only answering your responses to my posts.

Everyone has labels that they use to define themselves and others. It's part of how our brains works -- little categories that it organizes information in. I learned this years ago in a psychology course. It isn't a choice it's how our brains work.

When we use those labels with others we will run into people who use the terms differently than us. At that point we can either use more words to describe ourselves or attempt to figure out what the majority of people use (and expect again to have folks who do not buy into that definition).

I think is some uses their experiences and a lot of words they are less likely to come across as promoting universals or sounding like they are labeling others.

Unfortunately a lot of people post with universal statements or ask for other peoples opinions. Some people seem to do these two things a lot. Make me wonder if they like the drama it seems likely to create.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to BBBTBW)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/9/2007 7:41:35 AM

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It's very much a two way street.

The more a sub tries to meet My needs, the more protective and concerned I become about meeting his needs and making him happy.

If he is not motivated to meet My needs, I won't subordinate My own wishes or sacrifice to keep him on board, at least, not for very long. I'll go into Bitch Domme mode in a hurry when I'm feeling less than one of his top priorities.

Or maybe that's just Bitch mode.

Funny thing about Bitch Domme mode: if it turns him on, meets his needs, while he's leaping tall buildings at a single bound to meet My needs, I'll Bitch Domme his ass with utter delight!

TM

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to MHOO314)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/9/2007 9:21:02 AM

SlaveSubtoserve

Posts: 282
Joined: 6/21/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsBearlee

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314
...
]

quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra

I agree wholeheartedly. The "Bitch Domme" might be a great fantasy, but I could not sustain it very long. I tend to be loving, nurturing, and protective. ...

I couldn't agree more with this type of thinking. The 'Ubber Dom' is another great fantasy (On yer knees, bitch/boy!), but in my experience all r/t Dominants, male and female, strongly embrace a nurturing, growth-based, supportive relationship with their submissives.

It would be the fantasy, in my opinion, that gets in the way of 24/7 lifestylers.

Beverly

.......but She can do and be both in the context of a large espec 24/7 M/s relationship where there is room enough for all sides of Her and him-- if you are a lucky sub/slave!

(in reply to MsBearlee)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/9/2007 9:25:20 AM

SlaveSubtoserve

Posts: 282
Joined: 6/21/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subiugo

... And of course the Female Dominant contributes to the relationship too by caring for the submissive. The most intimate thing She can do is caring for the submission of Her slave. That is what Her slave can't find in any other relationship, and that is what She gives him. By caring for his submission the Female Dominant creates space for Her slave to develop his personality in the way he really wants. And as his submission grows, he learns how to care for the Superior Needs of his Mistress. And like a Mistress must carefully select a slave, a submissive must carefully choose his Mistress. i never would choose to serve a Mistress who is 'greedy' and (over) self centered... because it demands so much more devotion to discover the needs of a more subtle Woman...

.....exactly right!

(in reply to subiugo)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/9/2007 9:08:14 PM

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Joined: 8/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne
Some of you might find Dominant women like Guildinglite obnoxious, but that is just because verbal abuse isn't your kink. Plenty of men would pay good money for that kind of vitriolic rambling abuse and you are getting it for free!!

I would normally not respond to this, but as it's from you Ms C, I will venture forth to do so. The issue here is one of consent. Those who participate in this forum have not consented to beome the recipients of such abuse as you've mentioned above. Abuse, is after all still abuse! Constant verbal abuse, becomes a form of emotional abuse in a 24/7 relationship, which can be very unhealthy for a submissive. Having experienced such abuse myself in a former 24/7 D/s relationship, I don't wish to be subjected to experiencing it here. It appears there are more than a few others who feel the same.

You may have have initially described it as obnoxious behavior, but I think you were perhaps more accurate when you went on to further describe it as being verbal abuse and a kink. In which case, none of us here to my knowledge have consented to having such a scene with the specific poster you've referred to through these boards. Thus, I wouldn't call it a kink of hers, if so it is directed non-consentially toward others who participate here. I personally have a problem with that kind of behavior as I believe do others.

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/10/2007 2:52:35 AM

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: skinchurch

There is a difference between responsible and responsive. Responsible is just that. Its being strong enough to carry the burden of a lesser being. I am responsible for all things that happen within my control. My sub is within my control at all times. Therefore I am responsible for him at all times. he makes no decisions, he makes no initiations or intuitions, he doesn't embarass himself by forgetting my commands because it is my responsiblity to make sure he can not.
This power flow is sometimes exhausting and exhilarating at the same time. I have constant demands, punishments and deprivations for him, he has needs that will or will not be fulfilled but I am responsible for them. If I am only incidentally interested in his happiness, I am always responsible for his safety. Furthermore I must always be responsible but not necessarily responsive for his needs.

Many Dominants do want a submissive that is intuitive and capable of making a decision. This allows the Dominant to do what they want with their time while the submissive gets on with the chores or whatever. Far from being "a lesser burden" they see the submissive as an asset, whose ability to think and not need to be micromanaged actually lessens the burden on the Dominant.

Edited for spelling

< Message edited by Politesub53 -- 6/10/2007 2:53:42 AM >

(in reply to skinchurch)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/10/2007 7:02:00 PM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
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Yes I agree GuidingLite is really annoying you, pixel. And in turn some Mistresses find you annoying. Such is life. You cannot please all the people all the time.

I like civility (who doesn't?) but diversity of opinion and freedom of expression are more important if you want a really educative BDSM forum.

GLite does actually have consent because you willingly read her posts and you know she will be abusive. I know its really hard to resist reading and responding, but you need to block her. Or at least skip over anything she has to say.

There's a vast amount to read here and no-one cares what one (cranky) woman has to say about some guy and none of us know either of you in real life!

_____________________________

<----- Corset, mask and collar designed and manufactured by metalsmith Karl H, chromed and lined in black suede. Masks and collars available from http://www.lucreziadesade.com.au/default.html. Corsets custom made only

(in reply to pixelslave)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/11/2007 1:02:40 PM

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Joined: 8/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

This post is not Mistress specific, but I like it in these chambers, so am posting here----I am from the old school, or perhaps an old school, I take being a Domina very serioulsy---I feel a great responsibility for My submissives--for their health, for the well being--for their happiness---even to the extent that it may not make Me happy---however if it is in the best interest of the submissive, then it is what it is----I watched My dear Fiend MoGA do the very same thing----we just feel very strongly about that--I do not understand nor can I comprehend why people would insist that We need to be self centered- greedy--selfish---that is it always OUR happiness, OUR needs that must be considered-----am I alone in this thinking?

It is a Dominants responsibility to take care of her submissive, indeed; however, it should always be in the manner She sees fit. If the submissive can't accept that, he does not trust her and should not be with her.

_____________________________

m i s t r e s s d o l l y . c o m

m y s p a c e

(in reply to MHOO314)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/11/2007 2:03:28 PM

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Joined: 8/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne
Yes I agree GuidingLite is really annoying you, pixel.

LOL! Only when I let her Ma'am! It's always my choice as to whether or not to let her words annoy me.

quote:

And in turn some Mistresses find you annoying.

Oh, of that I have no doubt!

quote:

Such is life. You cannot please all the people all the time.

No you can't. Mistress, is the only one that it is especially important to me to please. Even then, being human, there are times (or will be times) when I'm confident that I will fail to do so whether I intend to or not!

quote:

I like civility (who doesn't?) but diversity of opinion and freedom of expression are more important if you want a really educative BDSM forum.

I know of no reason why there can't be a diversity of opinions freely expressed with civility. It is a choice one makes when participating in any forum of discussion and debate. Each person who participates is responsible for their own behavior and following the TOS (Terms of Service) of this particular web site. For whatever reaons, some who participate here do not comply with the latter.

quote:

GLite does actually have consent because you willingly read her posts and you know she will be abusive. I know its really hard to resist reading and responding, but you need to block her. Or at least skip over anything she has to say.
There's a vast amount to read here and no-one cares what one (cranky) woman has to say about some guy and none of us know either of you in real life!

Normally, I never respond to her posts. This thread was a very rare exception and my response was only because her post included derrogatory comments regarding my Mistress. Otherwise, for months I've always ignored her comments and just considered their source, content to leave it at that. I've already stated earlier in the thread that I won't be responding to her again, regardless of the content of her posts. Believe me when I say that I have the self-discipline to live up to that statement.

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/11/2007 2:52:27 PM

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Joined: 5/9/2007
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Being responsible is 2ways. Being a submale, service for me is all about the heart, about the devotion that you want to show someone. I love showing my adoration and devoted selflessness with service and other means.

(in reply to pixelslave)

RE: A Dominants Responsibility - 6/12/2007 7:25:49 PM

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam
It's very much a two way street.

The more a sub tries to meet My needs, the more protective and concerned I become about meeting his needs and making him happy.

If he is not motivated to meet My needs, I won't subordinate My own wishes or sacrifice to keep him on board, at least, not for very long.

I agree. What I give to a relationship is influenced by what I perceive the other to give to the relationship. I think giving to the relationship takes different forms for different people.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to TexasMaam)

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