RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ?

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RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? - 6/25/2007 4:43:15 AM

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I don't ask for tributes. Never have, never will.
But I don't blame those that do. Condoms cost. Lube costs. Toys cost. Even time costs.
I think it's far more honest to be upfront about it than to have it come as a nasty shock later.

:))
LH

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RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? - 6/25/2007 4:59:26 AM

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In some cases, it could just be greed. If I see a mistress who mainly talks about "financial domination", that's what I tend to think. However, it can be used as a method to determine who is and isn't serious. There's a problem with that, though: What if the sub is rich, but not serious?

(in reply to LadyHeart)

RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? - 6/25/2007 5:01:14 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stella40

quote:

ORIGINAL: stop352

i have been checking out a lot of the MISTRESSES here but all or most want finnacial tribute. That is something which will come on its own later . why at startup?

Maybe I am using a different version of the Collarme website or maybe I have severe learning difficulties or am functionally illiterate but I wouldn't say most want a financial tribute. And believe me, I have browsed a lot of profiles.

Why at start up?

Possible answers.

1. Many subs approach Dommes on Collarme the same way they approach items found on e-Bay or online shopping. They want a particular type of Domme with particular type of equipment to do particular type of activities on particular days at particular times for the particular experience of the submissive.

2. Many submissives aren't interested in Dommes as people, they are only interested in them as Dommes, there to engage in a scene involving specific activities for the sub's enjoyment. These submissives don't have a need or time for such basic things like respect, manners, friendship, conversation, companionship, etc - they just want to get their jollies and leave.

3. Some submissives have a mental block when it comes to understanding the basic 'give-take' principle of BDSM or D/s.

4. Many Dommes get tired of being a freebie domination service for these types of submissives and some are also tired of not getting anything out of scenes with submissives.

5. Submissives rarely offer their own place for meetings and not often come up with the equipment, but expect the Dommes to not only have all the necessary equipment but also wear the appropriate clothes. This equipment costs money. Why should the Domme have to pay for all the equipment?

6. Some Dommes figure, and quite rightly in my opinion, that if they're going to not get anything out of the meeting or relationship and they're going to be treated like a Pro-Domme then they might as well charge a fee or demand a tribute.

Does this make it any clearer?

For a submissive the way into BDSM is very simple - you either have something to offer (other than submission) which a Domme genuinely needs or you pay. Either way you give.

It's not exactly rocket science, or is it?

Excellent answer Stella. Thank you. You hit the nail on the head. I am sure there are various agendas but I can pretty well guess, based on how much email I get, that a lot of women that don't expect tribute of some sort get their time wasted quite a bit. If not in the beginning then later. Later sucks because you're left a bit exhasted over the whole ordeal.

I don't go to munches. I'm super busy and there are plenty of sub males that would gratefully pay me to train them. I'm an experienced high profile Domina. Being catered to is an expectation of mine. This will not change. So when a male writes me and gives me his resume I just don't assume he knows what he's talking about and allow him enterance into my world. They all go through the same process and to be honest I highly doubt 29.95 (to join my training site) is going to break his wallet.

But again, this topic goes on and on and on. The simple answer is 1) because we can 2) some do, some don't.

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RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? - 6/25/2007 5:03:01 AM

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Cool another grumpy, what about me and my needs submissive. As if there arent enough of them already.
I turned pro because I would go to work all day and earn my living doing what I love, then come home for a quick bite, shower and hello to those I reside with change my clothes and go to a party where I "played" (more like worked) from 9pm till 2am with a line of submissives waiting for their turn at the Dom Machine; A Generous Woman who loved play and enjoyed being in the community. I brought the toys, I wore the clothes, I created the scene. I had fun, but.. I got burned out.
On that particular night I got offered a drink of water and some sweet thoughtful subby whom I had just played on for at least an hour offered me a neck rub. oohhh!! Why do we need to think of everything??!!
The next party I decided to stay home and take a bath and tuck into bed early. My phone had 7 texts and 4 missed calls with the line of subbies waiting to be serviced, wanted me to get out of the bath and come play with them. I know we are allowed to ask for a drink, to demand a rub or *gasp* to say no. Everyone must remember sometimes we get carried away and we are so intent on taking care of our submissive, that we forget to, at times, take care of ourselves. It is supposed to be a 2 way street! When we have carried our weight and that of everyone else we have played with for long enough we have the option of deciding what makes it feel fair for us. Sometimes its gifts, could be help with chores, or sometimes cash so we can pay for a professional massage or ohh have enough to get that new corset yumm or those boots mmm. I would also like to have things offered, I do not like asking for things from people unless its a part of a scene. I am proud and strong, I can take care of myself! I do not need you or your gifts or your money! I want the respect that is due to a Person who has spent years enjoying learning the ropes, honing Her craft. Let alone wanting the respect due me for just being alive and kicking in the world, going at it every day like everyone else, and heaven forbid that I might expect respect for simply being a Dominant Woman!!
I want generous souls near me as I am a generous soul. I give without thinking am a good friend and I offer alot to those near me.. But to those subbies who say they are there to be in service.. think about what kind of service you can actually be! I play with people I trust and like in exchange for mutual fun and caring of each other.
I decided to take a break from the pro work shortly after I was effectively called a whore from a boy who didnt want to pay for online Domination, (but it was ethically ok to be adulterously involved with a slut for free??!! good grief!) I set my boundaries and offered: my friendship, conversation, to answer questions, to be a real person.. but he wanted me to "just" hold his key and thinking that was no big deal, to me it is! I explained my feelings on keyholding, what I felt it demanded. He kept pushing at my boundaries and asking what I wanted him to do and how long I thought he should wear his device and did I want to see it etc. I was firm and reminded him that if he wanted that from me I would require a tribute as that was work to me, others pay for play, for my time. I even offered that perhaps he could send me a gift and keep it on a more friendly thing than just a professional basis since we were saying we were friends. He had continued to say he wanted my friendship and was not looking to ask anything of me I did not want to give. So heres where the messing with a Doms heart goes into play, do you understand yet or are you hard hearted and callus?! Taking on the responsibility of someones sexuality and their health is an important thing if you have respect for the process.
I am just getting irritated... where's that gag??!! I know there are good subbies out there I know it! I have met a few but really all I can say is subbie boy who started this thread, thanks for the opportunity to vent publically and tell a part of my story. (I hope you learned something, even if its only to keep your mouth shut cause otherwise its too much trouble.. or perhaps you're basking in the negative attention.. so long as you know yourself and can keep growing thats all that really counts good luck in your search- I actually mean that)
Good grief thats a long rant. I'm posting it anyhow......

(in reply to openmindedslave)

RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? - 6/25/2007 5:12:25 AM

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ok I am going to take a different track here--I do not ask for tribute, I am financially solid and have all that I could want in life---but I am beginning the think little boys have forgotten how to court---does that mean I would not like flowers? Candy? A surprise? When first I meet a boy I ask for a white rose, to show who he is and for him to carry out the first of My commands--I was once told that was tribute as well--I don't want money, I don't need it, but do I want you to bring something that shows your respect for Me? Yes!

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(in reply to stop352)

RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? - 6/25/2007 5:12:51 AM

RchmdServiceNeed

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Sweet Dommes: You are a nicer person than me. ;) You said it the most plain and basic way possible without being overly rude [like I would have been]

STELLA40! Aaahahaha You totally made my morning, that was hilarous. I send you hugs.... and kisses if one would accept them. ;)

PsyVamp&Mistressor -- Exactly. It takes. so. much. freeking. time. lol, I didn't even start out wanting to be a Pro-domme!! Just got tired of wasting my time on one shot fantasy wannabies figured I'd better start getting paid since it was starting to feel like work, lol. Now I love it :) -- but love like the way someone has a P/t job they love, not like hate someone for making them do volunteer work. ;)

Loving steel07-- You're too cute. I want to eat you.
[but I like to tourute my food first, so don't jump to accept...... hehehe]

And Ms.C-- Why DON'T All Dommes charge for services?? Good Q! I have wondered that quite a few times..... mainly every time I get a laundry list email.

In truth, I wouldn't mind having a sub that didn't pay and was invested in me for a long term D/s relationship where my true needs were met, but for the "lets play out my fantasy" sub -- I deserve to be paid for my time since there is nothing else in it for me. It takes a great deal of time investment and quite literately there are only so many hours in the day.

And if anyone thinks they should get it for free, I encourage them to go out and get it. To do the work [emotionally, personally, time-wise, etc] that is necessary and would be happy for them. For the few who have been bold enough to complain to me that they should get me for free or that a "real Domme" wouldn't charge-- I am quick to remind them they wouln't BE getting *me* at all then. That a session with me is not even an option without payment -- in short, it doens't exist. So they can either see me, have fun together!, and pay fair rate for my time, or they can easilly and happily go onto the next person or continue their search pretending i don't exist becuase, without a paid session, I don't.

For me it's a combination: money isn't enough alone either-- I have to be at least somewhat intersted or at a very least have the absense of annoyance. ;)

(in reply to MissIsis)

RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? - 6/25/2007 5:15:59 AM

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Thank you MsStryker for your post, that was VERY enlightening, there are only a few professional Dominas that I respect, I have now added You to the list, I hope this post of Yours lasts a ling time as it sheds a very nice light on that aspect of our lives.

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Mistress Hathor

(in reply to MsStryker)

RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? - 6/25/2007 5:21:02 AM

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From: Mid-Atlantic area
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quote:

ORIGINAL: quietboynyc

In some cases, it could just be greed. If I see a mistress who mainly talks about "financial domination", that's what I tend to think. However, it can be used as a method to determine who is and isn't serious. There's a problem with that, though: What if the sub is rich, but not serious?

Its not the amount of money. Not at all. At least not for me. Sure I get nice gifts and some men can afford more while others barely get by. You can't buy my attention but you also can't feed me a line and expect me to be all over you. I'm happy to take you on a fulfilling journey and you can go on to the next stating that you've been trained by an expereinced Domina. So lets say I spend time, maybe a few weeks or even a few months talking on the phone, emailing instructions, giving him access to my personal life, yadda yadda... then he disappears or decides he can't really be a slave. No big deal.

I have 3 serious males pursuing me right now. I'm really only looking for 2 as primary slaves. Two can afford to buy me nice gifts and pay for a bill here and there. Another has no money but I require him to spend time doing things for me. All have reasonable experience. All three have a good chance of being a live-in. The important thing to me is that a male proves to be honest, loyal and consistent. My dream is to develop my farm, grow food, share it with people of like mind. In order to do all this I must work. Yes I also have a non-adult business but no way I can take care of everything, afford the time I do now, take care of mom, son and continue to expand my dream. So I have web sites, phone sessions and sell audio & video clips. Sure I can go work 10 hours for someone else doing something totally non-scene related and then I couldn't go travel to spend time with slaves, meet with other women and enjoy everything I do now.

Yes, I expect them to support the work I do and be proactive in helping me build my dream. Damn right.

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(in reply to quietboynyc)

RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? - 6/25/2007 5:27:09 AM

mistresszariah1

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We wouldnt be called a Pro for free lol

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RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? - 6/25/2007 5:37:35 AM

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If you meet someone who is vanilla and you decide to go to dinner with her, how much is that gonna cost ya? What did you get besides a good meal and maybe a peck on the cheek? If you give a tribute, you're gonna get what you want and came for. So you decide what is for you....

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RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? - 6/25/2007 5:54:54 AM

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i have no problem whatsoever advancing a tribune, journal, or daily gazette

to a Domina, being up on current events makes for a wiser Woman.

i'm sorry, it's about what? Ohhhhhh, in that case.

Many solid reasons have been forwarded, each easy to comprehend and apply.

Dearest Mystress requires a boy give "lovingly", or not at all, his choice.

There in lies the simplest application, choice.

You are a submissive, not a hostage, not a prisoner, you have choices, make them.

One may find worth in advancing tribute rather than laying down cold cash for the

lastest DVD version of "Men In Chains, And The Women Who Ignore Them".

Respectfully, chia* (the pet)

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RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? - 6/25/2007 6:18:41 AM

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because they are worth it and so much more

best times of my week when im with my mistress and yes i pay her

would love to be a 24/7 slave/submissive but right now this is the best thing i got going on

mal

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RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? - 6/25/2007 6:23:05 AM

RchmdServiceNeed

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistresszariah1

We wouldnt be called a Pro for free lol

LOL.

Exactly.

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RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? - 6/25/2007 6:25:48 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RchmdServiceNeed

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistresszariah1

We wouldnt be called a Pro for free lol

Then does that mean that every FemDom who asks for tribute is a ProFemDom? This is a very confusing subject for me.

LOL.

Exactly.

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RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? - 6/25/2007 6:35:41 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny

quote:

ORIGINAL: RchmdServiceNeed

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistresszariah1

We wouldnt be called a Pro for free lol

Then does that mean that every FemDom who asks for tribute is a ProFemDom? This is a very confusing subject for me.

LOL.

Exactly.

If I expect flowers or candy, or something nice when we meet, does that make Me a Pro? If I excpect the same in a vanilla relationship does that mean I am a Prostitute?

edited for colour.

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 6/25/2007 6:37:31 AM >

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RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? - 6/25/2007 6:40:40 AM

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Rchmnd - if I had read his profile before my first reply, I probably would have been a bit more rude LOL

I agree with you on steel though ... I'm considering lowering our minimum age

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RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? - 6/25/2007 6:42:59 AM

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MH that is a part of my confusion. Several have stated that of course they require tribute because they are Pro and have costs to cover.
I genuinely do not understand tributes, especially those that are required immediately. If it is required then for me it totally dilutes the concept of giving from the heart.
Giving gifts (tribute) once a relationship has been established doesn't confuse me as much lol, but to require tribute before you even meet? That looses me along the way.

Editted to add:
I don't ask out of snarkiness, I am not belittling anyone. I just don't get it so I am finally asking.

< Message edited by cjenny -- 6/25/2007 6:44:41 AM >

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RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? - 6/25/2007 6:50:53 AM

RchmdServiceNeed

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Nah -- Money = Pro-domme.

If you have to pay to see her, weather she considers herself a "Pro" or not, weather it is full-time or not, by definition-- If she is getting paid she is a Pro-Domme.
If you are getting paid for something it is a profession.
There are a few different degrees of seriousness [those that actively recruit, those that let folks come to them, have play space, don't, etc etc.] but baisically the line I think is drawn at money.
Gifts are gifts.
Even if the gift it a requirement to see someone, assuming it's in the "gift" range of pricing [under $50] then it's a gift. And it's really not such a bad idea! I think, contrary to most sub's belief -- we really do know who is serious and who is not. And generally, money is not the marker of that alone.

Things with high, converatble monitary value [cars, diamond earings, etc.], paying bills, and straight out money are ALL in the "Money" = Pro category.

And. Prostitute is a word loaded with judgement. but yeah, Escorts work for money. not gifts. Call one up and offer flowers to meet and see if ANY would meet! ha!~

But then again, I guess it's the same thing with them -- ya wann spend the time, effort, energy having a girlfriend and time searching for one then go for it-- but if you want what you want, when you want it, how you want it -- then my god, even at $200/hr it's a steal.

(in reply to MHOO314)

RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? - 6/25/2007 7:04:33 AM

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Mistresses often do not ask for tributes for real time service. I do not. However, since the only thing you want is basically to perform on cam, what is a Mistress getting out of it? That is the issue.

So while I appreciate the generalization regarding the question, the whole "before you even meet" scenario does not even apply in this case. There will never be a meeting. The dominant will never be able to feel the submissive, get her dishes done, have service, a hug...nothing. All you are willing and able to supply is cyber/cam sessions. What else would the Mistress get out of such? For strictly cyber training where I am watching some stranger jack off on cam? Yep, you bet your ass someone is going to pay me for my time.

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(in reply to stop352)

RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? - 6/25/2007 7:05:03 AM

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(reposted)

No use in flogging this dead horse further.

Scroll down on the right side of this page to the bottom,
enter terms such as: "financial domination", "tribute"
"dommes and money" etc. and hit the search key.

Hope you have several hours free to read all of the old posts.

And towards the bottom of the forums main page is a section
for Professional Services. The professionals advertise there.

The "Ask a Mistress" forum has both Lifestyle and Pro-Dommes,
some of the ladies are both.

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So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
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(in reply to stop352)

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