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how do you exert power on your sub/slave? - 7/5/2007 3:21:50 PM

yuyu777

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especially in a 24/7 D/s, how do you exert power to manage the relationship? any specific things you do to strengthen your power?

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RE: how do you exert power on your sub/slave? - 7/5/2007 3:49:28 PM

shadevarr

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Never give any slack as far as rules go. Never lie and always expect to enact any threat immediately. Then there is always the pat on the head and a "good girl".

(in reply to yuyu777)

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RE: how do you exert power on your sub/slave? - 7/5/2007 4:08:09 PM

Rover

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Personally, I don't have to "do" anything beyond be myself. And all I ask of my partner is to be herself as well. If that happens, the rest takes care of itself.

John

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RE: how do you exert power on your sub/slave? - 7/5/2007 4:18:44 PM

SirMIkeSD

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It hard at times, life has a way of getting in the way sometimes. But no matter how tried/busy/etc you are, the dynamic needs to stay in place. It's important not to let it slip here or there and to ensure consistency .

Mike

(in reply to Rover)

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RE: how do you exert power on your sub/slave? - 7/5/2007 4:27:53 PM

MadRabbit

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I give an order and she obeys it. I do my part and she does hers.

To me, at least, it really boils down to something as simple as that. I dont consider what I do to be an exertion of power, but rather two people using their own personal power to create a relationship.

With each order I give and everytime she chooses to obey it, the authority transfer in the replacement becomes real and is strengthened.

The words "exertion of power" come as if the relationship itself is a struggle to maintain power. I see it as something more harmonius and complementary with dominance/submission working in a Ying/Yang sense.

If she doesnt want to willfully obey, then I am okay with that. It means the relationship just wasnt meant to work out and I just have to find another partner who does.

(But of course, I am just simplifing something that in the real life sense of things can be incredibly complex and difficult to maintain, but I feal this is the underlying principle)

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 7/5/2007 4:29:43 PM >

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RE: how do you exert power on your sub/slave? - 7/5/2007 4:44:32 PM

Suleiman

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It's been my experience that "exerting power" as you put it usually does more harm than good. Some folks need or want that iron grip, I suppose, but by and large, it just dosen't work. Reinforce the dynamic, certainly, but that can be done without any use of "power". Simply be strong - and don't make the mistake of thinking that lashing out or behaving aggressively is a hallmark of strength. Control yourself before seeking to exert influence over anything else. Make yourself into a person that others want to follow. Once you've done that, the rest flows pretty easily.

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RE: How do you exert power on your sub/slave? - 7/5/2007 4:51:00 PM

amayos

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yuyu777
Any specific things you do to strengthen your power?

• Be consistent in your authority and ready to enforce it.
• Reflect deeply and use sound judgment.
• Aspire toward high standards and avoid weakness.
• Rule through your actions, never through argument.
• Be honest with yourself; know your path and walk boldly upon it.
• See with the eyes of truth and not the poison illusions of the ego.
• Correct or discard as needed, but do not resent what serves you.
• Never cease to learn and hold a wonder about the world.
• Do not loose your warmth and empathy.

(in reply to yuyu777)

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RE: How do you exert power on your sub/slave? - 7/5/2007 4:54:21 PM

DiurnalVampire

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Pet names, and how I talk to them. When they are mine, they learn to take the verbal cues of when I am in the mood for certain things. Its the easiest way to make sure i dont have to touch them but still get my message across. They understand that anything i say is a promise, not a threat, and know better than to challenge.

DV

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(in reply to amayos)

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RE: How do you exert power on your sub/slave? - 7/5/2007 4:58:15 PM

MadRabbit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

quote:

ORIGINAL: yuyu777
Any specific things you do to strengthen your power?

• Be consistent in your authority and ready to enforce it.
• Reflect deeply and use sound judgment.
• Aspire toward high standards and avoid weakness.
• Rule through your actions, never through argument.
• Be honest with yourself; know your path and walk boldly upon it.
• See with the eyes of truth and not the poison illusions of the ego.
• Correct or discard as needed, but do not resent what serves you.
• Never cease to learn and hold a wonder about the world.
• Do not loose your warmth and empathy.

Now that is a post worth its space...

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RE: how do you exert power on your sub/slave? - 7/5/2007 5:22:21 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Personally, I don't have to "do" anything beyond be myself. And all I ask of my partner is to be herself as well. If that happens, the rest takes care of itself.

John

gosh.. I wish I was this good.... I have to eat Chilli to exert power on my girls....and let me tell.. they fall to theri knees when I exert the power.

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RE: How do you exert power on your sub/slave? - 7/5/2007 5:22:50 PM

dawntreader

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And from this side of the kneel, i agree 100%

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(in reply to MadRabbit)

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RE: How do you exert power on your sub/slave? - 7/5/2007 5:28:05 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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I don't exert power over someone unless I'm doing forceplay or seduction.

I utilize my authority over them in anything from them taking me to the bank to asking permission to piss or making them eat what I want for dinner.

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RE: how do you exert power on your sub/slave? - 7/5/2007 5:31:00 PM

Rover

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Personally, I don't have to "do" anything beyond be myself. And all I ask of my partner is to be herself as well. If that happens, the rest takes care of itself.

John

gosh.. I wish I was this good.... I have to eat Chilli to exert power on my girls....and let me tell.. they fall to theri knees when I exert the power.

Do you hold her head under the covers? Now THAT'S power!!

Anyway, I know I'm preaching to the choir when I say that it's not a matter of being "good" (or any other relative term). But it's also not about being something or someone you're not, or being what you think someone else expects of you, or being what you always wished you were but aren't, or using tricks, or anything else other than being yourselves, and being compatible being yourselves.

If it's not natural, if it's contrived, then it's just role play.

John

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(in reply to KnightofMists)

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RE: how do you exert power on your sub/slave? - 7/5/2007 5:36:54 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Anyway, I know I'm preaching to the choir when I say that it's not a matter of being "good" (or any other relative term). But it's also not about being something or someone you're not, or being what you think someone else expects of you, or being what you always wished you were but aren't, or using tricks, or anything else other than being yourselves, and being compatible being yourselves.

"AMEN" for the preacher!

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: How do you exert power on your sub/slave? - 7/5/2007 5:42:22 PM

amayos

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Now that is a post worth its space...

Thank you, kind Sir. Your posts garner my admiration, in turn.

(in reply to MadRabbit)

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RE: how do you exert power on your sub/slave? - 7/5/2007 5:55:37 PM

Kinkypupper

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I agree with Shadevarr's reply.

Also patience and strengthing mental bonds helps

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RE: how do you exert power on your sub/slave? - 7/6/2007 1:58:53 AM

robertolapiedra

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Hello yuyu777. By being an example of consistant self discipline and leadership. Expensive gifts help too! RL

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RE: how do you exert power on your sub/slave? - 7/6/2007 4:00:48 AM

MagiksSlave

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If you have to ask you'll never know!!

Sorry I heard Angelica say that to Tommy on Rugrats about 14 years ago and have always wanted to use it and it just seemed apropriate here ((giggles))

Magik's naughty slave

< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 7/6/2007 4:02:37 AM >

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RE: how do you exert power on your sub/slave? - 7/6/2007 6:35:04 AM

SirDominic

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Your choice of wording interests me. How do you exert power? By not exerting power. How do you strengthen your power? Don't try to act more powerfully. How do you manage a relationship? By not managing it.

Too Zen?

Okay. Personal power is like the electrical power that comes into your home. Either it is on, or it is not. When the power is on, all goes well. When the power is turned off, life ain't so good. Exerting personal power is like trying to overload the power lines into your home, you end up doing more damage than good. Having personal power, and being very comfortable with that, means you don't have to prove anything. You don't need to exert yourself. You simply are Power. Any submissive who has a naturally confident Dominant knows what I am talking about.

If you are with a Dominant who understands and is comfortable with power, they rarely need to exert it. They know instinctively what to say, how to say it, that you just want to obey. It is nothing that is forced upon you, it is focused on you in manners that have you wanting to obey.

If you don't have power naturally, trying to strengthen it won't work. For the same reasons noted above. Trying to prove you are stronger means using some form of force, not necessarily physical. It could be verbal, emotional, etc. If you are trying to do this, more times than not you do not have the strength, and are compensating by attempting to trick the submissive into believing that you do. If you are naturally strong, you don't need to prove you are strong. You simply are. And that strength of character comes through from the consistency of your actions. Always controlled, balanced, and offered in a calm, relaxed manner.

You don't want to manage a relationship. It's not a grocery store. The power in a D/s relationship is a power exchange that is a natural flow of energy from Dom to sub, and from sub to Dom. It is playful. It is caring. A slave I am very fond of said it this way "In her surrender, she shines for her Master - because He does not put her in His shadow - but in His light....so she can shine." If you were to imagine this kind of relationship, feel how submissive you find you want to be, now with me, I think that is when you are on the journey that will be so rewarding; everything you want it to be.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

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RE: How do you exert power on your sub/slave? - 7/6/2007 6:38:37 AM

SimplyMichael

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I don't exert power over someone unless I'm doing forceplay or seduction.

I utilize my authority over them in anything from them taking me to the bank to asking permission to piss or making them eat what I want for dinner.

LA, I hadn't really got the whole authority vs. power thing till this thread. I was trying to formulate an answer and saw this and how profound that change is finally hit home.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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