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Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 6:22:40 PM   
akbarbarian


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I am in a difficult situation where I am trying to sort out what is reasonable to expect.  Sometime over a week ago I told my slave my cousin, who I have only recently met, invited us to a big birthday party for her.  Of course I told her we'd go.  On the fourth of July, she told me she had news which she wanted to tell me but could spoil the mood of the day she was afraid.  We were walking on the sand in our bare feet, and I felt pretty comfortable that we could talk things out so I told her "Just preface what you are going to say with the assurance that regardless of whatever the situation might be, you'll happily do what I decide" and that would keep me from feeling uneasy about making any decision about it.  So she said that, and what she told me was that her grandfather was having a birthday on Saturday on the same day as my cousin's.  I told her that as long as she could be back by evening that would be fine because my cousin't birthday wasn't till 8:00PM.  Today, she went at noon to the birthday party only to find out that his party and present opening doesn't start until late evening running past when my cousin's party is and that her mom simply wanted her to arrive early to help clean.  I told her that I want her to give her birthday wishes before the dinner, and head here in time to leave with me but she bluntly refused and seemed angry that I would even ask it though on the 4th she made her promise about it to me to obey happily whichever option I chose.  She says her family has been telling her she'd better attend because her grandpa is old and it's unclear how many birthdays he has left.  She used to live with her grandpa before moving in with me two months ago.  Her family lives around an hour away.  She also asks me not to be angry.

This is a M/s relationship that is approaching four months old.  What do I do in such a situation?  What would you think of it, as a Master, or as a slave?

< Message edited by akbarbarian -- 7/7/2007 6:25:10 PM >


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RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 6:31:55 PM   
Masternslave07


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It seems to me that the start and end times should have been coordinated better from the beginning. It seems strange that a party for a Grandfather would end so late, but it is possible.
She did disobey you. I would say she needs to pay for it. Being a Master is not always easy. Good luck.

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(in reply to akbarbarian)
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RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 6:38:19 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
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I am HUGE on someone's word being good. 

With that said there is a couple lessons to learn here.
She should have spoken up when she first heard of the duplicate plans
to allow you to sort them out.  But... she didnt. 
The other lesson was one on time, noon to evening is a big difference.
I'm sure some family memeber could have told her the correct time.
IMHO, she gave her word to you, she could have gone early to see
Grampa, spent time with him and gracefully departed to join you.

Someone's word has to be as good as gold or there's no sense banking on it.



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The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

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RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 6:42:19 PM   
Lockit


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She gave a promise yes... but she gave her word on the facts she was given by her mother and she knew she could keep her word at that point.  Now because her mother wasn't forthcoming about everything, she is placed in a position where she either breaks her word or could have a problem with her family.  It sounds like she said something to her mother about it because her mother made the statement that her grandfather was old, etc.  It sounds like she did try everything to keep her word and is left in an awful position.  There is no way she is enjoying herself at this point.  She is stuck between a rock and a hard place.

You can make it a point of contention... let her get upset from a phone call or whatever and her family resent you... you can accept the situation and have her join you as soon as she can and punish her or not.  Personally if I was angry about it... I would wait on the punishment end of it.  Emotions could be running high... could get ugly.

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RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 6:43:58 PM   
akbarbarian


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"well were getting ready to go but i read your post and the only problem with it is that you told me i had to be at the apartment by 6:30 in order to make it on time and that would "

"im not going to post on there i will let whoever comment on what you have written and that will be that. I have my family on one side and you on the other and im in the middle. Im very conflicted and dont know what to do. Just know im in tears and very upset ver the whole thing. Im sorry i let ou down Master. Im on my way out now."

She had time to send this IM to me, as an addition she thinks is important to note.  I was informed that the schedule was changed at around 3:30, and told her at that time to find a way to give birthday wishes before the dinner party.  It seems like in three hours she could have found a way, even if it meant writing a card and giving it to someone to give him.  However, even if there were difficulties in delivering well wishes, I asked what I asked of her, it was denied, and I would like to know how it sits with folks out there.

< Message edited by akbarbarian -- 7/7/2007 6:53:51 PM >


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RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 6:44:46 PM   
LadyHeart


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Since the damage has already been done, there's no putting the toothpaste back in the tube. Why not task her with writing you a thorough analysis of what went wrong and how such problems could be avoided in the future? It will act as punishment and learning in one.  You've only been her Master for 4 months, her family has been influential for a lot longer. Life happens. The trick is to learn and benefit from these unhappy situations. (Be honest with yourself too, and see if there's anything you could do better yourself.)

If her analysis is unsatisfactory and full of self justification and hints that she's likely to do it again, then you may have to think long and hard....

:))
LH

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RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 6:51:32 PM   
akbarbarian


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
It sounds like she said something to her mother about it because her mother made the statement that her grandfather was old, etc.

I was rather perturbed to hear about this myself when I first heard it on the 4th.  I am not keen on threats, manipulation, and guilt trips being used to control someone.  Apparently she was given this big song and dance about "How would you feel if you were standing at your grandfather's grave and you knew you could have gone to his last birthday party but didn't".  Noone knows when someone will die, but aside from that, this is a very manipulative and cruel thing to say and I have less desire to respect the wishes or someone who would say such a thing.  This was said Wednesday, not today.  Why would she even say somthing like that?  In any case, she's seen him plenty before the party, surely will afterwards, and aside from that this is the party day not the actual calendar birthday.  To me however, this is all aside from the fact that two promises were broken.  One that says I am a slave and I'll obey.  The other being that this in particular was stressed that it would be obeyed, even when she thought it might mean not going to the birthday party at all.  It seems the only reason she disobeyed and broke her word, is that she went and was around her mom before finding out the schedules conflict.  If she had not gone at all, I have a feeling she would have obeyed or at least that's what she said on Wednesday.


_____________________________

Out and proud as a dominant male
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Also:Not a service top!
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RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 6:52:28 PM   
MagiksSlave


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OK I understand how your slave feels, her family is importent to her, why is it you cant go to your party and let her go to hers?? you said you have never even met this cousin!! She lived with her granfather and it is apparent the he is importent to her, how is you telling her to leave the party when she doesnt even know how many more her grandfather will have the best desistion you can make for her??? I Dont see this as her going against her word but more as she didnt know the details and since she learned of them she is asking to make changes. What I see here is you makeing the desistion because you can because your are flexing your Masterly muscles and not based on what is best for your relationship or your slave. her Mother is putting a lot of pressure on her to be at the party the entire part and Honestly I think it is a bit inconsiderate of you to be putting more pressure on  her to do as you wish her to do. Part of beeing a Master is compromiseing and understanding that there are other forses that will demand things of your slave not just yourself, and I understand what it is like to want to please your parents as well. it can be rather unplesent and straining on the relationship to go against what they want even if you are an adult. It is aparent she has priorities and her family is high on her list and the fact that you dont even know this cousin i can understand her feeling her grandfather should be a higher priority.

Both of you have started numerouse threads all telling of problems and incompatabilities you are haveing. I see a bad pattern here!! Frankly 4 months is NOT a long time in fact it is rather short the fact that you moved in so fast together also worries me.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to Quivver)
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RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 6:53:09 PM   
Lashra


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Perhaps she feels that you are making her choose between her family and you. That can be a very sticky situation, particularly in a relationship that is so young. Frankly shit happens and we usually do not see it coming. Sometimes a Dominant has to be somewhat forgiving and understanding, particularly when it comes to a slaves family. Real life happens and things do not always go our way.

Personally I would sit down and talk to her about it in an open conversation so that she does not feel threatened and you each tell how you feel about the situation. Right now she probably feels pretty bad and you obviously have some anger. Perhaps this might clear the air.

Good luck,
~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






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RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 6:57:44 PM   
akbarbarian


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The thing that worries me, is, if things continue merrily along and at some point later she says "I'll do whatever you decide ultimately, but this is the situation:  _________________" how can I take that with any faith?  I'm sympathetic given the situation, but plans and commitments were made.

_____________________________

Out and proud as a dominant male
United we stand!
Also:Not a service top!
Heretic of Gor

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RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 6:58:07 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

"well were getting ready to go but i read your post and the only problem with it is that you told me i had to be at the apartment by 6:30 in order to make it on time and that would "

"im not going to post on there i will let whoever comment on what you have written and that will be that. I have my family on one side and you on the other and im in the middle. Im very conflicted and dont know what to do. Just know im in tears and very upset ver the whole thing. Im sorry i let ou down Master. Im on my way out now."

She had time to send this IM to me, as an addition she thinks is important to note.  I was informed that the schedule was changed at around 3:30, and told her at that time to find a way to give birthday wishes before the dinner party.  It seems like in three hours she could have found a way, even if it meant writing a card and giving it to someone to give him.  However, even if there were difficulties in delivering well wishes, I asked what I asked of her, it was denied, and I would like to know how it sits with folks out there.


reading this literaly makes me want to cry for your slave. You see NOTHING wrong with this??? How could you do that to her I know about other peoples relationships being theres and my kind isnt your kink and all but this this is just plain mean and I would have run for the hills if i was your slave, how could you put her in such a position, that statement just send chills down my spine and makes me sick!

Magik's harsh slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to akbarbarian)
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RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 6:58:20 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
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I am not saying that we in this lifestyle are not living in the real world... we are living in our world and most of the rest of the world doesn't understand.  How is this to be explained to her family?  She is in a situation where she is publically in front of her family... has to make a choice that I sure wouldn't want to make and I don't even like my family!  I just wouldn't want the hassles.  Already there are signs of manipulative family memebers... this could get real ugly.  It takes time to adjust to all newer live in relationships and a power play at this moment might turn sour real quick. 

Given some time this could all be calmly worked out and you would have the power you require without a war... pushed too fast and too soon... well... you get the picture.

Good luck

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
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RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 7:00:11 PM   
DrkJourney


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Not sure if I'm understanding, so pardon me if I am getting this wrong.

She's supposed to be cleaning for a party, yet she had time to sign on to collarme, find your post and respond to you about it?

Really doesn't matter what the excuse is....she was supposed to do something and she didn't do it.  So me, myself...I would calm down till I was no longer angry.  Call her to your "saferoom" or where ever you two have frank discussions....talk this out...and when that is done, explain to her how what happened was wrong and why you must punish her.  This way she will know it is not ok, and hopefully that curbs the desire to "create" excuses in the future (not saying this wasn't real, but talking the future)  Give her your punishment, then let it all go and move on.

Just my opinion

good luck!

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...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....



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RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 7:01:21 PM   
imthatacheyouhav


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I feel like her spending time with her Grandfather is MORE important here. Like it or not the fact that her Grandfather IS old and wont be around much longer IS a good reason to stay and be with him. I personally would NEVER stand for anyone telling me i could go to my Grandfathers Birthday party.  To me thats incredibly selfish

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*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to akbarbarian)
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RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 7:03:18 PM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

"well were getting ready to go but i read your post and the only problem with it is that you told me i had to be at the apartment by 6:30 in order to make it on time and that would "

"im not going to post on there i will let whoever comment on what you have written and that will be that. I have my family on one side and you on the other and im in the middle. Im very conflicted and dont know what to do. Just know im in tears and very upset ver the whole thing. Im sorry i let ou down Master. Im on my way out now."

She had time to send this IM to me, as an addition she thinks is important to note.  I was informed that the schedule was changed at around 3:30, and told her at that time to find a way to give birthday wishes before the dinner party.  It seems like in three hours she could have found a way, even if it meant writing a card and giving it to someone to give him.  However, even if there were difficulties in delivering well wishes, I asked what I asked of her, it was denied, and I would like to know how it sits with folks out there.


reading this literaly makes me want to cry for your slave. You see NOTHING wrong with this??? How could you do that to her I know about other peoples relationships being theres and my kind isnt your kink and all but this this is just plain mean and I would have run for the hills if i was your slave, how could you put her in such a position, that statement just send chills down my spine and makes me sick!

Magik's harsh slave

EXACTLY!!!!


_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
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RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 7:05:00 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
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I dont see why she needs to be punished it seems like she was put in a rather sucky unfair situation and did the best she could.. from what I see her party turned out to be running later and his party turned out to be starting earlier and he wanted her to go to her party and leave fast even if that ment not seeing her grandfather at all?? Maybe Im sensative because my gradfather just passed and all I have is my Nana now and Im very close with her I dont get to see her much and if Master where to tell me I couldnt see her on a specail occasion a rare time I get to see her I would have reacted much the same!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to DrkJourney)
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RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 7:05:58 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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You look at it like life sometimes throws a curve ball at us we didn't expect or plan for and you compensate.  Does she respect you at other times?  Look at the relationship... only you can do that.  If she challenges you in other ways... consider that after this evening is dealt with.  Building up anger and questions and such with just this one problem might be going overboard.  The way I see it... she was lied to and she is now put is a bad situation and all her love and loyalties to everyone is challenged. I don't know how old she is... but that could be a factor too. 

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 7:06:37 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

"well were getting ready to go but i read your post and the only problem with it is that you told me i had to be at the apartment by 6:30 in order to make it on time and that would "

"im not going to post on there i will let whoever comment on what you have written and that will be that. I have my family on one side and you on the other and im in the middle. Im very conflicted and dont know what to do. Just know im in tears and very upset ver the whole thing. Im sorry i let ou down Master. Im on my way out now."

She had time to send this IM to me, as an addition she thinks is important to note.  I was informed that the schedule was changed at around 3:30, and told her at that time to find a way to give birthday wishes before the dinner party.  It seems like in three hours she could have found a way, even if it meant writing a card and giving it to someone to give him.  However, even if there were difficulties in delivering well wishes, I asked what I asked of her, it was denied, and I would like to know how it sits with folks out there.


reading this literaly makes me want to cry for your slave. You see NOTHING wrong with this??? How could you do that to her I know about other peoples relationships being theres and my kind isnt your kink and all but this this is just plain mean and I would have run for the hills if i was your slave, how could you put her in such a position, that statement just send chills down my spine and makes me sick!

Magik's harsh slave

EXACTLY!!!!



Thank you I thought I was alone here on this thought.. everyone is saying how the slave should be punished but at least as I see it this time it is the Masters foult!! I hate how beeing slave means no matter the situation you are always the wrong one.. that isnt what beeting a slave is!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 7:07:50 PM   
akbarbarian


Posts: 596
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

She lived with her granfather and it is apparent the he is importent to her

Actually, she used to lock the door as soon as she'd get home simply to get away from her.  She is being guilted into this by her mom.  He used to go through all her belongings.  I met him, he wouldn't even make eye contact, shake my hand, or introduce himself to me.
quote:


you said you have never even met this cousin!! , how is you telling her to leave the party when she doesnt even know how many more her grandfather will have the best desistion you can make for her???
 
Since when it being a Master about making the best decision for her?  I thought it was about making the best decision for us as a Master/slave couple.  It's not always easy following through with that.  When she doesn't want to do somthing, or is in a tough spot, I'd love to be able to get out of that situation of having to decide what to do.  If I allow her to get out of commitments to me, or to her role as a slave, time and time again, how does that even help her if being a slave is what she wants to be?  It seems to me that it dishonors us both and what we say say we stand for as a couple.

< Message edited by akbarbarian -- 7/7/2007 7:08:44 PM >


_____________________________

Out and proud as a dominant male
United we stand!
Also:Not a service top!
Heretic of Gor

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 7:07:54 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

You look at it like life sometimes throws a curve ball at us we didn't expect or plan for and you compensate.  Does she respect you at other times?  Look at the relationship... only you can do that.  If she challenges you in other ways... consider that after this evening is dealt with.  Building up anger and questions and such with just this one problem might be going overboard.  The way I see it... she was lied to and she is now put is a bad situation and all her love and loyalties to everyone is challenged. I don't know how old she is... but that could be a factor too. 


She is 26 if I remeber correctly

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 20
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