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Tributes done right. - 7/22/2007 9:56:47 AM

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My biggest worry about the whole "tribute" drama is that generous (spirited) men and those classy gentleman that, by their nature, enjoy giving thoughtful gifts will start to back off for fear they are being taken advantage of. In this thread, I am talking about genuine tributing -- the kind where you do something generous of spirit and finance (sometimes) to show affection and as part of the courting process and you get pleasure in doing the act itself.

A big problem with women that do make it clear they expect tributes is that a man does not have the opportunity to surprise her! After all, how will she know if he's doing it just because she told him it is expected? She will never know! If a woman says NOTHING and does not give hints, then it's up to the man to really decide when and if it is appropriate to show his affection and attention and really wow her.

Guys, what examples can you give of times that you showed genuine interesting via courting and surprised a lady who did not ask or demand a tribute? This is your chance to wow the ladies and demonstrate that it's better to let a man operate on his own imagination rather than be pushy and demanding. What ways did you totally surprise her?

Ladies, what are some of the generous gifts (of spirit also) that you have received, without coaxing or demanding?

Akasha

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RE: Tributes done right. - 7/22/2007 10:21:03 AM

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i love composing poetry for Her, a song of submission from my heart.

Knowing Her favorite flower, scent, or special dates of celebration is a must.

Surrendering to Her as the Dominant in my life, becomes the greatest tribute of all.

chia* (the pet)

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RE: Tributes done right. - 7/22/2007 11:18:11 AM

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I guess everyone else has taken their turn at flaying this dead horse, so I suppose I'll take a whack.

In our culture, when you give something of value to someone else, and the other person didn't ask for it, we call that a "gift". When we give something of value to someone else in the expectation that they will provide something to us in return, we call that a "payment".

I have no problem with the exchange of either in femdom culture. Both have their time & place.

The problem with "tribute" is, it's often a euphemism for "payment", but it seems that everyone's not quite on the same page with that. For some Dommes, "tribute" means "gift", and for some subs, "tribute" means "payment". Hence all the acrimony.

I would submit (ha! I made a funny) that femdom culture would be better if we just retired the word, and used "gift" when we meant gift, and "payment" when we meant payment. That won't happen though, because it's in a lot of people's interest to keep the ambiguity.

(in reply to chiaThePet)

RE: Tributes done right. - 7/22/2007 12:45:02 PM

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Quotes

" If a Domme demanded a flower from her sub I wouldn't go so far as saying that is a "tribute"... but I also don't think it has much joy factor to it "

Try taking someone a single flower, a year after She has told You Her favourite species and colour.... Its worth it just to see the smile it brings, knowing You remembered a passing comment in conversation.

The first paragraph was a comment i replied to with the second paragraph, on a previous thread.
I agree with Pollux that maybe the connotation of the word "tribute" is the main problem. In reply to the OP, i cant see generous spirited people changing their ways Ma`am, the pleasure comes from the giving and not the expectation of the reward.

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RE: Tributes done right. - 7/22/2007 12:53:23 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

Quotes

" If a Domme demanded a flower from her sub I wouldn't go so far as saying that is a "tribute"

Me either. The word I'd use for that is "demand". (I say that without imposing any value judgement, btw -- depending on your dynamic, that might just what you both want)

quote:

Try taking someone a single flower, a year after She has told You Her favourite species and colour.... Its worth it just to see the smile it brings, knowing You remembered a passing comment in conversation.

The word I use for that is "gift".

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RE: Tributes done right. - 7/22/2007 12:56:22 PM

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Gift does sound a lot better than "tribute".
Tribute does sound a bit demanding to most of us.

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RE: Tributes done right. - 7/22/2007 12:58:23 PM

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As i said, the first paragraph was one i replied to. i was just pointing out the joy of something so simple as an unexpected gifts. Her smile alone was worth a million dollars.

(in reply to pollux)

RE: Tributes done right. - 7/22/2007 1:05:14 PM

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I am not a "guy" and I do not demand or ask for trubute or gifts or anything but honesty. However, a gentleman with whom I like to play (very much) was so sweet the last time. he had seen something listed on E Bay ... 2 boxes of "patio lights" and each light is a round white ball with some sort of black gag, harness, collar on it and yes manufactured that way! So cute! So thoughtful! he knows we have several gatherings/parties a year and he saw this listed and thought that I would enjoy having them. And he was correct! I love them and I have had them hung up a couple of time already! It was just one trait that makes him so endearing to me.

MsOpal
edited for amazingly terrible spelling

< Message edited by MsOpal -- 7/22/2007 1:07:29 PM >

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RE: Tributes done right. - 7/22/2007 1:12:50 PM

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I wrote a short story for a woman once without her asking for it. As a writer, I have a particular person in mind when I write a story; for this one, I did something completely different and had the woman in question in mind for the story I was telling. It changed the very nature of the story and even the process of how I write. It was very obvious by the tone of the story.

She was very happy with it and it didn't take her much time to realize how different this type of story was in comparison to the published work of mine she'd read in the past.

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RE: Tributes done right. - 7/22/2007 1:41:25 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I wrote a short story for a woman once without her asking for it. As a writer, I have a particular person in mind when I write a story; for this one, I did something completely different and had the woman in question in mind for the story I was telling. It changed the very nature of the story and even the process of how I write. It was very obvious by the tone of the story.

She was very happy with it and it didn't take her much time to realize how different this type of story was in comparison to the published work of mine she'd read in the past.

That's always a good one, when done right. For a period of time I had a "writing slave" that wrote "custom" erotic just for me, and it was fantastic. I've had many subs send me erotica since then, but I generally don't get much out of it unless he knows what I'm looking for. A lot of subs lose interest in writing something if it does not erotically stimulate them, and they can't be bothered to write along the storylines and themes, no matter how obscure, that arouse me.

Akasha

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RE: Tributes done right. - 7/22/2007 2:50:36 PM

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The best tribute: time, energy, devotion, and trying your best to make it happen.

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D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

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RE: Tributes done right. - 7/22/2007 3:21:21 PM

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People are people.. I remain unconvinced here, that men or women with a generous nature are going to be scared off giving gifts as a token of affection or appreciation, due to the behaviour of a few, over zealous, greedy individuals.

Gifts are gifts.. thoughtful and unexpected...handmade gifts are the best gifts in my opinion.

( although I have never said no to a pair of shoes!)

hehehehehe

regards Allie

Edited to mention this was a reply to the OP not chia.. oops!

< Message edited by SaintAllie -- 7/22/2007 3:29:35 PM >

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RE: Tributes done right. - 7/22/2007 3:40:58 PM

michaelOfGeorgia

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wouldn't be easier for those genuinely seeking gifts to distinquish themselves from those who want to make a living off of others by simply exchanging the word "tribute" with the word "gifting"? ( or something similar)

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RE: Tributes done right. - 7/22/2007 4:17:01 PM

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quote:

wouldn't be easier for those genuinely seeking gifts to distinquish themselves from those who want to make a living off of others by simply exchanging the word "tribute" with the word "gifting"? ( or something similar)

seeking gifts and tribute.. is the same thing in my mind.. is that what you meant?

regards Allie

(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)

RE: Tributes done right. - 7/22/2007 4:47:09 PM

michaelOfGeorgia

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quote:

Gifts are gifts.. thoughtful and unexpected...handmade gifts are the best gifts in my opinion.

this pretty much explains what i meant. shouldn't there be a way (wording-wise) that follow along this guideline?

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RE: Tributes done right. - 7/22/2007 5:17:38 PM

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The submissive that I am currently involved with called and asked me if he could phone in a gift certificate for me to get a pedi/mani while he was 4 states away. I loved it! And then when he did get here, he brought me wonderful oranges and pink grapefruit from Florida, a keychain and a really cute turtle figurine made from sea shells, as well as 4 pounds of my very most favorite coffee with chicory!.............. the gesture was fabulous and I loved all the gifts!!

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Tributes done right. - 7/22/2007 6:00:51 PM

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From the standpoint of a submissive, there are two different expressions here.."tribute" and "gifts"... At least in my opinion,
a "tribute" is something that is "demanded"..by a pro-Domme, a woman who for the most part is not seeking a personal relationship with a submissive but is earning her living as a dominant. A "gift" is something that is heartfelt, an expression of endearment or even just friendship
and shows "i have been thinking of You" as much as what the article is that is given. I have paid "tribute" to a pro-Domme and have also
purchased gifts for her because of the feelings i had towards her, beyond the scene. Just my opinion...and others obviously have theirs...

cory

(in reply to MsOpal)

RE: Tributes done right. - 7/22/2007 6:10:45 PM

BossyLadyPamela

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I feel again all this play here is very individual to the two people.. or circumstance.. I looked at your site of the original poster... what a lovely site... I looked at the prices and thought whew..high but at the same time go for it !! my opinion. not a gift or offer of affection... bold and hard hitting membership for very nice arousal material and more I am sure... I liked the site and thought it was well put together..

but thought hmmm when I read this post........... I list tribute as it is what I want.. there are so many cheap asses--fake wank for me now..... out here, I have decided it is not exactly where I will be spending too much time... I have connected with only a handful of men here on collar....

My main playmates know who they are..they have paid for my hair appointments..my nails.. and a few phone calls.. one sub set up a private fed ex account of course to receive special items from me......I have them buy their own toys and outfits of course...... I have them buy me outfits as well.. they get rewarded with photos of me in them...I had one man after entry-tribute and a few weeks of intense communication.. send me a 200.00 gift via pay pal..as to say this has been the most arousing few weeks of his life and just wanted to say thankyou-- he was leaving to take care of his sick parent..and asked if he could say hello now and then.. I have written him every week.. he writes back as he works hard to take care of a elder loved one..... we do a friendship thing with very little domme and sub interaction while he is doing this.

I have gotten very little other than the beginning tribute that at least pays for my time to .. write to them..get to know them... set them up in going forward with what wil amuse me while pushing them to enjoy what I want them to enjoy...or other similiar communications.. its very broad..

Once they get to know me even slightly.. the thing that happens between us is not able to be described..more felt.. and I know they need it and I enjoy it..... that and acting like a gentleman as we continue is my real turn on.... still have to make it worth my time..as I give them lots.. oh, and phone calls free to chit chat live with me when I want.. this is unheard of.. . .. compare ANYWHERE for the prices of a live conversation on phone...

I know if it continues the way I want it with a few.. they will book a plane and be here for the weekend of their dreams.. that takes a long time ..have to get to a place in my life where I trust them... and just a very complex issue for safety and my time.

My tribute is neccy upfront.. I would hope they would want to show affection and give gifts.. sometimes the most well intended need to be told...as they are lost without my direction--- they tell me over and over..

I plan on the end of the year going a bit more commercial.. my personal touch will be lost forever at that time to Joe Submissive Public... will continue for those who follow my directions now.

< Message edited by BossyLadyPamela -- 7/22/2007 6:15:43 PM >

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RE: Tributes done right. - 7/22/2007 9:44:58 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux

I have no problem with the exchange of either in femdom culture. Both have their time & place.

I'm confused, did you mean femdom "culture" or "marketplace."

What about the ironic fact that when one pays tribute to another, no money or gifts passes hands. (At a funeral, for instance.)

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RE: Tributes done right. - 7/22/2007 10:18:39 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux

I have no problem with the exchange of either in femdom culture. Both have their time & place.

I'm confused, did you mean femdom "culture" or "marketplace."

Yes. The culture includes the marketplace.

quote:

What about the ironic fact that when one pays tribute to another, no money or gifts passes hands. (At a funeral, for instance.)

What about it?

My only point is that we could avoid a lot of acrimony if (pro) Dommes who require payment for their services used the word "payment" instead of "tribute". I understand why they do (use that word); I just don't think it's helpful.

(in reply to cloudboy)

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