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RE: Stood up on first meeting - 9/3/2007 7:41:22 AM

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

I have only browsed through this thread and not read each post. I've bantered with myself as to post or not. I guess I won *S*.

I have been meeting and not meeting people from online venues for a very long time. I learned that the very best thing you can do is make no presumptions of anyone. I never believe anyone is going to show until they do. No matter how well I like them, think I know them or want to have them. I don't hide this, I don't pretend I that I wholeheartedly believe he will show. I just tell people: I have seen X in my time. Y is the probablitly that someone will show and Z will thrill me when I am wrong. It isn't personal it isn't about the person, it is about statistics. Statistics show that most people will not show. I go with the odds.

When I am wrong I apologize. I have no problem being proven wrong...in anything, but this in particular. I love to be wrong about this, though seldom am. There was about 10 minutes a few years ago that I thought maybe it was me. Of that was short lasting because it is simple fact in any "blind date" type venue.

For me personally, I make those people come to me now. I refuse to drive further than the nearest chain resturant in my town. I make that very clear up front and if he is not willing to come to me, I move on. I have given thought to driving recently and chose not to yet again. I have no problem saying "no thank you" if he can not find his way to me in quick enough order. (quick enough being within a time frame that seems natural for the lives of the two of us.) Is it possible my inflexibility in this is passing by someone wonderful? Maybe. I don't live my life in coulda woulda shoulda. I live it for what it is day to day.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to murmur)

RE: Stood up on first meeting - 9/3/2007 7:42:10 AM

mmb1

Posts: 304
Joined: 8/3/2007
Status: offline

I guess you are right, thanks.

(in reply to murmur)

RE: Stood up on first meeting - 9/3/2007 8:06:48 AM

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mmb1

I already know the answer to this, but am going to ask anyway..........today I was supposed to meet a Dom I know for 7 months. I drove 3 hours there, 3 hours back (which should have been a 2 hour ride), got lost etc, but the vital thing here is we were due to meet at 1:30 for a movie, so i arrived early, and stayed for 4 HRS!!!! And waited and waited outside the theater in the town he resides in, because I said "no he would never do this". Now after 4 hours, and no phone call, would you have done the same thing? I have shut odd all contact with him, I am so furious!

FOUR HOURS????!!!! When the Kaptin and I set up our first meeting, it very nearly didn't happen. He had come down the night before and spent that night with a friend, and was almost 20 minutes late for our meeting. At 15 minutes, I gave him 5 more minutes of my time and that would be it. When he arrived, I was in my car and had started the engine. One more minute and our meeting would not have happened. No one - I don't care WHO they are - is worth wasting 4 hours of my time when we haven't even met yet.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to mmb1)

RE: Stood up on first meeting - 9/3/2007 8:16:13 AM

mmb1

Posts: 304
Joined: 8/3/2007
Status: offline

Well, then I am an ass, because yes I stood there for 4 hrs! I trusted him enough to know he would not let me down, so if that makes me less submissive, stupid, naive, ok I learned my lesson! Thanks again.

(in reply to Evanesce)

RE: Stood up on first meeting - 9/3/2007 8:20:35 AM

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mmb1

I thought for a while that maybe he saw me and then didn't get out of the car etc....why i don't know......I know he is not married, I know he does all good for me, but I don't understand why he would just leave me there after this was planned for so long. I mean I am not beautiful, but attractive, i really do not get why he backed out.

How do you know he's not married?

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to mmb1)

RE: Stood up on first meeting - 9/3/2007 8:25:59 AM

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

Now, mmb1... don't spend the next week or two kicking yourself over a stupid, stupid man who didn't have the balls to put into reality all those things he so eloquently talks about online. People like that are everywhere, and they're really not worth your time. Next time - and trust me... there WILL be a next time - do what I do: Make them come to you, take a book with you, meet at a coffee shop, order a cup of coffee, sit down with your book and if they're not there by the time you finish that cup of coffee - leave! Their loss, not yours.

This has saved me many headaches, because the slaveboys I've encountered in my area are notorious no-shows. With the last one, the Kaptin was with me and we had a nice brunch and chat, while the boy who failed to show claimed he'd been involved in an auto accident. We have friends in the fire department that would have responded to that accident, and there was no accident anywhere near there that day.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to mmb1)

RE: Stood up on first meeting - 9/3/2007 8:26:28 AM

Posts: 285
Joined: 12/12/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

G'morning all:

Haven't read entire thread, nor do I intend to.

To the OP; here's a little joke I've heard in my travels, yet it teaches a valuable lesson.

Little girl and little boy are in the sandbox, comparing assets.
Little boy proudly pulls his pants down and displays himself. "Look what I got!"
Little girl looks, smirks, open her panties inviting the little boy to peek, which he does. She says: "See that? With one of these, I can get as many of those as I want.".

Moral to the OP. Never surrender that power. Don't get angry, get smart.

Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys w/ others...

Bella

_____________________________

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting..."Wow! What a ride!

(in reply to mmb1)

RE: Stood up on first meeting - 9/3/2007 8:28:31 AM

mmb1

Posts: 304
Joined: 8/3/2007
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OH yeah that made sense, can you repeat that in english?

(in reply to Bella1965)

RE: Stood up on first meeting - 9/3/2007 8:29:53 AM

mmb1

Posts: 304
Joined: 8/3/2007
Status: offline

I do not do indirect interpretations anymore, sorry.

(in reply to mmb1)

RE: Stood up on first meeting - 9/3/2007 8:30:13 AM

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mmb1

Well, then I am an ass, because yes I stood there for 4 hrs! I trusted him enough to know he would not let me down, so if that makes me less submissive, stupid, naive, ok I learned my lesson! Thanks again.

All your replies to me seem to be sarcastic. If this is how you act on here by being sarcastic i'd hate to see you in real life.
It does not make u less submissive just a fool who thinks the lifestyle is any different to vanilla relationships. It shares all the same dynamics of vanilla dating. I.e the courting period, the testing period,the honeymoon period and finally the main bulk.

Get it though your idiotic head that your not the first person its happened too and to forget about him. If your that distressed you would of already mentioned his name on here or gone though most of the chatrooms on and abused him in public or told everyone else about him.

If you want the thread to die stop answering in it otherwise it just appears your an attention seeker and hoping someone goes awww i agree with you.

< Message edited by imtempting -- 9/3/2007 8:31:21 AM >

(in reply to mmb1)

RE: Stood up on first meeting - 9/3/2007 8:31:46 AM

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

quote:

Little girl and little boy are in the sandbox, comparing assets.
Little boy proudly pulls his pants down and displays himself. "Look what I got!"
Little girl looks, smirks, open her panties inviting the little boy to peek, which he does. She says: "See that? With one of these, I can get as many of those as I want.".

lol omg, that is an oldie, but a goodie! arf arf.

(in reply to imtempting)

RE: Stood up on first meeting - 9/3/2007 8:32:18 AM

Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mmb1

Well I already know people get off on this, so i said, move on to your next victim, maybe she will catch on sooner!!!!! That was the cruelest thing anyone has ever done, especially since I did trust him and he destroyed that!

you are pretty dog gone lucky in life if the worst things anyone has ever done to you is stand you up for a movie date..

time to move on off this guy and subject, learn your lessons, get on with your life and do better next time.

(in reply to mmb1)

RE: Stood up on first meeting - 9/3/2007 8:35:17 AM

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

mmb1, not to be cruel, but you really seem to be missing things here. Several red flags were there, if you'll just see them.

You lost your phone, he restricted his number and wouldn't let you have it again. Red Flag.
He closed his profile but made new ones. Red Flag.
He, from what I can gather from a somewhat disjointed post, nearly ended all communication with you. Red Flag.
He did not show up for a scheduled meeting or call you within 15 minutes of meeting time. Red Flag.

We've all been hurt, many of us have had that instant connection. Things are not always what they seem, especially online. Get your grieving done, but not too long, because he doesn't deserve your grief and you don't need to wallow. Dust yourself off and get ready to go again. You're the only one that will be cheated if you give up. They're not all dickheads, believe me.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to imtempting)

RE: Stood up on first meeting - 9/3/2007 8:41:40 AM

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I agree with the posters above me. NEVER go out of your way to meet a guy. Have them come to YOU. And I would never wait more than 30 minutes for anyone without hearing from them. I would also never meet a person with no contact info.

Most of all, never imagine your imaginary online relationship is an actual relationship, until you meet in person. Only then can that be determined and even then, you never know. Time is your friend. There would never be a 7 months online thing for me; we either meet quickly or never.

(in reply to feastie)

RE: Stood up on first meeting - 9/3/2007 8:45:28 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

What Bella means is that as a female interested in BDSM, whether you're submissive or Dominant - you have power because you have something that many many men want. You can demand to be treated fairly, you can be picky, and you can make good choices for yourself.

Don't let men online take you on a ride.

Look, it really sucks that you got stood up. You put your trust in someone who didn't value it.   He's an ass for playing you like this.

You also made mistakes, and sometimes you have to make mistakes to learn to be smarter in the future.   It would be really great if there didn't have to be a price to pay emotionally for wisdom, wouldn't it? Eh.  Not to diminish your pain, but most of us really have been there. We've ALL met someone online that seems really great, and when it's time to meet, they go *poof*.

So the moral of the story - pay attention to the red flags.   They go up for a reason.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to mmb1)

RE: Stood up on first meeting - 9/3/2007 8:45:52 AM

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

My mamma told me to never travel 'to' a man. The man should come to your door, pick you up, open the car door, etc etc.

I believe it is much safer to be on home turf too.

No excuse for a man not being able to travel to a gal if he shows interest enough, otherwise, move on, NEXXXT.

(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: Stood up on first meeting - 9/3/2007 8:49:04 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

Yep, and if only 3 hours away, waiting 7 months is WAY too long if you really are both looking for a r/t relationship.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to came4U)

RE: Stood up on first meeting - 9/3/2007 8:55:12 AM

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

I never travel to meet a man. He will come to me. I refuse to give up my home turf advantage.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

RE: Stood up on first meeting - 9/3/2007 8:57:12 AM

Posts: 285
Joined: 12/12/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

G'morning all:

To the OP. Mon dieu. Ok, I'll explain.Women have the pussy = women have the power. You gave up that power. You were foolish to do so. Read feastie's post #93 carefully. She's right on the money. Stop being angry and get over it. Move on.

Personally, I never traveled to meet a submissive male, nor would I ever consider doing so. The local Starbucks is 2 miles from my home. I've arranged my previous meetings there. If he's a gentleman, he offers to buy my hot chocolate. If not, it's a good indicator of his personality and I buy my own, spend 5-15 minutes making polite conversation, explain we're not compatible and leave. I refuse to invest half a day, like the OP did, wasted on someone who's not worth the dirt I walk on.

Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys w/ others...

Bella

*edited to add - MsSonnetMarwood, thank you. You interpreted my post bang on.*

< Message edited by Bella1965 -- 9/3/2007 9:00:47 AM >

_____________________________

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting..."Wow! What a ride!

(in reply to mmb1)

RE: Stood up on first meeting - 9/3/2007 9:01:51 AM

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

This is going to offend some maybe but a man who cannot attend a first meeting is either cheap, arrogant or married and cannot stray too far out of town without some excuse.

All of which I avoid: the cheap, the arrogant and the married.

Those aren't mere red flags, they are sirens and signals lol.

(in reply to Bella1965)

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