quote:

ORIGINAL: blackpearl81

If a submissive went through something traumatic in their childhood (lets say physical abuse), and as a result, doesn't do well with pain, would that make you not consider them? Or would you try and work with them on it?
 
Just curious.
 
Thank you in advance for your replies.
 
V.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheIronHorse

quote:

ORIGINAL: blackpearl81

If a submissive went through something traumatic in their childhood (lets say physical abuse), and as a result, doesn't do well with pain, would that make you not consider them? Or would you try and work with them on it?
 
Just curious.
 
Thank you in advance for your replies.
 
V.

There are some who say adult kinks can formed by a traumatic childhood event that has was never fully resolved.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphirepleasure

*watching with interest*... I do know that my childhood experiences have led to me desiring to surrender to a strong and trustworthy man but for whatever reason, I am not, at least currently, interested in or able to tolerate heavy pain.

quote:

ORIGINAL: blackpearl81

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheIronHorse

There are some who say adult kinks can formed by a traumatic childhood event that has was never fully resolved.

Formed? Or broken?

Btw, Cid Highwind was one of the chars I used a lot in FF7

quote:

ORIGINAL: blackpearl81


I was curious as to whether some would let that stop forming the relationship to begin with, or if its something they would try to work on/address throughout the relationship..

V.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HelenaTroy

There are all kinds of things that you can do in the D/s dynamic that don't involve any SM.

quote:

ORIGINAL: blackpearl81

quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphirepleasure

*watching with interest*... I do know that my childhood experiences have led to me desiring to surrender to a strong and trustworthy man but for whatever reason, I am not, at least currently, interested in or able to tolerate heavy pain.

Same here - Although in my case its pretty much any kind of pain. I was talking with a friend of mine earlier today about this very issue. She thinks its two totally different aspects of the same thing, which, I agree with, but, at the same time, memories of the past might be too.. uncomfortable? to bear dealing with it no matter how much you trust them.

Now, here's where the problem lies: Some relationships have a nice dose of S/M play involved in it. Something like this could very well cause that relationship to grind to a halt. But on the flip side, if this is known beforehand, then that could/would stop the relationship from forming to begin with, negating the need to deal with it later on.

I was curious as to whether some would let that stop forming the relationship to begin with, or if its something they would try to work on/address throughout the relationship..

V.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphirepleasure

Well actually, for me, I am open to experiencing where (at least a degree of) pain play takes me.  I remember once when I was seeing a dominant man who considered himself a budding sadist and he was caning me.  For some reason, although I had taken heavier pain in the past, at that moment all I could think was, 'Why do I have to do things that I hate in order to earn the love I seek,' and I began weeping, not from the physical pain, but from the emotional pain I was experiencing.  He sensed that he needed to stop and hold me, and he did, and eventually I was able to put what I was feeling into words.  He held me and reassured me that this wasn't the case, at least not with him, and ultimately it was a very healing and cathartic experience. 

So even though pain is not what it's all about for me (surrender is what I really am focused on), I do learn something when I allow myself to be vulnerable to someone I trust to take me to those scary places where I don't necessarily want to go, but where I can reclaim aspects of myself that I have lost.

quote:

ORIGINAL: blackpearl81

quote:

ORIGINAL: HelenaTroy

There are all kinds of things that you can do in the D/s dynamic that don't involve any SM.

I know, but I also realize that some Dom/mes place more emphasis on the willingness of a submissive to endure that to please Him/Her. If you had found out a submissive was unwilling to engage in that due to past experiences, would that cause you to not develop a deeper relationship with him/her?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dulles

I personally would not make light of one's psychological childhood trauma. (not implying you are) A caring and considerate mistress ,in my opinion, would always take things like that into account. If physical pain is a hard limit for that particular sub then clearly you should not push the issue and perhaps find a sub that is more suited to your tastes. However, if it is not a hard limit, and it is something they are willing to try to work at , while fully being aware that it may be difficult , then go ahead but start slowly.....and always re-assure them that they are SAFE with you and that you do not intend to inflict any UNWANTED physcial harm. Discussion should always be a large part of play sessions. Scense that have gone horribley awry because of poor communication can be damaging. This , of course , is just my opinion. So either dont do it and find another, or approach it with caution, care and lots of communication. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphirepleasure

I have met and engaged with a few sadists who were aware of my background and aversion to severe pain.  For various reasons, none of these connections grew into anything permanent, even though there were very good things about each of them.  The lastest sadist I met wanted to continue to play with me (respecting my safe word, but determined to push me as far as I would allow for his pleasure), but ultimately I decided not to see him again because the intensity of the play with him left me drained and fighting depression.  I think it stirred up a lot and there wasn't much in the way of aftercare, really.  And when it comes right down to it, I knew I wasn't what he was ultimately looking for so I stopped seeing him.