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RE: Sissies' Acceptance Problem - 11/7/2007 7:18:40 AM

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Joined: 10/24/2007
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This is an interesting subject,I personally as it says in my profile do have a slight desire to wear womens shoes in private,but to actually be forced to dress up totally I would find totally humiliating,Im probably what you would call a determned submissive,I like the idea of struggling a bit before I am forced to do things

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: Sissies' Acceptance Problem - 11/8/2007 3:36:57 AM

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Lady Huggs

i have to agree about attitude with ccds, panty bois and other male sissy subs has a great deal to do with meeting and keeping and getting the intrest of any Dom , Domme, Mistress. but for some of us where never given the chance after we admitt that we like or have fetish for wearing panties its happened too me a few to many times i m willing i spill my guts out telling who and what im willing too do and be my best only too find onec my like for wearing panties and other things and not seeking totlay femming i get mmm sorry not my cup of tea and i can under both sides but some time both side need too work things out if not then a sub will alwasy be pushed asdie like many like my self .

(in reply to LadyHugs)

RE: Sissies' Acceptance Problem - 11/8/2007 5:53:46 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold
Where I run into a problem is those that try to force their fetish on Me. It is not only enough that I can accept it and tolerate it, but I have to actively participate in it.

It SUCKS to have a fetish that separates you from someone you care about. It really does. After a lifetime of being told that you're a freak, pervert, weirdo, etc., validation can be extremely important. CDs don't have a monopoly on this.

quote:

And I have to agree with Francine. The one thing that really frosts Me is the need to be feminized in order to feel submissive. They can't do it as a man. But they can as a "woman"?

Well, there are a lot of factors that could potentially be at play here, and there is no one answer. Let me offer one that you might not have thought of in your distaste, though.

Part of sexual submission, IMO, at least, is being desired. The Dominant doesn't take you (sexually speaking) because she wants something from you, or because you won her over with your skills as a playa, and certainly not out of obligation... She takes you because she wants you.

What can happen with the hetero male CD is that all of sexuality is tied up in femininity. It's not that he can't be weak without being femme, it's that he can't be sexy- worth "taking"- without being femme.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

RE: Sissies' Acceptance Problem - 11/8/2007 9:53:05 AM

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Joined: 9/18/2005
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i have followed this thread for a few days now and wish to respond to Miss Lotus Song.
You suggest that if a submissive male is into feminization, then it cannot be under the BDSM umbrella because he is simply getting what he wants and thus, only topping from below. Am i right, so far?
I can see where you are coming from. You want to dominate and perhaps do the feminizing and not simply cater to a cross dresser's need.That's fine and makes sense. You just have to filter those out before you interact.
But, what would be the point of anyone practicing any form of BDSM is not to fulfill some inner want or need? W/we, my WIFE and i, enjoy feminization, as a part of O/our lifestyle, Hence i would never have appealled to you,  just as you and your wants would not appeal to me. i can live with that. That's life.
i agree that the BDSM umbrella is, perhaps, a bit too large. my WIFE and i live a Femdom lifestyle, and, as you state, i am not so sure if , and where, W/we fit under that umbrella. i did not put Femdom under this umbrella, but it is there, just the same.  There is no B (Bondage), no S (Sadism) or M (Masochism) in our relationship. There is some D (discipline) but that is not what O/our loving relationship is based on. O/ours is based on the simple principal that the Wife runs the show and the husband exists to serve and obey. Sometimes it's gets very kinky, but on a day to day basis, it is, in fact, often somewhat boring.  (That is the toughest part of a 24/7 relationship. It is not, nor can or should be, 24/7 fireworks.)
W/we attended a few BDSM munches in O/our neck of the woods, hoping to find like-minded Femdom couples, preferrably married. All we did find was a lot of single people really into bondage and pain. W/we have ceased attending the events because, in O/our opinion, W/we found the people there, for the most part, to be a sad and pathetic lot. Why? Because W/we just couldn't relate to the pleasure people get inflicting and receiving pain. There were some nice people, don't misunderstand, i am being judgemental, i know, but i rememebr thinking, just as Miss Lotus Song's initial comment asks, is O/our lifestyle really BDSM? W/we couldn't relate. W/we enjoy what W/we have but cannot seem to find other couples, in this area, who  practce a more reality based Femdom lifestyle. W/we can hook up with Mistress So and So in Detroit or Flint, but it's all about dungeons and chains, and all the parts of BDSM W/we aren't really into.
I rambled. Feminization is often a part of Femdom. Femdom is under the umbrella of BDSM. Therefore, at this juncture, prancing sissies are too, like it or not.
                                                                                                                                       herpet

(in reply to LotusSong)

RE: Sissies' Acceptance Problem - 11/8/2007 11:04:20 AM

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I was going to post when I finished reading the whole thread, but LadyHugs said most of what I wanted to say anyway. Most Dommes I know don't have problems with the idea of sissification (or crossdressing, which is an entirely different thing, IMHO). We are happy to accept sissy boys into the fold for friendship and play. . .

. . .as long as these sissy boys aren't godawful annoying and pushy. My experience with sissy boys socially is much like LadyHugs. So many them don't seem interested in anything but getting their needs met, and they can be very aggressive about it. Nothing turns off a Domme like a boy topping from the bottom, and nothing makes it hard for a bdsm social group to accept a new person like feeling that person isn't even interested in making friends and being social.

So for the sissy boys out there, most of us are okay with your fetish, and I am sure you are nice people. Show us. Be awesome people. Be helpful and respectful, not necessarily in a submissive way, just the normal way friends help and respect each other. Have a good sense of humor and a healthy sense of self-esteem. Eventually, even if you don't find the sissifying Domme of your dreams, you WILL make some real friends, and because your friends care about you and like making you happy they will sometimes play with you the way you like to be played with.

That advice applies to everyone in the scene, not just sissy boys. Dom/mes who walk in expecting all submissives in a 50 foot radius to fall down and worship their boots often have similar "acceptance" problems ;)

(in reply to LadyHugs)

RE: Sissies' Acceptance Problem - 11/8/2007 11:27:18 AM

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From: Domme Emeritus
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quote:

ORIGINAL: herpet1313

i have followed this thread for a few days now and wish to respond to Miss Lotus Song.
You suggest that if a submissive male is into feminization, then it cannot be under the BDSM umbrella because he is simply getting what he wants and thus, only topping from below. Am i right, so far?

No. What I am saying is that if the personhas no interest in BDSM and is just looking for a Domme to dress them up because they heard some do that.

I can see where you are coming from. You want to dominate and perhaps do the feminizing and not simply cater to a cross dresser's need.That's fine and makes sense. You just have to filter those out before you interact.

But, what would be the point of anyone practicing any form of BDSM is not to fulfill some inner want or need? W/we, my WIFE and i, enjoy feminization, as a part of O/our lifestyle, Hence i would never have appealled to you,  just as you and your wants would not appeal to me. i can live with that. That's life.

i agree that the BDSM umbrella is, perhaps, a bit too large. my WIFE and i live a Femdom lifestyle, and, as you state, i am not so sure if , and where, W/we fit under that umbrella. i did not put Femdom under this umbrella, but it is there, just the same.  There is no B (Bondage), no S (Sadism) or M (Masochism) in our relationship. There is some D (discipline) but that is not what O/our loving relationship is based on. O/ours is based on the simple principal that the Wife runs the show and the husband exists to serve and obey. Sometimes it's gets very kinky, but on a day to day basis, it is, in fact, often somewhat boring.  (That is the toughest part of a 24/7 relationship. It is not, nor can or should be, 24/7 fireworks.)

W/we attended a few BDSM munches in O/our neck of the woods, hoping to find like-minded Femdom couples, preferrably married. All we did find was a lot of single people really into bondage and pain. W/we have ceased attending the events because, in O/our opinion, W/we found the people there, for the most part, to be a sad and pathetic lot. Why? Because W/we just couldn't relate to the pleasure people get inflicting and receiving pain. There were some nice people, don't misunderstand, i am being judgemental, i know, but i rememebr thinking, just as Miss Lotus Song's initial comment asks, is O/our lifestyle really BDSM? W/we couldn't relate. W/we enjoy what W/we have but cannot seem to find other couples, in this area, who  practce a more reality based Femdom lifestyle. W/we can hook up with Mistress So and So in Detroit or Flint, but it's all about dungeons and chains, and all the parts of BDSM W/we aren't really into.

I rambled. Feminization is often a part of Femdom. Femdom is under the umbrella of BDSM. Therefore, at this juncture, prancing sissies are too, like it or not.
                                                                                                                                       herpet

I agree with what you have said here. I'm not against crossdressing..it's the assumption that because I am a Domme that I'm into it and sometimes I feel chastised because I'm NOT into it. While you have said that feminization can be a part of Femdom.. it's not an absolute that every Femdom is into it. Just as all Femdommes are not into whips and chains. I'm one of those. I used to do the anticipated domme persona.. but no longer. I, too, left the dungeon life because that's THEIR gig. If I were to go and feel put upon because they don't treat their slaves like I do, then that would be unfair, so I just went my own way.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to herpet1313)

RE: Sissies' Acceptance Problem - 11/8/2007 12:00:32 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KindLadyGrey

That advice applies to everyone in the scene, not just sissy boys. Dom/mes who walk in expecting all submissives in a 50 foot radius to fall down and worship their boots often have similar "acceptance" problems ;)

I should say so!!!!

Even I am humble enough to narrow that radius to no more than 35 feet . The ARROGANCE of some people!

(in reply to KindLadyGrey)

RE: Sissies' Acceptance Problem - 11/11/2007 9:28:40 PM

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From: Ontario, Canada
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At the risk of hijacking the thread (if it is still on track

) I'd like to add some observations.

The numbers game being what it is, a male sub needs to stand out from the crowd, in a positive way, in his search for a domme. Being an intelligent, intersesting person with a genuine wish to please (physically, spiritually, whatever) the domme is a good start.

However, if he has a particular need, interest, fetish, or fantasy that is of paramount importance to him. it may make his search that much tougher. Crossdressing, as well as many other activities, can fall into this catch-all.

How he deals with this is another test of his personality. He can understand that his needs are honest and valid, and that they may never be met, but accept that with good grace and continue his search. Alternatively, he can whine along the lines of "why do all mistresses hate *insert activity here*?

The first will come across as a positive person, and will likely be welcome both online and off as an asset to the community. The latter...well, I think we all know the answer to that.

I've always known that crossdressing is not to everyone's taste. I'd venture to say that it is not to most people's taste. So what? Why does it have to be? More to the point, why do some people get bent out of shape at the merest hint in a post, that the poster is not an afficionado of all things CD?

I've been fortunate enough to have met a great number of people who are totally comfortable with my "femme" side (perhaps because it isn't a fetish, at least as fetish is normally defined) and some that have encouraged me. I've been to any number of parties, private and public, as well as plenty of vanilla establishments, and have only felt unwelcome once (okay..."felt unwelcome" is an understatement...asked to leave a munch is closer to the truth).

However, one thing I have never expected, demanded, or bemoaned when not found, is that everyone be "into" the same things I am. Why would I want to waste my time in such a negative fashion? If someone is not "into" me, why worry? If they aren't, I can accept that; there are plenty of people whose tastes, whether BDSM or otherwise, don't do anything for me either. That's life.

Tasha

(in reply to LadyHugs)

RE: Sissies' Acceptance Problem - 11/11/2007 10:38:58 PM

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From: Phx AZ
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LotusSong >Allow me to start by saying i make one ugly woman and shall leave that up to other s ,I am not a ts cd tg etc .That said if i had a Mistress or FemDomme and she wished to take me and force me into whatever garb and make up , i would comply as its her wish .The power exchange alone is the thrill and i can relate to the take down if you will .I have seen the cd's ,tg ,ts and alike matter a fact i have sold clothing to them .No judgement just not my bdsm .I have also observed the same thing you spoke of with them trying to find their place in a dungeon setting .Its been my experiance as a submissive /bottom /even a Switch thats its all on personal bdsm likes ,and dislikes tastes if you will . I also learned many years ago Topping from the bottom is not a good thing .
Thanks

(in reply to tasha_tart)

RE: Sissies' Acceptance Problem - 11/12/2007 5:34:59 AM

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Well, this has been interesting and upsetting to a degree too. Like most kinks, fetishes or what ever they may be, you will find that everyone has their own little variation on it. For some men, the act of having to wear womens clothes is humiliating and that is what they are looking for. i can see why some women feel that this is a snub to women. Iguess though it would depend on why the guy thinks it is humiliating? For others, dressing is just an occasional thing where the newness or taboo of it makes it hot but they do not actually want to be girls. You have those who feel trapped in the wrong body. You have everything in between. Then, just like any other group, there are those into other kinks as well. i myself love bdsm and do feel that it can be a catch all. i have to say though that it has taken me many many years to figure out who and what i am and i offer this up: for those cd/tv/tg who are in the bdsm community but aren't into it, it could be that they are just finding this out. They didn't realize that bdsm had nothing to do with their feminization.
    On the topic of forced femininization, let me offer this to the group. i enjoy being a girl. i love girl clothes, i love interacting with others as a girl, etc, but..........trying to live that way, on a more or less 24/7 basis (which is not completely possible for me and other cd/tvs who can't/won't have surgery) can be difficult, especially if you are constantly switching back and forth between male (for public) and female for private. For me, the "forced" part is more having a Domme there to make sure i am dressed and acting appropriately when i don't feel fem on my own. There are times i come home from work all tired and don't want to get changed only to go to bed in a couple hours or to go and practice my ballet like a good little girl. There are mornings i wake up and don't want to get out of be and put on my school uniform for those 2 or 3 hours before i have to change and go out into the vanilla world. Its times like this where if i had a Mistress to make sure i dressed and did what i was supposed to, that my feminization would progress much better. i like being a female, but there are times when i need a Domme to make sure i am female as much as realistically possible. Does that make sense? i hope so.
    Please remember that this is only my own little twist on things. i do remember that when i first started really exploring it as a teenager, i felt very guilty about wanting to be a girl and i used the "forced" thing as a way of over coming that guilt even though it was just a farce.
      As someone who gets many emails from guys and other cds and who talks to lots of Dommes on a purely friends basis, i can tell you that i understand their frustration. For some reason cd/tvs tend to have a huge number of DIVAS where it is all about the posing and the look at me and not about the service. It makes it very difficult for those of use who want to be feminized into slave girls and wives. i understand the Dommes dismay but it is still disheartening. i am forty now and have been looking for 2 decades with no success. Granted, a portion of that time was spent figuring myself out, but it has been hard. i know that even though i am not a diva, feminization is definitely more time intensive that just slave training. i try and offer more because of that like free room and board, doing all the cooking, cleaning and laundry, and pampering Her on request: massages, manicures, pediures, facials, etc.
lauren
xoxo

(in reply to azropedntied)

RE: Sissies' Acceptance Problem - 11/12/2007 9:17:39 AM

sissyshelley0076

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: KindLadyGrey

That advice applies to everyone in the scene, not just sissy boys. Dom/mes who walk in expecting all submissives in a 50 foot radius to fall down and worship their boots often have similar "acceptance" problems ;)

I should say so!!!!

LOL Ms LotusSong. How magnanimous of You Ma'am.

Btw, i am being femme trained by my Owner because She wants to make more servile, voulnerable and obedient. She is going to make me Her wife and i am most fortunate to belong to her.

Respectfully,

sissyshelley

Even I am humble enough to narrow that radius to no more than 35 feet . The ARROGANCE of some people!

(in reply to LotusSong)

RE: Sissies' Acceptance Problem - 11/12/2007 9:37:09 AM

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I just started experimenting with crossdressing and for me, it just makes me feel pretty. I never get compliments on my looks as a man, but get lots of compliments as a sissy. I have to say that I enjoy the attention. It's just fun and I like it. It will probably wear off after a time but I enjoy it for the time being.

(in reply to sissyshelley0076)

RE: Sissies' Acceptance Problem - 11/19/2007 7:15:32 AM

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ive been away for some time but i just reread a few of the post here .. i fully understand how Mistress'es feel i will agree there are quite a few sissys bois who over do there sissies and dressing espically the breats i know mnay males crave tits but too over do them in size is kinda silly looking and i have to admit ive met a few cds who where pushing in seeking domination and submission. but plaes understand Mistress "es not every or all of us panty wearing bra wearing bois are this way ...

P.S dead scott if i may ask what got you in to wearing / cding ??/

(in reply to deadscout)

RE: Sissies' Acceptance Problem - 11/19/2007 8:23:36 AM

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I like gender bending and tweaking. I love crossdressing. I also adore the TG community, but recognize that it is very different. Really from drag queens to men who just like wearing women's panties, I think it is adorable and sometims even sexy. I prefer to play in pansexual dungeons, because anyone's kink is welcome and I like to see other people doing what gets them off. In my play with my doll, dressing him up is fun for both of us. There isn't really any "forced" feminization. He likes wearing pink frilly things and I like helping him dress up and then smacking him around. What we do is distinctly BDSM, as it often involves a lot of bondage and impact play, but I could see arguments that it is a different thing as well. Still, I can't imagine needing a separate group. I prefer the melting pot. If someone wants to create a group that exludes us, that is their choice. I still prefer pansexual arenas for exploration.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: Sissies' Acceptance Problem - 11/19/2007 10:17:57 AM

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Dear balletsissypa, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Sometimes its just hard being 'you.' (In a general sense) It is hard on everybody. But, truth be told; no matter how much a person bribes or make offers as a form of payment to put up with an individual who wishes to have a steady approval source like a Mom/Mother-- some may find it still too high of a price to pay. There is a difference in being mother to your own blood and flesh and a difference between an adult wanting/being a 'girl.'

Now, some dominant women will be more into such a relationship than others. But, one must make the best of things no matter what cards are given in life, to play with. But, its a fact that in life, not always what we want do we get (in general terms.)

Personally, I go more for the butler type or something to the nature of an Aide de`Camp. For me, I find myself more elevated as a lady if the slave I am with is all the more masculine and a gentleman. The more servant a slave is, the more I can decrease my involvment as to be served.

That said, it really boils down to personal preferences. It has a lot to do with the personal attitude and behavior more than offers, enticements and or bribes to get happiness. Like the old saying goes--money doesn't buy happiness. Both people must be happy without the needed 'padding.'

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to balletsissypa)

RE: Sissies' Acceptance Problem - 11/19/2007 10:45:49 AM

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Dear iwearpanties, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I find that nobody has an easy time of it and all suffer being pushed aside before one's case is made. I have and I am willing to assume, many people have suffered the same as you--rejection isn't kind or easy to take.

That said, I am wondering outloud--that disclosing wearing panties and or other women's garments provokes in a Female Dominant's mind the internal questioning of is this a hint of a lad wanting to go further into feminization and or sexual reassignment and or redefine gender.
This could be a genuine fear that what kind of man they meet could change into something they hadn't bargained for. Example of potatoe chips--the commercial 'you can't eat just one.' One chip is the panty wearing. In someone's mind, perhaps may ask--what is going to happen when that man reaches for the second chip. A lot of times, people drop crumbs as to lead up to their real deep needs and desires--this can unnerve someone. Another matter of struggle is trying to figure what to expect when a man wears panties--will they loose the masculine man they were attracted or will panties put them into a higher octive and more femmie behavior and attitude and or over amplified 'copy-catting' a woman--which to some is insulting as it appears to be more of a mocking women and or humiliating women rather than attempting to envelope into a woman. So many areas to branch from in the areas of 'what ifs.'

And, it needs to be mentioned--it just might be a matter where the mere thought of a man wearing women's undergarments and or outter garments is just a real personal turn off. And, no matter how much protests there are and or throws of accusations of hate and prejudices--it won't help anybody really.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to iwearpanties)

RE: Sissies' Acceptance Problem - 11/19/2007 12:48:48 PM

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Lady Huggs

i fully agree with what you 've said here . for my self i will not and do not seek to be female i even stated that in my last posting .. i am and always willbe Masculine male i dont seek to be female or TG i dont mean any offend any one by saying this . i think you must work out all likes and dislikes with your Mistress on limts and pushing your limts always . i understand what your saying you have siad what other Mistress havent use the potato refernace i didnt think in those terms thank you senairos

(in reply to LadyHugs)

RE: Sissies' Acceptance Problem - 11/19/2007 2:05:09 PM

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Are the bois I like beating with a cane who prefer to wear boots and jeans and vests to stockings and garters and dresses manipulating me, or is this dress /gender thing really not a big deal to more people than just me? I think a lot of people's acceptance problem falls into the arena of why Legos come in pink and blue now (geez...)

(in reply to iwearpanties)

RE: Sissies' Acceptance Problem - 11/20/2007 5:24:50 AM

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i think it has a lot to do with because we may wear panties or bras even if its only part time or only in play but yet some wear 24/7 even while dressed as male yet we still get push out of the way guess we need are own fourm posting list ???????? sadly seems are fetish gets put taboo list for some while other fetishes look more normal ????????

(in reply to Grlwithboy)

RE: Sissies' Acceptance Problem - 11/20/2007 8:36:13 AM

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i have been dressed (thigh-high boots, leather vest, nipple clamps and makeup) before being taken, but not standalone. it did kick the experience up a notch and help reinforce the bitch role i was in.

(in reply to iwearpanties)

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