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Submissives Teaching/Guiding Dominants - 11/18/2007 1:55:22 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		As a contrast to the Fixer Uppers thread, how many submissives/slaves are comfortable with helping their dominant/master be a better person, learn new skills or guide them along a particular path?

How many dominants are comfortable with a submissive teaching, guiding or helping them?

Does it conflict with the authority dynamic within your relationship?  Why or why not?

Curious minds would like to know 

Knight's Kyra

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RE: Submissives Teaching/Guiding Dominants - 11/18/2007 2:08:40 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		I believe that a Dominant should learn just as much from his slave as she learns from him, That being said I belive that these things that I refer to are noticeable only to the two.

I mean my girl could most likely show me how to do my own Oil Change, and Plug and Wire Change, I am just not interested in that as a skill cause I am just as happy handing the Mechanic at Jiffy Lube a credit card as I would be having done it myself in my eyes that comes from the fact when it comes to Oil and Plugs I just want to know it was done, I have better things to do with my time.

On the other side, andi being younger than me has helped to remind me that there was a time I was slap happy stupid and enjoyed just being silly. Sure 27 isn't old, but I am at a different place then I was just 6 years ago and her still being 21 she is able to remind me of those places. I also know that I teach her stability and structure, and at the same time she is teaching me virtues of freedom and innosence.

I guess where I draw the line is when the sub tries to teach a Guy to be a Dom, It just screams "Who is the one in control when the Dom is doing everything the sub tells them to do?" I believe it is possible to get so far, and I am sure there are exceptions to the rule and somewhere out there is an Awesome Dom who was trained by his Today Extremely Obedient slave, but I wonder is the Dom is just a Bottom trying to please another bottom trying to make a Top that works for her.

I know I just dropped a bunch of lables there and I am sorry if all our definitions don't match on those lables but I find it had to believe that someone who is doing as they are told and trying to please a sub by getting it right, is in the propper mind frame to actually take control of the sub and be Dominant, I feel what they end up doing is ACTING Dominant because the know that it makes the sub happy thus solidifing the fact that it is really a sub who is subbing to another sub who is topping from the bottom.

Just My OPINION.

As Always

Steel

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RE: Submissives Teaching/Guiding Dominants - 11/18/2007 3:14:20 PM   
szobras


Posts: 435
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline 		How many dominants are comfortable with a submissive teaching, guiding or helping them?
Completely comfortable,  if I cannot remain teachable, and cannot continue to grow.

Does it conflict with the authority dynamic within your relationship?  Why or why not?
No, being in the position of the student, is not a cause for imbalance of authority,


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RE: Submissives Teaching/Guiding Dominants - 11/18/2007 3:17:58 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		The people in my life are there because we things to teach each other. This is not less true for slaves. Sometimes, the lessons are about what we DON'T want. I value those breif relationships as much as I value the longer ones.

Probably the most recent example of me being aided by a slave is when I went through slave bruce's Breath Workshop. This is a method to get into non-ordinary reality and journel for self-awareness. he facilitated it for me and I got a lot out of it. I'll be helping him present one the first weekend of Dec (in Tucson, if anyone's interested).

Master Fire


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RE: Submissives Teaching/Guiding Dominants - 11/18/2007 3:18:32 PM   
Kaiynasha


Posts: 172
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		I may be Goddess Divine but I am not perfect. I am more than willing to learn from a submissive and I do not find that bothers the dynamic. Unless the submissive is being manipultive in which then yes it could cause many problems. I admire subs who are more experience and open, however, I also don't want a submissive trying to Top from the bottom because they are experience.

I guess it is all about security of oneself.

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RE: Submissives Teaching/Guiding Dominants - 11/18/2007 3:19:07 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Not a problem here, but since in many ways we include a bit of the CEO/Exec Ass't model it is expected that I will handle things he can't as well as vice versa. And be able to explain it to him should he want to get involved.

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RE: Submissives Teaching/Guiding Dominants - 11/18/2007 3:28:44 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

how many submissives/slaves are comfortable with helping their dominant/master be a better person, learn new skills or guide them along a particular path?

I have never had a problem with that; though if by skills you are referring to the use of toys , he will have to go elsewhere for guidance there.

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RE: Submissives Teaching/Guiding Dominants - 11/18/2007 3:30:01 PM   
Deboyce


Posts: 36
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline 		MasterFireMaam: "This is a method to get into non-ordinary reality and journel for self-awareness"
Is there information on the net that offers more detail in reference to procedure or technique?

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RE: Submissives Teaching/Guiding Dominants - 11/18/2007 3:57:50 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		KOM, what a delightful topic.
I have limited real time experience {due to being busy,and really being very particular and picky}.
I have learned a lot from submissives, and I would welcome gentle guidiance/and input
from the right loving submissive.
A lot of this has to do with HOW you approach the Dominant partner!
 
As it was said, no one knows it all, and we often teach each other.
Hell, I learn a lot from children and young adults.
I welcome it as long as he does not begin to TOP from the bottom, or forget that
in our relationship, I am the Dominant party. 

< Message edited by MzMia -- 11/18/2007 3:58:59 PM >

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RE: Submissives Teaching/Guiding Dominants - 11/18/2007 4:01:51 PM   
Tigrita


Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		I love this question and have been thinking about it lately.  I reacently have gotten to know a couple in which the slave was a very experienced shibari student, and brought her Master into it, and he is constantly learning from her.  It is really beautiful to watch the two of them work together as she respectfully ofers advice and instruction when necessary, and he takes gracious advantage of it, it does not diminish the M/s dynamic.  Currently I'm getting deep into shibari myself, and my Man would like to learn, but doesn't have many resources in his area, so we may be in the same position soon, so I hope it goes as smoothly if and when we reach that point.  He doesn't particularly enjoy being a student in general, prefers to figure things out in his own way, but for some things, structured learning and guidance is required.  I'm really looking forward to reading more replies on this thread as to how to approach situations in which a submissive knows more about something than a dominant.

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RE: Submissives Teaching/Guiding Dominants - 11/18/2007 4:23:36 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Great post kyra.  You already know my mantra on this, we are people before we are roles. Relationships are never one-sided and all people should continue to strive to learn.  The odd thing about perspective is that often you can see what other people are doing incorrectly but seeing it in yourself and/or changing it can be much harder.  Having my partner's perspective and assistance whether I am in a Domme or sub role is always important to me.

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RE: Submissives Teaching/Guiding Dominants - 11/18/2007 4:25:36 PM   
denika


Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline 		We guide each other, in one form or another.  I look up to my Dominant in many ways, but he's not on a pedestal, I learned that lesson a few years ago, putting someone there is never fair for both parties, and the higher the pedestal the longer the fall.  I veiw how I live my life as a journey ( I know,cliche as all hell)  but, if at some point I can help to take the lead in something and act as a guide,or a teacher it doesn't make me see him as any less, but more for being able to let me help.



Wolf's denika

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RE: Submissives Teaching/Guiding Dominants - 11/18/2007 4:39:35 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I would not consider a partner if she couldn't challenge me, teach me, inspire me to learn and grow.

Beyond a shadow of a doubt, my first collared submissive taught me that I didn't know what the hell I was doing as far as creating an evolved and nurturing relationship with a real woman.  It certainly wasn't anything that was required to be a dominant in the scene but it was if I wanted to have the sort of amazing woman that I require.  I had more to learn than she could teach me but she began the process, made me see how much more I could get out of a relationship and how much better a person I could be if I was open to learning and growing.

My second major bdsm partner also taught me a great deal about creating a healthy nurturing relationship.  She also nurtured my artistic and creative side, made it safe for me to explore and experiment with that side of myself.  While we have parted ways I will always consider myself in her debt over how much she taught me about myself.

Even a short romantic tryst was instrumental in aligning the stars as they have done for me.

All these women helped me, pushed me, taught me to be the man I am today and if I had been too busy worrying who had the bigger dick, who was "running things" I wouldn't have the amazing woman I have in my life today and I sure as hell wouldn't be able to control and dominate her as completely as I do if I hadn't been open to learning from all the women who have wandered in and out of my life.

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RE: Submissives Teaching/Guiding Dominants - 11/18/2007 4:49:28 PM   
MissDiandSirHugh


Posts: 1158
Joined: 8/11/2005
From: Goondiwindi ( Qld )
Status: offline 		We are very happy with it and will never stop learning from anyone as We do not close Our minds to input from others no matter who they are.
As already said if someone is not willing to listen and learn in time things will fall apart and everyone is hurt.

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RE: Submissives Teaching/Guiding Dominants - 11/18/2007 5:34:18 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
As a contrast to the Fixer Uppers thread, how many submissives/slaves are comfortable with helping their dominant/master be a better person, learn new skills or guide them along a particular path?

Sounds like it falls under service and helping a long term relationship grow together to me- no conflict with submission there.

Subs/slaves seem to be fine cooking and mending and helping in so many ways- but once it gets too close to home and direct they get freaked.
quote:


How many dominants are comfortable with a submissive teaching, guiding or helping them?

Unlike a lot of them out there, I actually DO want someone who will enrich my life and our relationship in every way possible.


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RE: Submissives Teaching/Guiding Dominants - 11/18/2007 5:51:31 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I think that every human being has a lesson to teach every other person that they interact with in their lives.  Sometimes the lesson is very broad, sometimes more specific.  The people that remain in our lives for long periods of time are the people that we continue learning from.  Once we have reached the point of having learned all that we can from a person is when we find we have out grown them.
 
To answer your question; I would not begin a relationship with someone that I didn't feel I could learn something from, and I wouldn't continue a relationship with someone from whom I thought I had learned all I could.  Learning is, to me, a key component of any relationship.

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"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


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RE: Submissives Teaching/Guiding Dominants - 11/18/2007 6:17:52 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

I think that every human being has a lesson to teach every other person that they interact with in their lives. 


I try to teach everyone that I interact with that I am an Asshole.... with some I have been rather successsful... but others not so much, guess they are not the brightest of the class.

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Submissives Teaching/Guiding Dominants - 11/18/2007 6:19:03 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

I think that every human being has a lesson to teach every other person that they interact with in their lives. 


I try to teach everyone that I interact with that I am an Asshole.... with some I have been rather successsful... but others not so much, guess they are not the brightest of the class.


You teach some people how to be an Asshole as well, sensei!

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RE: Submissives Teaching/Guiding Dominants - 11/18/2007 6:20:25 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

You teach some people how to be an Asshole as well, sensei!


Only the very brightest earn that priviledge!

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Submissives Teaching/Guiding Dominants - 11/18/2007 6:20:38 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

I think that every human being has a lesson to teach every other person that they interact with in their lives. 


I try to teach everyone that I interact with that I am an Asshole.... with some I have been rather successsful... but others not so much, guess they are not the brightest of the class.


My guess is that they are distracted by your "sweet eyes". 

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"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


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