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MadRabbit -> RE: open for response until 7am est (11/26/2007 9:02:15 PM)
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Okay...okay...since SimplyMichael said so, I am gonna loosen up a bit.
From what I have read, you have someone who has some serious issues and is most likely not ready to serve and submit like you want her to.
Unfortunately, as much as we like to think that we are the gods of the universe and can create and destroy with a snap of a finger, the pragmatic truth is that if the slave or submissive isn't willing to take responsibility for her own behaviors/issues/problems/obedience, there isn't a whole lot that we can do.
Sure, there is things we can do to help realign someone's mentality. A stern voice or a mean slap can put someone back in their headspace, but in the end, if she really really doesn't want to do it, then she is probably not going to do it.
I feel sympathy for you. You have a partner who is not mature, responsible, or has enough self control to hold up her end of the bargain in the relationship. It's the all to famous "I want to submit and be dominated, but it's solely on my terms". I would categorize her as a bottom.
My first relationship followed this same outline. Your actually very lucky, because when this train wreck is done with, you will have the opportunity to sit back and reflect and learn lot from the experience.
Unfortunately, much like me and my first girl, neither of you really know what your doing and the odds of making it work out are stacked against you.
As far as you specifically, these are the three things I have noticed (Besides the posturing, but am gonna let that go)
1) You are going to have to realize that your slave is a living breathing human being with limitations. Much in the same way your a living breathing human being with limitations.
So she had a hard time getting up in the morning...
I have a hard time getting up in the morning. Hell, I am still ironing it out and perfecting getting to work on time.
2) You seem to be in the insecure stage of this that many dominants (myself included) go through....which is when everything doesn't go absolutely positively 100% according to what you want, its an affront to your uber dominance.
Anyone who has some experience with behavior modification will tell you that it takes a lot of time and patience to achieve results. Patience that goes beyond the scope of a long week.
When something doesn't go according to your plan, instead of getting insecure and pouting with "Why didn't she do this? Doesn't she know I am the dominant? How dare she defy me?", you have to think "Okay...this is what she did...she's not perfect....what can I do to help correct this?"
Pouting about it won't help.
3) You seem to have a fantasy perspective of a D/S and M/S relationship which is going to have to be knocked down. Regardless of whether it's DS, MS, TPE, EPE, ADD, or ESP, it's still a relationship, no different then a vanilla relationship, where it's give or take and both people's needs have to be met.
Personally, I define my relationships by being the one who makes all the decisions and nothing else. What decisions I make are irrelevant. Whether I decide my slave needs to fulfill my needs by giving me a blowjob or I decide to fulfill her needs by letting her get her rest while I drag my own ass out of bed to make my coffee is a moot point.
The only thing that is important to me is that I was the one who made the decision and that decision was respected regardless of the outcome.
In my book, a successful power exchange is made by making responsible decisions that serve the relationship as opposed to solely narcissistic decisions that solely fulfill me.
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