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RE: Body Imperfections - 11/29/2007 10:39:59 PM

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
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For a while I was getting random "relationship questions" by email... some darn thing or other I must have signed up for. But this one I found quite interesting:

How would your perception of the ideal partner change if you suddenly became blind?

Cali

(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: Body Imperfections - 11/30/2007 2:58:34 AM

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Joined: 11/27/2007
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quote:

Has there ever been a situation with anyone where you thought you liked them, until you saw them naked, and then that was a dealbreaker?

Interesting 3 pages of responses and most all of them about how women would feel/do feel about their bodies and how afraid they are of men seeing them naked (I think I only counted one response from a woman who said one partner was too thin for her taste but she loved him anyway).

What about us women? If you dated a guy and then the first night in the sack he drops his drawers and reveals a 4" penis no thicker than a crayola, is that a deal breaker? Not exactly something you discuss over dinner is it? Oh by the way my penis is tiny, but I am great with my fingers...

Personally I think a man's self esteem/ego is as much tied into their appearance as a woman's is, perhaps for some men more so. My stretch marks and scars don't affect how much physical pleasure I can give a man.

< Message edited by LittleWench -- 11/30/2007 3:16:16 AM >

(in reply to liminalRapture)

RE: Body Imperfections - 11/30/2007 3:01:30 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Good point...I saw that first hand when I used to be a plus size model. I was amazed at the manufacturers who could have easily made larger sizes that would have looked good, sometimes even better, on the larger ladies.

It was not so much that size 8 (actually it is a bit smaller now) made the clothes look good (although one could say that lack of breasts, hips, butt, etc. would make runway garments fall properly, according to the fashion press), but more so that the retailers had decided that they would not carry larger sizes thinking that all larger size women hated their bodies, therefore would not spend the money on designer clothes. So the fit models are all size 8.

I can tell you first hand, that all the models, skinny or plus size, had body imperfection issues, eating disorders, etc. even though they were considered beautiful and being paid well for it.

The media and advertising world has created unreal expectations of women and so many women fall into the self hating mode. I despaired this past holiday when my 8 year old brilliant, incredibly beautiful, THIN niece asked me if she was too fat. I asked her why she thought this. She said, "well the worst thing you can be is fat, everyone at school said so".

THAT was a sad commentary.

YES! I do despair at the irresponsible way children especially are fed this rubbish! But that's a very long rant for another day!

My photography has bought me into contact with many women of all shapes and sizes, professional models, amateur models and clients. You are absolutely right, just about all of them had some 'imperfection'.
I've worked with some stunningly attractive, (in the physical sense), models, but the one that stands out and gives me a great deal of pleasure and pride still was a friend I'd got to know via a BDSM chatroom.
She wanted some specific images of herself and it took over 2 years of talking and reassuring her, for her to pluck up the courage to actually do them.

In her words she was 'mid 40s, fat, not at all pretty and never took a good photo'.

We did the photos after I had promised that we would destroy any she wasn't happy with. I did them on a digital camera and printed them myself, so no-one, (not even my wife), saw them before she did.

The look on her face as she looked through them was the best reward I've ever had. And we didn't have to destroy a single one. She even agreed to let me use a couple in my portfolio.

Although she would never be a model, she was and still is a truly beautiful woman.

(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: Body Imperfections - 11/30/2007 3:18:28 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jayxkes

I know this is a bit off track, but this topic reminds of a conversation I had about designers only using size 8 / 10 models, 'because they make the clothes look good'. It always strikes me that the designers are actually saying they are not very good at their job, rather than other sized models are not perfect

Dya know, I've never looked at it that way and it's so true. Thank you for turning on the lightbulb!!!

Absolutely my pleasure

I only wish I could do the same on a much bigger scale.

In the UK we have a prgramme, 'How to look good naked'. Basically it's women who have body image problems, some to the extent that their marriage is at risk, The presenter makes them face their fears, shows them that their view of themself is way wrong, then builds them up to the stage where they can have a photo done either naked or nearly so and model underwear on a catwalk.

One of his methods is to line up about 7 other women and ask the her to place herself in that lineup, according to how she thinks that her problem area fits. Invariably she puts herself 2 or 3 dress sizes bigger than she is.

Then he puts a huge image of her in a public place, dressed in underwear, and has her listen to the comments of random strangers. Their opinions are far better than she would expect.

I know it sounds a bit horrid, but it works soooo well and is very, very positive. Mostly because he shows them how to concentrate on what is actually there, rather than whatthey think is there. Help with clothes, hair and makeup and every one is a real transformation.

Most women are attractive in reality, using the right clothes, hair style and makeup, just brings it out.

Apologies to the OP for dragging this off line a bit.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

RE: Body Imperfections - 11/30/2007 6:23:42 AM

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Joined: 9/6/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jayxkes
Apologies to the OP for dragging this off line a bit.

Oh heavens, no! I thought you were brilliant! Would that everything I say could have such a great response!

quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleWench
What about us women? If you dated a guy and then the first night in the sack he drops his drawers and reveals a 4" penis no thicker than a crayola, is that a deal breaker? Not exactly something you discuss over dinner is it? Oh by the way my penis is tiny, but I am great with my fingers...

Personally I think a man's self esteem/ego is as much tied into their appearance as a woman's is, perhaps for some men more so. My stretch marks and scars don't affect how much physical pleasure I can give a man.

I don't think women care as much. All the fairy tales are about women meeting men who are ugly and them turning into princes once they fall in love. I need someone who isn't afraid to make eye contact, and I'm not sure I could feel like I could truly submit to a man who wasn't as strong as me, but I think everything else is just grave. BUT, I'm incredibly sensitve to how he kisses and how we talk.

_____________________________

"Ring the bells that can still ring. Forget your perfect offering. There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." Leonard Cohen.

(in reply to LittleWench)

RE: Body Imperfections - 11/30/2007 1:09:07 PM

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quote:

I don't think women care as much.

I didn't think I cared either. I thought love and always and ever and after would be enough and that qualities like kindness, gentleness and laughter were enough in a man. After 10 yrs in a marriage with a man who has a crayola that won't work for more than 5 seconds at a time a maximum of once a day, trust me its one of the first questions I now. You learn to care!

(in reply to liminalRapture)

RE: Body Imperfections - 11/30/2007 1:25:02 PM

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Yes, my penis is so large it often scares women.

(in reply to celticlord2112)

RE: Body Imperfections - 11/30/2007 1:36:57 PM

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eye filled with lust and longing can make damn near anyone attractive as hell.......

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it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to liminalRapture)

RE: Body Imperfections - 11/30/2007 1:41:25 PM

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Joined: 5/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SensibleSam

Yes, my penis is so large it often scares women.

Linda Lovelace Lyrics
Artist(Band):David Allan Coe

Well, I've fucked 'em all from Coast to Coast...
Well you can talk about your lovers and your back door pimps.
You can talk about your hollywood Fags.

If you want to know the baddest mutha fucker in the world then I'm the greatest lover alive
Jackie Onassis was a snuff queen for me before she ever got rich.
And it would take a man a day and a half just to satisfy that bitch.

Why the Queen of England gave me the keys to the whole damn Country of France
And it only took me 15 minutes to get into her pants.

Well, I've fucked 'em all from Coast to Coast, cause honey, that's my bag.

Fact, I'm the only guy in the world who can make Linda Lovelace Gag

doot doot doot duh...

Now it ain't that my dick's so goddamn big, it's just that I know how to use.
I'll never let no nickle-dime whore ever get the chance to abuse it.
They can suck it for hours and hours on end, but I'll still be in control.
And I won't cum 'til I wanna cum, cause that's my jelly-roll.

Now they're ain't no woman, no match for me, I've had 'em try to wear me down.
I've fucked them barmaids, and bankclerks, I even fucked a circus clown.
Teachers and Lawyers doctors and more, them fat women sure are a drag,

I tell you I'm the only motherfucker in the world that can make Linda Lovelace gag.

Well, old Harry Reams fall apart at the seams when he saw me fuck that whore.
She sucked my dick and swallowed my nuts, and I still hollered for more.
She sucked my asshole, she sucked my toes, she's the suckinest bitch alive.
I made her call up two more cunts, and friend that at no jive.

She don't give me no shit about being no big time lover.
Some movie star with a jag.
Cause you ain't shit...
If you can't get Linda lovelace to gag.

And don't talk about being no full-time lover, cause mister, that's my bag.

I'm the only motherfucker in the damn world that can make Linda Lovelace gag.

doot doot doot

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to SensibleSam)

RE: Body Imperfections - 11/30/2007 2:57:14 PM

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First off I am fat. If a person does not know what comes with me being as fat as I am, then they should not have signed on to see me naked in the first place. Next I have scars, I tell them about these scars before I ever decide to get naked with anyone. They have to decide before we get naked whether or not they can handle it. I don't need a person to run screaming from the room when they look at me...lol. Let's remember, this is the internet, if you have a problem with someone seeing you, find a similar picture online, send it to that person and tell them, imagine me looking like this in your bed. If they run screaming out of their rooms, hey, they never needed to see you naked anyway, they just wanted to fuck. I never hold back what I look like, why should I? Lights on, lights off, day, night, they get me just as I am. I am not forcing them to do this, they do it because they truly desire to.

(in reply to celticlord2112)

RE: Body Imperfections - 11/30/2007 3:01:31 PM

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My ex-boyfriend had many, many scars from about 10 operations most ran from him in fear of how he looked. I grew to love his many scars and was so madly in love with him it did not matter. He has since passed away in June he was only 29 years old . I no longer worry about how I look or how someone else looks I seek the soul now and find that makes up for the outer appearance.
We are such shallow creatures.

(in reply to liminalRapture)

RE: Body Imperfections - 12/3/2007 4:29:54 PM

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I think I like myself more now in the 40's than I ever did in my 20's.

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(in reply to velvetnights)

RE: Body Imperfections - 12/3/2007 6:02:37 PM

Lumus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: liminalRapture

Has there ever been a situation with anyone where you thought you liked them, until you saw them naked, and then that was a dealbreaker?

A vanilla friend, who had a major surgery for cancer years ago and has a huge scar on her stomach, but is also thin (a size 4) was telling me she never lets her husband see her naked except in candlelight because she doesn't want him to see her ugly scar and flabby (her word) stomach.

I'm not a size 4--more like a size 14/16 and I had never really thought about it. The people I've been with have seen me naked in pretty much all light other than klieg lights or search lights. I figure most men would rather be with someone who has fun with her body and is confident, regardless of the size, but the conversation got me really weirded out. Is that an issue that women blow out of proportion, or is it an issue for some guys?

I hardly think my body is perfect, but I'm ok with it.

Men have these issues too, not just women. Dominants can be nervous, not just submissives or slaves.

If the issue is weight, I can assure you that only one of the various relationships I've had was with a woman who weighed less than me [my current girl, in fact]. In other words, weight doesn't matter to me.

If the issue is 'imperfections', then the rest of the thread addressed it nicely. I will add this: Nature mocks symmetry, even though the human body appears symmetrical for the most part. What you see is not necessarily what is. Hold your hands together, see if the fingers on one hand are longer than the other. Are your eyebrows exact mirror opposites? Unless you drew them on, I doubt it. Imperfection implies that perfection exists, and it does not; anyone trying to find it will be sorely disappointed...

*passes out literature on drawing illustations*

_____________________________

<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>

~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

(in reply to liminalRapture)

RE: Body Imperfections - 12/3/2007 7:18:40 PM

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The only person I rejected that had scars, it had nothing to do with the scars. She walked off and left her 6 year old son in a mall by himself and then got upset with me when I took him to his father who had custody of him except on weekends. And yes, we had been sexually active and I knew of her son and the custody situation. But that was back in a vanilla relationship.

(in reply to celticlord2112)

RE: Body Imperfections - 12/4/2007 1:07:33 AM

MasterBlueTiger

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I think it definetly works both ways. I once saw some late night comercial where they were trying to sell some male enhancement product. I watched for maybe two minutes while looking for smoething else. To sell the product they had several models talk about their exploits. Suddenly one of the models coments on how she got to the point where she was about to sleep with a guy but walked out the second she saw how dinky his man parts were. It made me disgusted. If I was on a date with somone and a similar topic came up I would immediately walk out on them no matter how good they looked. And I would leave the bill for them to. It might just be my experience, but I think that men tend to get the better part of the shallow reputation but it is hardly exclusive.
As for what I would do, I would agree with what some others have said thus far. Personally, I prefer to take things slowly. And if Things progressed to the point where I was going to be with somone I have likely already made up my mind that their something special.

(in reply to mstrj69)

RE: Body Imperfections - 12/4/2007 4:17:15 AM

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quote:

Suddenly one of the models coments on how she got to the point where she was about to sleep with a guy but walked out the second she saw how dinky his man parts were. It made me disgusted.

I think penis size should be put on drivers licenses and women should be able to check you for ID

(in reply to MasterBlueTiger)

RE: Body Imperfections - 12/4/2007 7:49:17 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sweet1Maybe4U

I think I like myself more now in the 40's than I ever did in my 20's.

Pretty may fade with age, but beauty never fades!

(in reply to Sweet1Maybe4U)

RE: Body Imperfections - 12/4/2007 8:55:17 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleWench

quote:

Suddenly one of the models coments on how she got to the point where she was about to sleep with a guy but walked out the second she saw how dinky his man parts were. It made me disgusted.

I think penis size should be put on drivers licenses and women should be able to check you for ID

I like that idea, since men always ask about breast size and can pretty much tell what they are getting in that department. Which state do you think will volunteer to go first?

(in reply to LittleWench)

RE: Body Imperfections - 12/4/2007 9:12:22 AM

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Neither of my boys are perfect. They both have their body image problems.
Fox had no idea he was attractive, he focused so much on the few imperfections that the other aspects were completely overlooked. He has strange little obsessions, like he cannot stand body hair on himself or on others, and so he keeps himself completely shaven all the time. He has scars and stretch marks... and none of them bothered me. Once I took pictures of him and showed him how he looks to others, he understood that he wasa far harsher judge of himself than we are.
Angel knows he is attractive, as long as he is dressed. He has a medical condition that causes him to be very skinny, very lanky and he has a caved-in chest. He aslo has surgery scars. When he sent me a picture th first time, shirtless, he expected me to do what so many others had and stop talking to him. The picture was the camera at arms length,full face and half his chest so the scar and imperfection were showing so I knew what I was "getting into". I didnt even notice, when he asked me what I thought about his picture, I told him the truth, he has the most amazing eyes I have ever seen. He still hates pictures, hates how he looks in them, but at least he knows how I feel about him.

Looking up, I think finding out as we were getting ready for sex that someone has a major defect that they had been hiding might be a deal breaker becasue fo the dishonesty of it. But I feel the same about someone who "enhances" themselves with butt pads or push up bras too. If you present yourself to me with a false image, when I find out the truth I am not going to be impressed. You have started out contact with a lie, and thats never a good first impression.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: Body Imperfections - 12/4/2007 9:16:46 AM

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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I am a total size queen. In my MIND anyway. I had a fabulous fuckbuddy that was "below average" but that never really mattered.

I am all for the driver's license disclosures!

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(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

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