Would/could this be effective?

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

Would/could this be effective?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Would/could this be effective?

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Would/could this be effective? - 11/28/2007 10:50:05 PM

Posts: 155
Joined: 10/13/2007
Status: offline

For those of you already familiar with my situation, I pose this question to you.

I've done much thinking today and I've determined that puppy and I click on far too many levels outside of the M/s dynamic to just discard her due to something she doesn't have a whole lot of control over. So, I'm wondering..If I was to keep her gagged and bound, so that she physically could not freak out as she is so prone to doing, and I found little ways to reward her or otherwise show her that she's pleased me by following my orders without a fuss (even though she physically couldn't put up a fuss) would this help to bring about a change in her behavior? or would this possibly have even more damaging effects? She would still be seeing a therapist, as it doesn't improve her ability to maintain control of herself, which I believe she needs. But, it does limit her ability to totally lose control, which would be an acceptable fix for the time being. What do you think?

If you're not familiar with the situation, grab yourself a snack and take a look through the 7am thread.

_____________________________

We play, only to learn and train for our next mistake. To heal and break, growing strong in the wake.

RE: Would/could this be effective? - 11/28/2007 10:57:02 PM

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwiztdErotic
So, I'm wondering..If I was to keep her gagged and bound, so that she physically could not freak out as she is so prone to doing, and I found little ways to reward her or otherwise show her that she's pleased me by following my orders without a fuss (even though she physically couldn't put up a fuss) would this help to bring about a change in her behavior? or would this possibly have even more damaging effects? She would still be seeing a therapist, as it doesn't improve her ability to maintain control of herself, which I believe she needs. But, it does limit her ability to totally lose control, which would be an acceptable fix for the time being. What do you think?

Where would the submission be if she is to be kept bound, gagged and forced to do as you wish? No, I don't think it would bring about a positive change of behavior and yes, I think it has the potential of damaging after effects.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to TwiztdErotic)

RE: Would/could this be effective? - 11/28/2007 11:00:29 PM

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwiztdErotic

For those of you already familiar with my situation, I pose this question to you.

I've done much thinking today and I've determined that puppy and I click on far too many levels outside of the M/s dynamic to just discard her due to something she doesn't have a whole lot of control over. So, I'm wondering..If I was to keep her gagged and bound, so that she physically could not freak out as she is so prone to doing, and I found little ways to reward her or otherwise show her that she's pleased me by following my orders without a fuss (even though she physically couldn't put up a fuss) would this help to bring about a change in her behavior? or would this possibly have even more damaging effects? She would still be seeing a therapist, as it doesn't improve her ability to maintain control of herself, which I believe she needs. But, it does limit her ability to totally lose control, which would be an acceptable fix for the time being. What do you think?

If you're not familiar with the situation, grab yourself a snack and take a look through the 7am thread.

You're still missing the point. You don't respond to bipolar disorder with bdsm and/or d/s. You respond to a partner that has a mental illness with care, compassion and support as she seeks outside professional help.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to TwiztdErotic)

RE: Would/could this be effective? - 11/28/2007 11:04:11 PM

Posts: 155
Joined: 10/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

You're still missing the point. You don't respond to bipolar disorder with bdsm and/or d/s. You respond to a partner that has a mental illness with care, compassion and support as she seeks outside professional help.

I had considered this and that's why I chose to come here and ask those who are more experienced for their thoughts. Neither her nor I want to give up the lifestyle, although I am aware that she may need to for the time being. Again, this is why I asked first.

(in reply to laurell3)

RE: Would/could this be effective? - 11/28/2007 11:06:57 PM

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwiztdErotic

quote:

You're still missing the point. You don't respond to bipolar disorder with bdsm and/or d/s. You respond to a partner that has a mental illness with care, compassion and support as she seeks outside professional help.

I had considered this and that's why I chose to come here and ask those who are more experienced for their thoughts. Neither her nor I want to give up the lifestyle, although I am aware that she may need to for the time being. Again, this is why I asked first.

Find a kink friendly therapist, get her to a psychiatrist and go to therapy with her if they recommend it. A gag and/or restraints is not the answer to this question.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to TwiztdErotic)

RE: Would/could this be effective? - 11/28/2007 11:09:38 PM

Posts: 1153
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

I don't think it would bring any change - she has to want to do it. You can correct some things - but you are in a whole different dynamic. BTW - is she voluntarily going to therapy or is that something you are insisting upon. Again - if it is not from her then it probably is a waste of time.

_____________________________

Yes I am Spectacular and they are real!

(in reply to TwiztdErotic)

RE: Would/could this be effective? - 11/28/2007 11:11:37 PM

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I would suggest that if her problems are so severe as to have you considering complete confinement, that you consider that confinement in an institution that can actually help her learn to control herself better. If you simply make the problem go away by covering up the signs of it with some sort of bandaid... tey wil not get better. They will get worse, ebcasue she will no longer have the ability to control herself at all. It is easier to let yourself go when you dont have to be responsible for learning the self control. Taking that responsability away from her will make it harder to get it back when she is not bound and gagged.
If you truly want to have an enjoyable future with her, she needs support, reasurance that you wouldnt do to her what you have even suggested, and that she can learn to deal with the disorder. Constant punishment becasue of something she cant control doesnt make it better. Teaching her to control it, no matter how long it takes or hhow much work goes into it.... thats ownership.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to TwiztdErotic)

RE: Would/could this be effective? - 11/28/2007 11:11:43 PM

Posts: 155
Joined: 10/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

I don't think it would bring any change - she has to want to do it. You can correct some things - but you are in a whole different dynamic. BTW - is she voluntarily going to therapy or is that something you are insisting upon. Again - if it is not from her then it probably is a waste of time.

she does WANT to change. But, due to her issues, she doesn't have the ability to do so without some therapy, counseling, whatever. Yes, she is voluntarily going to therapy.

(in reply to MrSpectacular)

RE: Would/could this be effective? - 11/28/2007 11:19:29 PM

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwiztdErotic

quote:

I don't think it would bring any change - she has to want to do it. You can correct some things - but you are in a whole different dynamic. BTW - is she voluntarily going to therapy or is that something you are insisting upon. Again - if it is not from her then it probably is a waste of time.

she does WANT to change. But, due to her issues, she doesn't have the ability to do so without some therapy, counseling, whatever. Yes, she is voluntarily going to therapy.

I am bipolar. Bipolar is a chemical imbalance. Unless she's a very mild case, no amount of therapy will ever fully deal with the problem. She needs to see a psychiatrist, too, and try some different meds. There are also different disorders that are common in bipolar people such as ADD, too.

This is a great site. Please spend some time reading it so you understand your submissive better.
http://www.bipolar.com/

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to TwiztdErotic)

RE: Would/could this be effective? - 11/28/2007 11:22:09 PM

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwiztdErotic

quote:

I don't think it would bring any change - she has to want to do it. You can correct some things - but you are in a whole different dynamic. BTW - is she voluntarily going to therapy or is that something you are insisting upon. Again - if it is not from her then it probably is a waste of time.

she does WANT to change. But, due to her issues, she doesn't have the ability to do so without some therapy, counseling, whatever. Yes, she is voluntarily going to therapy.

I am bipolar. Bipolar is a chemical imbalance. Unless she's a very mild case, no amount of therapy will ever fully deal with the problem. She needs to see a psychiatrist, too, and try some different meds. There are also different disorders that are common in bipolar people such as ADD, too.

This is a great site. Please spend some time reading it so you understand your submissive better.
http://www.bipolar.com/

Master Fire

Agreed. If she is in therapy, I would be quite shocked that the therapist didn't refer her to a psychiatrist immediately. Therapy is however also important.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

RE: Would/could this be effective? - 11/28/2007 11:29:52 PM

Posts: 155
Joined: 10/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

There are also different disorders that are common in bipolar people such as ADD, too.

ADD is one thing I can be quite certain she does not have. Borderline Personality Disorder, on the other hand, may be a possibility. Thanks for the link, I'll be sure to check it out.

(in reply to laurell3)

RE: Would/could this be effective? - 11/28/2007 11:48:43 PM

Posts: 155
Joined: 10/13/2007
Status: offline

I'm still not entirely convinced that this wouldn't work, at least not on someone of a more stable mind. What if it was done for an hour or so, once or twice a day, still think it could have damaging effects?

(in reply to TwiztdErotic)

RE: Would/could this be effective? - 11/28/2007 11:58:29 PM

Posts: 95
Joined: 10/11/2007
Status: offline

Some things you may want to consider. The friends I have with bipolar tend to need certain things in their lives to keep the thing under control. Enough sleep is one of them. Another is to know what your life looks like, to have enough routines and predictability, and especially enough time to recover from the stresses of daily life (in what ever ways they have found out they can).

As an example, a friend of mine states that she will very easily become a monster, if she doesn't get her daily minimum of 8 hours of sleep and to get enough alone time.

So perhaps you could ask her, if the same things seem to apply? If she does have such same sleeping needs, then waking her up in the middle of the night is damaging and wrong from the part of the dominant, you should apologize for what you have done, and promise never to do such thing again without her explicit wish for it to happen. She should also take note and add sleep deprivation (even light) to her hard limits list. She might also need much more structured bdsm relationship. Something in which she knows what is expected of her and in which the owner/dominant makes her live up to the requirements her condition she has.

These ideas are not meant to replace therapy, nor medication. It is likely that either or both will be needed, but even then, they may not be enough is she cannot live in a way that is healthy to her chemical imbalance problems.

(in reply to TwiztdErotic)

RE: Would/could this be effective? - 11/29/2007 12:02:08 AM

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

I don't know the whole situation, but if this girl is bipolar and having a manic/depressed episode, I strongly advise you to get her to a trained professional fro help(a GP will NOT have the expertise needed to deal with this).

Gagging her, binding her, etc., is NO way to deal with a chemical imbalance. Rewards are as useful as clouds in the sky. Her "wanting to change" is not an option here. As MFM said, it is a chemical imbalance within the brain, not a behavioural problem. If she becomes psychotic, do you think you will know the signs and know how to deal with it? Will you know when to call in expert pychiatric help?

Her meds may need to be altered, she may need specialised care, she may need to be in a hospital. A layman cannot possibly know how to treat this very serious illness. How about getting her some help before she becomes psychotic, if she isn't already?

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to TwiztdErotic)

RE: Would/could this be effective? - 11/29/2007 12:07:18 AM

Posts: 155
Joined: 10/13/2007
Status: offline

hmmm..it's kinda nice to have a thread that isn't the center of so much drama. keep the helpful replies coming, they are appreciated.

(in reply to tulitukka)

RE: Would/could this be effective? - 11/29/2007 12:07:46 AM

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwiztdErotic
ADD is one thing I can be quite certain she does not have. Borderline Personality Disorder, on the other hand, may be a possibility. Thanks for the link, I'll be sure to check it out.

Twiseted Erotic, i'm curious to know what exact psychiatric experience You have that would lead You to be able to 'diagnose' Your submissive with BPD? i ask because, in my humble opinion, i believe many women who fit the "criteria" for BPD actually have PTSD. It's been my experience that the symptomology of BPD can actually be coping skills from PTSD......
At any rate, i don't think You are going to be able to incorporate BDSM again until You two are able to sit down and have a deep, truthful, and meaningful conversation....Where one of You talks while the other one listens...Even then, i would strongly encourage You to talk to some of the more 'experienced' (or damn it is it skilled??) Dominants about their thoughts, feelings, viewpoints of this sort of thing.

Needing to seriously shut the computer down,
Kali

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to TwiztdErotic)

RE: Would/could this be effective? - 11/29/2007 12:11:06 AM

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

How many replies do you need before you do something proactive to help this girl?

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to Kalista07)

RE: Would/could this be effective? - 11/29/2007 12:13:31 AM

Posts: 155
Joined: 10/13/2007
Status: offline

Kali,
I don't have any psychiatric experience..however, I do have about two years experience with a woman who was diagnosed with BPD, PTSD, Bi Polar and was manic depressant. she happened to be my first slave..it seems I've got a thing for the mentally unstable.

(in reply to Kalista07)

RE: Would/could this be effective? - 11/29/2007 12:15:23 AM

Posts: 155
Joined: 10/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

How many replies do you need before you do something proactive to help this girl?

WHOA. calm down, killer. I've been doing things to help this girl since the day we met and she'd be the first one to tell you that.

(in reply to TwiztdErotic)

RE: Would/could this be effective? - 11/29/2007 12:19:09 AM

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

TwiztdErotic,
i mean this with every amount of sincerity in my body....Do You remember that thing i said in that other thread of Yours about the whole 'common denomenator'????? Sadly (and ironically) i think we just found it....Ever read anything about codependency? Or thought about getting some counseling for Yourself to see why You are attracted to women with such issues?
Kali

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to TwiztdErotic)

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Would/could this be effective?

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.672