MsCfromMelbourne
Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline
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It does matter to me if certain people deny that any sex other than penis-in-vagina is "sex".
Sex in a loving D/s relationship is an expression of love.
Kinky sex is the way us kinky people (male and female) express ourselves sexually and how we express our lust, love, affection and intimacy.
Many of us lifestyle Dommes and subs don't do dick-in-vagina pentration that much (and our gay sisters don't do it at all), but that does not make us asexual, frigid, pious, impotent or eunuchs. Far from it.
I think it is misleading if a Domme proclaims "I won't/don't have sex with submissives" when in fact she does engage in sexual penetration of men and other sexually stimulation (with or without sexual release). Statements like these imply to readers that subs are not worthy of sexual love, which is just untrue.
Such Dommes should be honest and say "I don't have straight coitus with submissives". Who wants straight sex anyway? As petpete points out, that's what vanilla wives and girlfriends do!
And I am really puzzled by a related phenomenon. Dommes who say they don't have (or cannot enjoy) sex (whatever that now means!) with subs, so they have sex with Doms and vanillas instead.
If a "Domme" can only enjoy penetrative sex with a male Dom pumping away on top of her, she is a bedroom submissive. And if she can only enjoy vanilla sex, she is vanilla. It is again misleading to call oneself "Dominant" if your sexual orientation is so clearly submissive and/or vanilla.
How can you have a long term loving D/s relationship with a sub if your sexual orientation is not Dominant? How can you eventually have children together ? (Disclaimer: my sub and I adore eachother and are having our first baby in March)
Is this just a femdom issue? Are females raised to ashamed of their sexuality and need to pretend to be "chaste"?
Or is it disrespect/dislike for male submissives? Do you see any male Doms saying they they don't have sex with submissive women and they can only enjoy sex with Dominas, Mistresses and vanillas? I don't.
Or is this just a cock-teasing ploy? The old "you will never have sex with Me" trick to make sub men try harder? Most men (Dom or sub) love a good chase.......
I understand completely why women selling pay-to-play would deny having sex with subs. It would be stupid to admit to any kind of prostitution on the boards.
And I (like many Dommes) top other submissives in a non-sexual way in addition to my primary sexual D/s relationship. Femdom BDSM is not always sexual, but why pretend to never have sex with subs, when clearly you do?
As I have said before, the Clinton-esque denial bothers me. It is simply dishonest and misleading, particularly to newcomers looking to the women who write in Ask a Mistress for some real life role models and guidance.
Ms C (now putting on her flame retardant catsuit)
< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 12/14/2007 4:01:20 PM >
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RE: Strap on sex is sex folks - 
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