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RE: Why the Administrators cannot allow blacklists, but... - 12/10/2007 4:50:56 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ctrlaltdelete

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick
Can I be on the insubordinate sub list now?


Jeff - I lost track...is that the spank-eligible list?


Okay, now I'm gonna swoooooooooooooon. 

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to ctrlaltdelete)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: Why the Administrators cannot allow blacklists, but... - 12/10/2007 4:58:45 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline
ALl  list are spank-eligble. It is the nature of the List...



Jeff

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: Why the Administrators cannot allow blacklists, but... - 12/10/2007 5:16:35 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline
 
quote:

ORIGINAL: trappedinamuseum

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Well, leave it to Stephan to wrench this back to reality.

Can I be on the insubordinate sub list now?

Cali



What a waste that would be!

I prefer playing only with subordinates ;)

Stephan





That's not what you said last night....



No I didn't, and even if I did you can't prove it.

Stephan Nixon


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to trappedinamuseum)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: Why the Administrators cannot allow blacklists, but... - 12/10/2007 5:36:48 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Wait! What if I want to fall victim to a perv? I am only meeting boring guys lately...

/pats you on the back in comfort

Don't worry now. Jeff is keeping very close tabs on everyone. I am sure that if you go to him and ask nicely; he will be willing to pull one of those bad apples out of the bag for you

/nods encouragingly

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: Why the Administrators cannot allow blacklists, but... - 12/10/2007 5:42:50 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
So...the blacklist has now become the little black book...most likely not what the OP intended, but quite humorous.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 105
RE: Why the Administrators cannot allow blacklists, but... - 12/10/2007 6:02:25 PM   
trappedinamuseum


Posts: 5066
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

quote:

ORIGINAL: trappedinamuseum

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Well, leave it to Stephan to wrench this back to reality.

Can I be on the insubordinate sub list now?

Cali



What a waste that would be!

I prefer playing only with subordinates ;)

Stephan





That's not what you said last night....



No I didn't, and even if I did you can't prove it.

Stephan Nixon



That's what the tapes are for darling....

trapped "deep throat" museum


_____________________________

"You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside you soul.
Don't come back for me.
Don't come back at all" - Jar of Hearts

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: Why the Administrators cannot allow blacklists, but... - 12/10/2007 6:03:36 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline
Apparently, most people agree that the idea of a blacklist is pretty unrealistic and absurd. That's not surprising. However, I don't think that means that no one's behavior should ever be questioned just because they're into kinky activities. Why does being in "the scene" mean that we have to collapse into a place of complete moral relativism? Why is anything and everything OK just because someone somewhere is getting off on it? There are untouchables, like the kids/animals/pets/the dead that we can mostly all agree on...but how many other things used to be looked down upon only to eventually become acceptable? I'm not saying I think that necrophelia is on its way to your local munch but rather that I'm not sure who drew the line of what's acceptable just short of boinking a goat...and I'm not so sure I agree with them.

Of course, you'll all say, that I don't have to agree. No one is forcing me to participate. Very true. Which is why when something happens between 2 consenting adults, that is less of an issue for me than when I witness the same person take on one after another - newcomer or not - and swallow them up and spit them out. I think we can all tell the difference between the "drama" of a breakup and the reality of a predator. I think most of us are lucky enough to have not encountered true predators in the scene and because of that we are quick to write off their existence as a bad pairing or a new person's frenzy to dive in. We all claim to be adults with working brains and all the rest but I have seen such adults taken advantage of by people, whom I later found out, had quite the history. A history that involved hiding out in the local scenes of various cities along the east coast, doing the same thing to one person after another, and never getting caught because people didn't want to start a big deal. This person, it turns out, was a wanted felon.

If you personally knew someone (forget rumors, gossip, and hearsay) I mean if you personally witnessed someone go through multiple relationships and repeat the same pattern each time, ending the same way each time, and each time the person who was in the relationship with our "predator" came out damaged, how long would it take for you to caution someone against getting involved with that person. I'd give anyone the benefit of the doubt but I have seen people go through 3, 4, 5 relationship where they all end the same and the person who was not the common denominator came out with horror stories. But...I guess that's ok right? No need to give anyone fair warning regarding what they may be getting involved with.

The ones who usually cry out loudest against any sort of blacklist are the heavy players yet it's the admittedly heavy players that I've encountered who are most concerned with things like relative safety and consent. They know what they are doing is edgy and they are very cautious about who they play or get involved with, in my experience. You don't see the heaviest player in town going out and picking up the bdsm-virgin and beating them within an inch of their life. At least I never have. What you do see, in the case of a predator, is someone who looks pretty innocent from the outside, someone who looks all nice and cuddly and safe for beginners, but who changes once he/she latches onto someone enough that they can't easily pull themselves away.

So, I ask all of you, not to blacklist people in your local community because an ex-sub comes crying "abuse" but not to ignore what you see either. I'm tired of not taking a stand when my gut says something is wrong out of fear of not keeping peace with everyone. If someone's ego is so fragile that they can't take a little doubt then maybe they shouldn't be playing at this either. I've seen people questioned over what they are doing who come right out and stand up for themselves and people learn something. I've also seen people do absolutely horrible things that ended badly for many involved and never get the slightest bit of question because others were so afraid of looking judgemental. I hate to tell you, but we all make judgements. The only real question is, will they say it to your face or start rumors and gossip behind your back because they are too scared of looking like the kink police?






_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: Why the Administrators cannot allow blacklists, but... - 12/10/2007 6:23:18 PM   
LonDom61


Posts: 196
Joined: 9/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

/pout

Darn it 11

there goes my chance at being put on THE LIST


Darn it Irish.  The way you underscored The List...here was me, thinking "hey, clickable link.  Let's take a boo at this list we're all riffin on".  So I moused over (mouseovered?) it.  Nnnnnnot so much.

And to CtrlAltDel: "palpable danger comes before the pulp".

Y'mean...in the dictionary?

Damn, this is a fun way to be jokin myself outta vanilla member status.   Sure beats hell outta all that carefully crafted "sharing wisdom" crap I've been doing (well, trying to do) so far.

That shi....stuff takes WAY too much time.

(Checks index for more silly threads to further accelerate the process)



(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: Why the Administrators cannot allow blacklists, but... - 12/10/2007 6:27:35 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

I also know for a fact that the moderators of the forums are not hands off. Daily they remove posts based on their person interpretation of what they read and their own interpretation of the rules. So yeah who polices the police? Who moderates the moderators? Censorship is rampant...it just so happens that we don't know it well becuase people who want to say somthing about it are being censored.





We do.

You have the option of making your own board where you won't be censored in any way. As it stands, enough people approve of the way the mods censor these boards that this forum is successful. When enough people disapprove and leave, the board will fail and the moderators won't have anything to moderate.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to BoiJen)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: Why the Administrators cannot allow blacklists, but... - 12/10/2007 6:35:45 PM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline
I will say that this board is moderated less than any other I have been on ever.  Sometimes it is hard when it personally happens to someone for them not to feel singled out, but I have seen some posts I would not have allowed to remain that were.  I am not the one to make the call, but I also think that means that censorship is not rampant, or that would never happen. I also happen to think the world of the mods, they do not have an easy, THANKLESS, VOLUNTEER job.  They spend countless hours on these boards, monitoring to the extent that they hardly ever get to even post, or enjoy a liesurely read of any of the threads.  Whether or not a situation comes up that if I knew the facts would agree with or not agree with, I admire them.  They are constantly having to be online, and scampering over the boards, and doing their job the way the owners of the site want them to.  I think that is what is forgotten  here; the mods are here to carry out the site owners' wishes, not their own.  The fact that they do it so well I think earns them our respect and consideration, although I know a lot will never give it. They DO deserve it.

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: Why the Administrators cannot allow blacklists, but... - 12/10/2007 6:51:02 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Darn it Irish.  The way you underscored The List...here was me, thinking "hey, clickable link.  Let's take a boo at this list we're all riffin on".  So I moused over (mouseovered?) it.  Nnnnnnot so much.

LOL Yea baby

I wonder how many other's moused over that LMAO



_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to LonDom61)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: Why the Administrators cannot allow blacklists, but... - 12/10/2007 6:53:24 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

Wait! What if I want to fall victim to a perv? I am only meeting boring guys lately...

/pats you on the back in comfort

Don't worry now. Jeff is keeping very close tabs on everyone. I am sure that if you go to him and ask nicely; he will be willing to pull one of those bad apples out of the bag for you

/nods encouragingly


tha kinda makes me sound like a pimp...........I wonder.....is there money in this?


Jeff
(standing on the corner, slappin list members around)

< Message edited by Jeffff -- 12/10/2007 6:59:05 PM >

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: Why the Administrators cannot allow blacklists, but... - 12/10/2007 6:56:18 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

tha kinda makes me sound like a pimp...........I wonder.....is there money im this?

Hooker









_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: Why the Administrators cannot allow blacklists, but... - 12/10/2007 7:00:57 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692

I will say that this board is moderated less than any other I have been on ever.  Sometimes it is hard when it personally happens to someone for them not to feel singled out, but I have seen some posts I would not have allowed to remain that were.  I am not the one to make the call, but I also think that means that censorship is not rampant, or that would never happen. I also happen to think the world of the mods, they do not have an easy, THANKLESS, VOLUNTEER job.  They spend countless hours on these boards, monitoring to the extent that they hardly ever get to even post, or enjoy a liesurely read of any of the threads.  Whether or not a situation comes up that if I knew the facts would agree with or not agree with, I admire them.  They are constantly having to be online, and scampering over the boards, and doing their job the way the owners of the site want them to.  I think that is what is forgotten  here; the mods are here to carry out the site owners' wishes, not their own.  The fact that they do it so well I think earns them our respect and consideration, although I know a lot will never give it. They DO deserve it.


I've said it before and I'll say it again, there's not a sum of money you could pay me to read all the threads on this board and they do it for free.  That says alot about them.

The idea of someone saying censorship is rampant but you don't hear about it on a forum where you're actually reading them saying it implies the opposite might be true.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 12/10/2007 7:02:22 PM >


_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to kc692)
Profile   Post #: 114
RE: Why the Administrators cannot allow blacklists, but... - 12/10/2007 8:22:06 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692

I will say that this board is moderated less than any other I have been on ever. 

I've participated in a board that was moderated less...

... it wasn't pretty.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to kc692)
Profile   Post #: 115
RE: Why the Administrators cannot allow blacklists, but... - 12/10/2007 8:24:32 PM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692

I will say that this board is moderated less than any other I have been on ever.  Sometimes it is hard when it personally happens to someone for them not to feel singled out, but I have seen some posts I would not have allowed to remain that were.  I am not the one to make the call, but I also think that means that censorship is not rampant, or that would never happen. I also happen to think the world of the mods, they do not have an easy, THANKLESS, VOLUNTEER job.  They spend countless hours on these boards, monitoring to the extent that they hardly ever get to even post, or enjoy a liesurely read of any of the threads.  Whether or not a situation comes up that if I knew the facts would agree with or not agree with, I admire them.  They are constantly having to be online, and scampering over the boards, and doing their job the way the owners of the site want them to.  I think that is what is forgotten  here; the mods are here to carry out the site owners' wishes, not their own.  The fact that they do it so well I think earns them our respect and consideration, although I know a lot will never give it. They DO deserve it.


I've said it before and I'll say it again, there's not a sum of money you could pay me to read all the threads on this board and they do it for free.  That says alot about them.

The idea of someone saying censorship is rampant but you don't hear about it on a forum where you're actually reading them saying it implies the opposite might be true.


Wonderful excellent point!!!!!

edited to add:  Wonderful to see you again Padriag!!

< Message edited by kc692 -- 12/10/2007 8:25:36 PM >


_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 116
RE: Why the Administrators cannot allow blacklists, but... - 12/10/2007 8:26:43 PM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline
I remember the day I burnt my little black book,Diane poured on the gas and volunteered to light the match ..

_____________________________

US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 117
RE: Why the Administrators cannot allow blacklists, but... - 12/10/2007 8:50:14 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

I understand the concept of slander, but I also have met victims of predators. I have read your rules and to my understanding there is nothing keeping me from keeping a bad list of my own and providing it to those who request such information from my own area and experience. I am active in my community here, and beleive it is up to all of us to try to police and protect ourselves.


I get the distinct impression that you do not get the concept of slander.

I do get the impression that someone you value was harmed recently, and for that I am very sorry for whomever it happened to. The entire energy of your post speaks of your belief that someone was harmed by their interactions on CM. The mods have spoken again on the issue.

I am not going to join the lynch mob here. I will say that although you maybe well intentioned, you nevertheless are misguided, and there have been many that posted why this is so.

I will also say that the only warnings that should really matter are from those we know in the real world, and even then one should consider the source. I am all for telling noobs to join a local munch group, and getting to know people within the community they live.  I know from experience that the community here will issue warnings to novices when it is asked of them... and although I would never take anyone else's word over my gut, it is still a valuable thing to get to know the people local to you.

Internet warnings mean nothing at all to me.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to DominicsJoy)
Profile   Post #: 118
RE: Why the Administrators cannot allow blacklists, but... - 12/11/2007 8:04:39 AM   
ravennfyre


Posts: 161
Joined: 6/23/2007
Status: offline
*gasps*

the OP's wearing white shoes with a black skirt....


methinks that i have common sense and a good gut instinct to know whether or not someone's just being a fuckwad. but that's just me.

< Message edited by ravennfyre -- 12/11/2007 8:30:40 AM >

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 119
RE: Why the Administrators cannot allow blacklists, but... - 12/11/2007 8:17:10 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
~fr~
Munches can be a good place to get recommendations, but remember, there are also interpersonal issues going on among the members.  People who have been slighted may be embellishing the truth about others.  And seriously, going to a munch is like putting on a sign saying "fresh meat".  I found this out before I even made it to a munch.  I joined a listserve for a munch as was assaulted with offers.  One was pretty amusing though.  A member thought he was emailing me in private and he was surprised when his messages of the "I'd like to spank you" "do you need a spanking partner" showed up on the group list.  What fun as the group attempted some damage control.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to ravennfyre)
Profile   Post #: 120
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