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RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 1:32:00 PM

lusciouslips19

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterofScyn

Men are so quick to comitt? I've been around the block more than afew times, I was with a dude for 8 years.. 8 years of my life and he shown no sign of wanting to get married or anything. All I ever wanted was ring from him, some kind of symbol type thing of what we had together and I couldn't even get that. I could careless about actuall marriage, he couldn't even show how he truly felt about me.. After 8 yrs of trying to keep a relationship with him, I finally gave up and found someone .. my Master.. Anymore I actually feel like I wasted those 8 yrs..

Men don't like comitment as easily as most people would like. I'm not saying ALL men, but in my personal experience, they don't comitt very easily at all. It is a far cry from a lickity split like what your seeking.

I wish you lotta luck if that's how you feel..

Scyn ~

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterofScyn

Sounds like your looking for commitment and this dude isn't serious about giving it to you. I'd probly just go look for another dude. /shrug.

Scyn

yes, because everyone should be ready for a commitment lickety split and most men are so ready to commit FAST.

i was being facecious. Its called Sarcasm.

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Post #: 21

RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 1:32:26 PM

MasterofScyn

Posts: 141
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Either way, whether she was being sarcastic or not. If she wants to waste so much time like I did with a dude that can't show how he feels, then I say take the collar and be in denial for however long.... Or break it off with the dude and find someone else. Or she can actually talk to the dude, but if she's been with him for this long and isn't sure how he feels, to me it's wasting time. That's exactly what happened with me and my ex, we couldn't talk to eachother, he couldn't tell me how he seriously felt. In the end all we did was argue when I brought up stuff like this.

It just depends on what she wants, to waste time with a dude like this, or whatever....

Scyn ~

_____________________________

May the road rise to meet you
May the wind always be at your back
May the sun always shine against your face
May the rain fall softly upon your fields
Until we meet again
May the spirits hold you in the palm of their hands

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Post #: 22

RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 1:35:34 PM

girlygurl

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Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SayaNereida

quote:

i have been seeing a Guy/dom as a boyfriend for a couple of months. he has always said he doesnt attach quickly but I still believed he had feelings for me or i wouldnt be seeing him so much. I just found out due to his actions that he was telling the truth about his lack of speedy attachment.

lusciouslips19,

I found myself more drawn to the above quote than anything else in your post.

He said he does not attach quickly, he didn't say he didn't attach. He is obviously at least a little attached if he is ordering/buying the collar.

Not everyone becomes attached in the same time frame, but he is obviously willing to move toward it...IMO, although talking to him and finding out how he really feels might help you decide what to do.

Saya

Hi there sexy luscious!
I was also drawn to your comment that Saya has quoted. Although he doesn't attach quickly, it does appear there is some attachment or he wouldn't have gotten you a gift (IMO), or spending time with you over the last few months. It sounds like he may be at a slower pace is all.
OldBastardly1 mentioned communication, of course you already know that it is a key eliment in any relationship, so be yourself and tell him what your thoughts are. Does a collar symbolize something different for you than him? If so, share that with him before you except the gift.... maybe he'll open up just enough to clue you in as to how he views the collar.

I don't purchase a gift for someone without thought behind it. Heaven forbid I say "feeling" behind it

Good thoughts for you luscious in the coming New Year, if he's smart he'll stay close and open up to you.

girly

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Post #: 23

RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 1:35:44 PM

lusciouslips19

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quote:

Man!! The man is giving you a collar. Do you want him, respect him, whatever him enough so that you want the collar? Or do you want the pretty words along with the collar?

I dont need the pretty words. I am just not sure if I want a "fun collar". I am trying to figure out if I can take it as a light hearted gift or if I should possibly have him hold on to it till he can actually assign some real meaning behind it?

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 12/31/2007 1:36:49 PM >

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RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 1:37:47 PM

weneedyourhelp

Posts: 118
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I have been married to my sub for 12 years, and we have never really worn wedding bands. Shortly after we became involved in the D/s lifestyle, I presented her with her first collar, after first discussing with her what it would mean to both of us. I also got a matching bracelet that I wear. They mean more to us than any wedding band ever could. You just have to decide what it means to you and him...and go for it!!!

Cougar

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Post #: 25

RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 1:38:37 PM

julietsierra

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

Man!! The man is giving you a collar. Do you want him, respect him, whatever him enough so that you want the collar? Or do you want the pretty words along with the collar?

I dont need the pretty words. I am just not sure if I want a "fun collar". I am trying to figure out if I can take it as a light hearted gift or if I should possibly have him hold on to it till he can actually assign some real meaning behind it?

sooo... no need to waste all this energy worrying about it. Just ask him when you get it what it means and that should be that.. How about not presuming anything or coming up with a plan for anything that might not go the way you want...let the moment take you. You know what you want - leave it at that.

juliet

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Post #: 26

RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 1:40:37 PM

lusciouslips19

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterofScyn

Either way, whether she was being sarcastic or not. If she wants to waste so much time like I did with a dude that can't show how he feels, then I say take the collar and be in denial for however long.... Or break it off with the dude and find someone else. Or she can actually talk to the dude, but if she's been with him for this long and isn't sure how he feels, to me it's wasting time. That's exactly what happened with me and my ex, we couldn't talk to eachother, he couldn't tell me how he seriously felt. In the end all we did was argue when I brought up stuff like this.

It just depends on what she wants, to waste time with a dude like this, or whatever....

Scyn ~

yowsa. The begining of the post I said I had been seeing him for 2 months. You are projecting Big Time and your judgement is being clouded by your experience.

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RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 1:46:59 PM

weneedyourhelp

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Time really doesn't matter to me, either you feel something right away or you don't, and most people know this. Weather they admit it or not is another story....if you don't feel anything or he doesn't, by now,(2 months), face it you are wasting time. My wife moved in with me the night of our first date, and that was almost 13 years ago. We knew instantly we were in love. I'm not sayin move in, I'm just saying that after 2 months you know, now you have to decide what to do about it.

Cougar

_____________________________

" You become responsible forever for what you have tamed." ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Man is still man, and even frozen in a block of ice, our singular purpose is still to get a nut.

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Post #: 28

RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 1:48:31 PM

MasterofScyn

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I'm not judging anything. Just saying if you can't talk about how you feel now, if you accept his collar and still not know how he feels... What should that say later down the road. 2 months isn't very long, you are correct, but it is enough time to tell if you can talk to him about stuff like this. That's all I'm saying. I'm not a judemental person, sorry if I came off like that. That's just how relationships are, if you don't have that open communication, then well.. how can you expect to go anywhere? You want the relationship to be more than what it is, yet after 2 months you still don't know how he truly feels about you or giving you this collar.

You can always wait till he gives you the collar and see what comes out of it. Or address it now considering you already know about the collar.

Again, sorry if I seemed judgmental.. It's just how I see things when it comes to stuff like this. /shrug..

Scyn ~

_____________________________

May the road rise to meet you
May the wind always be at your back
May the sun always shine against your face
May the rain fall softly upon your fields
Until we meet again
May the spirits hold you in the palm of their hands

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RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 1:53:39 PM

lusciouslips19

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quote:

ORIGINAL: weneedyourhelp

Time really doesn't matter to me, either you feel something right away or you don't, and most people know this. Weather they admit it or not is another story....if you don't feel anything or he doesn't, by now,(2 months), face it you are wasting time. My wife moved in with me the night of our first date, and that was almost 13 years ago. We knew instantly we were in love. I'm not sayin move in, I'm just saying that after 2 months you know, now you have to decide what to do about it.

Cougar

Not everyone works that way. He likes me and sees it continuing. and sees himself likeing me more and more as we spend time together. He told me from the beginning he doesnt attach that fast when he was married it took him over 2 years to know his feeling when he married his now ex.

When you got in your relationship you were young and possibly more recklass. We are 45.

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RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 1:55:49 PM

lusciouslips19

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterofScyn

I'm not judging anything. Just saying if you can't talk about how you feel now, if you accept his collar and still not know how he feels... What should that say later down the road. 2 months isn't very long, you are correct, but it is enough time to tell if you can talk to him about stuff like this. That's all I'm saying. I'm not a judemental person, sorry if I came off like that. That's just how relationships are, if you don't have that open communication, then well.. how can you expect to go anywhere? You want the relationship to be more than what it is, yet after 2 months you still don't know how he truly feels about you or giving you this collar.

You can always wait till he gives you the collar and see what comes out of it. Or address it now considering you already know about the collar.

Again, sorry if I seemed judgmental.. It's just how I see things when it comes to stuff like this. /shrug..

Scyn ~

Its not about not accepting his collar. It about accepting a "play collar" that has no meaning assigned to it. Thats what this is about.

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RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 2:00:18 PM

weneedyourhelp

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Then the question becomes can you wear a "play" collar without feeling all the emotions involved with a serious one?

Cougar

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" You become responsible forever for what you have tamed." ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Man is still man, and even frozen in a block of ice, our singular purpose is still to get a nut.

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RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 2:04:39 PM

MasterofScyn

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I'm 28 yrs old. With my ex, he was just a way out at the time we met, I was hoping I could learn to love him all that jazz.. My mom says she wouldn't accept a collar w/out any meaning behind it like this, and she isn't into this kind of thing. My Master knew at first sight that I was to be his, we've been together for 4 yrs.. 3 of those were the hardest years of my life. I was still with my ex at the time, extremly confused about what to do. This year, as of today in fact Master and I have been offically together for 1 year.

It's up to you on what you chose to do.

Scyn ~

< Message edited by MasterofScyn -- 12/31/2007 2:06:11 PM >

_____________________________

May the road rise to meet you
May the wind always be at your back
May the sun always shine against your face
May the rain fall softly upon your fields
Until we meet again
May the spirits hold you in the palm of their hands

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RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 2:14:14 PM

lusciouslips19

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quote:

ORIGINAL: weneedyourhelp

Then the question becomes can you wear a "play" collar without feeling all the emotions involved with a serious one?

Cougar

Thats the million dollar question?

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Post #: 34

RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 2:14:23 PM

meticulousgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I will not allow a collar on my neck until I am "collared".
I see it as a commitment.

I do want to be married more than I want a collar. And I talk about that with him far more than the collar... but that is just me.

I as well see the collar as a committment, not necessarily in the relationship stand point but, in the sense that whoever the Dominant is that gives it, is serious about what presenting that collar means.

What most Dominants dont understand is the fact that when a submissive or slave becomes collared she is giving over all of herself, if the Dominant can't comprehend what that consists of He may want to wait a bit until He figures out through research what His duty is.

I've been given a collar in the past and had it taken away basicly because the lifestyle to this person was just a game, it was a need but a game. That isn't what this is to me, i need and want so much more and i could never serve someone who wasn't serious about the lifestyle when they expect me to be.

~meticulous~

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RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 2:18:26 PM

batshalom

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~smiling~ Hello, luscious.

I know that each new relationship can feel like THE one but it's only been two months. Let it be your two-month not-sure-what-it-means collar, enjoy its prettiness, enjoy the way it feels around your neck, but consider it just a piece of semi-maybe-significant jewelry until the relationship has aged some. One thing for sure, you don't want a collar that's made of velcro. Maybe next Christmas he can get you one that means something more. Until then, just have some fun with it and take the opportunity to teach him some more cool D/s stuff so that he has a better understanding of what's going on.

Happy New Year to you. ~kiss~

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RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 2:24:04 PM

MzMia

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quote:

ORIGINAL: weneedyourhelp

Then the question becomes can you wear a "play" collar without feeling all the emotions involved with a serious one?

Cougar

This to me is the $64,000 question.
I don't do "play" or "casual" relationships.
I don't like "mixed messages", and I don't like to play relationship games.
So I rather be single than be in a "play" or "casual" relationship.

If it is a "play" situation and he is not serious and you are not serious, why not take the "play" collar that goes with the "play" relationship?

If the terms of the relationships need to change, than THAT is the issue here.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 12/31/2007 2:27:22 PM >

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RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 2:24:37 PM

lusciouslips19

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quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom

~smiling~ Hello, luscious.

I know that each new relationship can feel like THE one but it's only been two months. Let it be your two-month not-sure-what-it-means collar, enjoy its prettiness, enjoy the way it feels around your neck, but consider it just a piece of semi-maybe-significant jewelry until the relationship has aged some. One thing for sure, you don't want a collar that's made of velcro. Maybe next Christmas he can get you one that means something more. Until then, just have some fun with it and take the opportunity to teach him some more cool D/s stuff so that he has a better understanding of what's going on.

Happy New Year to you. ~kiss~

I know I am not ready for a real full fleged collar. But I dont want no meaning either. I guess i wish it was a pre collar collar but not a collar but more than just merely a toy.

That answer was ridiculous!

Happy New Year to you too

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Post #: 38

RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 2:28:08 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

ORIGINAL: meticulousgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I will not allow a collar on my neck until I am "collared".
I see it as a commitment.

I do want to be married more than I want a collar. And I talk about that with him far more than the collar... but that is just me.

I as well see the collar as a committment, not necessarily in the relationship stand point but, in the sense that whoever the Dominant is that gives it, is serious about what presenting that collar means.

What most Dominants dont understand is the fact that when a submissive or slave becomes collared she is giving over all of herself, if the Dominant can't comprehend what that consists of He may want to wait a bit until He figures out through research what His duty is.

I've been given a collar in the past and had it taken away basicly because the lifestyle to this person was just a game, it was a need but a game. That isn't what this is to me, i need and want so much more and i could never serve someone who wasn't serious about the lifestyle when they expect me to be.

~meticulous~

I think it depends on the people involved to be honest. Some people do not put much importance on symbols... and on one hand I am not that serious about the symbol, but on the other hand I do not want the symbol without the sentiment behind it. In other words, do not put a symbol of that commitment on my neck for play because I am at a public dungeon....

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RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 2:32:35 PM

lusciouslips19

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

quote:

ORIGINAL: weneedyourhelp

Then the question becomes can you wear a "play" collar without feeling all the emotions involved with a serious one?

Cougar

This to me is the $64,000 question.
I don't do "play" or "casual" relationships, well.
I know that about myself, my feelings would become involved and it would not
be a good situation for ME.
If it is a "play" situation and he is not serious and you are not serious, why not take the "play" collar
that goes with the "play" relationship.

If the terms of the relationships need to change, than THAT is the issue here.

I can call him a boyfriend with confident. We do see each other steady. Its not that it is not serious. It is developing. i have feelings for him but I cant say i am in love with him. I wouldnt tell you that it will never happen. WE are learning each other and enjoying the company and regular sex. Both exploring in ways we never had the opportumity before., For instance, the other thing on back order is partially conditioned hemp. We have played with just nylon ropes. i have developed a love of shibari.

But maybe I have a need to be loved even if I am not ready to say it is love yet? Or maybe I have some emotions and I would like to have affirmation that we are on the same page? I dont know I am thinking out loud?

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