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RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 2:34:49 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: SayaNereida

quote:

i have been seeing a Guy/dom as a boyfriend for a couple of months. he has always said he doesnt attach quickly but I still believed he had feelings for me or i wouldnt be seeing him so much. I just found out due to his actions that he was telling the truth about his lack of speedy attachment.

lusciouslips19,

I found myself more drawn to the above quote than anything else in your post.

He said he does not attach quickly, he didn't say he didn't attach. He is obviously at least a little attached if he is ordering/buying the collar.

Not everyone becomes attached in the same time frame, but he is obviously willing to move toward it...IMO, although talking to him and finding out how he really feels might help you decide what to do.

Saya

It is against TOS to copy e-mails. I will pull out important lines. You can tell me what you think.

"You need to know that I do like you. I'm growing to like you more as we
see each other, and that's likely to continue."

and

"Still...please understand that I am making a genuine effort to never,
ever mislead or lie. Its tough because woman are so used to it that they
assume words from men have no meaning. Truth or lie.
Anyway, I hope you're feeling better, and I do feel lucky to know you,
and I do enjoy your company. I'm slow to change and incorporating
someone into your life is change. It takes time to adjust."

I think I need to figure out if I want a fun collaror if I need to wait til it actually has real meaning?

You've been seeing him for a couple months and he says these type of things and that's somehow not attaching fast enough? I don't quite get that line of thought. Take the gift, tell him what a formal collar means to you and be a little more realistic about the fact you've only known the guy a few months and he's going out of his way to be real and truthful to you. Is this about you not getting the collar you want? I truly don't understand what you have to be upset about after a couple of months.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 2:35:09 PM

MzMia

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You have a right to know what he is thinking and feeling.
You have a right to know, if he even WANTS to be in love.
You have a right to know if you are both on the same page.

Why not ask him?

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 2:37:02 PM

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Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

I think it depends on the people involved to be honest. Some people do not put much importance on symbols... and on one hand I am not that serious about the symbol, but on the other hand I do not want the symbol without the sentiment behind it. In other words, do not put a symbol of that commitment on my neck for play because I am at a public dungeon....

We have played in public together. I think this is possibly a gift for that. he did see many uncollared young subs wearing them like a fashion accesories.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 2:37:11 PM

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Joined: 12/16/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom

~smiling~ Hello, luscious.

I know that each new relationship can feel like THE one but it's only been two months. Let it be your two-month not-sure-what-it-means collar, enjoy its prettiness, enjoy the way it feels around your neck, but consider it just a piece of semi-maybe-significant jewelry until the relationship has aged some. One thing for sure, you don't want a collar that's made of velcro. Maybe next Christmas he can get you one that means something more. Until then, just have some fun with it and take the opportunity to teach him some more cool D/s stuff so that he has a better understanding of what's going on.

Happy New Year to you. ~kiss~

I know I am not ready for a real full fleged collar. But I dont want no meaning either. I guess i wish it was a pre collar collar but not a collar but more than just merely a toy.
That answer was ridiculous!

Happy New Year to you too

The biggest issue here is : "play" "serious" "pre collar collar" Either way you go about it you both need to be on the same page, or no matter what , your'e going to have problems.

Cougar

< Message edited by weneedyourhelp -- 12/31/2007 2:38:08 PM >

_____________________________

" You become responsible forever for what you have tamed." ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Man is still man, and even frozen in a block of ice, our singular purpose is still to get a nut.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 2:39:29 PM

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Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

You've been seeing him for a couple months and he says these type of things and that's somehow not attaching fast enough? I don't quite get that line of thought. Take the gift, tell him what a formal collar means to you and be a little more realistic about the fact you've only known the guy a few months and he's going out of his way to be real and truthful to you. Is this about you not getting the collar you want? I truly don't understand what you have to be upset about after a couple of months.

This isnt what I am upset about. The thing that upset and disappointed me has not been mentioned. The question was at this juncture in the relationship should I be accepting a collar from him that has no meaning behind it and is being given like a fasion accesory?

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 12/31/2007 2:41:17 PM >

(in reply to laurell3)

RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 2:41:15 PM

Posts: 118
Joined: 12/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

You've been seeing him for a couple months and he says these type of things and that's somehow not attaching fast enough? I don't quite get that line of thought. Take the gift, tell him what a formal collar means to you and be a little more realistic about the fact you've only known the guy a few months and he's going out of his way to be real and truthful to you. Is this about you not getting the collar you want? I truly don't understand what you have to be upset about after a couple of months.

This isnt what I am upset about. The thing that upset and disappointed me has not been mentioned. The question was at this juncture in the relsationship should I be accepting a collar from him that has no seroius meaning behind it.

There is no set in stone timetable, you just have to go with whatever works for the two of you.

Cougar

_____________________________

" You become responsible forever for what you have tamed." ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Man is still man, and even frozen in a block of ice, our singular purpose is still to get a nut.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 2:43:31 PM

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I don't have a problem, generally with a play collar, that is a collar used for scening, that is neither a training collar nor an ownership collar. But a collar that has either unclear or mixed meaning or worse, no real meaning, I take issue with. Get clear on what meaning the collar holds for the both of you before accepting one. My opinion.

MNN

_____________________________

aka Ms Petal - Check Me out on the Web.

(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 2:45:06 PM

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Joined: 5/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

You've been seeing him for a couple months and he says these type of things and that's somehow not attaching fast enough? I don't quite get that line of thought. Take the gift, tell him what a formal collar means to you and be a little more realistic about the fact you've only known the guy a few months and he's going out of his way to be real and truthful to you. Is this about you not getting the collar you want? I truly don't understand what you have to be upset about after a couple of months.

This isnt what I am upset about. The thing that upset and disappointed me has not been mentioned. The question was at this juncture in the relationship should I be accepting a collar from him that has no meaning behind it and is being given like a fasion accesory?

Ok well spill it sister. Is this something that is a serious impediment to your relationship? I think if there were clear trouble signs it would effect my desire to accept any gift from someone until I knew we were getting back on track.

If it's not a serious issue, what it the harm in accepting a gift he went out of his way to get and just explaining that a formal collar has important significance to you and you look forward to the day that the two of you are there? It never has "no meaning" when someone goes out of their way to get you a gift. (even the horrible pastel sweaters my mother gets me have meaning...at least I keep telling myself that

).

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 2:52:19 PM

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quote:

Ok well spill it sister. Is this something that is a serious impediment to your relationship? I think if there were clear trouble signs it would effect my desire to accept any gift from someone until I knew we were getting back on track. If it's not a serious issue, what it the harm in accepting a gift he went out of his way to get and just explaining that a formal collar has important significance to you and you look forward to the day that the two of you are there? It never has "no meaning" when someone goes out of their way to get you a gift. (even the horrible pastel sweaters my mother gets me have meaning...at least I keep telling myself that ).

I dont think it is a serious impediment. Suffice to say I was being typically female in my needs and what I desired was no biggie to him cause hes a guy.

Honestly, your advice(i hate admitting it and please dont let it go to your head) was very good. Accept it because obviously the fact that he got me a gift is some kind of meaning. i have dated more than one that never cared enough to give a gift. And let him know what a serious collar means to me.

(in reply to laurell3)

RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 2:57:20 PM

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Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

So, what I'm wondering is what's more important? the collar? or the pretty words, etc that may or may not come along with it? And I'm also wondering if wanting all the nicey things is actually in keeping with his personality or not.

Juliet, I don't know if you were doing a fast reply, or responding to what I said about a grand speech. The only reason I said anything at all about a speech was due to the fact that he said "don't take it too seriously" when she asked about his intent. So therefore, when he gives her the collar when it arrives, unless he says something to the contrary (hence the grand speech remark), then it does not mean what she wants it to mean.

I certainly didn't mean to imply that a grand speech was necessary for a collar to have meaning.

Luscious, I'm thinking the first mistake was that you asked for a collar. Did you communicate what you asked for, when you asked for it?

Cali
(who sometimes feels clear as mud)

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to julietsierra)

RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 2:57:39 PM

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lol really nothing anyone says here goes to my head but I'm glad you found the advice helpful.

Happy New Year!

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 3:06:37 PM

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Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

Luscious, I'm thinking the first mistake was that you asked for a collar. Did you communicate what you asked for, when you asked for it?

That were have been too clarifying.

Really, I did not but I didnt think he was actually going to get me one when he asked my neck size. I also wasnt bothered by it until we got into a spat about the symbolic nature of actions on special days. I realized that it was possible that I wanted it to mean more than it did. I didnt want it to be a full fleged collaring but realized I didnt want it to be merely a piece of jewlery. So yes, i am at fault here. When I asked and he said"dont take it too seriously". I didnt say "well then hold off on getting me a collar. I just felt that he had deeper feelings(although not love yet) than he was admitting to.

(in reply to CalifChick)

RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 3:19:21 PM

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Joined: 12/16/2007
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Ok, here goes, and believe me I am not trying to be rude by any means, but..........TALK TO HIM!!!!! Ask what page he is on and see where you are. If you are close than you know you have something to work towards....If not, then the hard decision HAS to be made. But before anyone here can really help you, you need to know EXACTLY where you stand. :)

Cougar

_____________________________

" You become responsible forever for what you have tamed." ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Man is still man, and even frozen in a block of ice, our singular purpose is still to get a nut.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 3:20:23 PM

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Joined: 11/4/2007
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Guess in some ways your answering your own question and as others have said; When he presents it to you, have a talk about what it means. Or talk about it now considering you already know about it. Just as much as you have a right to know how he feels. He has the same right to know how you feel. Maybe set up a time and place ... kind of like a date.. Maybe even make him dinner and have a nice talk over dinner or something. Either way you look at it, sounds like the 2 of you need to talk about this.

Honestly I don't think I could accept a collar just as some fashion statement, course mine is being tattooed on me. The first collar he gave me was special to me, obviously I still have it, it is a simple leather collar, but it still had a lot of meaning behind it.

Like everyone here says, it's in all how you feel about it, from the way your talking, you don't want to accept it as some fashion statement... That's what I mean by you already answering your own question. So the best advice seriously is to just talk to him. and tell him how you feel and what it is your looking for with this collar.

Scyn ~

_____________________________

May the road rise to meet you
May the wind always be at your back
May the sun always shine against your face
May the rain fall softly upon your fields
Until we meet again
May the spirits hold you in the palm of their hands

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 3:25:38 PM

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Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

"You need to know that I do like you. I'm growing to like you more as we see each other, and that's likely to continue." and "Still...please understand that I am making a genuine effort to never, ever mislead or lie. Its tough because woman are so used to it that they assume words from men have no meaning. Truth or lie. Anyway, I hope you're feeling better, and I do feel lucky to know you, and I do enjoy your company. I'm slow to change and incorporating someone into your life is change. It takes time to adjust."

This is where he stands. This was this morning after I started the thread.

(in reply to weneedyourhelp)

RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 3:28:32 PM

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quote:

Like everyone here says, it's in all how you feel about it, from the way your talking, you don't want to accept it as some fashion statement... That's what I mean by you already answering your own question. So the best advice seriously is to just talk to him. and tell him how you feel and what it is your look

I dont want it to mean nothing but obviously or it should be apparent that I am not sure what exactly I want it to mean?

(in reply to MasterofScyn)

RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 3:33:20 PM

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Joined: 12/16/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

"You need to know that I do like you. I'm growing to like you more as we see each other, and that's likely to continue." and "Still...please understand that I am making a genuine effort to never, ever mislead or lie. Its tough because woman are so used to it that they assume words from men have no meaning. Truth or lie. Anyway, I hope you're feeling better, and I do feel lucky to know you, and I do enjoy your company. I'm slow to change and incorporating someone into your life is change. It takes time to adjust."

This is where he stands. This was this morning after I started the thread.

That is all well and good, but those are just words on paper,theres no inflection, tone, or resonance. You still need to talk face to face, look into each others eyes, only then will you truly, honestly know where you both stand. Then decide what "any" collar means to both of you if you decide to move forward with your relationship. :)

Cougar

_____________________________

" You become responsible forever for what you have tamed." ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Man is still man, and even frozen in a block of ice, our singular purpose is still to get a nut.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 3:34:19 PM

eevin

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This is a difficult situation. On one hand you do need to talk to Him and be certain just where He is expecting this all to go before you so far as to accept the collar. On the other hand, its considered ill mannered (rude, to be specific) to refuse a gift of any sort. But i would talk to Him before it arrives, discuss whatever uncertainties you might feel the two of Y/you need to, and then decide if you will accept this item from HIm before it comes to that point of being a refusal of a gift.

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(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 3:39:24 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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i personally wouldn't accept the gift because (a) i would see it as a fashion statement since the relationship isn't clearly defined and (b) i haven't submitted to the person and/or accept him as my dominant.

if it was me, i would say "thanks but no thanks"

_____________________________

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(in reply to lusciouslips19)

RE: should I accept it? - 12/31/2007 3:44:02 PM

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From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: eevin

On the other hand, its considered ill mannered (rude, to be specific) to refuse a gift of any sort.

I disagree. There are many times where it is perfectly acceptable to refuse a gift. The trick is in the manner of refusal.

Sometimes a gift is not a gift, or is so much more than a gift.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to eevin)

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