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RE: should I accept it? - 1/2/2008 11:34:58 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: weneedyourhelp

Honestly after 3 days of this thread I can actually say that it sounds like you need to figure out what it is that you want from him. If you dont know by now what you want, then chances are you probably never will. And no collar "play" "real" or imagined is going to make any difference.

Cougar

no offence but I feel your post is pretty prsumptuos that thing have to move at the pacce that yourrelationship did. Not everyone has to decide to jump into deep diving relationships and know what they want after 8 weeks. it might have worked that way for you but not everyone operates that way. So you say, If I dont know now, I never will?
sheesh...

ok dude, whatever. You're right. I guess I should end it now. Even though he has been very good to me in a number of ways and i am enjoying myself and we have been on a journey together.

Not everyone needs to know the end of the story while they are reading the book.

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Post #: 121

RE: should I accept it? - 1/2/2008 11:41:57 AM

weneedyourhelp

Posts: 118
Joined: 12/16/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: weneedyourhelp

Honestly after 3 days of this thread I can actually say that it sounds like you need to figure out what it is that you want from him. If you dont know by now what you want, then chances are you probably never will. And no collar "play" "real" or imagined is going to make any difference.

Cougar

no offence but I feel your post is pretty prsumptuos that thing have to move at the pacce that yourrelationship did. Not everyone has to decide to jump into deep diving relationships and know what they want after 8 weeks. it might have worked that way for you but not everyone operates that way. So you say, If I dont know now, I never will?
sheesh...

ok dude, whatever. You're right. I guess I should end it now. Even though he has been very good to me in a number of ways and i am enjoying myself and we have been on a journey together.

Not everyone needs to know the end of the story while they are reading the book.

Then accept it for what it is, and if and when he wants to give you a collar and deal with the ramifications at that point. Just do whatever works for you, but if you want more than he is wanting to give, you are just wasting your time. All I'm saying is, and it's already been said, a collar means different things to different people. YOU BOTH NEED TO DISCUSS WHAT IT MEANS TO EACH OF YOU. Then decide if you should accept it or not.

Cougar

_____________________________

" You become responsible forever for what you have tamed." ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Man is still man, and even frozen in a block of ice, our singular purpose is still to get a nut.

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Post #: 122

RE: should I accept it? - 1/2/2008 11:50:52 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

All I'm saying is, and it's already been said, a collar means different things to different people. YOU BOTH NEED TO DISCUSS WHAT IT MEANS TO EACH OF YOU. Then decide if you should accept it or not.

I already said many posts ago that I was going to do just that. When he gives it to me, we need to talk about what the meaning is behind it. It cant be ambiguous. he is also too honest to want any ambiguity. we will communicate about it when it is given. i will decide how his answers sit with me and if i can accept the collar at the level it is intended at. If I cant then i will probably ask him to keep it safe until it can be given to me with more emotion on his part. But this is something I wont know the answer to until the conversations actually happen. That doesnt mean I will end the relationship, if I want more meaning assighned to the collar. I would just continue but not use the collar in play. We havent yet and it has been fine.

yes, i have some questions to answer
do I need a collar in general to have a symbolic meaning?
can I be ok with a play collar? If I cant, what kind of attachment level do I need to feel comfortable and what symbolism do I need to assign to it?

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Post #: 123

RE: should I accept it? - 1/2/2008 5:25:35 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

luschiouslips,
In my last relationship, I was surprised when my former Mistress offered me her collar. I didn't give it nearly enough thought or have discussion with her at the time about what it meant before accepting it. That relationship has now ended for numerous reasons which aren't relevent to this discussion and wouldn't be appropriate for me to discuss in public anyway.

Although we did take our time, which I personally think is a good thing. IMO, the 2 months you mentioned in your OP isn't nearly enough to become permanently collared. It takes much longer than that to know if someone is going to be right for you. Accepting a "play collar" or perhaps even a "training collar", the latter of which would imply some kind of commitment to work towards more, might be appropriate. I see no problem with the former as it would be simply a matter of accepting a gift from a friend with whom you play with and have some kind of relationship started. I hope this helps from a submissive male's perspective.

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

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Post #: 124

RE: should I accept it? - 1/2/2008 5:38:46 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

luschiouslips,
In my last relationship, I was surprised when my former Mistress offered me her collar. I didn't give it nearly enough thought or have discussion with her at the time about what it meant before accepting it. That relationship has now ended for numerous reasons which aren't relevent to this discussion and wouldn't be appropriate for me to discuss in public anyway.

Although we did take our time, which I personally think is a good thing. IMO, the 2 months you mentioned in your OP isn't nearly enough to become permanently collared. It takes much longer than that to know if someone is going to be right for you. Accepting a "play collar" or perhaps even a "training collar", the latter of which would imply some kind of commitment to work towards more, might be appropriate. I see no problem with the former as it would be simply a matter of accepting a gift from a friend with whom you play with and have some kind of relationship started. I hope this helps from a submissive male's perspective.

- pixel

yes, it does. help. your perspective.
I think ambiguity or being afraid to discuss it would be bad. clarity of purpose is what is of utmost importance. no misinterpretations.

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Post #: 125

RE: should I accept it? - 1/2/2008 6:32:27 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

I think some are on an attack bandwagon. i know.. Its exciting, its addictive and venting is sooooo excitting.

Folks, Its never personal and always preception. I continue to respect people in the way that I have no hard feeling toward anyone regardless of what they have said to me. Many I have at times disagreed with. But i do admire many of those peoples spunk( you listening laurell3)

Well since it seems so important to you, you should know I have no opinion of you either positive or negative other than you seem to care a bit too much what anonymous message board people think about you and your relationship. Who cares? When they offer advice that doesn't fit accept they were taking the time to attempt to have input whether it fits or not and move on. There's one person's viewpoint about you that should always be foremost in your mind, yours. Examine that, not mine, I'm nothing but pixels to you.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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Post #: 126

RE: should I accept it? - 1/2/2008 6:40:31 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

Examine that, not mine, I'm nothing but pixels to you.

me and shambamanlilgirl are cool with each other and would have had an easier time understanding and clarifying are points of view without you trying to start your typical snarky riot

No, To me you're a pot stirrer
but i still admire your spunk.

oh that and you are pixels to me.

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Post #: 127

RE: should I accept it? - 1/2/2008 6:41:28 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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Obviously I'm not, however, baiting doesn't work with me.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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Post #: 128

RE: should I accept it? - 1/6/2008 7:48:00 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
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Well the day came where I was to see him and get my gift. He was wanting me to take the gift first thing. I requested that we hold off a little bit. I was really nervous about talking to him,. I do have to admit I drank a little too much because of my nerves. When the collar was presented, i asked him what it meant and what he wanted. I let him know that I didnt want it to mean everything but I didnt want it to mean nothing. What I learned was that it had great meaning to him and he had been nervous about it too. making sure it was the right selection for me etc. What I learned is that this was a real collaring to him. A training collar and a symbol that he does care and wants to build on what we have. The other thing he requested is that with this collar we are now exclusive. So before we were dating but could date others if we chose to. Now he expects that that will not happen and play with others would only be at his approval and never in a private setting.

By the way, it is so pretty. It has swarofsky crystals around it and a heart pendant hanging down. He got me a play collar to. An Isaac Mizrahi silver dog collar from target. It has a jewish star pendant hanging down! Its funny, especially since I am his jewish princess!

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 1/6/2008 7:50:27 PM >

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Post #: 129

RE: should I accept it? - 1/7/2008 7:09:32 AM

backseatbebe

Posts: 195
Joined: 4/12/2006
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why not make it a training collar
its symbolizes the fact that both of you are working towards a bigger goal
and for the time being you happily serve him and he happily accepts that service

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Post #: 130

RE: should I accept it? - 1/7/2008 9:07:00 AM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Well the day came where I was to see him and get my gift. He was wanting me to take the gift first thing. I requested that we hold off a little bit. I was really nervous about talking to him,. I do have to admit I drank a little too much because of my nerves. When the collar was presented, i asked him what it meant and what he wanted. I let him know that I didnt want it to mean everything but I didnt want it to mean nothing. What I learned was that it had great meaning to him and he had been nervous about it too. making sure it was the right selection for me etc. What I learned is that this was a real collaring to him. A training collar and a symbol that he does care and wants to build on what we have. The other thing he requested is that with this collar we are now exclusive. So before we were dating but could date others if we chose to. Now he expects that that will not happen and play with others would only be at his approval and never in a private setting.

By the way, it is so pretty. It has swarofsky crystals around it and a heart pendant hanging down. He got me a play collar to. An Isaac Mizrahi silver dog collar from target. It has a jewish star pendant hanging down! Its funny, especially since I am his jewish princess!

Congratulations lusciouslips. It sounds as though the two of you had a very honest and real "heart to heart" about what your accepting the collar would mean to each of you. You didn't say for certain, but it sounds as though you did accept it.

Best of luck to you and your new Master as your relationship grows.

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Post #: 131

RE: should I accept it? - 1/7/2008 3:56:37 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Well the day came where I was to see him and get my gift. He was wanting me to take the gift first thing. I requested that we hold off a little bit. I was really nervous about talking to him,. I do have to admit I drank a little too much because of my nerves. When the collar was presented, i asked him what it meant and what he wanted. I let him know that I didnt want it to mean everything but I didnt want it to mean nothing. What I learned was that it had great meaning to him and he had been nervous about it too. making sure it was the right selection for me etc. What I learned is that this was a real collaring to him. A training collar and a symbol that he does care and wants to build on what we have. The other thing he requested is that with this collar we are now exclusive. So before we were dating but could date others if we chose to. Now he expects that that will not happen and play with others would only be at his approval and never in a private setting.

By the way, it is so pretty. It has swarofsky crystals around it and a heart pendant hanging down. He got me a play collar to. An Isaac Mizrahi silver dog collar from target. It has a jewish star pendant hanging down! Its funny, especially since I am his jewish princess!

Congratulations lusciouslips. It sounds as though the two of you had a very honest and real "heart to heart" about what your accepting the collar would mean to each of you. You didn't say for certain, but it sounds as though you did accept it.

Best of luck to you and your new Master as your relationship grows.

- pixel

We did and I did say yes!

your perspective was sooo helpful to me. Yes. A male submissive perspective is a good one. thanks.

its funny, I am typically female sometimes in my hurt feelings and emotional episodes. i was making it like he was an unfeeling ogre. The truth of the matter is, he may not be ready to say the "L" word. Thats ok. i value that when it is mentioned it will be real and heartfelt and not hollow. But his feelings are deep enough that he wants me for his very own. i am very lucky to have a man of honor and integrity who's words and deeds mean alot.

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Post #: 132