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RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/13/2008 4:18:20 AM

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I am a TS and I won't buy clothes or other things for a Domme just to be with her, I may as well just go see a pro. I will and do but things for dommes but I do it because of my feelings for her. To be forced or expected to buy them things makes me feel used and cheap inside. Can't they just accept my submission like any other sub and be happy. The clothes do not make the person and I truely believe that people like me are more in touch with women because we have fem feelings and do put alot of time into knowing what women are like. I would venture to guess that we are more in tune to how to treat a lady and how to make her feel good than most male subs are. Yes buying them clothes and jewlery make them feel good but it should be given in caring and not expected. I do like to go shopping with and will buy my Mistress things but it shouldn't be expected. I think by doing that dommes will stay with you til they get a large wordrobe and then dump you, you may say that it isn't true but there are alot of free loading Dommes out there and subs too. To me if a relationship is based on material things then it is not worth being with them, even in our lifestyle we should be together based on love and caring, not with the idea of how much can I get from them. From what I see online alot dommes should list as pro because they want a tribute, do you see Doms asking for tributes,LOL, that would go over good wouldn't it. I am sure I will get alot of negative feed back but most of those that will put me down for this are the lifestyle (pro) dommes I am talking about. Basically I believe we should be with each other because we care for each other and give because we care for our partner, is there something wrong to think that way.

(in reply to iwearpanties)

RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/13/2008 4:30:22 AM

MsCfromMelbourne

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I am one of the Dommes that does not need to be "bought" with shopping trips to love a CD

I have noticed a weird thing though about myself. If I meet a man as a man and find him really attractive, seeing him later cross dressed doesn't turn me off at all. If he's hot, he's still hot in a frock and make-up. Maybe more so, because its kinky.

But if I meet him first as a guy pretending to be a woman, there is no attraction. I will be polite and friendly, but not interested.

I am a heterosexual, not lesbian or bisexual (been there, done that, got the T-shirt), so maybe that is the reason I like "manly men" - even when they put on a frock and try to be girlie.

I like discussing womens fashion with my partner (who is a CD) and I really like him dressing to look like me. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. We make adorable matching naughty school girls

Mind you, my partner is a manly man and adorable, so I love him as a person first and foremost. Who cares what he likes wearing in the privacy of our home and at BDSM events? Its only silky material and make-up for crying out loud! I can think of a lot worse kinks.

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(in reply to iwearpanties)

RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/13/2008 6:59:13 AM

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Wow. A lot of interesting posts. I would prefer to be with people that like the way we are. Without a doubt they are out there. For me personally, I bring alot to the table outside of this fetish etc. I hardly feel the need to "rent a friend" to be accepted. We aren't for everyone, but who is? It is refreshing to see ladies who enjoy our company in a variety of ways.

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/13/2008 8:08:16 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

I must say its tiresome to see FEMDOMs, uninterested in sissies themselves, offering them advice on how to find a partner. On some core level what's at play here is: "go away and don't bother me," and "the problem lies with you, not me."

Their advice has all the soulful insight of, "'try this and that' maybe some other woman will take you in."

quote:

How about.. if you are seeking a FemDomme.. make your submission first and your sissification second? Good lord. She was just trying to help.. but then, you and your knee jerk reaction to anything about this topic is predictable. Ya kinda remind me of Sissify, where IS that boy these days? (Hmmmmmm- maybe you are his reinvention?)

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RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/13/2008 9:01:25 AM

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"What shreds my last nerve is raw prejudice masquerading as reasoned avoidance."

Do those words resonate or sound at all familiar...Lotus?

Lotus, what you don't get, haven't got, and my never get is this: wanting to help is not the same as helping. Aakasha really picked up your mantle here, so its not surprising you endorse her POV, as you're both cut from the same cloth: you don't like sissies and you have "helpful" advice for them to find some other woman. Yes, you're right, I'm predictably skeptical.

I knew your ears would be ringing when I penned that response, b/c to me you are the architype to whom the response is drafted.

At least Aakasha did not recommend they abandon BDSM. Boy, that had to be your all-time classic moment here.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 1/13/2008 9:06:27 AM >

(in reply to LotusSong)

RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/13/2008 9:53:43 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

"What shreds my last nerve is raw prejudice masquerading as reasoned avoidance."

Do those words resonate or sound at all familiar...Lotus?

Lotus, what you don't get, haven't got, and my never get is this: wanting to help is not the same as helping. Aakasha really picked up your mantle here, so its not surprising you endorse her POV, as you're both cut from the same cloth: you don't like sissies and you have "helpful" advice for them to find some other woman. Yes, you're right, I'm predictably skeptical.

I knew your ears would be ringing when I penned that response, b/c to me you are the architype to whom the response is drafted.

At least Aakasha did not recommend they abandon BDSM. Boy, that had to be your all-time classic moment here.

Sissify.. what YOU don't get from my comment was NOT about abandoning the boy, but to direct him to someone who does appreciate the situation. But not to worry.. I'd never abandon you..I'd just simply avoid you altogether :) (and it's not because you are a CD/Sissy- you are just a nasty personality)

And thank you for this complement: Re Akasha and myself: <<... you're both cut from the same cloth>> She's one of the Dommes I respect here.

What you still don't understand is..(and I'll use small words here):
"if you want a Domme.. it's submission FIRST then your fetish if she is attune to it".

A very simple formula.

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I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/13/2008 10:01:15 AM

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Spiritd1, you are a TS. You are a person living as a female, therefore in My universe, you are one of us, and your clothing is not a separate issue. Though I would certainly enjoy a shopping trip with you, just to try on shoes and such, because that's what I would do with a fem sub!

I am not going to leap into the realm of Cloudboy Cranky, because he has an axe to grind with Aakasha and Lotus. But, their interchange does bring up a concept that we have discussed elsewhere on the boards, namely whether crossdressing and submission have to go together AT ALL.

If a person enjoys dressing femme, does that make him submissive? Let's look at Ed Wood, for instance. Loved his soft fluffies, no doubt, but was he a sub? Doubt it. A male who wants to dress up, *and have an audience for his dress up* is not necessarily someone who will want to serve, or to please anyone but himself. Therefore, he is going to have a hell of a hard time finding a female dominant to play fetish games with because their desires are parallel.

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[page 23 girl]

(in reply to LotusSong)

RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/13/2008 10:40:34 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Spiritd1, you are a TS. You are a person living as a female, therefore in My universe, you are one of us, and your clothing is not a separate issue.

Well said!!!! Exactly. There is BIG difference between CDing, sissification, drag queens and being transgendered. (to me anyway)

Example: I have and always will see Lady Ellen as female. It's not a "side" of her personality.. it IS her.

(Slight sidetrack here but I just had to let you know you expressed my sympathies as well. I will now return to the scheduled programming :)

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 1/13/2008 10:41:10 AM >

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RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/13/2008 2:26:15 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I am not going to leap into the realm of Cloudboy Cranky, because he has an axe to grind with Aakasha and Lotus. But, their interchange does bring up a concept that we have discussed elsewhere on the boards, namely whether crossdressing and submission have to go together AT ALL.

If a person enjoys dressing femme, does that make him submissive? Let's look at Ed Wood, for instance. Loved his soft fluffies, no doubt, but was he a sub? Doubt it. A male who wants to dress up, *and have an audience for his dress up* is not necessarily someone who will want to serve, or to please anyone but himself. Therefore, he is going to have a hell of a hard time finding a female dominant to play fetish games with because their desires are parallel.

Call me crazy, but if a CD is here on collarme seeking a femdom, it seems to me they self-identify as a sub. Why even bring up Ed Wood? Was he a member of CM?

Are you trying to reintroduce Lotusong's solution ("sissy's acceptence problem") that CDs should leave collarme (becausing to her CDing is not submission) b/c CDing and submission "don't go together?"

Where exactly are you going with this?

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/13/2008 2:31:47 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

I am one of the Dommes that does not need to be "bought" with shopping trips to love a CD

Thank God.

The converse is honorable as well. You have every right to not like CDs or be turned off by them --- but if that's you --- just state your preference and leave it at that. You don't need to adopt a philosophy that sissies have "an acceptence problem" or are "self centered" or are "not submissive."

That's when someone crosses the line from "I'm not into that" into self-serving bigotry.

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/13/2008 3:24:21 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

... CDing and submission "don't go together?"

To be strictly accurate, crossdressing and submission DO go together, and quite often. A very substantial majority of crossdressers and other people with gender issues have numerous kinks in addition to crossdressing; and the submissive flavor of BDSM is noticeably prominent among that population. Whether these are twue submissives is, of course, a matter of opinion.

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/13/2008 3:42:44 PM

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I am not judging the real twue population at all. I am basing my opinion on observations and experiences. I have met more than a few CD's over the years who were strictly in it for the look, the feel, the transgressiveness of wearing the femme trappings, who had other kinks, but no interest in or inclination toward submission. I have encountered CD's who pursued the BDSM arena in order to get SOME of their needs met, using the "anything better than nothing" scenario.

Are there submissive CD's? Sure, there are plenty. Which is more important to them, submission, or crossdressing? THAT was the point of my post.

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(in reply to Reigna)

RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/13/2008 4:52:58 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I have encountered CD's who pursued the BDSM arena in order to get SOME of their needs met, using the "anything better than nothing" scenario. How do those SOME needs differ from those of any other submissive, twue or otherwise?

Are there submissive CD's? Sure, there are plenty. I'll say. Which is more important to them, submission, or crossdressing? Is a sub less valuable as a submissive if submission is not his foremost need? How can you tell if he needs his <whatever> fetish more than submission? What happens if someone's primarily a foot fetishist, but also has a very strong need to submit? Will he pass muster?

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/13/2008 5:05:30 PM

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<ahem> I have to add that in my experience cross-dressers and sissies are full of themselves over and beyond any reasonable person and most of them I have to say are not submissive one bit and they could care less about anyone else but themselves. They are different from other bottoms and you better believe that. THey are different from other bottoms because they are self-absorbed and so utterly full of themselves. Way more than the average bottom tho. Way more and thats what makes them nausating sometimes. It's pathetic and I have to say they are a strange breed of "men".

(in reply to Reigna)

RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/13/2008 7:24:36 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Are you trying to reintroduce Lotusong's solution ("sissy's acceptence problem") that CDs should leave collarme (becausing to her CDing is not submission) b/c CDing and submission "don't go together?"

Could you please point out where I posted that all CD's should leave CM on the acceptance problems post Seems you create your own reality and the one you create is self imposed rejection. Maybe I should have titled my thread "Sissy's Frustration In Seeking a Domme In the Public Dungeon".

I'm going on record that I FEEL while sissification can be a part of submission, submission is not necessary sissification.. It's submission so long as it's the DOMME'S idea. The best a submissive can do is make their interests known in negotiations and the Domme decides if they will entertain the fetish.

My post was to help those that have sissification as their only motivation and feel that going to a D/s club is a sure way to get it fed. I've seen sissies show up just to sit and look pretty.

It's a crap shoot for anybody finding anyone in this lifestyle.. just like the other side,. I never said they shouldn't go.. I just hope they don't get too disappointed that they aren't the bell of the ball all the time.

I never said anyone should "leave CM"and I feel you need to apologize to me.

_____________________________

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I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/13/2008 9:29:00 PM

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quote:

Is there some reason why CDer's don't start more of their own groups or is it just more fun to interlope on others efforts in unrelated activities and then get upset?

quote:

My post was to help those that have sissification as their only motivation and feel that going to a D/s club is a sure way to get it fed.

quote:

I just hope they don't get too disappointed that they aren't the bell of the ball all the time.

quote:

The reason this is a turn off for SOME mistresses is that while sissification is done in our venue, it's the Mistress' idea.. not the submissive's. THAT'S what makes it BDSM.

quote:

This is why I suggest more specialized groups be formed for this proclivity. I don't call it a fetish when the mindset is different. To use a BDSM venue just makes it worse for them. Yes, I've played with them but only because I felt sorry for the misplaced individual, not because I saw them as THEY hope to be seen and appreciated.

quote:

are BDSM clubs the appropriate venue for those not interested in BDSM or M/s or D/s (or whatever alphabet soup you know), that just wish to dress up.

quote:

Listen, I did not say I hate CD's.. I just don't relate to them.

First of all, LS, you are just not being honest. No, you've never said, "I hate CDs," or that "CDs should leave CM." I will acknowledge this point. I will apologize for my hyperbole.

But, that is the large print implication in all your posting on the subject. You are a riot. You really have no idea, do you, how you come off on this subject? You just don't see it. Look at what you wrote above.

What's next, black's really don't like reading and shouldn't go to libraries? Jews really don't fit in with my group, so they should form their own group. Gays have an "acceptance problem," they'd be better off keeping to themselves instead of trying to socialize and fit in with my group. Fat people shouldn't expect to be the "bell of the ball" in my yoga and dance classes.

Here's what I don't get about you. You say, "Listen, I did not say I hate CD's.. I just don't relate to them."

Well, if that's the case, why are you giving them advice??????????????????????????????? Why are you starting threads about "what they should do," "why they encounter frustration," and how what they do really isn't BDSM, in your book?

Aakasha did the same thing, saying she really likes manly men, and with that preamble she goes on giving advice about how CDs might connect with other women (not her.)

And you guys think you're being helpful. That's the funniest part.

Why not just take the easy, honest, and straight road: "I'm not into CDs, that's not my thing."

Bam, end of story: Honest, straightforward, respectful.

(in reply to LotusSong)

RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/13/2008 10:21:13 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Aakasha did the same thing, saying she really likes manly men, and with that preamble she goes on giving advice about how CDs might connect with other women (not her.)

You really like talking for people. Manly men? Because I have a fetish for hockey? I think I went through a pretty long gothboy, pretty boy, androgynous phase (like, my entire 20s - those on usenet remember my extreme fixation) and then kind of was middle of the road for awhile, and while my husband is quite athletic and manly, I still can't help but stare at a "pretty boy." This has nothing to do with sissies, forced femme, or crossdressers. I like *confident* men.

Before you really re-write history, I think most people are very aware that forced feminization for me is a real hot button. When it's forced. A subset of that category are some men who think about feminization but don't really do it on their own. You don't see them putting pictures on their profiles in full femme, or going to events dressed as a girl. I like men that are tastily uncomfortable in a lingerie store, not on a first-name basis with the cashier.

My point in this thread was to suggest that if a man is a full on CD, a full time sissy when he's engaging a femdom, he can try to make it fun. I thought back to my most entertaining experiences with sissies when I was experimenting, and the ones that didn't leave a sour taste in my mouth, and those had fun shopping trips, pseudo slumber parties and men willing to position their lust for womens clothes in a slightly less self indulgent manner. It made all the difference in the world.

Akasha

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(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/14/2008 7:27:57 AM

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Oh LS, asking for an apology from Cloudboy? Made my Monday morning giggle!

No offense, Cloudboy, I am sure that you are capable of apologizing when you feel the need to.

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/14/2008 7:56:36 AM

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Having a subbie dress up in Women's leathers, the slutty look, is really what does it for me. And yea, i feel a bit awakward in Victoria's Secret, and similar places if that says anything about my personality type

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: Solutions for sissies - 1/14/2008 8:56:06 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

You really like talking for people. Manly men? Because I have a fetish for hockey? I think I went through a pretty long gothboy, pretty boy, androgynous phase (like, my entire 20s - those on usenet remember my extreme fixation) and then kind of was middle of the road for awhile, and while my husband is quite athletic and manly, I still can't help but stare at a "pretty boy." This has nothing to do with sissies, forced femme, or crossdressers. I like *confident* men.

Akasha

No, not because you have a fetish for hockey or because you married an athletic, manly man. (Although that's pretty compelling evidence.)

But if you want to quibble over the term "manly men," I'll retract it and simply post what you said about yourself instead so you can't eel out of my point:

quote:

One of the challenges I see with sissies is that they can be high maintenance and fixated as submissives (or bottoms), and it is limiting and can be incredibly non erotic to me. It certainly doesn't push many of my femdom buttons when it's 100% voluntarily and with glee that a man dresses and adopts feminity, I am more drawn to the type that have to be put into panties kicking and screaming.

Hence, your "solutions for sissies" is really how they need to conform to you and what you like, as opposed to actually finding someone who likes them for who they are. Using this compromising approach is not without its merits given the dating realities out there, but still, you confess to finding sissies "incredibly non erotic to me," and then at the same time you are giving them advice. Not only that, but the point of orientation of your advice is "I don't find you erotic."

As usual, you don't spot any disconnect there whatsoever.

(in reply to AAkasha)

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