BitaTruble
Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AAkasha
I'm directing this post more toward men who have feminization at their core - they crossdress for their own pleasure, they have a sissy name or feminized picture on their profile, they are fixated on sissification and all things feminine more than anything else.
When I first got into BDSM, I was fixated on getting my needs met more than anything else. (What those needs are is sorta moot.. the same principals apply.) The issue isn't really gender based after all, so hopefully my perspective will be appreciated as well as a man's would.
Delving deeper into service and submission came later. Look up do-me in a dictionary from about 1982 and you'll see my picture right there. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it's probably fairly normal in the grand scheme of things.
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Perhaps a new approach that may work better as you search for a femdom is to try to show her how your crossdressing or feminine side can be fun or rewarding for her.
Unless and until service with substance is internally motivated, external considerations are probably 'not' going to be a course of action that one will choose to take. For me, I was willing to pay for my play .. it's just that my payment took the form of accepting a beating, scrubbing a toilet, cooking etc in order to get my needs met by my chosen fleshy flogger. It wasn't a cash transaction, but it came from my selfish desire to get my 'wants' not from any sort of desire to feed my fleshy flogger. Soup to Nuts: it didn't matter 'who' .. all that mattered was 'what' they were doing that was in keeping with what I wanted. It's not a 'sissy' thing at all. So, it rather bothers me when posts like this one make it seem as though it is the baliwick of a single, selfish group who happen to share one commonality. It goes across the all boards, kinks and gender lines and I've seen it for most of my 25+ years in BDSM.
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One of the challenges I see with sissies is that they can be high maintenance and fixated as submissives (or bottoms), and it is limiting and can be incredibly non erotic to me. It certainly doesn't push many of my femdom buttons when it's 100% voluntarily and with glee that a man dresses and adopts feminity, I am more drawn to the type that have to be put into panties kicking and screaming.
Well, you're certainly entitled to your personal preference, but your way is not 'the' way, of course. Plenty of folks will feel the opposite and find that a sissy who doesn't need micromanaging, force or coaching to get into their sissy mindsets or embrace being a sissy is pretty cool, too.
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But if that's not what you are, you have to think about what would make your kink fun for a femdom.
I actually don't get this. If my dominant doesn't care for one of my kinks, why should I try to think up a way to manipulate them into indulging that kink? I'd simply find someone else who was willing to indulge rather than me having to force them to do so. I don't want someone who doesn't want and accept who I am as an individual. I've outgrown the 'fleshy flogger notion' so I'm not about to embrace the 'one target is as good as another' notion.
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I was talking with a kinky girlfriend of mine about a CD we used to know, and "she" was a riot. The approach that was different is that this person made was to bring us into his sissy circle, so to speak, by purchasing fun lingerie for us, shoes, make up, etc. Now, purists will get agitated perhaps that this "spending money on the femdom" approach is basically pay-for-play, and in a sense, it is. But sissies spend a tremendous amount of money on their OWN clothes, shoes and accessories as is. They know what it costs. Why not share in those costs and celebrate feminity with your femdom -- in a sense that you can form a playful bond, and then the play is integrated from there, whether it be shopping trips or dress up nights with a little roleplay added in.
Well, again, to have to manipulate someone into playing my games isn't exactly a satisfying sort of way to live life for me, so I'd pass on that approach.
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A sissy that states in their profile they like to make their feminization FUN for a femdom may get a second look - propose shopping at Sephora together or getting a pedicure. State that you want to celebrate feminity, and in doing so, your femdom partner will enjoy being pampered and sharing in those shopping experiences.
I have no problem with this sort of idea if it's true .. but I wouldn't advice someone to put it in their profile just because they are desperate and think they'll get more hits that way. It seems very disingenuous to me.
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Sissies, by the nature of their fetish, are locked into having to invest in their kink.
There are a lot of kinks in which you have to invest in various paraphenalia. Enema lovers, flogger lovers, whip lovers .. we all have to buy the various pieces of equipment to meet those needs. I spent $400 on a matched pair of custom made floggers because I have this 'thing' for floggers .. multiply that out by the 25 floggers Himself and I have in our collection and it adds up and that's just one of our myriad of indulgences.
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I propose they carve out part of that budget and turn it into a pleasurable experience for both. With our "sissy friend," it was only a matter of time before we were including "her" in our girls'shopping trips. The other great thing about this sissy is her taste was fabulous and she could be a personal shopper. What a joy to have during a shopping quest for a perfect outfit.
I would have no problem putting part of my income into someone with whom I shared a live-in relationship, but I'm not inclined to buy affection for the purpose of getting a kink filled. If my kink is not a pleasure in and of itself, then I'm not with the right dominant.
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If you have a fetish, find a way to make it *useful* to your femdom partner, if she is not directly aroused by it.
Personally, I'd pass. As someone who is submissive to my partner, the last thing I'd feel comfortable with is feeling like my partner was indulging in something 'just for me' and not because they truly desired it as well. My brain just doesn't work that way.
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The desire to dominate, to share passion and lust, will come from the friendship and affection built around it. Then the sissy fetish won't seem so selfish and focused on self; instead, it will be seen as something that two people can share.
Akasha
I just can't state strongly enough how much I disagree with this statement. It was the reason I decided to write to this thread. If there is a fetish, any fetish, that doesn't do it for me, no amount of coercion, manipulating, sharing, trust, passion or lust is going to change my core view of that fetish. I don't see a sissy fetish as selfish though. I see that as a people thing. Some people, regardless of the fetish are going to be selfish (as I most certainly was when I first started) and some will be quite selfless (as I now strive to be and, regrettably fail at times in my attempts.)
Just my two cents and, of course, IMO,
Celeste
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"Oh, so it's just like Rock, paper, scissors." He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."
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