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ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

That definition quote is from someone else, BTW...  

Thigh high leather boots are a great look! 

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I am not the whole sum of my kinks. While they may make up a part of my identity, they are not my identity. Both of your one-size-fits-all advice may be relevant to some people, but certainly not to those of us who are multi-faceted.

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ORIGINAL: Nats

what makes a man a "manly man" is merely a social construct. To say that a man is effeminate, timid, cowardly, or somehow less of a man because of clothes that he chooses to wear, is complete bullshit. It may not be something you're attracted to, fine, but I am, and I find the belittling character generalizations and insults in this thread to be extremely saddening.

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ORIGINAL: SolangeRichards

I suppose one could have a fetish for oneself, but I think that might more likely be an outgrowth of narcissism.  I'll agree that narcissism shows up in the crossdressing world, as it does throughout society, but I have no personal experiences that indicate to me it is occuring at a higher rate than to the public at large.

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For me personally, I completely disagree with these sentiments.  I am not the whole sum of my kinks.  While they may make up a part of my identity, they are not my identity.  Both of your one-size-fits-all advice may be relevant to some people, but certainly not to those of us who are multi-faceted.

(snipped, only for brevity)

I need compatibility in all realms (personal core values, beliefs, life's goals, mental and emotional compatibility, chemistry, and to a lesser focus, kink compatibility).  I want a life partner whom I can share all of my interests with, something that transcends the kinks and places the focus on life companionship.  I won't compromise my needs or someone else's just so that either of us can settle for something less than we both need.  I would be extremely insulted and hurt if I found out a partner did that to be with me. I wouldn't want them to feel that they had to change a core element about themselves to fit into my mold.

When it comes to crossdressing, what makes a man a "manly man" is merely a social construct. To say that a man is effeminate, timid, cowardly, or somehow less of a man because of clothes that he chooses to wear, is complete bullshit.  It may not be something you're attracted to, fine, but I am, and I find the belittling character generalizations and insults in this thread to be extremely saddening.

Personally, I love a man dressed in women's lingerie (one of my main kinks and sweetest indulgences).  A man dressed in a soft silk negligee, and coming to me for the same reasons that a woman would dress in lingerie for her partner (for both's personal pleasure), completely makes me melt.  For me, the turn-off is when I have to force them to dress up in make-up and lingerie.  I find the feel of silk, satin, and stockings to be highly erotic (on both of us).  I like when my partner looks and feels sensuous in it, and that he's doing it as much for me as for himself... when he doesn't have to shackle himself to socially constructed chains that say a certain type of clothing change who I perceive him to be... a sensuous and alluring man whom I have the utmost desire for.  If I have to force that type of mental, physical and emotional response in my partner, it doesn't interest me (at least not in this realm).  I prefer to elicit vulnerability or other reactions in other ways.  That's just me, and what it all comes down to is personal compatibility (from all of the ways I mentioned before, and then some that were excluded), the personal motivations behind both of our kinks, and being true to both myself and to others; all of which make up a part of why I found the advice and one-size-fits-all generalizations, and belittling comments in this thread to be offensive.

That's apples and oranges in my book.  I prefer a man to dress in lingerie because we both derive personal enjoyment from it.  I don't want him to be embarrassed, feel somehow less than a man, humiliated because he has to wear it, or vulnerable by the clothes themself... that's my job, and something I seek to do and elicit.  I certainly don't feel that way when I wear lingerie, and certainly don't want my partner to neither.  If he does, then we're at differing motivations, and since it's a huge kink of mine, I'd say we're not compatible in that area, and depending on the circumstances, both should move on.

(snipped, once again, only for brevity)

I like hands-on, I like to indulge all of my senses.  I like to constantly taste, touch, see, and feel my partner in every way imaginable.  Sensuousness and sadistic pleasures are quite easily intermingled.  I'm actually quite surprised and bewildered that anyone would deduce that sensualness, or perhaps seduction would be a better description, could not possibly go hand in hand with domination, power exchange, or sadistic pleasures.  That's really quite limiting. I see no reason why either I or my partner should possibly settle for less.

So, if they're settling as you say, and really want more, then we're obviously not compatible, and both should've moved on. I'm certainly not going to change a core part of myself for them.  I don't think it's either possible or healthy.  Although from your initial post, that was exactly what I got from you, that they should learn to settle for someone who is less than compatible for themselves.  That is definitely not the advice I would have given out; especially if crossdressing and sissification was not my kink to begin with.  If you're not into it, fine, but there's no reason for someone to conform to another's ideals.

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ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I really love the all-out leather or latex look---frilly french maid styles just remind me of Shirley Temple!  Plus, the smell and sounds of the leather add a whole new dimension to the outfit.

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ORIGINAL: LotusSong

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ORIGINAL: SolangeRichards

I suppose one could have a fetish for oneself, but I think that might more likely be an outgrowth of narcissism.  I'll agree that narcissism shows up in the crossdressing world, as it does throughout society, but I have no personal experiences that indicate to me it is occuring at a higher rate than to the public at large.

I caught a program last night where they were discussing narcissism.  The part that caught my eye was the following comment found in this link http://www.narcissism.operationdoubles.com/malignant_narcissism.htm

It states:  "For example, if he becomes angry at something you said, you naturally think that he took it the wrong way and will be appeased by conciliatory words an expressions from you.  But he goes ballistic at you for trying to appease him..."

Malignant narcissism is a perverse pathology ranging along a spectrum from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) to psychopathy. All psychopaths are narcissists, but there is as yet some doubt whether all narcissists are psychopaths. Most psychopaths never commit a violent crime, or any crime, and the difference between psychopathy and malignant narcissism is hazy at best and may be non-existent.

Underneath, these people are very different from you and I. They pass for normal but don't think the way normal human beings do. They aren't acting on normal human premises. So, the normal "rules" of human interaction don't apply in interactions with a narcissist.
 






For example, if he becomes angry at something you said, you naturally think that he took it the wrong way and will be appeased by conciliatory words and expressions from you. But he goes ballistic at you for trying to appease him. What's going on here? 





That's what What Makes Narcissists Tick is here to explain. Being a writer, I feel that I should use my ability to describe and explain narcissism in a way that is clear and meaningful to the average person. For, 1-to-3 people in every 20 you meet is a malignant narcissist.

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ORIGINAL: tasha_tart

Is there any reason you decided on a segue from "sissies" to "psychopaths"?

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ORIGINAL: tasha_tart

That's what What Makes Narcissists Tick is here to explain. Being a writer, I feel that I should use my ability to describe and explain narcissism in a way that is clear and meaningful to the average person. For, 1-to-3 people in every 20 you meet is a malignant narcissist.

Is there any reason you decided on a segue from "sissies" to "psychopaths"?
 
Tasha
 
((my apologies for the formatting; can't get rid of the extra blank lines))
 

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ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Tasha..do you identify as a cross dresser or a sissy?  If not..why not?  IF there is a difference in your eyes..what is the difference?