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Not getting what i need. - 1/21/2008 11:38:23 AM   
kitten4


Posts: 6
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline 		I am a 24 year old submissive female. My boyfriend of almost two years is somewhat Dominant, but it's not enough. I've tried telling him, he doesn't listen. I love him dearly, but this is something that i realize i NEED, and it's not going away. He's 27, and he'll tie me up, flog me when i'm lucky, and spank me. We use blindfolds on occassion, we roleplay once in awhile, and sometimes he has me call him Sir, which i love.
I just need more. I want to be collared, i want to be his. I want him to bathe me, pamper me, and prepare me for his use. Sorry to get all graphic, i just don't know many people that enjoy the things that i enjoy, and have no one to vent to.
If any one can give me some advice on what to say or do so he GETS IT i would really appreciate it.

Regards,
Kitten
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Not getting what i need. - 1/21/2008 11:54:53 AM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		He tops you in some play that's good but that does not make him a Dom.  You should talk to him about it and see if that is him or something he wants, just keep in mind that it maybe but it may not be him as well. 

The key is open honest communication, it may not get you what you want but at least you will know.

Mike

(in reply to kitten4)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Not getting what i need. - 1/21/2008 12:02:12 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Not many Doms will bathe you and pamper you on their own volition.
Perhaps you all could talk to each other about your fantasies, needs and desires, and then you could try to fulfill some of his, and he yours.

Good luck!

~Christina

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Not getting what i need. - 1/21/2008 12:05:29 PM   
trueshadow


Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline 		You will have to decide whether you can live a vanilla life with this man, seek out a new lover and leave him, or seek to add to your life with or without his knowledge.

I see nothing but frustration for you in the years ahead.  That may be acceptable to you as 'soulmates' don't come along every day.  But go into it with your eyes open.

(in reply to kitten4)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Not getting what i need. - 1/21/2008 12:09:43 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kitten4

I am a 24 year old submissive female. My boyfriend of almost two years is somewhat Dominant, but it's not enough. I've tried telling him, he doesn't listen. I love him dearly, but this is something that i realize i NEED, and it's not going away. He's 27, and he'll tie me up, flog me when i'm lucky, and spank me. We use blindfolds on occassion, we roleplay once in awhile, and sometimes he has me call him Sir, which i love.
I just need more. I want to be collared, i want to be his. I want him to bathe me, pamper me, and prepare me for his use. Sorry to get all graphic, i just don't know many people that enjoy the things that i enjoy, and have no one to vent to.
If any one can give me some advice on what to say or do so he GETS IT i would really appreciate it.

Regards,
Kitten


Keep talking to him. Spell it out for him exactly as you told us. Suggest he get on CM and look around, have him read The Loving Dominant or other books. But be prepared to not get exactly what you want. He may well decide that he is in charge but doesn't feel like pampering you.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to kitten4)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Not getting what i need. - 1/21/2008 12:14:09 PM   
TenchiRyokoMuyo


Posts: 47
Joined: 1/9/2008
Status: offline 		I agree with almost every point made in this thread. If you've come to the realization that you absolutely need this (Which by the way, if I'm not mistaken, the definition you've described of what you want, is 'pet'), then there are only those few solutions...

Talk to him about it. Tell him you desperately want it all the time...from what it sounds like...he's only roleplaying right now. Which isn't what you want from the sounds of it. Just sit down, talk with him...make a list of some things you really like doing. Let him make a list right next to that list... You can put in 'calling you sir' and 'flogging', among anything else. Everything else, that you find you like about dominance.

Then ask him to write what he likes about it...and see if you can live with that. You can't change a person to what you need. When you do that...you become neither sub, nor a girlfriend. You sort of...top from the bottom, as I've seen it called on here.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Not getting what i need. - 1/21/2008 12:30:12 PM   
kitten4


Posts: 6
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you all so much for your replies. I understand that i should never try to change anyone, and i would never even consider that. It's just a tease because i get close to what i want, once in awhile. I guess it's better than nothing. You all have some great ideas that i'll try. I'll be sure to update ;)

(in reply to TenchiRyokoMuyo)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Not getting what i need. - 1/21/2008 12:36:10 PM   
TenchiRyokoMuyo


Posts: 47
Joined: 1/9/2008
Status: offline 		Haha, yeah, I can imagine it's a horrible feeling to know it's so close. Just tell him you cherish those moments when he's sitting on his bed, spanking your ass, turning it a beautifully welted red, or tugging your hair, and I'm sure he'll oblidge more often, or in totality.

Good luck Kitten!

(in reply to kitten4)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Not getting what i need. - 1/21/2008 12:58:03 PM   
kinkypuppy2


Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline 		You may have to end the relationship and look elsewhere.
Its something you can introduce them to but if its not in them then its not and you cannot put it there.

_____________________________

See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

(in reply to kitten4)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Not getting what i need. - 1/21/2008 1:38:05 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		You cannot change him if he doesn't want to change...and expecting him to want it is unfair. Change is hard and therefor unlikely. If he's not willing to meet your needs, talk to him about going elsewhere for them. If he's not willing to consider that, then you have two choices as I see it: 1) leave the relationship and find someone who does meet your needs or 2) stuff your needs into a psychological box and ignore them. I don't recommend the latter.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to kitten4)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Not getting what i need. - 1/21/2008 2:35:05 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

prepare me for his use.


aka:  "hand me the lube"


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Not getting what i need. - 1/21/2008 2:46:08 PM   
LordShadow


Posts: 172
Joined: 7/13/2004
Status: offline 		I would agree with most everyone here, start by making a list of the things that you need, sit down and talk with him about it. He may want those things as well, but is unsure how to go about it  or lacks the self confidence to go there, either way those are things that can be worked out and built upon.
If he doesn't have what you need then you have two choices, move on and find someone who has what you need or lock your needs in a box and make the best of it. And I will agree 100% with Fire, locking away secret desires will come back to bite you both in the ass later.

Shadow
Ride Safe live Free

(in reply to kitten4)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Not getting what i need. - 1/21/2008 5:03:47 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Everyone else was nice in their advice, unfortunatly, I am going to be blunt and to the point...which usualy translates as cruel

quote:

My boyfriend of almost two years is somewhat Dominant 

He either is; or he is not. There is no...somewhat
quote:

I've tried telling him, he doesn't listen  

Perhaps he's tired of listening to you whine about it?
quote:

  I just need more. I want to be collared, i want to be his. I want him to bathe me, pamper me, and prepare me for his use.

I want...I want...I want...I want...I want...I want

Hell of alot of I WANTS , and yet, I have seen nothing about what YOU are doing to satisfy HIS WANTS. Kind of one sided, don't you think?

It may be that he is giving you all he is capable of giving. Now you simply have to ask yourself if it is enough. If it's not, then it's time to break the relationship and find someone new.



_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to kitten4)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Not getting what i need. - 1/21/2008 5:11:16 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kitten4

I want him to bathe me, pamper me


I want a unicorn.

Still waiting....



_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to kitten4)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Not getting what i need. - 1/21/2008 5:14:17 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

I just need more. I want to be collared, i want to be his. I want him to bathe me, pamper me, and prepare me for his use.


You have watched Secretary too many times for your own good! Be glad when they bathe themselves!

(in reply to kitten4)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Not getting what i need. - 1/21/2008 5:14:49 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitten4

I want him to bathe me, pamper me


I want a unicorn.

Still waiting....





ask for a pony.....you have a better chance

Jeffwey

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Not getting what i need. - 1/21/2008 5:17:46 PM   
christine1


Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

I just need more. I want to be collared, i want to be his. I want him to bathe me, pamper me, and prepare me for his use.


You have watched Secretary too many times for your own good! Be glad when they bathe themselves!


luscious...i'm going to have to get a spit gaurd for my monitor before i read anymore of your replies hehe.

_____________________________

i am woman! er, godzilla! hear me roar!

http://wavcentral.com/cgi-bin/log/log.cgi?id=2856&sound=/sounds/movies/godzilla/roar.mp3


He's the "boom" overwhelming...

He is my Master, my lover, my best friend my everything.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Not getting what i need. - 1/21/2008 5:47:52 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitten4

I want him to bathe me, pamper me


I want a unicorn.

Still waiting....





ask for a pony.....you have a better chance

Jeffwey


HoneyMaster calls me a pony, but....I'm not really sure.
Wanna glue a horn to my head and make me prance?
*lol*

~Christina

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Not getting what i need. - 1/21/2008 6:08:05 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: christine1

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

I just need more. I want to be collared, i want to be his. I want him to bathe me, pamper me, and prepare me for his use.


You have watched Secretary too many times for your own good! Be glad when they bathe themselves!


luscious...i'm going to have to get a spit gaurd for my monitor before i read anymore of your replies hehe.


Well, jeez, its true. I am happy i have a Sir that showers twice daily and puts on colongne (Aramis, yum). As oppsed to many guys who hygiene is questionable.

(in reply to christine1)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Not getting what i need. - 1/21/2008 6:12:04 PM   
lauren0221


Posts: 681
Joined: 8/29/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitten4

I want him to bathe me, pamper me


I want a unicorn.

Still waiting....





ask for a pony.....you have a better chance

Jeffwey


You giving out ponies, Jeff????

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 20
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