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RE: The BDSM continuum... - 1/23/2008 10:49:30 AM

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There are many switches on here, but there are far more who strictly identify as Dom or sub. For those who don't identify as a switch, I don't think your continuum theory holds much water. Same with sexuality in my opinion.

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RE: The BDSM continuum... - 1/23/2008 12:00:07 PM

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The label of submissive or more precisely slave for myself indicates what I prefer in my intimate relationship. There is no reason to put switch since I have no desire to have an intimate relationship in which I have the authority. It is even difficult for me to have a relationship where there is no authority transferred either way. That is the type of relationship that I have with Alandra. For me, anything other than complete authority transferred is too stressful. Alandra and I work well together because he has the authority over both of us and when we get stuck we make the decisions based on what he wants.

There was a point in my life where I was not ready to give someone complete authority over me, but at the same time I was not ready for a long term committed relationship either. I don't think the term switch would have fit even then. I just have not had the desire to be the one with the authority within a relationship.

Knight's Kyra

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RE: The BDSM continuum... - 1/23/2008 12:04:28 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

There are many switches on here, but there are far more who strictly identify as Dom or sub. For those who don't identify as a switch, I don't think your continuum theory holds much water. Same with sexuality in my opinion.

Some people know thier orientations and feelings pretty well from the start, others want to explore. No biggie, just don't expect a personal journey to equate to what others may or may not feel.

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RE: The BDSM continuum... - 1/23/2008 12:07:21 PM

RCdc

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In our relationship, I am submissive 100% of the time so I do not agree that this 'continuum' applies in the entire BDSM context.
In our relationship, the authority never shifts, even if I top.

the.dark.

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RE: The BDSM continuum... - 1/23/2008 12:14:28 PM

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I'm feeling like the.dark.'s echo here. I am a slave to my Master, in all things. I submit to him and only him, but whether I am managing others at work, or managing a submissive pet of my own, I am slave to my Master, and all that I do is within that context. I would not be strong enough to do those other things if I were not being true to my nature as his slave. Master is training me to top others, but those relationships will always be under his leadership.

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RE: The BDSM continuum... - 1/23/2008 12:17:27 PM

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I agree with the continuum comment. For me, dominance and submission are a sliding scale, not an either/or thing. I am a certain number. Other people are different numbers, either higher or lower.

When asked if I am submissive, I really want to reply with the question "To whom?" I prefer to be in a relationship with someone that I feel is "bigger" than I am on my sliding scale. That doesn't mean I am submissive to the person asking the question, or in my relationships with people that I consider "smaller" than myself.

I like to use wolf pack behavior as a good example of how I see the continuum concept. Within a pack, there may be some animals that are submissive to all. There is a pack leader/mated pair. The rest are a mixed bag. One animal may be submissive to a,b, and c wolf but dominant over x,y, and z wolf. Are they dominant, submissive, switch, or just the same creature in different situations?

I taught high school, and was certainly dominant in the classroom. Submissive feelings (non-sexual) toward my superiors, and neutral toward my co-workers. How I saw myself did not change, the situations simply brought out different feelings in me.

You might say that's life, but I'm just using it as an example. In meeting someone, I either feel submissive, neutral or dominant toward them. I am not just "submissive". I am a number on my internal scale. If you are not as high a number as I am, then I don't feel submissive toward you. This means that if you can't change a tire or use a map then there is no way in hell that you are tying me up. If I am "bigger" than you are, then I don't feel submissive; if I am "smaller" then I do.

The standards for that internal evaluation (my ranking vs. another person) are relative only to me, but the theory could be applied elsewhere. As everyone is always growing and changing, that internal evaluation would of course change over time as well.

My desire to be submissive I consider a different entity than how I "rank" in comparison to another person. It does fluctuate with my moods, the amount of sleep I've gotten and all sorts of other things.

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RE: The BDSM continuum... - 1/23/2008 12:17:31 PM

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i believe there may be a "sub-slave" continuum, for me. i've been a submissive, and a slave. i tend towards slave, feel a bit sad when i'm not living as a slave, but overall i love submission in any form.but topping? have only been able to do while living as an alpha slave, and even then i was just being a sadistic brat. ;)

oddly though, on Second Life i'm an escort, thanks to Sir's pimping *lol* but when i got clients who wished for me to domme them, i first asked Sir to sit with me and coach me. he just watched and after a bit, he stood up and said "whoa! you're too much for me!" *grins* it must be the continuum, lurking in my evil little brain.
raven

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RE: The BDSM continuum... - 1/23/2008 12:21:36 PM

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Dear yrstocollar, Ladies and Gentlemen;

It is my personal belief that there is a sexual 'slide ruler' per se, that an individual will go through life and experiences, self discovery to which in time is what will be the defining moment of who a person is sexually. I don't believe it is exclusive to BDSM but, life in general.

I find myself steadfastly 'straight' and fond of gentlemen regardless of the sexual preferences.
For me, sexuality and preference is just one aspect of the total person. I am drawn more by the total sum of a person's character. I also feel that I have no submissive bone in my body anymore. I think the only thing that causes my passive and civil state is duty to family and or blood relatives. For all others--I wouldn't be happy in any other capacity other than Dominant.
I also have no desire to 'Switch.' I suspect, I would fall in the 100% Dominant capacity.

That said, as a Master/Mistress -- slaves are slaves, so I could consider females as slaves to me. I would have to take steps as to feed their sexual needs/desires as I would not be the one inclined to participate beyond foreplay and sensual arrousal. To completion, it would have to be another individual who is comfortable in completing sexual rapture. I think the same will be for any male slaves in my service. I think at my age--the need for sexual intercourse has long disappeared and shall not ever return.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to yrstocollar)

RE: The BDSM continuum... - 1/23/2008 12:28:41 PM

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quote:

...Is anyone really just one of the 2 ends 100% of the time?

yes, at least this slave knows one who is.

just like folks exist who have no desire, compulsion or fantasy to be intimately sexual with a member of the same sex (100% straight)~there are those of us who do not desire to be, fantasize about being or feel like being Dominant with anyone, ever(100% submissive).

this slave would also like to add she doesn't see anything inherently better than nor wrong with anyone's percentages, whatever they may be.

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RE: The BDSM continuum... - 1/23/2008 12:38:53 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs

Dear yrstocollar, Ladies and Gentlemen;

It is my personal belief that there is a sexual 'slide ruler' per se, that an individual will go through life and experiences, self discovery to which in time is what will be the defining moment of who a person is sexually. I don't believe it is exclusive to BDSM but, life in general.

I find myself steadfastly 'straight' and fond of gentlemen regardless of the sexual preferences.
For me, sexuality and preference is just one aspect of the total person. I am drawn more by the total sum of a person's character. I also feel that I have no submissive bone in my body anymore. I think the only thing that causes my passive and civil state is duty to family and or blood relatives. For all others--I wouldn't be happy in any other capacity other than Dominant.
That said, as a Master/Mistress -- slaves are slaves, so I could consider females as slaves to me. I would have to take steps as to feed their sexual needs/desires as I would not be the one inclined to participate beyond foreplay and sensual arrousal. To completion, it would have to be another individual who is comfortable in completing sexual rapture.

You fee like that there is a sexual "slide ruler"..."per se"...But you make it quite clear that it has never applied to your sexual attractions because you have always viewed yourself as "steadfastly straight." Therefore, it would seem that you actuall live your life in direct contrast to what the op has stated.

I think what the op has failed to realize is that you might get some sub to interact with someone of the same sex...Or when people have beein incarcerated they have been known to practice homosexual relationships....However, in each one of these cases the people would still probably identify themselves as being "straight."

It actually is rather insultive to think that people slide up and down the "gay" continuum...It suggests that someone can choose their sexual preferences depending upon where they are on the scale at any given moment in time. It would give the conservative straightees all the information they need to deem those Homos as being sick in the head...After all, it is just a matter of choice.

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RE: The BDSM continuum... - 1/23/2008 12:49:58 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yrstocollar

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

For me, it's not a continuum in role so much as a range of activities and levels of authority I'm interested over time.

that's an interesting way of looking at it... so perhaps there could be 2 scales... the first is how you generally view yourself but on a day to day basis could be scaled differently? Like today (this week, this month) I'm feeling about 10% dommey coz I'm interested in pursuing a particular activity but I usually feel 90%?

Sort of like that.

My moods depend on the mundane world a lot.

If I'm sick, I'm not in dom mode and in fact I can get very hostile to being taken care of which usually just makes me sicker.

If I'm stressed, the authority I'll exercise is likely to go up especially if I'm feeling there are more things out of my control than normal until the stress hits a high then my sex drive and my authority vanishes while I focus on the task at hand. This is actually though when the training I did with my slave kicks in and becomes necessary as I ignore some things and focus on others -- he knows how to pick up the slack so to speak.

If I'm happy the my sadism increases because for me it's about being playful and having fun.

Does that make sense?

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RE: The BDSM continuum... - 1/23/2008 1:32:19 PM

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I really don't rate as anything but straight on the sexuality continuum. No homophobia here, I was raised in one of Fire Island's gay communities so I've had women come on to me. I'm flattered but not turned on.

Same with D/s. I couldn't top, I'd be afraid I was hurting my partner and apologizing the whole time. I suppose I could assist by passing toys and doing aftercare, but I couldn't top. More than that, the idea makes me a little panicky.

I really am a straight, sub female, nothing more interesting than that.

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RE: The BDSM continuum... - 1/23/2008 2:41:18 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

There are many switches on here, but there are far more who strictly identify as Dom or sub. For those who don't identify as a switch, I don't think your continuum theory holds much water. Same with sexuality in my opinion.

Some people know thier orientations and feelings pretty well from the start, others want to explore. No biggie, just don't expect a personal journey to equate to what others may or may not feel.

Sure, I agree with that. I was only giving my personal view. To each his own.

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RE: The BDSM continuum... - 1/23/2008 4:37:14 PM

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Um, I just got back from being lost in the space/time continuum.

Does that count?

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RE: The BDSM continuum... - 1/23/2008 4:42:33 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yrstocollar

I've had this long-term belief in the gay continuum... ie that sexuality is fluid and people move up and down the continuum as they move through life, have new experiences, meet different people and so on. At any given time I think some people are 100% gay and some are 100% straight with most in between... perhaps more towards one end of the scale than the other but still open to moving in the other direction if the right situation or person presents themselves.

So I was wondering... do you feel this applies to the bdsm world too?

I notice too that many people put themselves in the dom or sub category rather than a switch category even though they're open to switching. This makes me feel that more people than admit to it are really switches. Is anyone really just one of the 2 ends 100% of the time?

If you were to apply a percentage of domliness or subbiness to yourself what would it be? ie I feel dommey about 75% of the time...

If I had to assign a percentage in all truthfulness it would be 1% dom. It is excruciatingly hard for me to pull that off. I can't switch, the whole concept boggles my mind and strains my imagination which is considerable. I am a people pleaser and although a perfectionist I hold that only for myself, not others. Please lead. Let me follow, I do it well.

As to gender preference? I've never been attracted sexually to a woman.

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RE: The BDSM continuum... - 1/23/2008 7:34:25 PM

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I am Dom in my every day all the time vanilla life as well as my private life. I dont have a scale, this is just who I am. My managers are used to it at work and no longer bother trying to demand things of me like they do most of the others, they find that requests rather than trying the "becasue im your manager" works better. With the boys, it is always D/s related, whether its as obvious as giving orders, or as subtle as deciding what we make for dinner.
I have never met anyone who made me feel submissive, and I dont know that I have that side to my personality.
That said there are activities I do, or take part in, that I see as neither here nor there D or s... just there.

DV

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RE: The BDSM continuum... - 1/23/2008 7:46:23 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yrstocollar

I've had this long-term belief in the gay continuum... ie that sexuality is fluid and people move up and down the continuum as they move through life, have new experiences, meet different people and so on. At any given time I think some people are 100% gay and some are 100% straight with most in between... perhaps more towards one end of the scale than the other but still open to moving in the other direction if the right situation or person presents themselves.

So I was wondering... do you feel this applies to the bdsm world too?

I notice too that many people put themselves in the dom or sub category rather than a switch category even though they're open to switching. This makes me feel that more people than admit to it are really switches. Is anyone really just one of the 2 ends 100% of the time?

If you were to apply a percentage of domliness or subbiness to yourself what would it be? ie I feel dommey about 75% of the time...

if you're open to reading feminst/social theory track down a copy of gayle rubin's work with the samois--she has an entry in the encyclopedia of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender studies (i believe that's what it is called) and between pleasure and danger. she suggests that this is essentially what happens--we fall along a continuum of activity.

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RE: The BDSM continuum... - 1/23/2008 8:37:17 PM

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The problem with this is that one person can be on the spectrum at only one place at any one time. I am able to be at two places at once.

Reposted:
Bisexuality isn't ONE spectrum, it's two. You could be attracted to one male in 1000 and 999 women in 1000 and I'd still call you bisexual.

This is my spectrum:

Males
1<------5---X->10

Females
1<---X-5------>10

I consider myself bisexual.

But it doesn't matter much- pick who you want to be with and what you do with that person.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_512292/mpage_1/key_bisexual/tm.htm#512379
understanding bisexuality

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RE: The BDSM continuum... - 1/23/2008 9:07:52 PM

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Dear domiguy, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Before I came to my defining moments of how I sexually stand, I can say that individuals that have had their own sensual/sexuality that was not starched straight did cause me great consideration of being open to experience anything but hard and or steadfast resolve as to who and what I am. I do have a lot of Gay friends. I am around them and appreciate them as human beings, friends and for their total self--I don't look just at sex. As I matured in life, I find and as I have stated--am totally straight. My days of discovery are long gone, those who were able to 'draw' towards other bisexual and or Lesbian activities did not go past the draw stage. That doesn't mean others do not follow the draw and experiment/discover and come to their final conclusions. Some men, have married and fathered children, to whom denied their true sexuality. These cases come up where they can no longer hide their sexual nature and go in the direction of bisexual activities and or go totally Gay. Yes, there has been documentation where there are sexual interactions with same-sex inmates in jails/prisons; how they identify is their business. As you said -- to each their own. I agree--to each their own. I'm not out to change sexual preferences of others or have rules to define how straight or gay someone is. Nor can I dictate how people will manifest their sexual love to others. But, I am of the thought that a woman can be drawn sexually to another woman in unexpecting ways, just as men can be drawn by another man sexually. How it proceeds is another matter entirely. Sometimes it just has to be acknowledged that you can be drawn to the opposite sex when there is someone special and causes impromptu feelings. I find myself honored, flattered and humbled when Lesbians have approached me and desired my domination. I tell them my sexuality and I struggle with their sexual needs/wants to be addressed/fed because I am Heterosexual. These wonderful women understand totally and are not insulted. I gained wounderful friends who just happen to be Lesbians.

I believe that you fail to realize that my second paragraph addresses the situation where I am straight Dominant, I have no desire to be sexual with anyone. I don't have the need or the drive. With that in mind, I still do recognize that my slaves, be it female and or male; may have their desires and needs sexually. It is then up to the sexual needs and sexual preferences of these slaves which will dictate how they will be pleasured to sexual rapture. I am not going to force them to step outside of their sexual preferences.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

< Message edited by LadyHugs -- 1/23/2008 9:20:11 PM >

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RE: The BDSM continuum... - 1/24/2008 2:07:12 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fluffyswitch

quote:

ORIGINAL: yrstocollar

I've had this long-term belief in the gay continuum... ie that sexuality is fluid and people move up and down the continuum as they move through life, have new experiences, meet different people and so on. At any given time I think some people are 100% gay and some are 100% straight with most in between... perhaps more towards one end of the scale than the other but still open to moving in the other direction if the right situation or person presents themselves.

So I was wondering... do you feel this applies to the bdsm world too?

I notice too that many people put themselves in the dom or sub category rather than a switch category even though they're open to switching. This makes me feel that more people than admit to it are really switches. Is anyone really just one of the 2 ends 100% of the time?

If you were to apply a percentage of domliness or subbiness to yourself what would it be? ie I feel dommey about 75% of the time...

if you're open to reading feminst/social theory track down a copy of gayle rubin's work with the samois--she has an entry in the encyclopedia of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender studies (i believe that's what it is called) and between pleasure and danger. she suggests that this is essentially what happens--we fall along a continuum of activity.

Ah crap... I majored in gender studies and that name sounds very familiar... probably where I got the whole idea from!! thanks :)

(in reply to fluffyswitch)

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