"I'm not in the mood"

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

"I'm not in the mood"

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> "I'm not in the mood"

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

"I'm not in the mood" - 1/25/2008 6:07:25 AM

Posts: 34
Joined: 1/22/2008
Status: offline

Such a negative phrase "I'm not in the mood" but we've all used it before at some point whether meaning it to be a shut-down or just an explination for lack of enthusiasm. My query however is would this phrase be particularly anathema if thrown out in a power exchange?

As blunt or slightly rude as it might be I can't see any particular reason why it would be a bomb. A friend of mine disagrees however if it comes from an s-type when their D intends something for them and they casually flip off the order/request/overture with the blunt "I'm not in the mood".

How would any of you deal with a situation where your s-type tried to simply blow you off with "I'm not in the mood"? (In reference to play or something you clearly want, not "I'm not in the mood for chinese tonight.")
s-types, do you think it would be a fair turn of phrase to use or would you find it overly blunt?

_____________________________

Actions speak louder than words. Don't tell me about your sincerity, show me.

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 1/25/2008 6:10:57 AM

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Valyraen expects me to be honest with him - If I'm not in the mood for sex or picking up the house, that's fine. I may be required to do it anyway but I'm certainly allowed to tell him and he will take it into consideration.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to DominaRapport)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 1/25/2008 6:11:22 AM

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

I had it a few times when my girl had deep personal problems in her life. She never used it to get rid of me, just in serious situations.
Was a sign for me that it was time to talk again.

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to DominaRapport)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 1/25/2008 6:14:22 AM

PrizedPosession

Posts: 1209
Joined: 11/2/2007
Status: offline

Just like with Aquatic, i'm allowed to say it but in the end Master decides what to do with me...
i pulled it this weekend because i was tired, ended up doing what He wanted and it actually lifted my mood a bit, not all the time but that time it did.
-bobcat

(in reply to Justme696)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 1/25/2008 6:18:21 AM

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

s-types, do you think it would be a fair turn of phrase to use or would you find it overly blunt?

LOL I have used it before. It did me no good though; I ended up doing what he wanted anyway...of course, I was a bit more...umm...sore...when I finally got around to it...but the end result is always the same.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to DominaRapport)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 1/25/2008 6:18:43 AM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

It's a statement of where I am, how I am feeling etc. If he wants me to be aroused, then he needs to know that I'm feeling particularly unsexy so he doesn't get shocked or appalled (or both!) when I don't get wet. Usually it leads to conversation about what's wrong. There are times I've been sent in to sleep for a bit if it's exhaustion, or I'll be fed if I haven't eaten all day. Now for simple stuff, get him some water or tea, I wouldn't say this unless I were really ill and then I'd tell him that.

But if he's looking for a specific outcome, he has to expect that sometimes it just won't happen. Dom or not, expecting me to be immediately aroused when I have a stomach bug means he's setting himself up for disappointment.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Justme696)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 1/25/2008 6:25:35 AM

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaRapport
How would any of you deal with a situation where your s-type tried to simply blow you off with "I'm not in the mood"? (In reference to play or something you clearly want, not "I'm not in the mood for chinese tonight.")
s-types, do you think it would be a fair turn of phrase to use or would you find it overly blunt?

There is a big difference between making the statement in order to blow him off and making the statement in order to give him all the information that I have.

Stated one way would get an extremely negative reaction from him. Stated in a way that respectfully provides information about my state of mind would not have a negative reaction.

One of his requirements is that I am to maintain a positive state of mind as much as possible so that I am ready for whatever he wants from me. When things happen that make this difficult, I let him know as soon as possible. Sometimes it results in instructions for me to take some private time for myself so I can improve my state of mind. Other times, we may discuss what is going on; it all depends on what the problem is.

As for not being in the mood for sex... well that is rather rare for me and if I were to say that he might think I was seriously ill. Even when I was really sick a few weeks ago, I was more than willing to have sex *g*

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to DominaRapport)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 1/25/2008 6:28:56 AM

Posts: 187
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaRapport

How would any of you deal with a situation where your s-type tried to simply blow you off with "I'm not in the mood"? (In reference to play or something you clearly want, not "I'm not in the mood for chinese tonight.")
s-types, do you think it would be a fair turn of phrase to use or would you find it overly blunt?

If the wording was phrased as a question "Do you want a caning?" we are to respond clearly and honestly if we are not in the mood or do not want that type of play... that being said He will decide if He wants to continue and play through the mood or change to something else*ss*.

To respond to a statement of play... with that statement without asking permission to give Him more information would not be acceptable.

Knight's alandra

(in reply to DominaRapport)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 1/25/2008 6:29:11 AM

Posts: 95
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline

like said before me it depends on what is going on. My Master wants me to be honest with him at all times. If something is going on with me IE I'm sick,hurting then I'm not going to be able to engage in what he needs or wants. That is the only time i can see at this point using that phrase

_____________________________

You do not appreciate the value of something until you lose it!!!! MASAI saying

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 1/25/2008 6:30:41 AM

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

I've never said it and never will. I want for him what he wants. Submitting to his will means his will supersedes mine. Whether or not I want to do something is irrelevant, because if he wants something, I want him to have it.

If I said "I'm not in the mood" he would be surprised, say "Oh well", probably do it anyway, and recognize he had more training to do with me.

Such a statement, or a statement like it, may reflect my frame of mind at the time but would not be interpreted as refusing him, because I do not refuse him. But I honestly can't think of anything I wouldn't be in the mood to do for or with him. It's just too foreign a thought for me.

(in reply to DominaRapport)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 1/25/2008 6:34:28 AM

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

I've never said it and never will. I want for him what he wants. Submitting to his will means his will supersedes mine. Whether or not I want to do something is irrelevant, because if he wants something, I want him to have it.

If I said "I'm not in the mood" he would be surprised, say "Oh well", probably do it anyway, and recognize he had more training to do with me.

Such a statement, or a statement like it, may reflect my frame of mind at the time but would not be interpreted as refusing him, because I do not refuse him. But I honestly can't think of anything I wouldn't be in the mood to do for or with him. It's just too foreign a thought for me.

that is respectfull too...a strong will

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 1/25/2008 6:36:06 AM

mhawk

Posts: 509
Joined: 11/5/2007
From: Washington
Status: offline

sometimes there may be day where i feel i'm not in the mood but i know that is not suiting to my Lord and Lady. most of the time i just get past it. i want to do my best in serving Them and i know there will be moments.i know my Lord and Lady have those times as well. so far it has not been a hinderance or anyhting like that for us luckily.

there have been times i didn't want to go theough a flogging from my Mistress like last weekend, i knew i was reaching a breaking point and wanted to stop right then and there but as always jsut little things my Lord or Lady does will pull me right out of that and those are our most meaningful moments.

(in reply to DominaRapport)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 1/25/2008 6:48:30 AM

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

for some things, i'm allowed to say "i'm not in the mood". if i'm in the wrong frame of mind, being restrained would be traumatic for me, and not the fun activity that it normally is. same thing with some sex acts...since i was abused that way as a child/young teen, some acts will cause flashbacks, and i dont want Daddy to have to deal with that.

so yes, i am allows to say that, and why...and Daddy respects that in me.

kitten

(in reply to mhawk)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 1/25/2008 6:56:37 AM

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I've dealt with "I'm too tired tonight Mistress" and I understand that. He gets up at 3 am M-F to go to work and has a long commute to and from work. So on the weekends is when he gets his sleep really. I basically just said "Thats ok get some rest we can do this another time."

My belief is that subs/slaves are humans and as such they get fatigued, sick, depressed etc just like Dominant do. Sometimes they don't feel up to performing as we would like them too, this also happens with us Dominants. It just happens and I don't feel that blowing up and getting pissy about it solves anything it just adds more stress to the situation.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to DominaRapport)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 1/25/2008 7:00:55 AM

Posts: 408
Joined: 11/30/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

I've never said it and never will. I want for him what he wants. Submitting to his will means his will supersedes mine. Whether or not I want to do something is irrelevant, because if he wants something, I want him to have it.

If I said "I'm not in the mood" he would be surprised, say "Oh well", probably do it anyway, and recognize he had more training to do with me.

Such a statement, or a statement like it, may reflect my frame of mind at the time but would not be interpreted as refusing him, because I do not refuse him. But I honestly can't think of anything I wouldn't be in the mood to do for or with him. It's just too foreign a thought for me.

I have to agree with the ownedgirlie. I wouldn't say it even if I was thinking it. I would simply put it from my mind and serve his wishes.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 1/25/2008 7:02:58 AM

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

How would any of you deal with a situation where your s-type tried to simply blow you off with "I'm not in the mood"? (In reference to play or something you clearly want, not "I'm not in the mood for chinese tonight.")
s-types, do you think it would be a fair turn of phrase to use or would you find it overly blunt?

He isn't emotionally attached to my moods for the most part. Yes, I have told him there were things I was not in the mood for, especially when it comes to pain play, and it is valid for me not to be in the mood for that. Sometimes pain is more intense than others. The key is, he has that information, he can decide whether it matters if I am not in the mood. If he wanted to do what I was not in the mood for, he does it anyways. I am very blessed that he is an understanding. If I am unwell or stressed out, he wants to address this, and solve it. I belong to him, so treating me in a way that is counterproductive to my happiness isn't something he does often.

Now the tone of voice is everything when commenting that one isn't in the mood. I am almost apologetic about it when I am not. Also, it is not something I have said very often, in fact I can only remember once. The thing is, if I am under the weather, he isn't demanding of me in a way that would cause me to say this. He has the power in the relationship. I suppose if he was insecure about that, me saying I was not in the mood might bother him...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to DominaRapport)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 1/25/2008 7:17:01 AM

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

the phrase "I'm not in the mood" doesn't exist in this slave's vocabulary when communicating with Master.

irrelevance tends to render certain things obsolete.

(in reply to DominaRapport)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 1/25/2008 7:17:05 AM

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavetaboo
I wouldn't say it even if I was thinking it. I would simply put it from my mind and serve his wishes.

For us, that would be consider withholding information from him and that would get a more negative reaction from him than giving him the information that I was not in the mood if I have permission to give it.

It is not my choice on what information to give or not give to him. It is his and to make the decision not to share something would mean that I was retaining authority within the relationship.

This is just to provide a different perspective on why in my relationship the information would be shared and not withheld. Different things work for different people.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to slavetaboo)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 1/25/2008 7:18:21 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

though i have yet to use it on SO but there will be times when i'll say "i'm not in the mood" after a long day with UMs and their activities and/or bands. he encourages me to tell him honestly when things between us aren't going well.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to DominaRapport)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 1/25/2008 7:32:48 AM

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I think it is only an issue when the authority dynamic is 24/7 or full-time. In those cases, the sub or slave saying "I'm not in the mood" is basically saying "I don't recognize your authority" which means it doesn't exist any more.

My slave can offer me necessary information without saying those words or "no" or anything else which can sound like being disobedient.

For example he can and has said "I think I'm sick" or "I didn't much sleep last night, Mistress, if I could do that in a few hours I'd do a better of it" or even "TammyJo, I need to talk to you" -- my name is the signal that something really bad is going on functioning like a red/stopward for us. Normally he lets me know this matters well before I issue an order.

Everyone gets out of the mood. When we made our commitment though we realized that regardless of mood we have roles to fulfill for each other and ourselves.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to DominaRapport)

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> "I'm not in the mood"

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.338