hisannabelle
Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline
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greetings forcefulhands,
i always had long hair, up until a year and a half ago (after we got together) when i shaved my head (for me, primarily). he liked it at first and is about as frustrated as i am with the in-between stage. i've never done anything chemical or heat-related to my hair - i don't straighten it, blow dry it, color it, etc. but he's requiring of me from now on that (when it grows out again) i keep it long, and a couple of weeks ago he wanted me to get a perm (which is about the worst possible thing one can do to their hair, chemically). it really bothered me because i spent 16 years trying to get really healthy hair, and right before i shaved my head i found the perfect shampoo, and ever since it's been growing back in it was wonderfully healthy, and now it's all...chemical-ed :\ but it's curly, and he likes it curly, so that's good.
my hair and my eyes have always been my "features," especially when my hair was long. when i shaved my head, partly it was in frustration with that. i was tired of identifying myself with my hair, and i was tired of other people doing it. it was such a freeing thing to find that many people (including my dominant, although he eventually decided he didn't want me to stay bald) still found me beautiful bald (some people i know, who have never commented on my looks, even said they liked it better that way). for me, it was an amazing lesson in, yes, vanity, and in impermanence. there were a lot of other things that went into it (and in my recent decision to wear a headscarf most of the time now - i haven't updated my pics yet), but desire to get over my and others' identifying me with it is one.
now, onto the relationship bits - i'm his property, it's his hair, just like the rest of me, LOL. he wants it permed, i get it permed, even if i have panic attacks about it. he wants it long, it is barely getting so much as a trim until it grows out again. etc. etc. the only issue i have had with him owning my hair is that he's a man. he's an older man. he's nearly bald. it's been a very long time since he's had a woman he's this involved with. so, he doesn't get hair stuff. he doesn't understand that if he wants me to cut it, that actually does involve some, well, long-term commitment to what's going to happen to it...or if he wants me to perm it, there's a good chance it'll go from being silky to crappy...not to mention, he wants it longer already, and making it curly will make it look shorter. he's forever making decisions about my hair (and the rest of my body) without realizing the implications...and while i try very hard to explain them to him, i really have to cringe whenever i come home with said new body modification and i get, "well, i didn't expect it to look like that." so i do my fair share of attempting to explain before i comply with all requests, just to make sure he's actually getting what he wants out of it.
respectfully,
annabelle.
_____________________________
a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...
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RE: Hair-ed Limits... - 
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