julietsierra
Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
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ORIGINAL: Jester0587
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ORIGINAL: daddyncherry
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ORIGINAL: Jester0587
Oh, and I forget who wrote it, but don't hide behind hormones or it being 'A woman thing.' That's an excuse, a scapegoat really. Just because you feel bitchy once a month doesn't mean you can't control yourself.
Awww how sweet you are to be so delluded.....and so gullible as to believe everything you read......trying living it, when you want to escape yourself because you can't stand you either...and there is nowhere far enough to run away from yourself....but you can't live it because you are a man
You know what, I can't live it. You're right. What you overlooked was the fact that whatever you think inside your head doesn't HAVE to come out. There's a litte part of your brain saying "Don't say this" and if that isn't working then you force yourself to listen to yourself to censor it.
Oh, and about not being able to escape yourself because you hate yourself, and you can't ever run far enough away. I can't live the version -you- have, but I can live with my own, and do.
Props to juliet though, she at least had the sense to acknowledge that she wasn't fully sane at the time and hid herself away:
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ORIGINAL: julietsierra
Sure it does. And no, most of us can't just "control ourselves" (meaning our emotions). However, we do have options. When I get to that stage, I stay far away from the phone. I do not read sappy love stories. I try to make sure my family members are heading to their dad's (nothing quite like facing Grendal or Linda Blair on a pea soup day just cause you want to say "good morning mom"). And then, if it's one of "those" months - I cry my eyes swollen and pray the evening primrose oil kicks in soon. If it's a 'kill em all' kind of month, well, I just curse out inanimate objects. But if on top of that, I get hurt...then, I just PRAY that my innate desire for non-confrontation kicks in before anything else.
So far, so good.
But honey, at 20, you ain't seen nothin yet when it comes to the effects of the raging hormones of women - just wait till you and your age group get to the pre and menopausal stage. I guarantee you, you will have adjusted your belief systems to be somewhat more closely aligned to what my Master once told me when I was complaining about feeling so out of control.
"We men understand. We understand you women are CRAZY! That's why, those of us who are my age have come to know just the right words to use when you get like this. We watch you carefully... we wait till you blink, and then we say "Yes Dear" and run, hoping that at the end of your blink, we're about a county away. That's pretty much the safety zone."
By that time, he had the weepy me laughing so hard I couldn't believe that just the moment before, I was in "kill em or weep" mode, thanking the stars that we were having this conversation over the phone and not in person.
But laughter or not, he knew that being around me then was NOT a good idea. And you don't have to be "masterful" to have an ounce of self-preservation. When it comes to menopausal women, discretion definitely IS the better part of valor and at the very least, it keeps relationships going and men alive.
So.. in about 28 years or so, you let me know how that little idea of "women should be able to control themselves" is working for you. (yea, we should, but men, if they're smart, don't tease the tiger during this time. It's just not wise.)
Remember that story recently about the people teasing the tiger at the LA zoo and what that tiger did? If you just keep in mind that that tiger could be a metaphor for menopausal women.. who knows. I may have just saved a life here.
juliet
It was you who changed my mind a bit, and I thank you for that. It's not often people keep level heads when I make a rather harsh remark, and I appologize. But, in what you said you have also told me something. Do you let yourself make deep decisions when you're like this? Also, you manage to hide yourself away, which is perfectly fine, we all do it sometimes, but the responsability is there to know that you needed it.
I don't know what I'm getting at except that leaving your Master because you're having a bad day is a horrible reason.
-Alex
It sure is! But here's the thing... when dealing with an emotional sadist, the difference between a bad day and not being able to continue is often very difficult to discern. "A bad day" very often isn't just "a bad day" but a string of them, one more painful than the other, until you figure out the lesson present in them. Until that point, they're just days in which you're hurting. Once they're over, you kind of shake your head, wondering why you didn't see whatever very simple lesson makes itself known ahead of time and think "Man! That was silly of me!"
It's the time in between that can make or break a person and a relationship.
As far as hiding myself away... I'm speaking optimistically when I say that's what I do. Often, especially at my age, the calendar can't tell me with any degree of accuracy anymore when this stuff is going to kick in. I have work, people to take care of and a home to keep running. Sometimes, the only thing that keeps me level headed during this time is hearing from or spending time with my Master. It's the consistency that keeps me "whole" at that point. However, when he's not around, my angelica kicks in and she's a bitch. It's not because I'm bitchy. It's because I'm NEEDING that comfort. It's often (at least for me) a very frightening time precisely because I DO maintain a lot of control over my behavior, thoughts and feelings. During this time, the controls don't work so well and thoughts that were confident and all that get thrown all out of whack. If he can't call, or is busy or for whatever reason, can't talk to me, that angelica side of me kicks in and all of a sudden, with nothing from him other than I havent spoken to him, I'm just so sure he doesn't care, is walking away, has no less than 3-5 other women he's seeing that I don't know about, did I mention doesn't care?...and on and on and on, until it occurs to me that none of this is true at all and I crawl into bed and try to forget about the day. And from what my girlfriends tell me, my bouts of this are calm compared to theirs - and they aren't EVEN involved with an emotional sadist. This is just them in their late 40s and early 50s getting through life.
Add someone living with that person and the discussions change from "why isn't he calling me" to "why did he throw the pillows on the floor after I just finished washing all the sheets and pillowcases?" or "why in the world does it take an act of Congress to get him to rinse off his plate after he gets a snack that's all sticky?!" and so on and so on - even though these very same actions wouldn't bother us at any other time.
So, to tell someone very nonchalantely that they should just not make any decisions during this time, while correct, is not taking into consideration that it simply is a very difficult time and not at all the way you think it should be when you're in your 20s. (and yea, when I was in my 20s, I thought the same thing of my mother and conversely, what I would NEVER do when I was in my 40s. My mother likes to remind me of this - OFTEN...and now, I realize what I couldn't realize back then - that we really do have no control over much of how we react these days.
Or at least I don't.
To my Master's credit, when he sees that I'm having a difficult month, he kinda stays away so that I don't have the OPPORTUNITY to make difficult decisions when I'm in a difficult place.
juliet
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RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 
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