quote:

ORIGINAL: heartcream

Prinsexx, you mentioned about counting, and waiting for someone to come parent you, among other things you would wait for. I have a friend who I have heard use the words, 're-parent', 're-parenting ourselves'. You could come to your own rescue here, you could be the loving, understanding and accepting parent you may crave at times. Sometimes we can feel no one is listening and that sort of thing. The thing is we can listen to ourselves, we can be there for ourselves the way we wish someone else would be.

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

hey Prinsexx:

From one emotional masochist to another, in good will, and yes, I'd say this to a friend - accompanied by a hug and an allowance for tears...

My dear... get your head out of your ass. The man left for a week - not a year.

It seems like a life time.........

He came to you, participated with you in a mind blowing intense scene and then, didn't follow it up that same night with an announcement that he was leaving, but phoned you later, so as not to ruin your night, to let you know.

Yes, I know you're suffering from the flu. Yes, I know this could be sub-drop. But if you are an emotional masochist, then you should be well aware that you have probably attracted an emotional sadist.  The flu is better and I am back to work. It was also sub-drop as the scene had made me as high as a kite. He is an emotional sadist anduses every subtle tool of it with as much skill as most would yield a cane, wield a crop or snap a whip.

That's NOT a bad thing - IF you start to take your life in hand and begin the process of revelling in the process. If you are indeed an emotional masochist, for crying out loud, cry, weep wail and all that. Get it out of your system. Do it privately so as not to besmirch your Master, even if simply in reference. And then, when he comes back at the end of a week (a prime time for someone just starting on this road btw), ....in my previous Dom/sub a week's shut off was usual....but that was done BECAUSE I had behaved in a certain way...here He is away well simply because He chooses to be....you can go ahead and feel silly and cared for and all that, that you KNOW comes with his return.

Be aware and learn from this that you SURVIVED! (Living, you can shoot for next time, it's a process.) But damn it all, get your head out of your ass! Start contemplating his actions in the light of what you think he is trying to teach you. Hold your head up and get through this! ALL of us have some sort of abandonment issues. It does NOT mean we have to be ruled by them. Imagine your emotional self as this whiney little girl inside you stomping her foot and demanding that people (specifically your Master) pay attention to her - my favorite is Angelica from the Rug Rats........now how the good heavens did you know that a Dom named me Angelica??? She is a character in my books,,,the one who lives avanilla life and LIES...... Next imagine what you'd do with Angelica if you were her mother, then do it with yourself. )I usually send myself to my room where I can't bother everyone else until I can get ahold of that part of me. I have family members around that I don't need to upset by my little tantrums, so I go to my room and read)  http://youtube.com/watch?v=raIGJ4OiTvY

As far as his "heartlessness," let's just pause and think about that for a moment... He comes to you, he provides for you this intense scene. Ok, so he's not as demonstrative as you'd wish. Well, baby, it's not all hugs and kisses out there, and I'd guess that you've had more than one person in your life giving you those and then walking right away from you for all time. i am the one who does the walking as the mushy lovey dovey sentimentality just give me the heaby jeabies......He, on the other hand, is not leading you on. He's not cow-towing after you. He's being fucking DOMINANT. Just relax, know that your tears are making his day a lovely thing and RECOGNIZE that his actions, specifically the process of caring enough to leave you with a really really really good time with him to hold you over during the time he will be gone IS his way of being demonstrative.

So what the fuck are you doing shoving that in his face and saying you know he doesn't care? Right now my dear, I'd say you don't know a damn thing. You're right...i don't know my arse from my elbow or my anus from my apex.....Get through this week. Cry, yell at the dashboard of your car (oh the tales mine could tell!) get OVER yourself and get ON with living!! Show that man that you can be the asset he wants you to be - NOT the liability of someone clinging and fawning over every movement he makes. He is NOT answerable to you. He does NOT have to be there for every somewhat difficult moment in your life. YOU DO have the strength to do this stuff yourself.

So he's an amputee... Do you ever for ONE moment stop and think about what that means in the overall formation of the man? This man has endured more pain in his life than you can even begin to imagine that you're dealing with by him being gone for a WEEK. For crying out loud!!! He's SHOWING you that you CAN endure!!! And just so you understand, most emotional masochists can't be TOLD this shit. They have to EXPERIENCE it. He's allowing you to experience the entire range of your emotions - not just the ones that make you feel good.  OK got it.

Oh, and just so I'm clear, I'd be willing to bet that he's not asking or expecting you to be emotionless. He's helping you to reach the point where you are in charge of your emotions. People can have emotions. They just shouldn't allow their lives to be ruled by them to the point where they are incapacitated by them. From what I've read of your experiences, you're still learning this.

So... (and yes, these are the words I use when having this same conversation with myself from time to time)... shut up, sit down and like Greyhound, leave the driving of this bus to him!!! You WILL survive. And when it's all said and done, you might just learn to appreciate the long and difficult trip you're on.

hug

juliet

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

hey Prinsexx:

From one emotional masochist to another, in good will, and yes, I'd say this to a friend - accompanied by a hug and an allowance for tears...

My dear... get your head out of your ass. The man left for a week - not a year.

It seems like a life time.........

Yea... I know. But it's not - at the most, it's only 7 little days.

He came to you, participated with you in a mind blowing intense scene and then, didn't follow it up that same night with an announcement that he was leaving, but phoned you later, so as not to ruin your night, to let you know.

Yes, I know you're suffering from the flu. Yes, I know this could be sub-drop. But if you are an emotional masochist, then you should be well aware that you have probably attracted an emotional sadist.  The flu is better and I am back to work. It was also sub-drop as the scene had made me as high as a kite. He is an emotional sadist anduses every subtle tool of it with as much skill as most would yield a cane, wield a crop or snap a whip.
 
oooh, I do understand this completely... that's what it's like over here too.  I've just come to appreciate his skill rather than crying about the fact that I'm his canvass. To tell the truth, I'm pretty proud of the fact that he can feel free enough to practice his artistry on me and that I'm strong enough to withstand the artwork and flourish.


That's NOT a bad thing - IF you start to take your life in hand and begin the process of revelling in the process. If you are indeed an emotional masochist, for crying out loud, cry, weep wail and all that. Get it out of your system. Do it privately so as not to besmirch your Master, even if simply in reference. And then, when he comes back at the end of a week (a prime time for someone just starting on this road btw), ....in my previous Dom/sub a week's shut off was usual....but that was done BECAUSE I had behaved in a certain way...here He is away well simply because He chooses to be....you can go ahead and feel silly and cared for and all that, that you KNOW comes with his return.

And it'll take some time, but if you stick it out, rather than running scared, you'll be rewarded by the most amazing moments when you can physically feel the fear leaving your body. I am in awe each time it happens, and more than awe, I am beyond grateful.

Be aware and learn from this that you SURVIVED! (Living, you can shoot for next time, it's a process.) But damn it all, get your head out of your ass! Start contemplating his actions in the light of what you think he is trying to teach you. Hold your head up and get through this! ALL of us have some sort of abandonment issues. It does NOT mean we have to be ruled by them. Imagine your emotional self as this whiney little girl inside you stomping her foot and demanding that people (specifically your Master) pay attention to her - my favorite is Angelica from the Rug Rats........now how the good heavens did you know that a Dom named me Angelica??? She is a character in my books,,,the one who lives avanilla life and LIES...... Next imagine what you'd do with Angelica if you were her mother, then do it with yourself. )I usually send myself to my room where I can't bother everyone else until I can get ahold of that part of me. I have family members around that I don't need to upset by my little tantrums, so I go to my room and read)  http://youtube.com/watch?v=raIGJ4OiTvY

Did you watch the youtube video? It's pretty telling as to how that little girl inside us is acting...and here's the killer secret: the person she is manipulating the most.. is us.
As far as his "heartlessness," let's just pause and think about that for a moment... He comes to you, he provides for you this intense scene. Ok, so he's not as demonstrative as you'd wish. Well, baby, it's not all hugs and kisses out there, and I'd guess that you've had more than one person in your life giving you those and then walking right away from you for all time. i am the one who does the walking as the mushy lovey dovey sentimentality just give me the heaby jeabies......He, on the other hand, is not leading you on. He's not cow-towing after you. He's being fucking DOMINANT. Just relax, know that your tears are making his day a lovely thing and RECOGNIZE that his actions, specifically the process of caring enough to leave you with a really really really good time with him to hold you over during the time he will be gone IS his way of being demonstrative.

Well, while the lovey-dovey stuff doesn't ALWAYS give me the heebie-jeebies, I AM much more comfortable with it happening sometimes rather than always, and strangely enough, when it happens sometimes I appreciate it even more.

So what the fuck are you doing shoving that in his face and saying you know he doesn't care? Right now my dear, I'd say you don't know a damn thing. You're right...i don't know my arse from my elbow or my anus from my apex.....Get through this week. Cry, yell at the dashboard of your car (oh the tales mine could tell!) get OVER yourself and get ON with living!! Show that man that you can be the asset he wants you to be - NOT the liability of someone clinging and fawning over every movement he makes. He is NOT answerable to you. He does NOT have to be there for every somewhat difficult moment in your life. YOU DO have the strength to do this stuff yourself.

So he's an amputee... Do you ever for ONE moment stop and think about what that means in the overall formation of the man? This man has endured more pain in his life than you can even begin to imagine that you're dealing with by him being gone for a WEEK. For crying out loud!!! He's SHOWING you that you CAN endure!!! And just so you understand, most emotional masochists can't be TOLD this shit. They have to EXPERIENCE it. He's allowing you to experience the entire range of your emotions - not just the ones that make you feel good.  OK got it.

Oh, and just so I'm clear, I'd be willing to bet that he's not asking or expecting you to be emotionless. He's helping you to reach the point where you are in charge of your emotions. People can have emotions. They just shouldn't allow their lives to be ruled by them to the point where they are incapacitated by them. From what I've read of your experiences, you're still learning this.

So... (and yes, these are the words I use when having this same conversation with myself from time to time)... shut up, sit down and like Greyhound, leave the driving of this bus to him!!! You WILL survive. And when it's all said and done, you might just learn to appreciate the long and difficult trip you're on.

hug

juliet

Thank you from inside and outside the box....

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra




 
His tableau is your mind and he's not going to risk harming that.

 
juliet

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx
But for the most part I have been given feedback at least that makes me feel less like a freak; you know as seriously strong career woman and single mom who sexually and emotionally simply also wants to 'belong' to someone who can master the rest of her.
Maybe it's the 'slave' types who don't come out on the forums enough, aren't allowed to or are controlled in a way where air time is a priviledge.
Maybe there are only slaves who have courteous, loving and thoughtful masters (this we both know is lalaland).
And yes maybe it's a simple case of incompatibility.....but I am not ignoring or discouting anyone's input.

It's got nothing to do with being a slave- that's just a convenient distraction for you so you don't have to actually work on the issues within yourself.

I don't know a single person who hasn't struggled with how to balance being true to who they are versus what the external world expects of them- again, being a slave is irrelevant.

You've been told as blatantly and as directly as possible what you need to ask yourself and what you can do to REALLY effect change within yourself and to start to seek your real sense of fulfillment.  It will be interesting to see if you choose to actually put them into action.

NEENER NEENER NEENER, I am not listening to you...

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

It's got nothing to do with being a slave- that's just a convenient distraction for you so you don't have to actually work on the issues within yourself

quote:

Cue the violins.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Cue the violins.
 
John

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

It's got nothing to do with being a slave- that's just a convenient distraction for you so you don't have to actually work on the issues within yourself

LA: with respect. Please try telling all the slaves around collarme that slavery is 'just a convenient distraction'. I would be interested in seeing the responses you get.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

It's got nothing to do with being a slave- that's just a convenient distraction for you so you don't have to actually work on the issues within yourself

LA: with respect. Please try telling all the slaves around collarme that slavery is 'just a convenient distraction'. I would be interested in seeing the responses you get.

As a slave, I happen to agree with LA.  If I was using the fact that I was a slave or in a "slave mindset" (which I have no idea what that is) to avoid working on the heart of the issues that I had, I would very much hope that someone would call me on my shit.

Knight's Kyra

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

i simply know that 2,488 p    `eople have viewed this thread since i opened it. i am delighted if even one of them has been 'stuck' in anyone of those feelings i have disclosed and that it has helped them.

It is those private emails i have received which have been astounding in their in-sight, advice, intelligence and proactive rather than the reactive 'get your head out of your arse' retorts.

It very easy in my opinion to learn to tie a knot, drip the wax and crack a whip so that there is a fundamental agreement as to the right way to do it. Such behaviours will eventually become mainstream and co-opted if enough people claim imitation.

Howevere, it is my choice to lay bare my feelings and deeper if i could, as these are the invisible characteristics of what is known as sado-masochism.

Or did i stumble across match.com instead of collarme (must be because my head is either still up my arse or in the abandonment pit perhaps)?

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

i simply know that 2,488 p    `eople have viewed this thread since i opened it. i am delighted if even one of them has been 'stuck' in anyone of those feelings i have disclosed and that it has helped them.

It is those private emails i have received which have been astounding in their in-sight, advice, intelligence and proactive rather than the reactive 'get your head out of your arse' retorts.

It very easy in my opinion to learn to tie a knot, drip the wax and crack a whip so that there is a fundamental agreement as to the right way to do it. Such behaviours will eventually become mainstream and co-opted if enough people claim imitation.

Howevere, it is my choice to lay bare my feelings and deeper if i could, as these are the invisible characteristics of what is known as sado-masochism.

Or did i stumble across match.com instead of collarme (must be because my head is either still up my arse or in the abandonment pit perhaps)?

lol... now you KNOW that when I said "get your head out of your ass" it was meant in the nicest possible way.

juliet

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

Unfortunately, it's when the work becomes very public that everyone feels the need, freedom and indeed, right to criticize, demean and otherwise put down that person for doing the very thing that they say she should be doing. (And yes, I do understand that if you put your business out here, then you open yourself up to everyone's views)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Cue the violins.
 
John

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I'll also take the opportunity for those who might not know that I started as a slave and was owned property for years.  Check out EmeraldSlave2 and all "her" posts to get a deeper understanding of my background.

You are using "being a slave" as an excuse for not really dealing with the actual problem.  I know plenty of slaves who have masters far harsher than what you've described (heck you need to meet my ex) and while they have hard times and tough times, they do not bring themselves to this sad state and certainly would not blame it on their "being a slave" and call it a day.