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RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 8:10:17 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

And yes, just like the rest of us you aren't a twue subby because you insist on healthy relationships that meet your needs.

almost smiling.......

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RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 8:10:21 AM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: DS4DUMMIES

Prinsexx....his unwillingness to release you...is more BDSM "fantasy world" stuff....the choice is yours...NOT his....throw him the hell out on his ass and find someone who will truly value you....

How can I do that? when the dynamic is what it is? i have never thrown anyone the hell out on their ass, my pattern is always to remain and go back until they do the throwing of me out on my ass, clinging on like some linpid jelly fish begging to know what i did wrong....

You need to break your pattern.This is just one of many patterns that you've shown here and I think you need to take some time for your self. There is something going on inside of you that keeps you repeating the patterns of trusting too fast, giving information too fast and above all giving your heart too fast.You need to take control of yourself and you need to break the pattern. No one else can do this for you unfortunately. As to your blackmail worry, has he given indication that he is the sort to engage in blackmail?

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RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 8:12:05 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

And yes, just like the rest of us you aren't a twue subby because you insist on healthy relationships that meet your needs.

almost smiling.......

Princesxx, what would you say to your sister or your best friend if this was her life, not yours?

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

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RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 8:12:21 AM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
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quote:

How can I do that? when the dynamic is what it is? i have never thrown anyone the hell out on their ass, my pattern is always to remain and go back until they do the throwing of me out on my ass, clinging on like some linpid jelly fish begging to know what i did wrong....

Can you change your pattern? Can you choose a different course of action?

Slave or no, free woman or no, collared or no, simple sanity requires that you be able to act on your own to preserve your health and well being. Can you do this?

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RE: is there a protocol for leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 8:12:53 AM

kittensmailbox

Posts: 744
Joined: 1/7/2005
From: Youngstown, Ohio
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bottom line sweetie, if you are not happy end it with him... in reality there is not anything holding you to him... he can not refuse you release... he knows that without you, he is nothing and maybe that scares the piss out of him...

Maybe instead of letting him freak you out when he says he is leaving for the week, just say to him, OK see you, have fun....

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~lowers her eyes in respect~

~kitten

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RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 8:13:59 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

He's leaving for a week and you're calling it "abandonment"?

John who is biting his tongue so hard that it's bleeding

John usually i understand and respect what you say, but this time i don't understand and therefore i can;t figure out what you are saying. It was just a week, it was after we had had the most intense scene i had ever had and for me that is an admittance. leaving was planned and known then i simply know it must have been and so it isn;t thelength of time it's the passive lying...is he entitled to do that as a Master

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RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 8:16:06 AM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

Emotionally though i can't deal with my own walking away.
It sounds pathetic and screw ball when i say it
<snip>

it doesn't sound pathetic, it sounds like a slave mindset...but think about it like this....when he didn't fulfill his end of the contract, whether it was written or verbal, but filling your emotional needs (and i mean needs, not wants), he negated the contract, therefore making it null and void and you now have nothing holding you to him and you are, in effect free to go anytime you are physically able to make the break from the relationship, ie. stopping contact - in person, by phone, by email, by smoke signals, etc.

but you have to be willing to make that break, willing to break the cycle, because this wasn't the first time, this wasn't the first time with him, and this wasn't the first relationship you've had like this...you have to be willing to figure out what you're doing wrong when you're picking the men you're picking....and do something different...but you know all this...do a little role play with yourself, and pretend you are your own patient telling yourself this...now tell yourself what you should do to develop healthier relationships...M/s and D/s are not inherently unhealthy, it is our choices of who we engage in M/s and D/s in with who are inherently unhealthy...figure out the pattern, and change it...

take care
chelle

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RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 8:16:50 AM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
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quote:

Again and again i keep exposing myself to this emotional masochism, i seem drawn to it as it is i suppose the only form of love i know. I worship and i wait and wait and wait but the love is never returned.

This statement greatly concerns me. Often, we place ourselves into situations that will REINFORCE the negative, internalized messages of childhood such as "I'm not lovable" because if I was, they wouldn't leave me (abandonment) and that there must be "something wrong with me" that Im so unlovable. You choose another emotionally unavailable partner, they abandon you, again, and you can REINFORCE that message, internally, and subconsciously...."see, I knew there was something wrong with me, that I'm unlovable." Not to mention we seek what is familiar to us.
I STRONGLY suggest you seek counseling. You can go to KAP (Kink Aware Professionals....Google it) to find a scene friendly counselor. Again, I STRONGLY suggest this. Other issues are showing, and your own, stated, repeated patterns of behavior when choosing partners will continue to emerge if you do not seek some guidance in ridding yourself of unhealthy decision making when it come to partners...vanilla/bdsm/or otherwise.
I wish you the best.

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

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RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 8:17:26 AM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

And yes, just like the rest of us you aren't a twue subby because you insist on healthy relationships that meet your needs.

almost smiling.......

Princesxx, what would you say to your sister or your best friend if this was her life, not yours?

my sister is a domme so it's not a conversation we can have...her answer is always virtually the same; oh stop being such a submissive doormat......and who the fuck is he the creep......you'll end up being really hurt by this man \\9and of course doesn't understand that i am the masochist i am.........

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RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 8:17:26 AM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
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quote:

John usually i understand and respect what you say, but this time i don't understand and therefore i can;t figure out what you are saying. It was just a week, it was after we had had the most intense scene i had ever had and for me that is an admittance. leaving was planned and known then i simply know it must have been and so it isn;t thelength of time it's the passive lying...is he entitled to do that as a Master

Is it possible you are experiencing "sub drop"? Could your perceptions of his actions be colored by this?

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RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 8:18:51 AM

MissMorrigan

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And I think this is the crux for you, Prinsexx. It is a pattern of behaviour for you and one that is not necessarily a healthy one. Your obligation is to ensure you are emotionally healthy, that is likely something you'll need to do on your own and with plenty of time. Patterns aren't necessarily set, you have the skills to be able to turn this around. The pattern is the emotional masochism you're seemingly addicted to... you're drawn to someone that isn't necessarily emotionally invested in you so you feel used and go through the gamut of emotions associated with soemone that doens't feel valued. That is the cycle you need to break and you can't do that within a relationship of this type, but that is just my opinion.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx
How can I do that? when the dynamic is what it is? i have never thrown anyone the hell out on their ass, my pattern is always to remain and go back until they do the throwing of me out on my ass, clinging on like some linpid jelly fish begging to know what i did wrong....

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RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 8:24:07 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

And yes, just like the rest of us you aren't a twue subby because you insist on healthy relationships that meet your needs.

almost smiling.......

Princesxx, what would you say to your sister or your best friend if this was her life, not yours?

my sister is a domme so it's not a conversation we can have...her answer is always virtually the same; oh stop being such a submissive doormat......and who the fuck is he the creep......you'll end up being really hurt by this man \\9and of course doesn't understand that i am the masochist i am.........

masochist or not, she's giving you advise that you should consider rather then justifying away. Besides it doesn't sound like this emotional pain is what your craving.

Most people are so good at protecting those they love and ignoring the same advise they give to others, that is why I asked you to think about what you would say if a woman you loved was as hurt as you are.

So, seriously, pretend that you are meeting a friend at a local cafe and she bursts into tears and tells you this story, would you encourage her to be sucked dry for the next 20 years by her man and then tossed to the curb or would you suggest that she get some distance from himself and learn to love herself so that she can find happiness in a relationship?

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

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Post #: 32

RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 8:24:22 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressVnus

quote:

Again and again i keep exposing myself to this emotional masochism, i seem drawn to it as it is i suppose the only form of love i know. I worship and i wait and wait and wait but the love is never returned.

This statement greatly concerns me. Often, we place ourselves into situations that will REINFORCE the negative, internalized messages of childhood such as "I'm not lovable" because if I was, they wouldn't leave me (abandonment) and that there must be "something wrong with me" that Im so unlovable. You choose another emotionally unavailable partner, they abandon you, again, and you can REINFORCE that message, internally, and subconsciously...."see, I knew there was something wrong with me, that I'm unlovable." Not to mention we seek what is familiar to us.
I STRONGLY suggest you seek counseling. You can go to KAP (Kink Aware Professionals....Google it) to find a scene friendly counselor. Again, I STRONGLY suggest this. Other issues are showing, and your own, stated, repeated patterns of behavior when choosing partners will continue to emerge if you do not seek some guidance in ridding yourself of unhealthy decision making when it come to partners...vanilla/bdsm/or otherwise.
I wish you the best.

i am a fucking counsellor that's just the point....and kink aware and very good at dealing with this in others......it's finding someone, anyone, who is one step ahead of the game than me...and i really do think that those of you here, those actually living or trying to life in the lifetstyle offer far more than any counsellor i have met...
last time i saw a counsellor i i took up the first of six sessions by trying to explain how i was a submissive and my sister was a domme and that this energy had been laid down in childhood but i was greeteed with her desroption of some sort of latency theory straight out of the psycjodynamic appraoach...i'be jad twop yeard in cognitive therpay and addormations etc etcd
and the only approach that is hoing to fix it is some raw input from those living it not those whoo read the DSM and check list the paraphilias....

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RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 8:28:43 AM

Rover

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Joined: 6/28/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

He's leaving for a week and you're calling it "abandonment"?

John who is biting his tongue so hard that it's bleeding

John usually i understand and respect what you say, but this time i don't understand and therefore i can;t figure out what you are saying. It was just a week, it was after we had had the most intense scene i had ever had and for me that is an admittance. leaving was planned and known then i simply know it must have been and so it isn;t thelength of time it's the passive lying...is he entitled to do that as a Master

I am going to break one of my own rules here about responding to threads like this, and it's likely that I'll regret doing so. In the process, you may be offended, though that's not my intention.

1. You have had several relationships that included dramatic public professions of love/happiness/compatibility/etc. It has always been my theory that the shelf life of a relationship is inversely proportional to the amount of public drama received at it's inception.

2. Followed in short order by equally dramatic and public break ups. Thereby proving my theory.

3. Which gives context to you dramatizing a week's trip that was not explained to your satisfacdtion into some relationship shattering personal afront to you. I don't care the care if it was just after an intense scene, or after your honeymoon. If you're that needy, find yourself a nice invalid who cannot leave your side.

Frankly, based solely upon what you share of yourself on these forums, I don't think you're capable of having and sustaining a healthy relationship at all. And if I were your friend, I would plead with you to stop living your relationships and your life in such a public fashion, so as to not make a public mockery of yourself.

But then, where would Oprah and Jerry be with that kind of advice.

John

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Post #: 34

RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 8:29:00 AM

Prinsexx

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quote:

you're drawn to someone that isn't necessarily emotionally invested in you so you feel used and go through the gamut of emotions associated with soemone that doens't feel valued. That is the cycle you need to break and you can't do that within a relationship of this type, but that is just my opinion.

Miss Morrigan
that's it the crux of it...............the crux of it

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RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 8:33:25 AM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
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From: Central Florida
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I am one as well. Perhaps leave the "kink" out of it and just deal with it as "relationship" issues if you would ever to choose to try again.
Just because we are counselors doesn't mean we can't benefit from it ourselves. Sometimes we are more stubborn about it "because" we are.
So, that said, I am just pointing out that you, yourself, have identified the issue. This is good.
I regret you feel so untrustworthy of your own peers and the field, you, yourself, have chosen.
However, there are good and bad in every profession and it seems you hit the bad apple in the barrel...*sigh*.
I am hoping you can turn it around for yourself and any support "I" can offer you is yours so please feel free to email me should you decide you would like to take me up on the offer.

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

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RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 8:34:57 AM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

i am a fucking counsellor that's just the point....and kink aware and very good at dealing with this in others......it's finding someone, anyone, who is one step ahead of the game than me...and i really do think that those of you here, those actually living or trying to life in the lifetstyle offer far more than any counsellor i have met...
last time i saw a counsellor i i took up the first of six sessions by trying to explain how i was a submissive and my sister was a domme and that this energy had been laid down in childhood but i was greeteed with her desroption of some sort of latency theory straight out of the psycjodynamic appraoach...i'be jad twop yeard in cognitive therpay and addormations etc etcd
and the only approach that is hoing to fix it is some raw input from those living it not those whoo read the DSM and check list the paraphilias....

You being a counsellor yourself should be an immediate disqualification to dealing with this without a counsellor. You should have a kink-aware therapist, to be sure, but no one, not even therapists, can give themselves the therapy they need in a time of deep emotional crisis.

You are rationalizing self destructive behavior.

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RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 8:34:58 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

How can I do that? when the dynamic is what it is? i have never thrown anyone the hell out on their ass, my pattern is always to remain and go back until they do the throwing of me out on my ass, clinging on like some linpid jelly fish begging to know what i did wrong....

How can you do that?
When you have ALWAYS done something else...

1) By deciding that you need a different type of relationship than the ones you are drawn to.
2) By accepting those needs as being valid.
3) By surrounding yourself with people who will validate those needs as being legitimate...perhaps seeking out a therapist who will support you as you work on changing the opinion that you don't deserve anything else.

There is a saying: " If you do what you ALWAYS do you're going to get what you ALWAYS got."

Patterns are very hard to break.
But you have the ability to see what isn't fulfilling to you.
It is your responsibility to do whatever you need to do to get your needs met....you need to value yourself.

"Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness
to learn

anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive

is too small for you. "

David Whyte (from his poem Sweet Darkness http://www.panhala.net/Archive/Sweet_Darkness.html )

Meanwhile, be gentle with yourself.
(((hugs)))
jenn

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RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 8:36:38 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

You have had several relationships that included dramatic public professions of love/happiness/compatibility/etc.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

He's leaving for a week and you're calling it "abandonment"?

John who is biting his tongue so hard that it's bleeding

John usually i understand and respect what you say, but this time i don't understand and therefore i can;t figure out what you are saying. It was just a week, it was after we had had the most intense scene i had ever had and for me that is an admittance. leaving was planned and known then i simply know it must have been and so it isn;t thelength of time it's the passive lying...is he entitled to do that as a Master

I am going to break one of my own rules here about responding to threads like this, and it's likely that I'll regret doing so. In the process, you may be offended, though that's not my intention.

1. You have had several relationships that included dramatic public professions of love/happiness/compatibility/etc. It has always been my theory that the shelf life of a relationship is inversely proportional to the amount of public drama received at it's inception.

2. Followed in short order by equally dramatic and public break ups. Thereby proving my theory.

3. Which gives context to you dramatizing a week's trip that was not explained to your satisfacdtion into some relationship shattering personal afront to you. I don't care the care if it was just after an intense scene, or after your honeymoon. If you're that needy, find yourself a nice invalid who cannot leave your side.

Frankly, based solely upon what you share of yourself on these forums, I don't think you're capable of having and sustaining a healthy relationship at all. And if I were your friend, I would plead with you to stop living your relationships and your life in such a public fashion, so as to not make a public mockery of yourself.

But then, where would Oprah and Jerry be with that kind of advice.

John

~You have had several relationships that included dramatic public professions of love/happiness/compatibility/etc.~
no it hasn't been several it's actually been the same one and i haven;t been posting solely and only about mu relationships but have also i believed contributed and supported others anout their's....
I'm not offended by your sytematic approach and intelligence it's just that i don't do systematic thinng ver well...i am not an emotoonal engineer i am an emotional creative artist.
It was never my intention to present myself as an Oprah. You can always refuse the ticket anyway.
I suspect you have absolutely no need of emotional discussion and no emotional crossroads in yor life and are therefore directionally fixed right now.

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 1/30/2008 8:38:00 AM >

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RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 8:41:15 AM

Prinsexx

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Dear Angelika
:"Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness
to learn

anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive

is too small for you. "

David Whyte (from his poem Sweet Darkness http://www.panhala.net/Archive/Sweet_Darkness.html )

sheer greatness
thanks
i am going to rest now

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Post #: 40