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RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 12:58:10 PM

Rover

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Joined: 6/28/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

But I do get the impression that you need to be right here and get the higher ground.

As I stated in my earlier post, I typically avoid these topics like the plague and am making an exception in this case. So, I feel no need to be here or take any ground.

quote:

It's a type of intellectual one-up-manhip that iisn't really helping me but might be helping you.

I am hoping that a cold, wet towel thrown over this whole mess will help you to gain some semblance of perspective. It really doesn't do a darn thing for me.

quote:

Something got your interest in my OP that has acted as a vehicle for your righteousness yet again.

Yes, something did (finally) get my interest. The fact that so many people seem willing to enable your continued self-destruction because they don't want you (or others) to perceive them as "mean".

I suffer from no such restraint, and thus am able to say clearly.... quit living your life and spewing your emotions on an internet website and go live it real time. And stop allowing the internet to be a substitute for a therapist, friends, a significant other, etc. This does nothing to help you learn the tools necessary to develop and maintain healthy real time relationships.

There, I said it. Hate me now and beat the Christmas rush.

John

< Message edited by Rover -- 1/30/2008 12:59:14 PM >

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to Prinsexx)

RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 1:05:23 PM

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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He can't MAKE you stay unless you allow him. Just say goodbye and leave if that's what you need to do.

Master Fire

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(in reply to Prinsexx)

RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 1:49:29 PM

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Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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quote:

Just say goodbye and leave if that's what you need to do.

Exactly. Unless you enjoy wallowing in dysfunction. If that is the case stay.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 1:58:58 PM

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Princexx, I'm not a therapist, but I have learned one thing in my life (mostly from dear friends). Don't beat yourself up about having done "something wrong." I blamed myself for many years - let myself get obese because nobody would love me anyway. It wasn't until I learned to love myself AS I WAS that I began taking better care of myself. I lost a hundred pounds (over 10 years) and trained myself not to take things personally.

You are a creative person. So think creatively. Paint a picture in your mind of the person you'd really like to be. Then tell yourself that you can be that person. Don't try to change everything overnight - one day at a time, one thing at a time.

Again, this is just the way I emerged from my fog. You will have to find your own way out.

_____________________________

Bethical
Beat me, strike me, take away my reindeer! I'll never tell! -- Walt Kelly, Pogo Possum
I yam what I yam - Popeye

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(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 2:17:44 PM

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Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

She seems to me to have serious abandonment issues but has she really opened up about that to him in a way that invites him to help or does she attack him over it and push him away?

I attack and push away as the real truth is i would rather ask for release and get it than one day, whcih i feel is inevitable, be abandoned.
it's abandonment stuff which is running me.
He knows, because i have told Him, that as a child i used to count, and then i would count again and again, like a mantra, for someone to come back and feed me, keep me warm, just parent me but there were long hours spent all alone and he's triggerred me right back there to the originating event.....
i aplologise if again i am airing what might appear to ber a personal drame, or spewing my personal issues out here on a public forum.
But this is resality for me within my lifestyle and gratitude and thanks for your responsiveness and helping me to undertsand.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 2:22:15 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

John usually i understand and respect what you say, but this time i don't understand and therefore i can;t figure out what you are saying. It was just a week, it was after we had had the most intense scene i had ever had and for me that is an admittance. leaving was planned and known then i simply know it must have been and so it isn;t thelength of time it's the passive lying...is he entitled to do that as a Master

Is it possible you are experiencing "sub drop"? Could your perceptions of his actions be colored by this?

Then if that what this is...'drop' then it's the worse case of it i have ever had and it's floored me....could the 'flu', the bosy temperature, the dizziness, the weakness, the inability to concentrate...ALL of that ne 'drop'.....like withdrawal symptoms of the worse order.

(in reply to celticlord2112)

RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 2:42:58 PM

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Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

I still have issues I need to work on but realizing MY part in who I allowed into my life, who I allowed to remain, and what sort of drama swirled around me was the key to understanding what I need and still need to work on.

Using this quote, I'll ask the OP to look at this.

In recovering from my marriage, my therapist kept telling me to recognize MY part in this. I would tell him to fuck off, because >I< wasn't the one doing all the abusive shit in my marriage. WTF did he mean, MY part??

And then one day I walked in his office and asked, "Why did I let someone treat me this way?" He stood up and cheered, and said NOW we're making progress. It was the beginning of understanding how to create healthy boundaries for myself and how I would allow myself to be treated. Understanding myself and protecting my boundaries eliminated most of the drama in my life, much of which I created myself.

OK here's the deal...why am i here asking for help and starting out by blaming my Master fror being wrong because He abandoned me?.....i'm here to get as many pin downs, as many pointers as to what i should do...i'm asking what is, where is, is there a protocol?....because not only do i want to take responsibility for my recognition that i feel crap, but i want suggestions as to how to do it which DOESN'T make it his fault....

i want Him and i want the dynamic but i do realise it's destructive per se, in and of itself....it's a take, it's a one way street, and there's no limits, have been no limits, as to what is expected of me, and what he wants of me, and there's nothing comng back to me execpet a comment that i impressed him, and i am his top slut, and then my feelings that i am so grateful oh so very grateful how grateful i felt for that....

i respect Him in his abilities to limit my arrogance, to hold a mirror up to me, that when i say i am pansexual, a pain slut, and a switch he goes in essence...ok show me....and above all i want Him to be the one....but at the same time where on the planet is He and who is He with that means a mobile phone call won't be made and if anythng serious would happen to either of us there would be no way either of us would be able to let the other one know......

somewhere between here and now, i mean, when he returns, i will have got up off my sick bed, pulled my act together and look fixed again, boundaries and self worth all intact and happy with just my own company. But that state of mind seems incompatible with slave mindset.......

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 1/30/2008 2:46:28 PM >

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 2:57:12 PM

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

... quit living your life and spewing your emotions on an internet website and go live it real time. And stop allowing the internet to be a substitute for a therapist, friends, a significant other, etc. This does nothing to help you learn the tools necessary to develop and maintain healthy real time relationships.

There, I said it. Hate me now and beat the Christmas rush.

John

In this instance you are making assumptions that are entirely not the case. The internet is and never has been a substitute. I have very dear and long lasting friendships, of a kind that are unconditional and meaningful and dare i say it perfect...i do real-time bdsm intensely so and i don't feel the need tp prove it to you...indeed the intensity of my reality is one of the reasons i am not afraid to post here, on collarme, as opppsed to other sites because it is not a substitute but a very intelligent and well meaning forum, where i have made exceptional real life and cyber friendships.

And actually it does give me many of the tools i need to support me; web links, prior postings, turns and twists of disclosures that sustain me and i wouldn't want to go back to the world of scarcity that i experienced before the internet brcame another form of communication in my life.

If you don't like my spew and feel the need to throw a wet towel over it then please please do. And i don't have the energy to hate anyone right now.

John centred universe as i said before just is not supportive.....
perhaps you might need advice one day...who knows.

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 1/30/2008 2:58:47 PM >

(in reply to Rover)

RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 3:09:38 PM

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Joined: 12/18/2004
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"I know I feel love and adoratin. I know He feels nothing at least He doesnlt give me feedback of caring, or afetr care or enough intimacy."

So what do you get out of this relationship? And why wait to be given release, if you are not happy then leave, it's that simple.

_____________________________

In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

(in reply to Prinsexx)

RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 3:23:57 PM

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
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quote:

if you are not happy then leave, it's that simple.

Too simple. After reading this thread and seeing the same thing said, over and over again, perhaps phrased differently, I have come to the conclusion we are viewing the "Dying Swan" act.

< Message edited by MistressVnus -- 1/30/2008 3:24:18 PM >

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to MsLadySue)

RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 3:27:23 PM

Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline

Seems to me a classic case of codependency coupled with a case of needs attention .. negative or positive ......

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To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to MistressVnus)

RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 3:28:30 PM

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

DON'T make any decisions right now. You're mind isn't clear enough, you're unwell, you're upset. As hard as it is, you need to put this on the back burner for a little while, until you can look at the situation from an angle that allows you to see the whole of the relationship. Right now you're focusing on the negative things that are making you feel bad. Decisions made when we're not focusing on the whole are invariably regretted.

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(in reply to MsLadySue)

RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 3:35:40 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

He's leaving for a week and you're calling it "abandonment"?

John who is biting his tongue so hard that it's bleeding

John usually i understand and respect what you say, but this time i don't understand and therefore i can;t figure out what you are saying. It was just a week, it was after we had had the most intense scene i had ever had and for me that is an admittance. leaving was planned and known then i simply know it must have been and so it isn;t thelength of time it's the passive lying...is he entitled to do that as a Master

Actually, anyone can do anything they want, be they Master, Dom,sub or slave. Should they do it to a partner? I think not and apparently neither do you.

You said earlier that his hardness of heart both keeps you and repels you. I actually understand that, unfortunately. You want him to be a certain way and he is not. He is only going to be the way he IS, not how you imagine him to be.

Believe me, PLEASE, break this pattern. I just did as well with someone similar; we would have the best most incredible scenes in the world and then nothing, no aftercare, no follow up, no hearing from him until the next time he felt like it.

And we were together for years.

I always found him a challenge. But now I see how stupid and wasteful that was. And so should you. I learned that if you allow someone to hurt you, they will keep doing it. Only you can save yourself from this hurt. It will hurt without him, god knows I am still battling my demons with my own thing, but in the end, you do have more self-respect when you are alone and not giving him what he wants on any level, since he cannot seem to give you what you want.

(in reply to Prinsexx)

RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 3:41:37 PM

Posts: 892
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Maybe its to look at your *patterns*...

I did NOT say leave....etc.

Look deep inside...

There are no victims, only volunteers.

The best to you.

(in reply to Prinsexx)

RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 3:41:50 PM

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Joined: 3/27/2005
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quote:

it's emotional masochism which makes even the deal breaker part of the dynamic

you can't have it both ways....you can't scream "GO AWAY!!" while wrapping yourself around the leg of the person you're screaming it at...that is just insanity...so, sorry, gonna have to be blunt here...fucking stop it...choose...either you like emotional masochism or you don't...or even more specific than that, you like emotional sadism from him or you don't....make up your mind and stick with it...you can't have it both ways and expect him to be able to fulfill your needs, a person, no matter how amazing they are, cannot go two directions at once...so choose, and let him know, let him decide if he can fulfill that need, and if he can't...leave...

good luck
chelle

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to Prinsexx)

RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 3:45:14 PM

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

Yes...exactly...otherwise known as the "Dying Swan."

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to MissHarlet)

RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 3:48:32 PM

Posts: 161
Joined: 6/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

i would rather ask for release

Are you kidding me? Do you really NEED permission to be released? You need to hear "Yes" or "OK" before you stand on your own two feet and just LEAVE?
Shit happens in every relationship, BDSM related or not. You either have to suck it up or get the hell out and be ALONE for a while to remember who you are, not who you are in some lint-licker's eyes...

(in reply to Prinsexx)

RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 3:49:51 PM

Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

She seems to me to have serious abandonment issues but has she really opened up about that to him in a way that invites him to help or does she attack him over it and push him away?

I attack and push away as the real truth is i would rather ask for release and get it than one day, whcih i feel is inevitable, be abandoned.
it's abandonment stuff which is running me.
He knows, because i have told Him, that as a child i used to count, and then i would count again and again, like a mantra, for someone to come back and feed me, keep me warm, just parent me but there were long hours spent all alone and he's triggerred me right back there to the originating event.....
i aplologise if again i am airing what might appear to ber a personal drame, or spewing my personal issues out here on a public forum.
But this is resality for me within my lifestyle and gratitude and thanks for your responsiveness and helping me to undertsand.

i think you need to work on fixing you before you worry about fixing your relationship hon. no one can make you whole except your self.

good luck finding what you seek........i would start the search inside your self rather that looking for it in someone else...

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to Prinsexx)

RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 3:49:56 PM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx
I attack and push away as the real truth is i would rather ask for release and get it than one day, which i feel is inevitable, be abandoned.

That is powerful, self fulfilling magic. Stop doing that! Be positive instead of negative in your expectations.

(in reply to Prinsexx)

RE: is there a protocolfor leaving a Master - 1/30/2008 3:49:56 PM

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

He's leaving for a week and you're calling it "abandonment"?

John who is biting his tongue so hard that it's bleeding

John usually i understand and respect what you say, but this time i don't understand and therefore i can;t figure out what you are saying. It was just a week, it was after we had had the most intense scene i had ever had and for me that is an admittance. leaving was planned and known then i simply know it must have been and so it isn;t thelength of time it's the passive lying...is he entitled to do that as a Master

Actually, anyone can do anything they want, be they Master, Dom,sub or slave. Should they do it to a partner? I think not and apparently neither do you.

You said earlier that his hardness of heart both keeps you and repels you. I actually understand that, unfortunately. You want him to be a certain way and he is not. He is only going to be the way he IS, not how you imagine him to be.

Believe me, PLEASE, break this pattern. I just did as well with someone similar; we would have the best most incredible scenes in the world and then nothing, no aftercare, no follow up, no hearing from him until the next time he felt like it.

And we were together for years.

I always found him a challenge. But now I see how stupid and wasteful that was. And so should you. I learned that if you allow someone to hurt you, they will keep doing it. Only you can save yourself from this hurt. It will hurt without him, god knows I am still battling my demons with my own thing, but in the end, I always found him a challenge. But now I see how stupid and wasteful that wasn any level, since he cannot seem to give you what you want.

~we would have the best most incredible scenes in the world and then nothing, no aftercare, no follow up, no hearing from him until the next time he felt like it~
tes that's it completely...........and as i am sybmitting more he is tahing more and more for granted....

~I always found him a challenge. But now I see how stupid and wasteful that was~
it's consuming me and the challenges will become, more and more ridiculous

and it is not that i get just more respect when i am on my own it is that i get more respect from others willing to dominate me or so it appears..........

(in reply to sexyred1)

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