A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/2/2008 7:18:49 PM

Posts: 16
Joined: 5/29/2007
Status: offline

When a Dom and slave establish a relationship, they draw up goals, create rules, chart out expectations and things of that nature. This makes sense to this girl.
When a Dom has outside responsibilities, it is, in this girl's opinion, the slave's responsibility to have a great deal of patience. The relationship of that kind of strain would not work out if she did not.
When a Dom is not necessesarily financially able to afford expensive gear and things of that nature, it is the slave's responsibility to understand and have even more patience. We are human, we have things we must deal with. All this girl understands.
And when a Dom, who has children, work, and financial difficulties takes on a slave, it is still His responsibility to give her at least a minimal amount of attention if He is to retain her respect and loyalty.

It's been seventy-two hours since this girl has spoken to her Dom from the moment He said she was smothering Him.
The Facts:

Their physical time spent together is maybe once a week. she hasn't seen Him in almost two.
Their time on the phone, the only time when physical means of seeing one another is not an option, has been a total of fifteen minutes.
The confusing fact: Two weeks before, He gave her a set of His car keys and was having a set of His house keys made for her.

Now, while this girl completely understands His situation at home, she has made it as clear as possible, that all that she expects of Him, all that she requests of Him, begs of Him, is that He make the effort to speak with her once a night. girl has spoken to many slaves and even a few Doms about this. They all agree that this is NOT a lot to ask for.
What would possess a Dom to make these great gestures of a commitment and then claim she's smothering Him? What advice do You have for girl?

-Sighs.- This girl is at a loss.

< Message edited by MeliciousProse -- 2/2/2008 7:19:39 PM >

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/2/2008 7:25:00 PM

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Because he's having "morning after syndrome" and the act has made him recoil and freak out and overreact.

I'd say you need to sit down and talk- You say you think you "should have patience" but what does HE say? You need to ask how he defines smothering, ask where those feelings came from. You both need to set out the rules- meaning what you both consider reasonable time and intimacy together and how to approach taking further steps. Just going on vague ideas of "what a sub does" does not help anything.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MeliciousProse)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/2/2008 7:39:04 PM

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

I don't see where the touchiness is. Are you saying the two of you drew up goals, and made rules, and they included daily contact? Or that they didn't? Or you wish they would?

Does he like it when you say "this girl" instead of "I/me"? It bugs a lot of Doms. When women do it to me, I tell them we're never meeting in person unless they quit it, and hit the Yahoo Ignore button if they won't stop. I can certainly see how it would be "smothering" if he wants a sub girlfriend, and you are trying to be superslave.

So I second what LuckyAlbatross said. Sit down with him and have a conversation, like two mature, consenting adults.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/2/2008 7:40:10 PM

Posts: 16
Joined: 5/29/2007
Status: offline

During our last conversation, girl told Him that if He felt smothered, than she would allow HIm to come back to her. He hasn't. He hasn't even tried. He hasn't even made a half-assed attempt at even thinking about contacting this girl.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/2/2008 7:41:27 PM

Posts: 16
Joined: 5/29/2007
Status: offline

He expects, -coughs- me to speak like that. It's something He wanted to work on with me.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/2/2008 7:42:26 PM

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

How do you know what he's thinking? You seem to be in the pissed and bitter stage of "I've put in my time and now he's being a lame loser."

Until you can calm down and really think of things in the reasonable long term perspective, it would be best to just stay away from eachother.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MeliciousProse)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/2/2008 7:43:26 PM

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

OK let all us be fair here, it is 21 years old, how old is its master?

Prithee?

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to MeliciousProse)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/2/2008 7:44:10 PM

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

How many times did you actually see this guy, in person, in real life?

(in reply to MeliciousProse)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/2/2008 7:47:16 PM

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MeliciousProse

During our last conversation, girl told Him that if He felt smothered, than she would allow HIm to come back to her. He hasn't. He hasn't even tried. He hasn't even made a half-assed attempt at even thinking about contacting this girl.

Your answers are right in your quote. If he WANTED to, he would. Plain and simple.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to MeliciousProse)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/2/2008 7:49:31 PM

Posts: 16
Joined: 5/29/2007
Status: offline

Perhaps girl is a little bitter at the fact that she's giving Him all of this space He needed from her, and He hasn't called. We've been together for six months. We've out-lined expectations and goals and all of that. It's not that girl doesn't understand what öught" to be too much or enough; that -seemed- simple enough. It's just that He's changing the rules right from under her on what is acceptable or not and she's confused to how what was previously acceptable is not considered smothering.

He is 26 almost 27.

And I used to see Him at least once a week if not twice. We live about an hour and a half away. He's met the 'rents, I've met the 'rents and most of the time, that area is pretty kosher.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/2/2008 7:53:53 PM

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

lol, do you know how many sluts in my life my mother has met?

that don't mean, much-----------sorry
so, how does it get along otherwise
I am afraid as in most youth gatherings, this is headed for the rhubarb

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to MeliciousProse)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/2/2008 7:56:56 PM

Posts: 1108
Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
Status: offline

my first reaction would be to say sorry babe he's just not that into you. beyond that he could be busy, he could be pissy about something that he hasn't told you about, it could anything. if it really bothers that much you need to decide if he's worth your time or if you should just dump and run. personally they get a week before i make an attempt and a week after that--if something hasn't been worked out in two weeks i go. it's just a matter of me not having time to sit around waiting for someone.

_____________________________

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” churchill

the first rule of fluff club is that you don't talk about fluff club!

(in reply to mnottertail)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/2/2008 7:57:15 PM

Posts: 763
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline

Smothered...sounds hurtful not in a good way.

Maybe it's a mind game. Do you want to play it?
Respectfully, LTP

(in reply to windchymes)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/2/2008 7:58:14 PM

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

The post you just wrote would have been a much better first post. Do you see how you are now providing actual information, while before you were just being very formal and worried? My answer is still basically the same, though. Call him up and talk to him.

Maybe he got cold feet about possibly moving in together. Maybe you got all weird because of that possibility, and it temporarily put him off. I had a first date with a woman once, and she couldn't stop talking about what our children might look like. There was no second date, not because I hate kids, but because I realized she had no understanding of boundaries. There's no way for me to know exactly what happened between the two of you.

You lose nothing if you call him and ask what's up.

(in reply to MeliciousProse)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/2/2008 8:01:53 PM

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MeliciousProse

When a Dom and slave establish a relationship, they draw up goals, create rules, chart out expectations and things of that nature. This makes sense to this girl.
When a Dom has outside responsibilities, it is, in this girl's opinion, the slave's responsibility to have a great deal of patience. The relationship of that kind of strain would not work out if she did not.
When a Dom is not necessesarily financially able to afford expensive gear and things of that nature, it is the slave's responsibility to understand and have even more patience. We are human, we have things we must deal with. All this girl understands.
And when a Dom, who has children, work, and financial difficulties takes on a slave, it is still His responsibility to give her at least a minimal amount of attention if He is to retain her respect and loyalty.

It's been seventy-two hours since this girl has spoken to her Dom from the moment He said she was smothering Him.
The Facts:

Their physical time spent together is maybe once a week. she hasn't seen Him in almost two.

Their time on the phone, the only time when physical means of seeing one another is not an option, has been a total of fifteen minutes.

The confusing fact: Two weeks before, He gave her a set of His car keys and was having a set of His house keys made for her.

Now, while this girl completely understands His situation at home, she has made it as clear as possible, that all that she expects of Him, all that she requests of Him, begs of Him, is that He make the effort to speak with her once a night. girl has spoken to many slaves and even a few Doms about this. They all agree that this is NOT a lot to ask for.
What would possess a Dom to make these great gestures of a commitment and then claim she's smothering Him? What advice do You have for girl?

-Sighs.- This girl is at a loss.

MeliciousProse,
Do you have any way of contacting him other than email? His phone number perhaps? Is there a possibility that he has been sick, or injured? I agree with LA on this, you should sit down with him and ask him what his definition of "smothering" is. I don't think it is unreasonable for you to be upset that he hasn't contacted you in 3 days. But try to put things in perspective. It's not like it has been 2 weeks.

Hugs to you, I feel your sadness.

MoGa

ETA: When I started writing this reply there was only one other response (LA's). Now additional information has been posted. I still say contact him and ask for a sit down meeting.

< Message edited by MistressOfGa -- 2/2/2008 8:07:56 PM >

_____________________________

(in reply to MeliciousProse)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/2/2008 8:08:40 PM

Posts: 16
Joined: 5/29/2007
Status: offline

I have His house number, His cell, and I could probably dig up a work number if I desperately needed to. But I feel like a week should give Him sufficient time to come to me. I've expressed my concern and hurt. I feel that the ball is in His court and it's His responsibility to put things right now. And thanks for the support from everyone. -Smiles.-

And while I hope this doesn't offend, I don't appreciate the remark about my age. I may be only twenty-one, but I'm not a complete moron.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/2/2008 8:11:03 PM

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

girl told Him that if He felt smothered, than she would allow HIm to come back to her.

You say he hasn't- I'm not surprised

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to MeliciousProse)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/2/2008 8:11:29 PM

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

And while I hope this doesn't offend, I don't appreciate the remark about my age. I may be only twenty-one, but I'm not a complete moron.

I didn't mention your age. I am unsure as to what you are talking about.

MoGa

_____________________________

(in reply to MeliciousProse)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/2/2008 8:12:30 PM

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

You're not a genius either if you think women never call men in the 21st Century. If you want to move on, move on. If not, call him. If you're posting, I'm guessing you don't quite want to move on yet. Either talk to him or don't. Waiting by the phone went out with the sock hop.

(in reply to MeliciousProse)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/2/2008 8:13:23 PM

Posts: 1108
Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

quote:

And while I hope this doesn't offend, I don't appreciate the remark about my age. I may be only twenty-one, but I'm not a complete moron.

I didn't mention your age. I am unsure as to what you are talking about.

MoGa

someone else posted something about a 21 year old and wanting to know how old the master in question was.

_____________________________

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” churchill

the first rule of fluff club is that you don't talk about fluff club!

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.043