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You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 12:52:41 PM

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Do you think that people who complain about their inability to find partners - yet, they limit their searching to basically this place (Collarme) - deserve to be single? Those that don't make an effort to go to munches or parties, don't look in other avenues, don't use other services that may cost money?

Collarme is a free site. As such, it invites a lot of time wasters -- after all, you can make a profile for free and have all the fun you want and never intend to meet anyone. If collarme was a pay site, would these people who are complaining pay, or just stop using this site? Is there something to be said for the willingness to invest (perhaps in another of the personals site that has a pay option, or, through a more vanilla setting with some clever innuendo) money in the search?

People complain a lot about the search functions here, how there are too many fakes or pros, how people vanish, etc. Yet, they forget to realize this is a free site - of course, with that, you get an element of waste. So instead of paying with money, you are paying with time. How valuable is your time?

Would you be willing to pay $50 a month for a personals service that guaranteed no pros were lurking? No tribute seekers? How about $100? How about $10? These are rhetorical questions, but the answers may be interesting.

Do you pay for a personals service (bondage.com, alt, whatever) and if so, are the results considerably better than here? Do you waste less time there?

If you don't choose to search for partners via other means - parties, munches, etc., what's the reason?

Akasha

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RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 12:57:23 PM

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I don't think anyone deserves to be unhappy. When I hear someone complain that something isn't working in their life (they hate their job, they don't like their body, they can't find "Mr. Right") and I know that it isn't high on their list of priorities and they haven't utilized all their options, I figure they are either too scared of change to really try or they don't have enough possitives in their life to talk of anything else.

The only think I determine is if they deserve my time.

Edit to answer the rest of your post-- I've never utilized my options to the fullest, as I am cheap, but I do my damnest not to bitch when I don't get life handed to me on a gold platter either.

< Message edited by OmegaG -- 2/7/2008 12:59:12 PM >

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RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 1:00:21 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

I don't think anyone deserves to be unhappy. When I hear someone complain that something isn't working in their life (they hate their job, they don't like their body, they can't find "Mr. Right") and I know that it isn't high on their list of priorities and they haven't utilized all their options, I figure they are either too scared of change to really try or they don't have enough possitives in their life to talk of anything else.

The only think I determine is if they deserve my time.

Edit to answer the rest of your post-- I've never utilized my options to the fullest, as I am cheap, but I do my damnest not to bitch when I don't get life handed to me on a gold platter either.

Well - please note I used the subject line to grab attention, I did not mean it literally. I'm more interested in a discussion about time vs. money and whether people believe that the willingness to "invest" one over the other demonstrates anything or attracts a certain kind of person. Lots of different interesting perspectives to dig into.

Akasha

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RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 1:07:12 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

I don't think anyone deserves to be unhappy. When I hear someone complain that something isn't working in their life (they hate their job, they don't like their body, they can't find "Mr. Right") and I know that it isn't high on their list of priorities and they haven't utilized all their options, I figure they are either too scared of change to really try or they don't have enough possitives in their life to talk of anything else.

The only think I determine is if they deserve my time.

Edit to answer the rest of your post-- I've never utilized my options to the fullest, as I am cheap, but I do my damnest not to bitch when I don't get life handed to me on a gold platter either.

Well - please note I used the subject line to grab attention, I did not mean it literally. I'm more interested in a discussion about time vs. money and whether people believe that the willingness to "invest" one over the other demonstrates anything or attracts a certain kind of person. Lots of different interesting perspectives to dig into.

Akasha

In my life it's all about balance. I paid for a single's service once, years ago-- it was fairly economical and it was for a lifetime, it resulted in zero connections and then I left the religion that the site was geared to-- but I figure that I used the message boards enough to chalk the membership fee up as entertainment value.

I was so new in WIITWD when I joined Alt.com that I didn't pay because I didn't know my level of committment it did segue to my participation here and I've been happy with the outcome thus far. If things change I would probably stay on free sights at least until my parental financial obligations have waned a bit as gone are the days of $50 lifetime memberships anywhere and most membership fees would impact the monies alocated to my UMs.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 1:07:23 PM

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Joined: 1/30/2008
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I guess it depends on how desperate you are to find someone. For me, I wouldn't pay for a website to find the one I want... just doesn't feel right. Dunno if I could ever get that desperate (because hey, being sigle can be fun!), but then I wouldn't know, I've already found my baby.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 1:11:31 PM

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I don't understand people who confine their search to online and who are unwilling to take a chance that their interest in BDSM could become reality. I don't think they deserve to be alone, but it just doesn't make sense to me. I don't think they see that filling your real life with people of like interest is the best way to network into meeting someone you like that might like you back. Most people I've met in the lifestyle are *Jewish Mothers*. For those of you who do not know the term, it means we are always introducing our single friends to other single nice people we know. I never recommend searching. I recommend making real life friends you can go to movies with, shopping with, and dungeons with. Munches are a great way to get started.
Just my two *sense* worth.
Happiness to ya,
Debbie

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 1:11:41 PM

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Joined: 3/30/2005
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I've used some pay sites in the past (i.e. Alt.com, Bondage.com and few others) and I can't really say they were any better than CM. Part of the problem is that often they charge only men, while allowing women free memberships. So it doesn't really eliminate all the "time wasters". Some also salt their female membership with "ringers." Even on some more expensive services, there were still problems with either the service itself or with some of the members I was "matched" with. But, I can say on the more expensive and more discreet services, the problem was significantly less.

I'd be willing to pay very well (four to five digit prices) for an exceptional service that provided a high ratio of results. Haven't seen one yet that caters exclusively to this lifestyle, though I have seen some elite introduction services that were willing to search for "kinky" partners of a specific description... just be prepared for a $15,000 to $25,000 fee.

Ultimately, I've found the best investment was in myself. Rather than rely on any sort of service, I rely on my own charm and ability to meet people... and so far, its working for me.

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 1:12:28 PM

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Joined: 1/22/2008
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i'm single yes, but i also don't have the time to go munches or other sorts of parties due to my work schedule. But i do like going out with my friends when i can. For me, when i was on ALT, it was always the exact same profiles that would come up, even when i expanded my search criteria or didn't put in anything specific. Wasn't worth it in my mind. i'm fine and happy living the single life, if someone comes along great if not, than i can still enjoy my independance and freedom of doing what i want when i want.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 1:13:40 PM

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Joined: 6/20/2005
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Until very recently I was a silver member at Alt.com I've since dumped My silver and will be an ordinary member from now on. I think Collar Me is good because of these boards-plenty of scope to interact with like minded people, I like Alt.com because of the chat rooms-I just can't get on with the ones here, they aren't worse than the ones on Alt.com they're just different and I prefer the design of the Alt.com ones, but I use both Alt -and- C.M for different things-esentually to interact with people in different ways.

I believe you get what you pay for so I'm happy to pay for something if I think it's worth the money, as for people asking to be single because of a lack of effort, I think that's a bit harsh but you have a point, I just think that if they limit themselves so much then they aren't -really- looking. Others have limits on money they can spend or how much travel they can do in order to find a potential partner.

As for looking for potentia partners as far as I'm concerned, I talk to people in the chat rooms, who, sometimes are from the U.K!, I post here and hope I get noticed by U.K people and as of last month I started to go to events-the BBB is a fetish fair held once a month, you have to pay a small fee to get in but if I'm going to be around real live human beings who share My interests Im happy to pay because I can spend the day talking to them face to face. Also, I'm hoping to get into pony play in the summer.

For Me, it's all about making connections and doing anything I can to make them, whether online or r/l.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 1:16:34 PM

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Joined: 7/1/2007
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Point taken Akasha.

I didn't write the post to complain about my plight however! That would be exagerrating things a lot! But, I did write it to see how other people's experiances varied from or happened to be similar to mine. I did recieve a healthy mix of both really.

I know you love to spin people off on a tangent (I quite enjoy your posts), but what you posted was a little misleading from what my post was about, and if I deserve to be single, I guess that is my fault then eh?!!

Best wishes,

sg.

(in reply to Faeorie)

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 1:20:28 PM

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"You deserve to be single"

You say that like it's a bad thing!

Honestly, I think that all too often a large percentile of internet daters are on the internet due to a lack of social skills. It is easy to log onto a computer. However they neglect to think in advance. The inability to meet and get to know people in the real world isn't going to go away just because they are on their computer. In fact, I would think it would be more difficult.....nature of the beast and all.

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RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 1:25:38 PM

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I was just thinking...YES.. I DO deserve to be single... I earned it...it mine and you can't take it away

Jeff

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RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 1:30:14 PM

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From: Pennsylvania
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I also think I deserve to be single. After a not so great, stress marriage, there are days when I enjoy being single. And I have friends who are envious of the freedom I have to do as I like.

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RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 1:40:43 PM

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Joined: 8/30/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Do you pay for a personals service (bondage.com, alt, whatever) and if so, are the results considerably better than here? Do you waste less time there?

If you don't choose to search for partners via other means - parties, munches, etc., what's the reason?

Until recently, I used to be a paying member at another site which underwent a few changes of ownership and service collapses last year. I cannot say the quality or quantity of Dominant women there was superior.

Remarkably, I've actually had more interesting contacts from this site than from that Other Site. I attribute that to the fact that I participate on the Message Board here, which I did not do there.

Being pretty high-profile locally, munches and public gatherings would be an option only if I chose to relocate to another region.

In management terms, I see guarantees of "no Pros or Tribute-seekers" as an endless nightmare for Site Administrators. The inevitable complaints would all be "he said/she said" testimony...especially if the solicitation took place on the phone or off-site e-mail. Disappointed suitors could easily file false claims against someone who had rejected them.

Besides, some of the Pros here have made some interesting posts about Life, the Universe, and WIITWD.

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 1:43:31 PM

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Joined: 4/17/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

"You deserve to be single"

You say that like it's a bad thing!

Honestly, I think that all too often a large percentile of internet daters are on the internet due to a lack of social skills. It is easy to log onto a computer. However they neglect to think in advance. The inability to meet and get to know people in the real world isn't going to go away just because they are on their computer. In fact, I would think it would be more difficult.....nature of the beast and all.

i don't know, a lot of people are turning to the internet because of a lack of time so they can't do things like hitting the bar scene. A lot of people are loners or socially akward, but as people get more comfortable with technology more are going to be "normal".

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 1:55:55 PM

Chaze

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Joined: 1/31/2008
Status: offline

Perhaps a different thinking, I am not actively searching for a partner nor do I use the services of pros. Neither am I interested in developing friendships or acquiring acquaintances. I simply want to read the thoughts and opinions of others and perhaps broaden my understanding of things I still question. If I can I will contribute, if not I am very content to just read.

(in reply to OmegaG)

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 1:57:04 PM

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Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

Your say "deserve to be single" as if it is a punishment? Or, a painful thing. Or, justice of some sort.
What's wrong with being single?
The way I figure it, it doesn't matter if one pays for it or not, whoever is supposed to show up in one's life, will.
Most of my troubles begin when I'm NOT single...*chuckle*
Personally, I'm in no special need, nor hurry, to find that "special" someone.
I feel complete as it is. However, if someone should show up that can enhance my life, that would be nice, as well.
I do, however, get a bit of a kick out of the schenanigans that go on.
I don't "often" get shocked anymore but, I do manage to find some amusement with human behavior at times.
My own included.
Also, FWIW, I have NEVER found an appropriate partner at a munch, or party. They have always shown up in other ways when I least expect it. Not to say other's don't find them there, it just hasn't been my own experience.

< Message edited by MistressVnus -- 2/7/2008 2:00:22 PM >

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 1:58:18 PM

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Joined: 1/22/2008
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Honestly, out of the half dozen or so sites I've beena member of, CM is been by far the best. I actually rather happen to like the fact that CM doens't allow nude photos ( A full list of profiles with nothing but tits or the sub giving a blowjob gets a bit annoying).

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RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 2:00:30 PM

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I wouldn't pay for an online service, there are no parties and munches that I can unearth out here in rural apple country. I refuse to pay for a service, and I refuse to spend a tank of gas and the better part of a day to drive to the nearest munch. Then again I'm not actively seeking and desperate for 'the one', other things take priority over dating.

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RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 2:09:21 PM

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I could be single, I could have a great partner-or I could be hooked up with someone that made me truly miserable. I don't "deserve" any of them, it just happens that way.

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