RE: Master's 'old' girls... help?!

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RE: Master's 'old' girls... help?! - 2/22/2008 5:45:10 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Well, to be fair, if something were bothering me as much as this is bothering you, a 10 minute walk to the car would not be an appropriate time to attempt to have that discussion.
HoneyMaster and I would need quite a bit longer than that.
We wouldn't even try.
Perhaps you can have some alone time after the funeral.
Actually, HM and I went through something similar not too long ago.
I felt that the trust I had given Him had been broken (although to a much lesser extent)
He gave me 100% access to His email accounts, because He doesn't want me to worry.
(Most will not be so loving and open, but, I am very lucky!)

~Christina

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to bislavegirl4434)

Post #: 141

RE: Master's 'old' girls... help?! - 2/22/2008 6:06:40 AM

bislavegirl4434

Posts: 43
Joined: 2/18/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Well, to be fair, if something were bothering me as much as this is bothering you, a 10 minute walk to the car would not be an appropriate time to attempt to have that discussion.
HoneyMaster and I would need quite a bit longer than that.
We wouldn't even try.
Perhaps you can have some alone time after the funeral.
Actually, HM and I went through something similar not too long ago.
I felt that the trust I had given Him had been broken (although to a much lesser extent)
He gave me 100% access to His email accounts, because He doesn't want me to worry.
(Most will not be so loving and open, but, I am very lucky!)

I can see your point, but maybe I didn't make it clear enough. We had about 10minutes in the house, plus nearly an hour of travelling time between where we are and where we were going, with absolutely no-one else around (bar passing maybe two people on the walk, and then the masses at Waterloo...)

_____________________________

***
"There comes a time when people find
that they must make a choice,
To keep their feelings hidden
or to give their hearts a voice"
- Chris, "Slow Motion Suicide"
****

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 142

RE: Master's 'old' girls... help?! - 2/22/2008 6:07:03 AM

BlackPhx

Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline

Have you spoken to him about this in the past? I don't get the feeling it is a new issue for you.

If you have spoken of it in the past and he has brushed it off then as well as now it's time to ask yourself one serious question.

Why, if these women mean absolutely nothing to him and they are "stalking" him has he not changed his phone number and given the new number only to business persons and family?

Most phone companies will change your number and maintain your service contract if you are being stalked.

poenkitten

(in reply to bislavegirl4434)

Post #: 143

RE: Master's 'old' girls... help?! - 2/22/2008 6:11:57 AM

bislavegirl4434

Posts: 43
Joined: 2/18/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Have you spoken to him about this in the past? I don't get the feeling it is a new issue for you.

If you have spoken of it in the past and he has brushed it off then as well as now it's time to ask yourself one serious question.

Why, if these women mean absolutely nothing to him and they are "stalking" him has he not changed his phone number and given the new number only to business persons and family?

Most phone companies will change your number and maintain your service contract if you are being stalked.

Its been around for a while, almost since I arrived here. He did tell me about them quite quickly... which kind of said to me "well, look, this is how it is, and i've got nothing to hide" But yes, I have thought about those questions. Why hasn't he changed his number/email address? Or just had certain numbers/emails blocked?

In the past he has always turned around and said "Oh, they mean nothing. You know that." in that off-handed sort of way. Almost as if i'm the one being stupid and paranoid.. maybe I am.

_____________________________

***
"There comes a time when people find
that they must make a choice,
To keep their feelings hidden
or to give their hearts a voice"
- Chris, "Slow Motion Suicide"
****

(in reply to BlackPhx)

Post #: 144

RE: Master's 'old' girls... help?! - 2/22/2008 6:30:57 AM

BlackPhx

Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline

When Master and I first got together, there was an old sub with whom he would still go to movies, still had friends with benefits status, etc. The moment we decided we were for each other and that he wanted to own me, she was gone. He realized that remaining involved even on those levels with her would have been hurtful to me and to the dynamic we were building together. So, no movies, no dinners, no booty calls. They are still friends of the could you give me a hand with this type (gutter cleaning, job reccomendations, etc), but that is it. She has his number, he has hers, maybe they call and chat 2 times a year. Same with the other subs he had when he met me. We are all friendly, but it goes no further than that, I have met them, listened to the stories, but he has made it perfectly clear that he has the slave he wants and what was, ain't any more.

I didn't even have to ask for his past to be past. Though we have talked about adding a sub female to our family, it has been a decision that both of us have been involved with.

poenkitten

(in reply to bislavegirl4434)

Post #: 145

RE: Master's 'old' girls... help?! - 2/22/2008 6:43:40 AM

DisenchantedLife

Posts: 193
Status: offline

quote:

The point is, if you don't trust the guy there isn't any reason to be in a relationship with him. If he's untrustworthy that probably won't change, and if he is trustworthy but you still don't trust him you're just gonna drive him nuts.

The problem is, alot of guys that are untrustworthy lead you to doubt and not trust yourself. My point was, if you doubt him there is prolly good reason. And if you are trustworthy, than you have no problem proving it, right?

_____________________________

I'm pretty sure I've turned into a bitter bitch with a huge shovel. One of these days I'm going to exchange the shovel for a hoe

(in reply to ottRopesandKnots)

Post #: 146

RE: Master's 'old' girls... help?! - 2/22/2008 6:46:29 AM

DisenchantedLife

Posts: 193
Status: offline

He sounds like a player trying to confuse you. I'd take a hike if I was you.

_____________________________

I'm pretty sure I've turned into a bitter bitch with a huge shovel. One of these days I'm going to exchange the shovel for a hoe

(in reply to bislavegirl4434)

Post #: 147

RE: Master's 'old' girls... help?! - 2/22/2008 6:47:45 AM

bislavegirl4434

Posts: 43
Joined: 2/18/2008
Status: offline

quote:

The problem is, alot of guys that are untrustworthy lead you to doubt and not trust yourself. My point was, if you doubt him there is prolly good reason. And if you are trustworthy, than you have no problem proving it, right?

You both make really good points. I know that I am loyal to Him, and trustworthy. But the fact that I can't say the same for Him is driving me nuts! With the distance (12,000miles) it was easier to trust Him, because although He had other girls, He told me everything. We would speak for hours every couple of days, He'd email me telling me about how this or that was going and how this went, etc.

Now we seem even further apart.

_____________________________

***
"There comes a time when people find
that they must make a choice,
To keep their feelings hidden
or to give their hearts a voice"
- Chris, "Slow Motion Suicide"
****

(in reply to DisenchantedLife)

Post #: 148

RE: Master's 'old' girls... help?! - 2/22/2008 6:50:53 AM

BOUNTYHUNTER

Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline

WE are a married Dom couple and yet Diane will get jealous when one from the past shows up or calls,I call it the BDS Before Diane Silliness smile....She is perfectly ok with those that have come after our marriage..WE own property together..I guess all women have this little thing about the before me Person in his life.. smile..BOUNTY

_____________________________

US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to DisenchantedLife)

Post #: 149

RE: Master's 'old' girls... help?! - 2/22/2008 6:50:58 AM

bislavegirl4434

Posts: 43
Joined: 2/18/2008
Status: offline

quote:

He sounds like a player trying to confuse you. I'd take a hike if I was you.

Sometimes I think the same. I know that within the first few weeks I had a flight somewhere else booked because I didn't feel things were going in the right direction (mainly because of His boss/ex that He was always out with)

I know this is going to sound very naive of me, but when we talk, when He talks to me and sits down with His arms around me. I couldn't feel safer. Everything seems so right, and I wonder how I could have ever doubted Him. I know that players are good at doing things like that... but... *sighs* maybe I just don't want to believe He's a player... after all.. He is my Master.

_____________________________

***
"There comes a time when people find
that they must make a choice,
To keep their feelings hidden
or to give their hearts a voice"
- Chris, "Slow Motion Suicide"
****

(in reply to bislavegirl4434)

Post #: 150

RE: Master's 'old' girls... help?! - 2/22/2008 6:51:18 AM

bleusparkles

Posts: 168
Joined: 2/11/2008
Status: offline

Well sure because when you were miles apart it was easy to keep you in the dark about his other girls. He'd just tell you about EVERYTHING ELSE and never have to mention them. Or perhaps he did mention them ... He just didn't tell you how close they actually were to him ... Now suddenly, here you are. He has to be super guarded so you don't find something you shouldn't. I've been where you are. Eventually I found him in bed with a 16 yr old and as I was making arrangements to leave him, I discovered he had another girl, this one a 15 yr old virgin, waiting in the wings ... He was to be her first.

_____________________________

bleu's a bit whimsical in the brainpan ...

(in reply to bislavegirl4434)

Post #: 151

RE: Master's 'old' girls... help?! - 2/22/2008 6:53:36 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

Sir and f had an issue the other week when his ex started to contact him, he didnt like her and replied to wind her up, as soon as f said she didnt like it he stopped contacting her, these old girls should be easily ignored and if its a big deal to you then he should understand that and stop contact.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to bleusparkles)

Post #: 152

RE: Master's 'old' girls... help?! - 2/22/2008 6:56:40 AM

bislavegirl4434

Posts: 43
Joined: 2/18/2008
Status: offline

bleussparkles; You've been in this position before? I think my main insecurities come from the age difference between us. I mean, 17years is alot... especially at my age. He talks of things He's been involved in.. before I was born! Uhm.. I suppose thats why i'm so worried about these older girls He has contact with. Yes, He told me about them, told me things like "Oh yeah, going to the pub with *** tonight, just to catch up..."

How long were you with him for? You have a Dom/Master now?

BOUNTYHUNTER; Yes, I suppose that is a perfectly good reason. But i haven't felt it with any one else (okay, so i haven't been i such a D/s relationship like this before). I'm not normally a jealous person. How did you help Diane get over her insecurities?

_____________________________

***
"There comes a time when people find
that they must make a choice,
To keep their feelings hidden
or to give their hearts a voice"
- Chris, "Slow Motion Suicide"
****

(in reply to bleusparkles)

Post #: 153

RE: Master's 'old' girls... help?! - 2/22/2008 7:01:22 AM

bislavegirl4434

Posts: 43
Joined: 2/18/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Sir and f had an issue the other week when his ex started to contact him, he didnt like her and replied to wind her up, as soon as f said she didnt like it he stopped contacting her, these old girls should be easily ignored and if its a big deal to you then he should understand that and stop contact.

Master claims he isn't contacting these girl though. But (When I was granted access to his email account for a while) there were emails from a couple of girls that were sent every few days, just filled with; "Here you go, look at me, don't I look hot like this... {insert hundreds of naked pictures here}

_____________________________

***
"There comes a time when people find
that they must make a choice,
To keep their feelings hidden
or to give their hearts a voice"
- Chris, "Slow Motion Suicide"
****

(in reply to bislavegirl4434)

Post #: 154

RE: Master's 'old' girls... help?! - 2/22/2008 7:02:40 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

My first D/s relationship the guy had two of us on the go. I was aware about this initially and then he told me he had broken off contact with her before we met. Only months later did i find out that every time we fell out or a weekend that i was busy he would see her. Unfortunatly it happens, especially to people a little green around the gills (which i certainly admit I was) It was hard to cut him out of my life, and i didnt even live with him but at the end of the day relationships like that do nothing other than hurt.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to bislavegirl4434)

Post #: 155

RE: Master's 'old' girls... help?! - 2/22/2008 7:03:50 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bislavegirl4434

5. I spoke to him breifly last night (Although we had a play reading to attend, so we didn't have alot of time) about this issue. He claims that these 'stalkers' (as he put it) meant nothing, and that they were just trying to make him go back to them. When I asked about his replies/what he thought about it, he said something along the lines of "Yes, i've replied to a few, does it matter? - we've got to go, come on."

That sends red flags more than anything else. The fact that he changed the subject, knowing that i wouldn't like the answer/not wanting to give me any more information.

You said here that he does reply, so that is contact isnt it? thats what i meant Sir would reply to messages sent to him

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to bislavegirl4434)

Post #: 156

RE: Master's 'old' girls... help?! - 2/22/2008 7:06:42 AM

bislavegirl4434

Posts: 43
Joined: 2/18/2008
Status: offline

quote:

You said here that he does reply, so that is contact isnt it? thats what i meant Sir would reply to messages sent to him

I assumed that by "occasionally" He meant he'd reply to one every few weeks. I know that He has in the past told me He'd emailed some and told them to stop emailing Him. But yes, you're right. It is still contact.

_____________________________

***
"There comes a time when people find
that they must make a choice,
To keep their feelings hidden
or to give their hearts a voice"
- Chris, "Slow Motion Suicide"
****

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 157

RE: Master's 'old' girls... help?! - 2/22/2008 7:08:00 AM

DisenchantedLife

Posts: 193
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bislavegirl4434

quote:

He sounds like a player trying to confuse you. I'd take a hike if I was you.

Sometimes I think the same. I know that within the first few weeks I had a flight somewhere else booked because I didn't feel things were going in the right direction (mainly because of His boss/ex that He was always out with)

I know this is going to sound very naive of me, but when we talk, when He talks to me and sits down with His arms around me. I couldn't feel safer. Everything seems so right, and I wonder how I could have ever doubted Him. I know that players are good at doing things like that... but... *sighs* maybe I just don't want to believe He's a player... after all.. He is my Master.

I completely understand. My ex used to sit down with me and "talk". Oh those talks! I usually ended up (after the warm arms were gone) wondering what the fuck reality really is. If he's a player, he isnt your Master. He's a man whose playing you.

Trust yourself or simply suffer the consequences. Thats all there is to it. I personally choose not to trust myself. IF only I could go back 3 years.... and listen to others... and trust myself. What girls, or atleast I, didnt think about. Was the future. Do you really want to be stuck in a situation where you don't trust and there is negativity for the rest of your life.

_____________________________

I'm pretty sure I've turned into a bitter bitch with a huge shovel. One of these days I'm going to exchange the shovel for a hoe

(in reply to bislavegirl4434)

Post #: 158

RE: Master's 'old' girls... help?! - 2/22/2008 7:08:16 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

See cant really base anything on assumptions which is why its so important that you talk to him

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to bislavegirl4434)

Post #: 159

RE: Master's 'old' girls... help?! - 2/22/2008 7:17:48 AM

bislavegirl4434

Posts: 43
Joined: 2/18/2008
Status: offline

quote:

See cant really base anything on assumptions which is why its so important that you talk to him

One of Master's favourite sayings is "assumptions are dangerous, assume nothing." I really should listen to that advice!

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: bislavegirl4434

quote:

He sounds like a player trying to confuse you. I'd take a hike if I was you.

Sometimes I think the same. I know that within the first few weeks I had a flight somewhere else booked because I didn't feel things were going in the right direction (mainly because of His boss/ex that He was always out with)

I know this is going to sound very naive of me, but when we talk, when He talks to me and sits down with His arms around me. I couldn't feel safer. Everything seems so right, and I wonder how I could have ever doubted Him. I know that players are good at doing things like that... but... *sighs* maybe I just don't want to believe He's a player... after all.. He is my Master.

I completely understand. My ex used to sit down with me and "talk". Oh those talks! I usually ended up (after the warm arms were gone) wondering what the fuck reality really is. If he's a player, he isnt your Master. He's a man whose playing you.

Trust yourself or simply suffer the consequences. Thats all there is to it. I personally choose not to trust myself. IF only I could go back 3 years.... and listen to others... and trust myself. What girls, or atleast I, didnt think about. Was the future. Do you really want to be stuck in a situation where you don't trust and there is negativity for the rest of your life.

Your old Dom/Master sounds jsut like mine in that respect. He has this habit of making me feel like i'm the only one He wants/the only one He cares about/makes me feel so safe but when He leaves, its like i don't know what is truth and fiction anymore. He says a realtionship is built on trust, and for me that is hard. I've only ever relied on myself/my own judgement, and now He asks that i am truthful with Him. There was alot of trust-building/friendship-building activities in the beginning. Taking me outside me comfort zone and proving that i could rely on Him (simple things like ice-skating, and wearing a blindfold while going up and down into the attic, things like that). I suppose that is why i feel like i should trust Him and His word, and why i feel like i'm betraying Him by not believing the things He tells me.

_____________________________

***
"There comes a time when people find
that they must make a choice,
To keep their feelings hidden
or to give their hearts a voice"
- Chris, "Slow Motion Suicide"
****

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 160

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