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RE: Is everything alright? - 3/16/2008 9:17:08 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

I don't think doing an online search which is public knowledge and available to anyone who cares to look doing a background check. I *know* how to do a thorough background check, but didn't suggest that...
Oh, and btw, I *also* do a search in the sex offender registry of any dom before I meet him...I do that for my own protection and for that of my um's. Because some liars can be terribly charming and disarming.
This guy is hiding something, I don't know what it is, and frankly, don't really care, but, there is no other reason for this to be a "limit".
And does calling it a 'limit' really make it less reasonable to expect of someone after a year?
Did he tell her it was a limit before they got involved with each other, so she knew what she was getting in to, or did it become a 'limit' when she began asking?
And yes, if HoneyMaster wanted to, He would tell me to go visit my relatives during Christmas, give me the money to do so, and tell me He had to stay in town because of work...then when I left, He could go stay with the lady on the side who knew nothing about me.
Easy.


One note of caution:  I watched 20/20 last night.  I usually don't because, frankly, Stossel's attitude tends to get to me.  The show was about "the age of consent" and it dealt with how many of the people listed on Sex Offender Registry sites are people...usually men...who had sex with their girlfriends when he was at or above the age of consent but his girlfriend was not.  They spoke about one case in Maine where the guy was 17 when he had consensual sex with his girlfriend of 15.  Her father didn't like it but couldn't control his own daughter's actions so he turned the young man in.  The young man wound up doing a year in prison, getting his G. E. D. in prison instead of graduating with his class.  The young woman has had no consequences for her choices...the young man gets to live the rest of his life with his name on the sex offender registry.  He also cannot work as a paid fireman...which is what he wanted to be...because of this.  He gets to have the police go through his neighborhood and warn his neighbors that there is a sex offender in their midst.  He has been beat up by vigilantes who fail to find out what his "indecent contact with a minor" really was...hey, he's just a child molestor, right?

I have nothing but disdain for true pedophiles but these sites are not all they are cracked up to be unless someone is willing to do the full research. 

Sorry for the hijack...


CD; I totally agree. Where I live the predator information gives specifics, so...yanno, when it says something like sodomy of a child under the age of 12...or rape in the first degree...you've probably got a bona fide abuser there. (and not in a good way!)

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Is everything alright? - 3/16/2008 9:22:21 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Op; can I ask, was this a 'hard limit' at the very beginning? I mean, from day one or two or whatever, did he let her know that she would be just a compartmentalized part of his life, and not be allowed to meet his family and friends?
Or did she learn it as time went on?
Thanks,

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Is everything alright? - 3/16/2008 9:27:38 AM   
SinergyNstrumpet


Posts: 305
Joined: 2/26/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

I was talking this thread over with a very knowledgeable friend the other day,and he made a point I had not thought of..Basically he said.."why is this Dominant,allowing his father who lives with him, whom he cares for,allowing this parent to Dominate and control his life"?..Would you wish to be with a Dominant who was unable to control or have any control in his own home?..words to think on.....Tempting


I just have to comment on this.  Words to think on my ass.  This is beyond shear bullshit.   Don't take care of your parents Don't resepct your parents and whatever the fuck you do DO NOT under any conditions make any sort of sacrafice for your family.  If my girl ever spoke to me like that.  My rage would be pretty much uncontrollable 

My family took care of my father while he was on his deathbed.  If my girl couldn't respect the TUFF SHIT.

BadOne


Many of us (my Daddy is one) believe that those who fly into rages are indeed out of control over themselves. Now, are there understandable reasons for being enraged, sure, it is just another human emotion... but make no mistake, if you do not control your emotions then your emotions are controlling you.

My Daddy has never flown into a rage at me, not in two years has he ever screamed at me. Has be been mad at me? Yeah, once or twice. Has he said things because he was upset with me? Once or twice... but he has never lost control over his temper. He has a tight reign on that. I respect that in a dominant and I agree with temptingnvicesub. Her view isn't bullshit at all in my eyes....

just another opinion


julia

(in reply to SailingBum)
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RE: Is everything alright? - 3/16/2008 9:33:23 AM   
SinergyNstrumpet


Posts: 305
Joined: 2/26/2008
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quote:

You know perhaps I just don't get it, and if I don't then that's fine I would rather live in a world where I think people are basically good and not think ever guy who doesn't do exactly what a sub wants him to do is a married lying prick. For the life of me I just don't get it.



when you have been tricked by a married man, or a man with much to hide, or you watch a close friend that was tricked by such a man for a long period of time.. yeah, you get a little jaded by that. And there is nothing wrong with watching your ass and making sure people are on the up and up.

And by the time one is old enough to have a parent that needs care, if they are not in touch enough with themselves as to have to keep me away from their friends and family because they do not know how to be dominant and have a life... I wouldn't want that person.



julia

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Is everything alright? - 3/16/2008 11:50:04 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SinergyNstrumpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum


I just have to comment on this.  Words to think on my ass.  This is beyond shear bullshit.   Don't take care of your parents Don't resepct your parents and whatever the fuck you do DO NOT under any conditions make any sort of sacrafice for your family.  If my girl ever spoke to me like that.  My rage would be pretty much uncontrollable 

My family took care of my father while he was on his deathbed.  If my girl couldn't respect the TUFF SHIT.

BadOne


Many of us (my Daddy is one) believe that those who fly into rages are indeed out of control over themselves. Now, are there understandable reasons for being enraged, sure, it is just another human emotion... but make no mistake, if you do not control your emotions then your emotions are controlling you.

My Daddy has never flown into a rage at me, not in two years has he ever screamed at me. Has be been mad at me? Yeah, once or twice. Has he said things because he was upset with me? Once or twice... but he has never lost control over his temper. He has a tight reign on that. I respect that in a dominant and I agree with temptingnvicesub. Her view isn't bullshit at all in my eyes....

just another opinion


julia



I happen to agree with you regarding the rage aspect.  However not dropping everything to take care of a sick family member or someone equally close to you is just behaviorr I will not tolerate.  My wife at the time quit her job to take care of a family member.  I would have zero respect for a person that would NOT take care of someone they cared for.  We agree to disagree.

To make it real for you what if your kid was sick and your guy said. Forget about the kid I have needs.  That is basically what tempting is saying.  I stand by my earlier remaks it's a bull shit post.

BadOne

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RE: Is everything alright? - 3/16/2008 11:55:23 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I don't believe he's married if he routinely spends holidays with her.  Actually, I'd guess his story is exactly as he says, and she should stay the fuck away from his Dad's house.  He couldn't have been clearer about that.

If I were in his shoes and she showed up at my Dad's house after I told her never to do so, I'd get rid of her instantly.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kinkypuppy2

First opinion..
He is married....

(in reply to kinkypuppy2)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Is everything alright? - 3/16/2008 12:05:20 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Maybe your friend is really gross and he doesn't want to introduce her to his friends. She is alright to fuck but not to show off.

Or he is in another relationship....I can understand that his pa might be a motherfucker, but all of his friends? Highly suspect.


Your friend is an idiot. That is what I dig about this bdsm shit....Pretty easy to pull the wool over dumb lil' subbies' eyes.

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RE: Is everything alright? - 3/16/2008 12:10:32 PM   
kittinSol


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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

She is alright to fuck but not to show off.



How does that one work? Are paper bags involved?



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RE: Is everything alright? - 3/16/2008 12:13:31 PM   
SinergyNstrumpet


Posts: 305
Joined: 2/26/2008
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quote:

I happen to agree with you regarding the rage aspect. However not dropping everything to take care of a sick family member or someone equally close to you is just behaviorr I will not tolerate. My wife at the time quit her job to take care of a family member. I would have zero respect for a person that would NOT take care of someone they cared for. We agree to disagree.


I have put off my future to take care of an ill family member. It cost me dearly in a career sense. I was more than willing to do that, but I have to say that my willingness to put off my life would not extend to my personal relationships. In other words I would not allow my ailing parent to control who was allowed in my home and who was not. Even as a submissive I would control my personal relationships and my personal life, and I would have one even though I was responsible for a sick parent. Having done this sort of thing I know how it leads to the entire family unit being sick.

My son, my mother, and myself revolved our entire life for over two years around someone that was wheelchair bound, blind, had anxiety attacks when bathing or using the restroom. He had COPD and a stroke too. We had no real family outtings anymore. We had very little time together away from my stepfather's illness. It consumed my family. Now if I would have told my son he could not have friends over, or I was not allowed a life, it would have been unbearable, it almost was anyways.

No, I do not think that taking care of an ailing parent precludes having another person being a part of your life. It could be the one thing that makes life bearable under those circumstances. Our entire family went through another year of depression over my stepfather's death. He was the only grandfather my son ever knew, he was with my mother since I was 15. It was a very trying time.

In my eyes, denying a romantic interest from being a part of what is good and bad in your life is giving them an entirely lopsided picture of who you are as a person.  I know my Daddy thought more of me for having done what I did for my family, and I was never "ashamed" of my stepfather to have introduced them. He passed away before I met my Daddy, actually only a short time before I had met him.

It really goes to what a person wants, to be fully incorporated in each other's life, or just a piece of it. If she is satisfied with just having a piece of it, fine, but I wouldn't be satisfied with that.

julia

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Is everything alright? - 3/16/2008 12:16:52 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I don't believe he's married if he routinely spends holidays with her.  Actually, I'd guess his story is exactly as he says, and she should stay the fuck away from his Dad's house.  He couldn't have been clearer about that.

If I were in his shoes and she showed up at my Dad's house after I told her never to do so, I'd get rid of her instantly.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kinkypuppy2

First opinion..
He is married....


Actually, he could just as easily be telling someone else that he's got a sick parent somewhere and he has to spend Christmas with him... and bingo... married guy (or guy with two who don't know about one another) manages to go back and forth...


< Message edited by Madame4a -- 3/16/2008 12:18:10 PM >

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Is everything alright? - 3/16/2008 12:21:25 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Or he could be an alien from Alpha Centauri whose earthling-emulation module suffered some damage during his entry into our atmosphere.  Let's not discount that possibility either.

Either she trusts him or she doesn't.  Doing something he told her never to do is no way to save a relationship.  But it is a good way to destroy it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

Actually, he could just as easily be telling someone else that he's got a sick parent somewhere and he has to spend Christmas with him... and bingo... married guy (or guy with two who don't know about one another) manages to go back and forth...

(in reply to Madame4a)
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RE: Is everything alright? - 3/16/2008 12:34:33 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Or he could be an alien from Alpha Centauri whose earthling-emulation module suffered some damage during his entry into our atmosphere.  Let's not discount that possibility either.

Either she trusts him or she doesn't.  Doing something he told her never to do is no way to save a relationship.  But it is a good way to destroy it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

Actually, he could just as easily be telling someone else that he's got a sick parent somewhere and he has to spend Christmas with him... and bingo... married guy (or guy with two who don't know about one another) manages to go back and forth...



Actually, from reading these boards.. the alien thing wouldn't surprise me -- I'm learning not to be surprised by much anymore -- I've learned about whole new and horrible ways that people treat people... yes, it might all be very legit, but my gut tells me he's hiding something else from her and he does NOT trust her, so why should she trust him?

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Is everything alright? - 3/16/2008 12:36:22 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Steel, fine if you don't want your wife to join you at the office Christmas party, or to come with you to a visit to your parents. But then why insist you accompany her to her office party or to her family. If he doesn't want anyone to know what he's into, then why is he insisting he be part of her life when people can still see their method of relating?

And 16 or not, if you're ashamed of who you're dating, then shame on you.

It doesn't add up. Now obviously we're going on hearsay but our conclusions are also obviously based on the info we have been given. If one of them comes in tomorrow and gives vastly different info, then our comments will be different. But for anybody else in a situation like this, the overall conclusion still stands. He's involved and lying.

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RE: Is everything alright? - 3/16/2008 12:39:31 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		It simply means that she is not family or friend worthy...What is so hard to understand about this concept? Good enough to ball but not for the ballroom.

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RE: Is everything alright? - 3/16/2008 12:41:00 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Domiguy = harsh but honest.

clean, quick, to the point.



_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


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Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Is everything alright? - 3/16/2008 5:55:00 PM   
BoundDown


Posts: 76
Joined: 11/25/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: omegafemale

See DesFIP, 
THAT'S what Im thinking....Drive around and just see what's going on...show up at His work...etc..but she doesnt want to do that. She's afraid He will leave her and I really think she's in love with Him...and the way they are when you see them together looks like He's in love with her too...
I dont think He's married. He was married 20 years ago..they divorced when their son was small. So, I dont think He's married at all....maybe she should drop it..but would you continue to share your life with a Man that You never know anything about?
I dont think I could do that.


If the only thing he has that is worthy of knowing about is a possibly dsyfuncionly relationship with an old man, that sound like he is demented, then this relationship has bigger problems. If he is a good guy, she doesn't think he is cheating right... then she is making an issue out of nothing and stands to lose him.
Growing up I had a friend whose mother was an out of control addict, alcohlalic, who suffered from depression. She nevered invited any of us over to her house, nor did she explain to us why, or what she had to deal with...edited versun of the story is the truth came out, some of us pressured her to go over to her house, shit got ugly, her life was made worse and she lost a few of her "friends"...

I would do a drive by - I wouldn't go to his job- and see if any info could be gleaned from this. But if she keeps pushing the issue, she will lose him. He knows what she wants and when he is ready, or the old man dies, I am sure she will have her answers. Unless of course marriage, or some form of long term permanent commimment comes into play.

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RE: Is everything alright? - 3/16/2008 6:16:05 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~

I've read some of the responses and, if she were my friend, I would tell her to forget the collar, d/s, m/s, everything for a while. Think long and hard about what she wants and needs to be happy. If she needs to be of his family and his life to be happy for the rest of her life, she should flat out tell him that. If she didn't realize that going in, oh well. People change, when you enter relationships you accept that the people will change, grow and discover new things about themselves. D/s relationships are simply relationships.

This might be a breaking point for them. Or maybe one of them realize it's time for them change, either for her accept that he doesn't want her around his co-workers and family or for him to realize that he doesn't need to divide everything up. Being dominant doesn't make you right all the time, and sometimes they need to be kicked in the ass. Or maybe, like others have mentioned, she's good enough for sex as far he is concerned and nothing else.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to BoundDown)
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RE: Is everything alright? - 3/16/2008 7:32:27 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		No. I believe she's saying why would someone who professes to be a dominant, allow someone in his life to treat him like utter crap walk all over him and take control over every aspect of what you can and can't do in your own home by flying into rages when the dom deems to have friends over. not don't take care of an elderly person or someone's sick.


quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

I would have zero respect for a person that would NOT take care of someone they cared for.  We agree to disagree.

To make it real for you what if your kid was sick and your guy said. Forget about the kid I have needs.  That is basically what tempting is saying.  I stand by my earlier remaks it's a bull shit post.

BadOne

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Is everything alright? - 3/16/2008 9:09:58 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

I was talking this thread over with a very knowledgeable friend the other day,and he made a point I had not thought of..Basically he said.."why is this Dominant,allowing his father who lives with him, whom he cares for,allowing this parent to Dominate and control his life"?..Would you wish to be with a Dominant who was unable to control or have any control in his own home?..words to think on.....Tempting


I just have to comment on this.  Words to think on my ass.  This is beyond shear bullshit.   Don't take care of your parents Don't resepct your parents and whatever the fuck you do DO NOT under any conditions make any sort of sacrafice for your family.  If my girl ever spoke to me like that.  My rage would be pretty much uncontrollable 

My family took care of my father while he was on his deathbed.  If my girl couldn't respect the TUFF SHIT.

BadOne
Wow sailingbum..seems I hit a sore spot...and I am surprised you seem to put an interpretation upon it that was not there..I suspect your own baggage is being brought into this somehow..however, I digress....Did I say do not take care of the parent? did I say, do not respect the parent?...I simply said that a Dominant who would allow this parent to verbally abuse him and whomever he is seeing, is unacceptable on the Dominants part.And frankly, a parent who rages and is permitted to verbally abuse and rage unchecked ,is one who needs to be in some kind of anger management..simply being a parent and older, does not entitle anyone to be permitted to such unacceptable behavior..and I am pretty sure I was not a proponent of not sacrificing for your family...but this parent as far as I can interpret by the second hand info we have received is not on his "deathbed"..he is elderly and possibly unable to live alone..and hoorah to the Dominant that took him in..but does this mean  that the Dominant in question is not permitted to have a life?..that he is not permitted to have his S/O over to his own home?..the sub is not asking that he kick good ol Dad out..she simply wishes to be a part of his life, his family, good ol Dad and all..Frankly, as we all age our roles reverse with time, we soon become our parents(caretaker) and our parents soon become us(child)....and I am sure that when our parents were in charge, they would not permit such unacceptable behavior in their home...so why would this Dominant permit this in his home?....Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Is everything alright? - 3/16/2008 9:17:59 PM   
SinergyNstrumpet


Posts: 305
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

I simply said that a Dominant who would allow this parent to verbally abuse him and whomever he is seeing, is unacceptable on the Dominants part.And frankly, a parent who rages and is permitted to verbally abuse and rage unchecked ,is one who needs to be in some kind of anger management..simply being a parent and older, does not entitle anyone to be permitted to such unacceptable behavior..and I am pretty sure I was not a proponent of not sacrificing for your family...but this parent as far as I can interpret by the second hand info we have received is not on his "deathbed"..he is elderly and possibly unable to live alone


I will say that as people become elderly issues of senility, and other brain disorders can make them angry, can cause them to fly into rages, and basically they are not responsible for what they do. This can happen to victims of Alzhiemers, garden variety dementia, and stroke victims. Complete and total personality changes are not unheard of in people who are advanced in age. Even though the elderly person may not be able to help their outbursts this does not preclude caregivers from having a life. It does demand a partner that will be understanding, caring, and tolerant.


julia

< Message edited by SinergyNstrumpet -- 3/16/2008 9:19:13 PM >

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