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Switches Only - 4/4/2008 1:36:48 AM

Guest

I just wanted to ask how many other switches run into rude people, or people that pretty much avoid you altogether just because you are a switch. I find that many Dom's will avoid a switch in fear that the switch will switch with them but honestly I think there are more cases of sub, slave, bottoms trying to top from the bottom then there are switches trying to top from the bottom. Then there are the sub, slave, bottoms that will avoid a switch because they fear that the switch will become submissive at some point with them. I myself do not have a problem with the role in which I take on unless I am just unable to submit or dominant someone from the beginning. Does anyone else have these same problems?

Thank you,
Tony

RE: Switches Only - 4/4/2008 7:27:08 AM

Posts: 35
Joined: 4/2/2008
Status: offline

I as a switch though I have chosen not to say that in my profile. I asked a serious question on the boards one time, having nothing to do with my status, and had a Dom go completely off topic and tell me that since I couldn't decide whether I wanted to be a Domme or a sub that I should just leave the lifestyle until I could figure out what it was that I really wanted.

The reason I didn't put switch in my profile is because I was getting hounded by both Doms and subs. At this point in my life I feel more fulfilled with being a collared slave and giving advice to subs. There are many Doms who have contacted me that have submissive fantasies they would like to live out, and when I have mentioned this to other Doms the response is that then those men are not REAL Doms. I think that there is a lot of confusion about switching. To me it is simple - you don't always want to play the same role. If anything, you are being completely honest about yourself.

My experience as a Mistress has made me a better slave. I know what is expected from me. The closest I come to topping from the bottom is that after a session I write an email to my Master telling Him how I felt when He did the things that I enjoyed the most and giving Him compliments on those in the hopes that we can do some of my favorites again.

There are subs that still come to me and tell me that they want to serve me even though I have taken on the status of a slave. Yes, some will shy away, but not all. If you feel that you are predominantly one or the other you might change your profile for a week and see what happens - just the box that you check - not necessarily any of the wording. It's amazing how much that little box can mean to people.

(in reply to Guest)

RE: Switches Only - 4/4/2008 10:28:30 AM

Guest

Thank you for the reply I really appreciate someone being honest & nice enough to step up & share their experiences also. I think it is a real shame that people can not just respect each persons role regardless what role they have in any lifestyle though I can understand a Femdom from the Femdom lifestyle not respecting the switch in her own lifestyle as everyone knows well a male is to serve in Femdom never to be served. I am a switch I am proud of who & what I am & if someone can not respect my role then why should I respect theirs as there is no confusion & am who & what I am. I have made other profiles in the past of all roles just to see how people would act & treat me most of which as sub, slave, bottoms I encountered mainly the jerks that just asume that because you have a submissive side you have to do everything anyone asks you to do regardless who they are. Then I have also had quite a few Tops also tell me about the sub fantasies they wanted to play out so I think there is quite a few switches out there just not being honest with themselves. A slave is totally different then a sub as is a sub from a Dom so there is no confusion to be made there yet I see so many slaves with their own slaves, subs with their own subs, and Dom's as the subs or slaves of other subs or slaves so honestly who is being dishonest here. If you can take on any role then you are a switch I don't care who tops you or who you top its plain & simple.

Thank you again Ms for sharing,
Tony

(in reply to metamorpha)

RE: Switches Only - 4/4/2008 11:17:55 AM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

You really think someone's being unbearable rude if they tell you they aren't compatible with switches? Would you rather they led you on and rejected you later on for some other fault?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Guest)

RE: Switches Only - 4/4/2008 8:03:34 PM

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Everyone runs into rude people. Sometimes switches are indeed targeted more, sometimes switches are projecting their anger at perceived nonacceptance and being sensitive. Either way, it doesn't really help to do anything but let it slide by.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Guest)

RE: Switches Only - 4/4/2008 8:10:48 PM

Guest

Always a critic I do believe I have just as much of a right to express myself as anyone else & I also said switches only to avoid this bullshit as it always ends up in a dispute with some jackass who just cant stand to see someone express themselves. So I say piss on anyone that cant respect me as what & who I am as I am sick of trying to change for other people. My main bitch is that so many people bitch about a switch not being a real role not that I am or am not compatible with someone because honestly I could give 2 shits if you like me or not.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

RE: Switches Only - 4/4/2008 11:56:27 PM

Posts: 22
Joined: 4/3/2008
Status: offline

My boyfriend and I are both switches, and we actually go back and forth multiple times in the same play unit. I was always dissatisfied in the past whenever I'd have to consistently stick to one role. I realize that a lot of times when people say switch it isn't for the same session, but I definitely see it as legitimate as either of the others if you can't be satisfied with any other option. I like exploring everything. Maybe I don't take the roles seriously enough to be considered in this kind of discussion, but that's what I think about it.

(in reply to Guest)

RE: Switches Only - 4/5/2008 4:40:18 AM

Posts: 96
Joined: 9/30/2004
Status: offline

I think rude people exist in all roles. I have not experienced people being more rude to me because of how I identify myself. I feel that people are rude, because that is how they naturally are. When I started out as a submissive, I met the same rude comments/people. Some people are very judgemental of others and they tend to let people know. I think as long as a person is happy in whatever role they want to be in, it shouldn't matter to others around them. You only have one life to live and should live that life to it's most fullfilling aspect. Forgive my language.. but fuck the rude people and be happy without letting them influence who you are :)

(in reply to tebe12345)

RE: Switches Only - 4/6/2008 12:12:37 PM

Guest

I agree rude people in all walks of life but honestly it takes much more energy to be an asshole then it does to be polite so if your acting like an asshole chances are your just that because it takes much more time & energy to be such. For the most part I have always pretty much respected everyone as much as possible but I have come to a point in my life where I am starting to stand up for myself a bit more & take less shit off of people because turning the other check just hasn't paid off & who ever came up with the bull shit about being nice to others will make others nice to you needs a good taste of reality because that is not true in all cases as I have met more then my fair share of assholes that are still assholes when your good to them. I guess people think that someone that is polite or nice is a sign of weakness because they sure run with it & walk all over you if you let them.

Thank you "MadameXTC, Tebe12345",
Tony

< Message edited by TonyFordz -- 4/6/2008 12:13:30 PM >

(in reply to MadameXTC)

RE: Switches Only - 4/6/2008 3:56:11 PM

Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline

The three most common elements to the universe:
1) Hydrogen
2) Stupidity
3) Rude behavior

Mostly I get the "Oh, you're a switch? Well then, you aren't real." I generally take that kind of response as a clue that I shouldn't bother making small talk with that person. Anyone who has that narrow a view of what the potentials of human sexuality are, obviously has a LOT of learning to do. And frankly, I don't really have the time or the inclination to educate them.

(in reply to Guest)

RE: Switches Only - 4/6/2008 4:56:58 PM

Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline

The thing is, is that some people can't help but bring in their pre-concieved notions of 'roles' (this is true in ALL walks of life.) I've discussed this with subs (that have a problem with switches.)and basically they see the idea of their Dom switching as being weak. (well some of them do.) Yes I have had ppl say to me that they don't want to play with me because I am a switch. (Doms and subs.) I have also had people say it's because I am a pagan, or that I am a bbw, or or or.most have been nice about it, some have been rude. I just shrug it off. I mean I have my own preferences and requirements.

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to bipolarber)

RE: Switches Only - 4/7/2008 9:26:16 AM

Aine

Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tebe12345

My boyfriend and I are both switches, and we actually go back and forth multiple times in the same play unit. I was always dissatisfied in the past whenever I'd have to consistently stick to one role. I realize that a lot of times when people say switch it isn't for the same session, but I definitely see it as legitimate as either of the others if you can't be satisfied with any other option. I like exploring everything. Maybe I don't take the roles seriously enough to be considered in this kind of discussion, but that's what I think about it.

I love you. I thought I was one of the rare few that -can- and -enjoys- switching within one relationship, let alone within a playtime. I don't feel quite so strange now lol

*jumps up and down happily*

Basically to the OP:

Dun let it bother you. Walk away from people who obviously don't want to be accepting of something even if they don't comprehend it. It's not worth the headache. I used to get so worked up over being called "confused" or not "TWUE" in one or the other.

Rise above the anger, walk away from the negative. Nothing wrong with not engaging conversation with people that aren't open. If someone is and is curious about honestly trying to understand what we are, then keep your cool and explain it in the best way you can.

Be what you are, and have no apologies for it. But don't shove it in people's faces. People of all sorts are guilty of this. They shove -what- they are in the faces of people around them, and generally those are the people that don't want to understand or are too much in their own way to try to understand something different or be open to accepting something that they might not completely understand.

Understanding isn't something we need to have all the time to accept something.

< Message edited by Aine -- 4/7/2008 9:27:23 AM >

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to tebe12345)

RE: Switches Only - 4/7/2008 3:27:00 PM

Posts: 1
Joined: 3/28/2008
Status: offline

I am so with everyone here. I've had so much trouble finding a partner because I'm a switch..We really arn't acceptable in either world. I eventually just became a dominant because nohing was happening. I stiil want to submit to a powerful woman and it makes me sad I can't seem to experience that. I go through these wild fluxes when I re-write my profile...email Dommes and try to explain....All the while though I'm truly successful as a Top. Its got me swimming in my own desires. I wish some Strong Woman would accept me and have me use some of my dominant skills to pleasure her. I guess thats just not what they're about...
confused Courbet...

(in reply to Aine)

RE: Switches Only - 4/7/2008 9:15:28 PM

Posts: 22
Joined: 4/3/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Its got me swimming in my own desires. I wish some Strong Woman would accept me and have me use some of my dominant skills to pleasure her. I guess thats just not what they're about...
confused Courbet...

Did you see the "Difficult finding a Domme" thread? It's under the "Ask a Mistress" section. It talked a little bit about this, so maybe it'd help you out to read it.

(in reply to MarquisCourbet)

RE: Switches Only - 4/7/2008 10:28:35 PM

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TonyFordz

I also said switches only to avoid this bullshit as it always ends up in a dispute with some jackass who just cant stand to see someone express themselves.

Dude. Chill. 1) You don't know me and so you don't know that I bottom for sex and spiritual purposes, but not for power dynamic (Thus listed as Master). In a lot of circles, that labels me as a switch. In some, not. 2) Putting up an attitude is hardly the way to get people to learn tolerance. I know their are people who really are assholes about the issue...but just because they behave like children doesn't mean we have to...no matter how tempting it is to try and spank them.

People are rude for lots of reasons. Lack of tolerance, lack on knowledge, fear, etc.etc. I've found it usually boils down to fear...fear of rejection and a lack of exceptence. There is nothing that we can do to change their mind if we put them on the defensive. If we want to be accepted in the community, we need to simply be...and not worry about what they think so much.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Guest)

RE: Switches Only - 4/7/2008 10:30:57 PM

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MarquisCourbet
I wish some Strong Woman would accept me and have me use some of my dominant skills to pleasure her. I guess thats just not what they're about...
confused Courbet...

There are those of us out here who know that physical role does not necessarily define power dynamic. Keep looking.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to MarquisCourbet)

RE: Switches Only - 4/8/2008 6:19:50 AM

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/8/2008
Status: offline

I think it has more to do with their own security than anything else. You are a switch because you are comfortable with your own feelings and maybe they feel very insecure, its just a thought :-)

(in reply to Guest)

RE: Switches Only - 4/8/2008 6:48:06 AM

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/8/2008
Status: offline

Well, I have to say i'm a switch...but predominatly a top. While I find subs / bottoms entertaining for a while...I bore easily after a period of time. I love to top, tops! And then the next day...I like to be topped by the top. Yes some get all shirty about it...but really who cares...i say...next!!! But for me...it depends on my mood...and i like to be spontaneous and adventurous, so a partner / play mate that has the ability to be versitile is prrrrrrrfect! A brilliant quote I read once was...“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

Dr Seuss
I live by that now!

(in reply to Guest)

RE: Switches Only - 4/8/2008 2:11:18 PM

Posts: 105
Joined: 2/25/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

Dude. Chill. 1) You don't know me and so you don't know that I bottom for sex and spiritual purposes, but not for power dynamic (Thus listed as Master). In a lot of circles, that labels me as a switch. In some, not.

MasterFireMaam,

Would it be ok if I wrote you on the other side with a question on this?

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

RE: Switches Only - 4/8/2008 3:56:35 PM

Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline

It's something the bf and I are working on. He's growing to like the "domme" side of me, I think. And he's a guy who has "no interest" in switching himself. Strange how the world spins at times.

(in reply to madshysoul)

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