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Legitimate vs. shallow physical requirements - 5/5/2008 9:33:40 AM

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I'd like some feedback on this, both from the sub and the Dom side:

If the sorts of things a Dom is "into" tend to be much easier to do with slender, young, fit submissives, does that mean the dom is shallow for overlooking more voluptuous or mature partners? And if the answer is "it depends" (and it usually is with such questions :) ), what do you feel it depends on?

< Message edited by Ialdabaoth -- 5/5/2008 9:34:14 AM >

RE: Legitimate vs. shallow physical requirements - 5/5/2008 9:37:31 AM

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no, preferences are preferences and most of them are so hard wired into a person's psyche that they can't be over ridden. We all have them and we all are entitled to seek out partners based on those preferences.

I'd much rather be with someone that sees me as sexy then someone who thinks he's doing charity service my giving me a mercy fuck.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

RE: Legitimate vs. shallow physical requirements - 5/5/2008 9:38:08 AM

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I dont think a person can really be called shallow for being choosey in what it is they like. In the end its only you and the other so being choosey might be somethng that others dont like however it really dosnt matter because at least your not fucking just everyone.

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

RE: Legitimate vs. shallow physical requirements - 5/5/2008 9:39:37 AM

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I think the "its easier" defense is a bit flimsy.
There is nothing wrong with having preferences but to try to make it seem less "shallow" by couching it in the word "easy" is a bit of a stretch.
If someone told you they preferred people with fake blonde hair because it tends to glow in blacklight which makes her easier to find, would that make sense to you?

People who are flexible, in shape & capable of a multitude of activities come in all sizes and shapes.
If you don't like the look of tied up pears, thats perfectly acceptable.

I think that preferences exist so that not everyone is out there fucking everyone else ;)

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

RE: Legitimate vs. shallow physical requirements - 5/5/2008 9:45:59 AM

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quote:

what do you feel it depends on?

this slave would answer it depends...on what activities you are talking about.

it would seem rather ignorant and shallow to assume that the ease at which one participates in a particular BDSM activity relies solely on one's youth or slim/slender-ness... but if you've got something specific in mind this slave hasn't considered, then please, enlighten her.

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

RE: Legitimate vs. shallow physical requirements - 5/5/2008 9:51:18 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

what do you feel it depends on?

this slave would answer it depends...on what activities you are talking about.

it would seem rather ignorant and shallow to assume that the ease at which one participates in a particular BDSM activity relies solely on one's youth or slim/slender-ness... but if you've got something specific in mind this slave hasn't considered, then please, enlighten her.

Well, as a set of examples:

1. "I have this neat idea for a suspension bondage scene. You'll need to be able to arch your back so your butt touches your shoulders, and you'll need to be suspended by *this rope* without breaking it."

2. "put on these ballet boots, this corset, and this arm-binder, and walk the dog." (Although, to be fair, a 150-lb girl who's recently lost 50+ lbs and has been weight-training for the past 6 months is actually going to probably do better at this than a 90-lb girl who's been starving herself to stay 'thin'. Hmm... amazons in ballet boots... I'll be in my bunk.)

3. Not related to size, but related to hair length: "Here, let me weave your hair into this rope and incorporate it into the bondage".

Does any of that make sense?

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

RE: Legitimate vs. shallow physical requirements - 5/5/2008 9:51:41 AM

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If a person has personal preferences, and pretty much everyone does, then one should be respectful (aka not calling them shallow) of other’s personal preferences no matter if you agree with them or not otherwise you become a huge hypocrite.

To me preferences only interfere if they eliminate everyone that person meets and then that leads to a life of being all alone and that makes them unhappy.

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(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

RE: Legitimate vs. shallow physical requirements - 5/5/2008 9:53:26 AM

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FR

I missed the "easier" qualification when I first answered. I think that it's just a justification, that his preferences have caused him to come up with excuses for them. I also feel that no matter how many times you tell someone that thinner does not automaticall mean healthier or more limber they will stick to their preconcieved notions.

So, stick to your preferences, it's your perogative. But don't be making disigenuous determinations to make yourself feel more PC about them.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

RE: Legitimate vs. shallow physical requirements - 5/5/2008 9:53:48 AM

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Also realize that when I say "easier to do" I'm not just talking about physically easier. For example, I find it much psychologically easier to be physically dominant with tiny, anorexic girls. It's part of my childhood socialization; I equate size with strength, and tend to be sexually insecure around people who are larger than me. (I'm still working on that.)

(in reply to curvyslavegirl)

RE: Legitimate vs. shallow physical requirements - 5/5/2008 9:57:31 AM

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¬Fast Reply¬

The examples you are giving will require a lot of flexiblity and strength. Now, if you are really looking for people to do these things, then simply state on your profile 'This is what I want to do. If you can't do it, sorry but I'm not interested'. You'd probably be surprised at the flexibility of some of us more voluptuous girls. If it is just that you only want young and skinny, don't try to hide it.

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(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

RE: Legitimate vs. shallow physical requirements - 5/5/2008 10:01:35 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

¬Fast Reply¬

The examples you are giving will require a lot of flexiblity and strength. Now, if you are really looking for people to do these things, then simply state on your profile 'This is what I want to do. If you can't do it, sorry but I'm not interested'. You'd probably be surprised at the flexibility of some of us more voluptuous girls.

Oh, I know. One of the girls in our local scene is amazing.

quote:

If it is just that you only want young and skinny, don't try to hide it.

*nods* I'm still working on parsing that out, internally. I think I actually may just want young and skinny, but every time I've believed that that's what I wanted, I've been given indication that those desires are "shallow" and "pathetic". I may have been subconsciously masking my desires by trying to convince myself that they were due to constraints on the kinds of desires I like.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: Legitimate vs. shallow physical requirements - 5/5/2008 10:08:57 AM

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For me, shallow is letting your perferences get in the way. If you see a girl who is *perfect* for you in every way emotionally, fits all your kinks, would even get along with your parents except that she is packing 40 extra pounds but G-d, does she have a great ass and her face is gorgous.... yeah, I'd probably call you shallow for not at least going on a date with her. On the flip side, if you stay with a skinny little thing even though she is a bitch, never obeys, hates your kinks, calls you all the time to see where you are and hates your friends, I'd call that shallow too.

Personally, the only thing that concerns me is that you said you want anorexic girls. Frankly, the things you are describing won't work with actual anorexics because of the damage done to their bodies.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

RE: Legitimate vs. shallow physical requirements - 5/5/2008 10:38:28 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

what do you feel it depends on?

this slave would answer it depends...on what activities you are talking about.

it would seem rather ignorant and shallow to assume that the ease at which one participates in a particular BDSM activity relies solely on one's youth or slim/slender-ness... but if you've got something specific in mind this slave hasn't considered, then please, enlighten her.

Well, as a set of examples:

1. "I have this neat idea for a suspension bondage scene. You'll need to be able to arch your back so your butt touches your shoulders, and you'll need to be suspended by *this rope* without breaking it."

2. "put on these ballet boots, this corset, and this arm-binder, and walk the dog." (Although, to be fair, a 150-lb girl who's recently lost 50+ lbs and has been weight-training for the past 6 months is actually going to probably do better at this than a 90-lb girl who's been starving herself to stay 'thin'. Hmm... amazons in ballet boots... I'll be in my bunk.)

3. Not related to size, but related to hair length: "Here, let me weave your hair into this rope and incorporate it into the bondage".

Does any of that make sense?

not really.

#1 is a measure of flexibility/physical strength/appropriate rope for that weight...not age or specific weight.

#2 again, a measure of flexibility/training/good feet and physical strength...not age or weight.

#3 hair length has precious little to do with weight or age, unless you are getting into women who have damaged their hair with dyes and perms for the last 25 years or who are past menopause (50+) and might have brittle hair issues.

this slave doesn't see how youth or slender/slim plays into the above scenarios that you have related, merely your personal preference for a young waif-like sub. not that there is anything WRONG with that, everyone has preferences.

this slave has seen some magnificent performances by dancers/acrobats who are are neither young nor under 150 pounds, the most recent being some VERY voluptuous women who were mauevering overhead, hanging from the ceiling from bolts of fabric at an event we attended Saturday night.

btw...many moons ago, this slave was young and sucked up---( 98 pounds, 19 y/o, 5'7")---she wasn't physically strong and in no way could have physically or mentally endured the same things she can now at 41 and 50 pounds heavier.

this slave doesn't consider 90 pound women as having much physical strength or aesthetic beauty...unless they are no taller than 4'5" and have been working out a LOT. (that's pure personal preference there, please don't any of you 90 pound, 5'9" subs take offense.)

good luck with your search!

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

RE: Legitimate vs. shallow physical requirements - 5/5/2008 11:09:37 AM

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~fr~
I'm in agreement with most of what's been said, especially by AquaticSub. If you have preferences, be honest about them. I'd rather a man said right up front that he prefers something I'm not than to have him hem and haw and say that - well - um - I can't do certain activities.

It's true, by body shape and limb count, I can't do certain things (like suspension, which is a bummer because I would love to have tried it at least once). Even if I met a man who was fine with my appearance, if he wanted to do suspension, we'd have a problem. So, your 'excuses' can be legitimate.

OTOH, I am fully capable of taking flogging, breast torture, and other forms of sadism. (Not all, but a variety.) So if that was all a Dom wanted to do, but he doesn't care for someone of my shape and size, that's OK with me. I don't want a 'charity Dom'. I want one who wants me - the whole package.

It's not shallow to prefer a certain size, a certain skin color, a certain hair color. It may be wiser to understand that anorexic women are not strong enough for certain activities - if they've been starving themselves for a length of time, their heart muscles may give out under stress, in addition to all the other medical conditions that relate to anorexia.

But there are naturally skinny, wiry women. If you find one, go for it and have fun!

pip, find the yin to your yang

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(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: Legitimate vs. shallow physical requirements - 5/5/2008 11:24:21 AM

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The guy might only have a twin bed. How about a futon. What about if he has a mini cooper.

(in reply to Poetryinpain)

RE: Legitimate vs. shallow physical requirements - 5/5/2008 11:35:21 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Poetryinpain

It's true, by body shape and limb count, I can't do certain things (like suspension, which is a bummer because I would love to have tried it at least once). Even if I met a man who was fine with my appearance, if he wanted to do suspension, we'd have a problem. So, your 'excuses' can be legitimate.

On the other hand! When I'm in the right mindset, I consider things like a missing limb, or a bad back, or anything like that as an 'interesting engineering challenge', and throw myself enthusiastically into the project. Of course, that mindset comes... once every six months, maybe? And I'd hate to get into a relationship with someone where the other 362 nights of year, I'm saying "not right now, honey." That wouldn't be fair to either of us.

So there's definitely a different line for 'you would be fun to try this with' and 'you would be fun to establish a long-term play partner relationship with - and I guess I'm sort-of afraid that my preferences in the latter are seen as 'shallow' and 'typical'.

(in reply to Poetryinpain)

RE: Legitimate vs. shallow physical requirements - 5/5/2008 12:08:54 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth

So there's definitely a different line for 'you would be fun to try this with' and 'you would be fun to establish a long-term play partner relationship with - and I guess I'm sort-of afraid that my preferences in the latter are seen as 'shallow' and 'typical'.

Well, Ialdabaoth, perhaps if you get those responses for having preferences (and being honest about them), such responses would themselves be shallow and typical, eh? ~smiling~

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

RE: Legitimate vs. shallow physical requirements - 5/5/2008 12:23:36 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom

Well, Ialdabaoth, perhaps if you get those responses for having preferences (and being honest about them), such responses would themselves be shallow and typical, eh? ~smiling~

*smile* a nice theory, but I tend to assume that if there's a chance a problem is with someone else, or with me, the problem is probably with me.

(in reply to batshalom)

RE: Legitimate vs. shallow physical requirements - 5/5/2008 12:30:57 PM

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Personally I love women of all shapes and sizes... but I do understand where there could be some health concerns with the more curvy wimmens...

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(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

RE: Legitimate vs. shallow physical requirements - 5/5/2008 12:46:30 PM

lemmebeYourMine

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Feels for the men who might be or are reading this posting....Urm, typical how? Stereotypical? are we giving more creedance to stereotypes by allowing that line to just sit there, unprotested, unobjected too? Well I object. Even if your feelings are shallow, how in the hell do you figure that they classify as well into something typical? Do guys have a bad reputation for being Shallow and wanting small, skinny, young girls, Yes. Does that make it something a typical guy is into? I doubt it. I havent polled them, but from the number of Other type women who have great boyfriends, husbands, et al, I am willing to bet that it isn't. It's what Media and clothing industries want women to feel men want, of course, but I don't think it's a typical desire of most men.

Finally I'd say that everyone here has good input for you, aka the OP, but it is your happiness in a relationship, and the other person/people involved in it that is what matters. Not if saying I am looking for 130 or under lb woman, or what not, who is 5'6 or so, to Dom, may or may not seem Shallow to the rest of the world.

Living the BDSM lifestyle we should be better at thinking outside the box than that!!! But then... that would be another sort of stereotyping wouldn't it? Throw away the Damn box, and set aside judgement for a few seconds... Who is it hurting if the girls you like are all let's say 90lbs, and 5'4 or thereabouts? Maybe your chances at finding li'l miss right? But if that's what it takes to keep your Dominant and creative side nice and happy, who are we to say that's shallow? (especially as you seem to think you need someone smaller both to Dominate, and for certain scenes you seem to be very into.)

Just an opinion... and there are more of those floating around than leaves in late fall.

(in reply to Asherdelampyr)

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